The Other Side [EXO]

5

The EXO boarding house was almost empty as most of the members had felt the need to escape the lifeless apartment that took up space on the fourth floor of the apartment building. For the K members, it was suffocating. They had, after all, spent the last year and a half occupying the place and calling it home. There were too many memories and everything inside screamed out one thing that was painfully missing.

Joonmyeon.

All of them were elsewhere, apart from Jongin, who sat on the floor in the living room leaning against the couch. Joonmyeon sat cross legged directly in front of him. He did still feel the pang in his heart whenever someones eyes passed over him as if he weren't there, though he was strangely getting used to it. What he wasn't getting used to was the lack of human touch. He missed it so bad. Just watching Jongin's eyes staring into space with his eye brows creasing into a frown, all he wanted to do was brush the younger's dirty fringe away from his forehead and hold him until his heart mended itself and he was okay to stand on his own again.

"Hyung?" Jongin suddenly called out, making Joonmyeon jump slightly.

"Yeah?" Luhan replied from the kitchen and appeared at the doorway. He was the only hyung left in the dorm. "Everything okay?" Luhan was down, sitting next to Jongin on the floor within a few moments.

"You remember this morning when Hyunkyun spoke to us about the grief counselling and we all told him no?" Jongin asked Luhan as he looked up at him with broken eyes. Hyunkyun, who had flown over to Korea with M, had spoken with them all and asked if they thought they needed the extra support that came with grief counselling. All of them had denied, though Jongin was having second thoughts.

"Yeah?" Luhan whispered. His arm found it's way around the younger's shoulders.

"I was thinking, maybe I should go talk to him," Jongin said. His head had already found a place on Luhan's shoulder. "Tell him that I need it."

Grief counselling?

"You wanna talk about it first?" Luhan asked him. He knew that it would pain him to listen, but he also knew that it would help Jongin if he let go of everything he was keeping to himself.

Jongin let out a shaky breath and felt his eyes sting. It had only been two days since the news came in and he wasn't sure if he was ready to talk over anything just yet.

"You can take it slow, I'm not going anywhere," Luhan said and squeezed the younger's shoulders.

Jongin took a deep breath, wondering if he'd actually say anything. He, too, knew already that what he'd say would hurt Luhan. Not just because of the situation, but because the older did have a weak heart. Jongin didn't want to damage the fragile organ in the slightest way, so he started off his words carefully. "Luhan... tell me honestly. Do you think his death's on my hands?" Jongin asked. He began fiddling with his fingers as he waited for the older's reaction.

Luhan's, as well as Joonmyeon's, eyes widened in shock. Luhan stared down at the broken boy with tears already swimming in his eyes and blurring his vision. That wasn't what he'd expected from Jongin, it was far worse. Luhan stuttered for words in his second language.

"It's okay, hyung. You don't have to say anything inspiring or encouraging or anything like that to make me feel better. That was his job, remember?" Jongin mumbled, feeling Luhan's tears drip into his hair. Jongin felt the guilt that bubbled in his stomach slowly rising and getting worse because he knew that he was already fixing wounds onto his hyung's precious skin. He didn't know if they were the wounds that healed over and went away, or the ones that left their ugly scars behind. He would have to wait and see. Jongin didn't stop there, though. With his mixed emotions clouding his thoughts, he was unable to think coherently and merely thought to himself: I've already started, better finish it off. "He's supposed to be the one who helps us through our problems, but I guess he can't anymore. That's because of me, right?"