A Triangle that's Straight

Diary Entry 3: Feelings and Doubts

September 15 2016

Dear diary

Does everyone have time in their life where everything is just chaotic?
It's been three months since graduation. Ash and I moved to San Jose into our apartment one month after graduation, it's 5 minutes away from the university. It took almost a week to decorate it and organize our stuff. We met our neighbor, Mrs Scott an old lady who lives opposite to our apartment and always keeps telling us about her grandson who's apparently studying in San Jose University too. Mrs. Scott has a cat, dog and a bird. Yeah, she's living her life well. Ash is spending half of her time with Jean.
Jean is Mrs. Scott's dog. And me? I did stuff that I'm not proud of. I'm gonna write about that when I can finally forgive myself for what I did.
It's gonna take another year.

On a typical Monday, after a month we moved in and got all settled in there was a knock on the door at 7:am.We don't have any visitors apart from Mrs Scott, I asked Ash to take the door because I was preparing French toast and was about to flip it. I heard the door opening, someone saying "Ashley?" And then Ashley started laugh. I asked her who it was and why she was laughing. She said I won't believe who was at the door, I asked her who it was, she said it was Mrs Scott's grandson he came to meet the new neighbors. I went to see who this person was and I could clearly see why Ashley would laugh at the person who apparently was Mrs. Scott's grandson, because she imagined the expression on my face. And I'm literally wearing the same 'wtf' face she might have imagined because, well who would expect Michael's grandmother to be Mrs Scott?
"good lord" I muttered and said hi to Michael and immediately took u turn saying my toast is going to burn. Good thing I didn't turn off the stove. I needed time to process everything.
It's been one month since Micheal showed up at our doorstep and I'm still processing that he's Mrs Scott's grandson. Sure we're talking but it's different this time. Online-flirty Michael was different from offline-frank Michael. He literally tells anything that comes to his brain literally anything. Whenever our hands accidentally touch I blush and he noticed it. It's different I just can feel it. There's a different kinda tension between us. He's fun, we do stuff together since we go to the same college like bunking class to go to movies etc, we did go to movies a lot when Michael was working at our cafe but it's just different this time. Ash is spending less and less time whenever Michael is around, to quote her "I don't want to be the third wheel" she was never a third wheel. A week ago she bailed on me going to horror house even though she knows how freaky I get then those fake voices and dolls come at me. Long story short I literally held on to Michael's arms and he patted my head like a small kid but bought me ice-cream later, thus giving me butterflies. It's like small moments like this are making me fall for him even though I told him I wanted to be just 'friends'.
And today Ash made a fuss about her cowboy boots and made me and Michael to search the entire closet three times, instead of helping us out she 'accidentally' locked me and Michael in our closet, 'forgot' about us and went to buy pet food for Mrs Scott. Long story short Michael slipped on a pile of clothes and fell on me, I was lost on his dark eyes, smell of his cologne and kissed him Of course he kissed me back. We pulled back when we heard footsteps. Ash. I don't want to write about how soft his lips were or about how his hands were on my waist.
It just became hundred times harder than it already was. He went away as soon as the closet door got opened saying he had some work. I don't know how I'll face him after this. Liking Josh feels like 10 years ago. But I'm over him now. It took less time than what I imagined. Maybe it was because I didn't know him so well.

-Stella

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December 18 2016