My Boyfriend Is a Psychopathic Clown: Harley Quinn's Story

Riding off into the Sunset....

This is going to be the last of Harley's adventures. I have other projects I want to pursue (finishing some of my stories, and a new Marvel fanfiction - which feels like betrayal for the DC girl in me, but I got inspired by the Avengers movie...) and it wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision. People have long been asking when the series is going to end (and not in a bad way), and after a while, I decided to start planning out the ending. Though it changed many times throughout the way, and I often had to enlist help, now we've finally arrived here at the end of the road. Thanks to all for sticking with me throughout the journey... I can't promise all of you will like this, that I'm ending, but everything has to wind down eventually.

Au revoir, Harley.

- Sassy

I was making waffles for breakfast, and Mr. J was scouring the refrigerator for Ivy's inhumanly addictive all-natural syrup, when he slammed the door and cursed.

"We're out of milk!"

"Well, that can easily be remedied," I replied, and we got in the car and went to the store.

"You go get the milk. I'll distract him." Puddin', dressed to the nines even though it was a lazy Sunday morning and barely half the city was up, strolled down the aisle in the opposite direction.

"Can't we just pay for once?" I shouted, but he was selectively deaf to my suggestion.

 He always was...but after a couple of years, a girl just got used to things... and I didn't care that much....

I heard a gunshot go off a couple of minutes later. When I ran up to the register, I saw the young cashier, covered in red...paint? Mr. J reached down and swiped his hand over the boy's stomach. Then, he licked the goop off of his fingers.

"It's pie filling. I just pulverized the fruit to give it more consistency."

He was such a genius! My heart overflowed with love for my Puddin'. Before he could resist, I grabbed his other hand, and we walked out of the store, swinging the carton of milk between us...or we would have if something hadn't caught my eye.

"What? Hey, Mr. J...we're famous!" Sure, it was a cheap dollar tabloid, but that was my  gorgeous mug on the cover, figure posed sexily, my gams slimmed down to oblivion...hey! I shouldn't have to be Photoshopped! But reading the headline made my jaw fall practically through the floor.

"We'll take this, too!" I shouted to the pied youngster, turned on my Giuseppe Zanottis (hey, all the stars were wearing them, especially Gaga) and stalked out of the store...only to slip on a slick of cherry pie filling.

And Puddin' didn't even help me up!

I spent all of the next two days reading and re-reading that stupid, horribly inaccurate tabloid. Puddin' had his hands over his ears, feet up on the coffee table, but I still kept shouting headlines to him, getting more and more enraged.

"Harley Quinn's Boob Job: The Inside Story?"

"Is Joker Gay?"

"Harley Quinn...Is Pregnant?"

He jumped up from the couch, stormed over to me, grabbed the bound papers harshly out of my hands and ripped them to shreds.

"I can't handle this anymore! Why don't you just deal with it, Harley? Just get a gun and shoot them!"

"That's not going to work in this case! They're wrong...and I need to put them right...put them right! Oh, Puddin' - you're the best!" I smooched him sloppily, crying tears of gratitude until he pushed me away hard.

"I'm going out to blow something up. Don't burn the house down, kid, ok?"

I waited until the door slammed until I tiptoed sneakily to his desk, pulled out a pen and pad of paper. Settling myself into the chair, I uncapped the pen and began to write... My Boyfriend is a Psychopathic Clown: Harley Quinn's Story....