Here With You | ✔

CHAPTER ONE; part two

Calvin Sumner

     I don't sleep well these days.

     Which isn't to say I have trouble falling asleep because I don't. At all. In fact, I have more of an issue staying awake. If I sit down and close my eyes, I'll be out. But my sleep doesn't feel at all replenishing. It mostly feels like I'm wasting my time because I wake up feeling just as tired as I was when I went to sleep, if not more. Maybe it's a result of the crushing fear that seems to live within me now. Maybe it's because I just want to be back in my bed with Dres.

     Either way, it is and isn't a burden to be up early Wednesday morning. I don't think any amount of sleep is going to actually cure how tired I am. It makes no difference if I sleep all day or get up early. The act of dragging myself out of bed and getting dressed is still arduous. But it's a grocery day, which means it's also a Dres day. That gives me the push I need. The sooner I deliver groceries, the sooner I see Dres.

     On my list are my cousins, Dolores, Dolores's neighbor and our resident Covid-Updates Blogger, Polly, Ms. Vivvie, Jack, and Tasha, one of Dres's employees. The groceries have already been ordered and filled. When I get to the store, I just have to lug all the bags to my car and then play Santa Clause with the deliveries. I do my locals first, heading to Tasha's, who lives within a few blocks of the grocery store. I leave the bags at the door of her complex building and then call her, waiting in my car till she comes down to get them. She's wearing a lime green mask and waves at me before she grabs her things and heads back inside.

     From there I go to Ms. Vivvie, who lives a few blocks off of Dolores and Polly. Ms. Vivvie has an old wooden wrap-around porch with rocking chairs and a swing and tons of plotted plants. In the last four weeks, I've seen more and more potted plants show up so her porch now resembles a nursery. I leave her bags by the door, ring her doorbell and move backwards till I'm standing on the sidewalk.

     Ms. Vivvie answers the door and I don't realize I'm holding my breath till she does. It's no secret Covid's been targeting and taking out older people. But Ms. Vivvie looks good, dressed in a vibrant chiffon robe. She has on a floral mask that matches the head wrap she's wearing.

     "You're a godsend, Calvin," she calls to me. "You see my sign." She points at her yard. I wouldn't have noticed it if not for her pointing, considering she planted some new bushes. But in the foliage is a sign that says Thank You Covid-19 Warriors.

     "That's a great sign, Ms. Vivvie," I say grinning even though she can't see it. "Stay safe."

     She points at me warningly. "You stay safe."

     I deliver Polly's groceries in the same fashion and then stop at Dolores's. Amelia usually gets the door. Dolores and Charles wave at me from the window in the living room, calling hello. They don't wear their masks from that distance. They look good, skin pink and healthy. No signs of cyanosis. I don't know why I think they would have that. Maybe I just can't stop seeing it now. I look at people and imagine what they'd look like entering my ER without even meaning to and then I have to force the thought away. They aren't going to get sick. I'm not going to watch them die.

     Amelia's wearing a thin blue medical mask. Clinical. She's in sweats, her hair a messy bun on her head. She's sitting on the front steps when I walk up. She gives me a small wave as she calls out, "Hey!" I walk as close as I can before I drop their bags and then I back up to the sidewalk. Amelia is slow to rise and bring the groceries back up the porch. Dolores comes to the door, pulling the bags inside.

     "How are you, Cas?" Dolores says from her bent over position.

     "I'm good," I respond nearly screaming so she'll hear me through my mask and the distance. "Are you guys doing okay?"