Subterra Heart

An Excerpt from the Journal of Nelda Crane

A/N: Content warning - implied suicide. Some readers may find this chapter distressing, and the ways in which Nelda expresses some of her thoughts regarding this are intended to portray her as a fallible character. For readers who wish to avoid this content, the purpose of these journal articles is to provide context for the Rocha family history leading up to present day events, but the main story should generally be able to be read on its own. 

Date: 3/3/943

I just got back from the funeral. The one for Dr. Rocha's wife, Natalie. It was sudden. I don't think Dr. Rocha was expecting it. None of us were. She had just dropped off some cookies at the lab again last week. We even chatted, briefly. In hindsight though, with what happened...I don't know.

She was healthy – sad, anxious, guilty about her newborn being sick now – but healthy. Healthy as she could be after having had bloodrot. Well, maybe she didn't quite look it since she was still stuck with those bloodrot eyes, but she should have felt lucky to have recovered. Not many did. Even with Dr. Rocha's cure, we'd still lost way too many people last year. And we're still losing people. Word's been getting around that other newborns are being born sick, just like hers. Her baby's barely even a year old by now. She had responsibilities, you know? To the baby and to Sebastian.

Sebastian seems to be taking it hard. At least, I think he is. He's stopped coming over to the lab. I haven't seen him since it happened. It's been radio silence on his end. Dr. Rocha's been withdrawn too, but he's doing the complete opposite. It seems like he's spending every waking moment in the lab now. I even caught him sleeping in his office yesterday. He's usually a maniac when it comes to getting stuff done, but that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. No matter how much time he spends in the lab now, it feels like he's going backwards. He can't focus.

Dr. Rocha never actually told me what happened, but I can guess. I tried asking once, and he didn't say a word – just turned around and walked away. I think that was a mistake on my part.

I don't know...Natalie's eyes always scared me after she got better. It was like seeing some kind of bad omen every time she stopped by. But the lab should have done a better job at pretending not to notice. I should have done a better job at pretending not to notice. She wasn't really a friend, per say, but she was kind, and it was nice to talk with her. I should have asked her more about how she was doing. I really don't know much about what her personal life was like – if she had any friends or family to talk to. I hope that she did, but maybe they were all freaked out by her eyes too, just like me.

This whole thing makes me sick. I wish that bloodrot had never come to the Greens. It was scary at the time – like, really scary. I'd never been so terrified as when I'd finally left my apartment to come help out at the lab. But the aftermath? Picking up the pieces and then watching things fall apart again the moment you think you've finally got things back under control? That's almost worse.

Hang on – I think Bran's at the door. I've gotta go.

Nelda Crane, signing out