Annie
Annie was always one of those girls, you know, the girl you always see but never talk to? You may not realise if she's in school or not; just one of those background people. I'd like to say I knew Annie; that I could have talked to her when it all happened, but I can't. Annie never really did have a lot of friends. She had one, as far as I can remember - a girl called Elizabeth, but she disappeared right after the incident as well. That's what we call it "The Incident". What really happened - we don't say the words directly but we all think them. Why don't we ever voice our thoughts? We don't know anyone here, really. Half the time they don't say what they mean, just what's expected of them. It's like an endless maze isn't it?
You see I wasn't meant to talk to her; that was the nature of my status. It still is, I'm part of that group, the biggest one in the cafeteria, the one that laughs the loudest, the ones that are always getting in trouble in school for speaking amongst themselves when the teacher is. Passing notes. Talking back. That whole thing. Popular, you may want to call it that, but I'm not sure anymore. Everyone knows us, is that why we're popular? Why do people like being part of this group? I don't know if I want to stay. Sometimes I'd rather go off by myself and see us from another perspective, but you can't do that, can you? You can't just leave, can you? It's just not done. There are rules that you just don't break.
I'd like to call those rules stupid.
There is a boy, Peter, who I always catch watching me. Some of my friends call him a stalker but it's not that kind of stare. It's like he's watching the way I act, waiting for me to give it up. He doesn't really have proper conversations with me, not even a Hi or a Bye, but rather - he asks questions. What do you think of this? Or what homework did we have? How long is it?
Questions like that. I answer them flawlessly but sometimes I have to lie. I am a straight A student when I want to be, but no one else in my group can manage that. They get B's, so they are smart enough to get into teaching or medicine or whatever if they push themselves, but I purposely keep my scores low. I think he knows that. I think he knows I don't say the answers to the questions out loud when I know them. It's like he knows me more than I do. It scares me, so I just answer him quickly before going away. He's waiting for me to leave, to see if I will leave this group and move somewhere else, a place where I will feel more comfortable to be myself, not the easygoing Sarah Cullen who laughs at everything life throws at her. I am sick of the laughter, it's not even real. Just a loud squeal that just annoys everyone around you but they don't say anything because they expect that of you. And you expect that of them. Why are expectations always the same as assuming?
I sit in Chemistry class beside the window. My 'friend' Jayne is writing me another note. We sit beside each other and we are passing notes. I don't even know why we're doing that! I gaze out of the window onto the school grounds. A huge tree stands out dauntingly in the middle of an otherwise empty field. A shadow casts over it, making it look like the tree has another side to it, a darker one, stretching out further than the tree will ever be able to.
Not many people go out to sit under that tree these days, to climb it like they used to. Because of the incident:
Annie, unknown to most people had been depressed for months- severely depressed. Her mother and father had split up for almost a year, mainly because her father was always drunk and beating up her mother. This had gone on for years but there was nothing Annie nor her mother could do because of fear. Once Annie's mom's hip broke, and she came with the excuse that she slipped on the floor. But the X-Rays had shown she had multiple other bruised bones, some previously broken which were set wrong since she hadn't been brought to the hospital. It all came out then, Annie spilled it out to the doctors while her father was in the room. He tried to get her but the doctors held him back. He's still in jail to this very day, but not before declaring he would be back for Annie, who was then sent to a foster home.
Was it a wonder that Annie fell into depression? Her foster family tried to care for her, but she shut them out. She couldn't control anything in her life, so Annie did harm to the only thing she could control - herself. Annie grew obsessed with the idea of cutting herself to relieve the pain and the guilt; the guilt for not speaking earlier. Her mother was in the painful process of recovery with wounds she may have been able to stop earlier.
Soon enough the cuts weren't enough for her. She needed more control of her life. She needed the power over herself, and the blood flow wasn't something she could control. So Annie did the next best thing, she stopped eating, and slowly started to wither away.
We should have noticed then, but our circle of life didn't have time for such petty matters.
Annie's foster parents knew that she was growing increasingly ill and they tried to feed her themselves but they failed. That was when they brought her into therapy, and it seemed to work; from the outside anyway. Inside, she was anything but improving. But she was an expert actress, her days with her dad taught her that.
Tragedy struck Annie on October 27th, Annie's mother died of heart attack, days before being released and being with her daughter once more. If you think about it, that was the only shocking thing in her life; abusive father, self harm, anorexia, therapy... These were everyday occurrences, weren't they? Nothing special. Heart attack. Common enough, but still something different.
Annie's hopes were crushed and the lack of power made her insecure. There had to be something in her control, but everything was falling apart right at the seams. So you know what Annie did? The only thing she could control, and that was her death.
Annie hung herself off that oak tree outside the window, November 4th. Nobody realised she was out of class.
Days later Elizabeth disappeared. Rumour has it that she's run away since her parents don't even know where she is.
I know I could have helped Annie, if I had wanted to, if I had looked outside my world, if I even knew her last name before. I know what it is now; Moon. Annie Moon.
The door of the classroom opens and in comes a girl I haven't seen before. She's not very tall, about five three with copper hair and striking blue eyes. You can tell she's the shy, quiet type who never does make lot of friends. The principle comes in behind her and announces that she's a new girl joining our class. Her name is Jessie. Jessie Coughlan.
I make a decision then. I'm not making the same mistake with Annie. I feel someone's eyes on me and I turn to see they belong to Peter. That's the first time I ever smile at him.
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©Munni101
