Y/N traced the cherry red lipstick across your lips before rubbing them together. You grabbed a tissue to wipe away the access from around your lip and placed the lipstick into your purse. You got up from your makeup table to walk into your closet to pick out the perfect outfit for your date that night. You were looking forward to it since you had made the plans with your boyfriend of two years a few weeks ago when you were still on tour.
This would be the first date night you two had have in person in months since you had been on tour for the last eight months. When your boyfriend had mentioned this date to you, you could tell he was acting a little different... a little off if you will. The more you thought about it, the more you started to realize it must of have meant because he had something special planned. You two had briefly mentioned getting married, so you couldn't help but wonder if he was going to propose.
At the thought, you weren't sure how you felt about it. Yes, you felt as if he was the one and that you couldn't or wouldn't want to ever love anyone else. However, you two had only been together for two years and almost one whole year of that you were away on tour. But just because you were engaged didn't mean you would have to get married right away.
After slipping on your dress, you added your favorite necklace and matching earrings before looking at yourself in the mirror. Smiling, you couldn't wait for what was to come that night. You slipped your feet into your heels and grabbed your coat as you headed down to your living room to wait for your boyfriend.
The drive to the restaurant was a quiet and a little bit of an awkward one. At first you were a little suspicious as to why, but then you figured it was mostly due to nerves of what might happened that night, so you didn't really think anything of it anymore.
However, as the night went on, it still felt extremely awkward. Your boyfriend wouldn't make eye contact with you and he mostly picked at his food.
"Is everything alright?" you asked sipping your wine.
"I've just got a lot on my mind is all," he said.
"Feel like sharing?" You asked. "You know you can talk to me about anything."
He sighed putting his fork down and looking over at you. "I do need to talk to you about something, but I'm not sure how you're going to take it."
"Well, the only way to find out is for you to tell me," you said.
He bit his lip as he took a few moments gathering his thoughts. "Y/N, I- these two years we've been together have been good..."
You smiled, "They've been great, yeah."
"Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few months while you are away... and-"
"Yes!" You blurted out.
He looked at you confused, "Yes?"
"Yes, the answer is yes," you said practically about to jump out of your seat.
"So, you agree that we should take a break from each other?" He asked.
"Wait? What?" You asked looking at him. "You're-"
"Okay, now I'm confused, what did you think I was asking?" He asked.
"I thought-I-I don't know what I thought," you whispered. "But I didn't think it was you breaking up with me."
"Look, I'm sorry," he sighed. "I just... I care about you, I do, but being away from you made me realize that I'm not in love with you... I don't know if it was the distance or something, but I know I need to take some time for myself to figure out what I want."
You downed the rest of your wine before looking over at him, "Okay let me get this straight, you may or may not be in love with me anymore... so you think it's best for us to break up for the time being so you can figure your shit out? And not only did you just spring this on me, but you did it while taking me out to a fucking fancy restaurant on Christmas Eve, when I could have been with my family?"
"I know what it seems like... but when we made these plans, I didn't plan on breaking up with you... and I know it sucks with the timing, but I just needed to get this off my chest and didn't want to drag it out any longer," he said.
"All you had to fucking do was tell me at my house or something, not let me think there's nothing wrong with us and let me get all fucking dressed up thinking you're going to propose or some shit only to have you break up with me like in fucking Legally Blonde," you snapped in a whispered tone.
He coughed, "You thought i was going to propose?"
"Yes, I did," you said. "And that's on me, but damnit I can't believe the rest of it. How fucking dare you."
"Y/N-I'm sorry," he sighed. "I'm just trying to be honest with you."
"If you were really honest, you would have mentioned this before now instead of just dropping this bomb on me," you said picking up your purse.
"Y/N, I can take you home," he said.
"Like hell you will," you said. "I'll find my own way home. I don't need you for anything ever again."
You pushed back your chair as you got up before making your way outside of the restaurant just as tears fell down your face.
**
Harry sighed hanging up his phone call. He held his phone in his hands as he looked out into his mother's backyard. A single tear fell down his cheek as he replayed his previous phone conversation in his head. He knew it was coming, the end to yet another relationship. Of course, it wasn't as if it was truly a relationship, but it had the potential. His minor distress over the breakup was more about him seeming to fail yet again at love.
Harry sat up when he heard the backdoor open, revealing his older sister.
"Bloody hell, it's freezing, what are you doing out here?" She asked.
"Oh, you know, just getting a break up in before the holidays," he joked half-heartedly.
"Ouch," she sighed. "Sorry to hear that."
He shrugged, "It's fine. I'm fine, it just sucks..."
She put her hand on his shoulder.
"Do you-Do you think it's me?" He asked.
"Do I think what is you?" She asked.
"On why I can't make a relationship last? Yeah, i'll admit that most of who I've been involved with weren't looking to get serious, but the ones who were... I thought maybe that could be it, you know?"
"Harry-"she sighed.
"What? Think about it Gem, I'm the common denominator here," he said. "It's easy to say it's other people, but is it really them?"
"I understand why you would think that," she said. "But you're also very young, I think sometimes you forget that because you had to grow up in a hurry. It's okay, to date around and for things to not work out. It's not the end of the world if you haven't met the "one" yet because quite frankly that could take years. But just because this relationship didn't work out and maybe the ones before that, doesn't mean the next person you meet won't work out."
He shook his head, "Maybe I'd be better off to just take a break from the dating scene from the time being. It's obviously not working out for me," he mumbled.
"And there's nothing wrong with that either," she said. "But don't do be too hard on yourself over this, okay? You'll find your person one day and it'll all be worth it."
"Whatever you say," he said shaking his head.
"Hey! You know I'm always right," she pointed out. "Now, let's get inside where it's warm, yeah?"
"I'll be in, in a minute," he said.
She nodded, giving him a hug, before heading back inside. Harry sighed pulling his coat back around him. He looked into the window, seeing his family and close friends. They were all laughing and having a great time drinking wine and other drinks, while playing a game of some sort. Many of them were with their significant others and they looked happy.
That was all Harry wanted, to find someone who made him happy. Not that he wasn't happy on his own, but he wanted the type of love and happiness that could only be found by being with someone else. And once again, he hadn't found that and now he wondered if he ever would.
**
You weren't sure how you managed it, but you made it through Christmas without having a huge breakdown. You still had yet to tell your family about the breakup, even though they questioned you on his whereabouts for Christmas Dinner. You told them he was with his family for Christmas and left it at that.
You knew you wouldn't be able to keep it from them much longer, but you were sill trying to process everything. You sat in your living room, your Christmas tree still lit up as you stared out the window sipping on some hot chocolate. You replayed the last few months over in your mind and you quickly realized you should have saw this coming.
The phone calls between the two of you were less frequent and short whenever they did happen. Texts were usually one sentence answers because you were the one who sent the text first. It seemed that he checked out of the relationship long before now. You just wished you would have noticed prior, so maybe you could have done something differently.
You grabbed your phone scrolling through your social media, when something caught your eye. Still following your recent ex, you noticed a photo that he liked. When you clicked on it, you noticed it was of another girl, while it wasn't a huge deal, you still felt a little tug at your heart. Despite your better judgement, you clicked on her profile, which ended up being both a huge mistake, but also something you needed to see.
There were pictures of her with your ex, untagged throughout the last couple of months. A few of them were innocent, but when you noticed the one of him kissing her cheek, you knew he didn't just check out from the relationship. He had found someone knew and essentially was cheating on you at some point while you were on tour.
Realizing that was the real reason he broke up with you... on Christmas Eve, broke you even more. Your threw your mug against the wall, not caring that it completely shattered. Both sad and angry tears streamed down your cheeks as you went up to your room. You grabbed everyone photograph you had of him or him and you and ripped them to shreds.
After an hour of letting out your emotions, you sat in the floor of your room, no longer having the energy to cry or lash out. The fact that you were so ready to possibly marry a man, who not only gave up in your relationship, but was cheating on you, made you question everything. Where the signs really there the whole time and you were just blinded by being in love with him.
But then again, is what you had really love? Was love supposed to hurt that much? Was love supposed to be something that was so easily betrayed? If that was what happened while being in love, if this is what it really felt like at the end of the day, then you no longer wanted it.
As of that moment, you were done with seeking love because you were better off focusing on yourself.