Never Always (NaNoWriMo 2014)

Chapter Twenty

Unedited. Not a past chapter. We're flying present time for the rest of the book which is one more chapter. 

Chapter Twenty

“Gray.”

Carrington squatted down in front of him and for the first time, Grady found himself envying his friend. How easy it’d been for him. Why couldn’t he have been like that? “Carrington.”

Grady downed what remained of the water and tossed the empty bottle into the trash. This was his job and he realized he never hated it. Until now. Now he despised it to the point where he wanted to—

He’d wanted this. The music, to be a rock star, and he’d gotten it. Damn everyone else. He’d succeeded where so many hadn’t and he should be beyond grateful. But in that moment, he wasn’t.

Because in the process of getting it all, he’d lost everything without knowing it.

“Let’s get this over with,” he muttered.

“Go ahead, guys,” Butler said from the doorway. “Give me a second to talk with Grady alone.”

Emory got up and after patting him on the shoulder, started for the doorway. Grady knew what his best friend needed from him but right then he didn’t have it in him to give it. He was out of hope. Drained of it. There was nothing left.

“You alright?” Hush asked before leaving.

Grady nodded. “All good, man. No worries.”

“Yeah. Sure. See you out there.”

Carrington refused to move. “I know this is hard—”

Grady smiled and it was cold. “I’m sorry but you have no fucking clue how I’m feeling right now. No idea.”

“I have an idea.”

“No, you don’t. You’ve never lost a child.”

Butler sat down next to him. “I think we need to cancel—”

“We’re not canceling.” Grady clapped his hands and stood up, moving away from the pair for some space. He got it now. Why Page was constantly putting distance between herself and other people. “This is our life, right? We have to do this.” Carrington swiveled and covered his mouth. Butler wouldn’t look at him. “Right?! This is what we wanted. Had to have. We’ve got it and I’ll be damned if we’re canceling now.”

Carrington rubbed his mouth and then stood up to match him. “You don’t have to do this. You know that. We’ll back you no matter what. I think you need—”

Grady clapped both of his hands on Carrington’s upper arms. “We’re doing this,” he said through gritted teeth. “Because I have nothing left. So, we’re doing this.”

“Grady.”

“I’ve got a set list full of songs about a girl who’s never going to forgive me because she can’t. So, we’re doing this.” He looked over at Butler. “Ok?”

Butler shook his head. “No. You’re not going out there like this. We’re canceling. You need some time to deal.”

“I have dealt with it! This is my truth and I’m going to own it. Ok?”

Before he knew what was happening, Carrington was hugging him. The drummer had pried Grady’s hands off his arms, forced them down to his sides, and hugged him. It wasn’t one of those: let me lull you into complacency with comfort hugs. No, not with Carrington. This was a: let me hold on to you because you’re shattering before my eyes.