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Akutagawa
That face... Hmhmhm... Hilarious, really.
Why had Jinko looked so shocked? Even a stupid boy like him must've noticed there was something between his mentor and the short executive.
They bickered a lot, knew a lot about each other, protected their partner in fights, and did have some kind of understanding of the other's feelings, despite not wanting to admit it...
Hell, no.
He coughed, and his eyes widened at a sudden realisation. This sounded a lot like-
That nasty...
N- No way that's...
However! He wouldn't help finding them. What for? It was better like this, when nobody knew their whereabouts. What if that brat got caught and blabbed?
No, it was better like this.
Akutagawa got up from his arm chair and left his empty cup behind.
If Double Black came back ever again, he sure would be in trouble, though. What had he said?
'Well, because he loves hi-'
'I've seen it in his eyes. Besides, he... He cried when Dazai-san left the Mafia. It was pretty bad. He didn't come to work for a few days, and when he did, he was completely different... Lifeless.'
Akutagawa shivered at imagining how angry Chuuya would be. Why had he even told Atsushi about this?
Atsushi.
He forced himself to go to the bathroom and threw a disapproving look at the shower. This had been the second day in a row he hadn't gotten in it. If he kept avoiding the shower, he would soon start smelling...
But not yet.
When he got back into the living room, something caught his attention. A small piece of paper, neatly folded, laying on his desk as though it belonged nowhere else. He must've overlooked it.
The young man hesitantly picked it up and unfolded it.
It read a bunch of numbers, and some words.
It's... His phone number.
The words:
Nakajima Atsushi.
PLEASE think about it!
Hmpf.
There was nothing to think about.
Akutagawa scrunched the note, but suddenly changed his mind.
He smoothed it out and taped it to his plain white wall. Maybe it would be of use one day...?
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The high was over.
Dazai took the bandages off his wrist.
White marks were carved on it. Keepsakes from his dark past.
From times when he was too down to cry, when there was no light in his eyes, and the only way to feel something, the only way to see and face the truth and clear his mind, was to hurt himself.
The pain, the physical pain, along with the warm feeling of his own blood running down his skin...
This had never failed to reach him...
Fascinating, yet disturbing...
He swallowed.
His fingers automatically touched the scars and followed them all the way up to his elbow.
That's- No. That's not the way I should behave! I- I've got Chuuya here with me!
He wasn't even feeling that bad. It was just a habit of his to have the urge to make old wounds bleed again. He wanted to reopen what had taken so long to heal. All these years, he had always done just that. To remind him of his mistakes, to punish himself, and to feel the thrill again, maybe.
He'd just done it. Why not?
But now, he wasn't alone anymore. He couldn't slit his wrists, watch it bleed and wait for the end before covering the cuts and continuing his every day life.
Chuuya's just next door.
Chuuya's there. With him.
Everything's fine. (It's not!)
I can't do this. But... I... I have to...
He buried his nails in his leg to stop himself from doing what he knew he shouldn't.
All alone in the bathroom. Who would even notice if he did it? Who would even care?
His trembling hand reached for the scissors. He would stop.
Yes, he would stop soon.
He couldn't die now.
It's not like that was his intention at the moment, he just couldn't resist. A last stop, and then...
The metal blade touched Dazai's skin.
He pulled it. Slowly. Slickly.
With just enough pressure to make the red, flowing liquid leave the capitulating layers of skin which were supposed to hold it back.
And he watched it in a mix of awe and regret and anger.
I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't.
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Chuuya dropped back on the huge, soft bed. His hat fell off and landed a few inches over his head.
Finally, a proper room.
The hotel they'd arrived at was rather expensive, but money wasn't really a problem for the has-been executive. At least, it was comfortable.
Yes, he felt good.
Fresh clothes.
A fragrant bed.
A clean body.
A boyfr-
A wtsgrjdfdh-
A-
Wait-
He's my... Like, actually! He's my boyfriend? This sounds so strange.
A soft chuckle escaped from his smiling lips. Strange how things were going, wasn't it?
Strange timing, really.
And how fast it'd escalated. Their first kiss was only two days ago, and now, they were a couple.
But maybe this was normal?
How the heck should he know?
Well. It had felt kinda good to kiss that waste of bandages. If that's all he had to do...
Of course, it wouldn't be, he knew that.
Everybody knew.
But, for now, okay? For now it's fine as was. And the 'kiss' had already been far more than a simple touch of their lips, with Dazai's warm hands under his shirt.
What a trip. They'd started it to save their lives, and now?
Hmm. Actually, who said they weren't allowed to have fun trying to survive? And if they really got caught, it would be better to have enjoyed their last days, right?
So why the fuck not?
Fuck Mori, fuck the Mafia, fuck it all! They had the present, they had each other and a whole lot of money to waste. No reason to be gloomy.
No, he wouldn't miss those bloody bastards anymore, and he would forget what they'd tried to tell him.
He would forget that Dazai was 'no good for him', he would forget that he was a 'flower of darkness' and that the only thing special about him was that dreadful ability.
No, this wasn't a part of him anymore.
Nakahara Chuuya, unemployed. No longer A5158, or Arahabaki.
Dazai came out of the bathroom, his wet, brown hair tucked up behind his ear on one side. His body was wrapped in fresh bandages, and this time, he was the one wearing a dressing gown - intentionally. His left wrist looked swollen due to the wads of cotton wool he'd stuffed under the gauze stripes covering it. He really hoped that the other wouldn't notice...
He sat down next to his Chibi who was stretched out on the mattress and gave him a little smirk.
"You like it here?"
"Yeah. How about you?"
"Mm-hmm, sure!"
The brunette decently placed his right hand on his love's ginger locks. He would like any place they were in together, especially when the redhead was so relaxed.
He started to play with the hair entangled with his fingers.
"How about we order some drinks? To celebrate our first day as a couple."
"You wanna celebrate this? I still don't know how I could say yes!"
Dazai pouted, despite knowing that the shorty wasn't serious. His expression was way too soft.
"Meeeh, don't be so mean! You're words are breaking my heart, love!~"
And, thud, he landed on his back in a dramatic act. He didn't try too hard to be convincing, though, a smirk on his face and his eyes focusing on Chuuya, who sat up and shook his head.
"You're such a jerk."
"And you're such a tsundere!~"
"Hey, I'm not!", the shorter claimed with pinkish cheeks.
Dazai chuckled.
No, of course not!~
"Anyways! Imma get the drinks. What you want?"
"Hmhm... You choose."
With a slight growl, the ginger headed out of the hotel room.
The brunette checked on the bandages around his wrist. White, fortunately.
He got up from the bed and looked down on himself.
The dressing gown he wore was pretty nice. Red with golden lining, and made of a smooth material he couldn't really name yet. But he felt a bit stupid in it. Not wearing proper clothes. Well, nevermind. He had started this, and he would end it.
"Hmm-hmhm-hmm...~"
What would the Chibi get them? Well, some kinda wine, most likely. And what would they do? He'd already dealt with drunk Chibi, but never with drunk boyfriend Chibi.
Would he behave as dense as ever? Would he be all calm? The brunette reckoned he would find out soon.
"Hmm-hmhm-hmm-hmhm... Chuu-Chuu, where are you?~"
With his finger, he followed the edge of a wardrobe, only to have it covered with dust. Dazai shook it off.
If his partner'd seen this, he would have run right to the manager, probably. But he didn't mind a little dirt.
If he was being honest, he was kinda hoping for him to be a little more... open tonight. Maybe to find out more, and if what he heard was nice, then maybe he could say something, too...
And maybe, they could kiss again? Had felt great the last time.
He'd said he wouldn't expect too much, but this wasn't much, was it? A kiss was only natural for a couple, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying or wanting such things.
"Jeez, where is he?"
If he doesn't come back soon, I'll have to go after him. What if...
"I'm back. So?"
Memories flooded Dazai's mind as he saw the name of the wine brand:
'Chateau Mouton Rothschild.'
Yes, they'd...
"I am surprised, Slug! Your taste in wine is much better than your taste in clothes!~"
"What's wrong with my clothes, huh?"
Chuuya was sensitive to any kind of teasing, but his looks were his soft spot, after all.
Dazai giggled lightly at his success, and the fact that they were sitting in their room with candle light and having a glass of Chateau as the moon stood in front of their window. The ginger's sixteenth birthday...
"Oh, nothing! Your just looking like a dressed up girl!~"
"HAAAAAAH?!"
"Mhmhm... Just kidding, Chuuya. You look great tonight. Like a sexy, young man."
A delicate blush formed on the redhead's cheeks, taking his roommate right to cloud nine. He was so pure...
"Are you serious?"
"Uh-hu!"
The Chibi's face turned an even darker shade of red. Dazai absolutely loved the sight, even though the other looked down to hide his hot face behind his hat.
"Th- Thanks, I guess...", the latter mumbled shyly.
"Oh, don't thank me. Who said I had good intentions?~"
"...Eh?!"
The younger of them sighed resignedly. Maybe he was too pure, after all.
He looked into his bright cerulean eyes. So full of energy, and youth... He wanted to touch this youth, to turn it into something more mature and fascinating.
Into the real Chuuya.
He wanted to see him doing things he had never done before.
To find out what the short ginger could be.
"Just... forget it. Wanna see your birthday present?"
"You remember it, huh?"
"Course I do!"
"You asshole", Chuuya chuckled. "I had no idea what you meant!"
"Dense Chibi never had a clue!~", the taller man teased while the other walked up to him.
"Not my fault you have such a filthy mind!"
And with this, he went over to the balcony. Obviously, he was followed by his bandaged partner.
The latter felt the chilling air on his face. Winter's coming.
If they'd stayed in Yokohama, he would've sat down on his futon and watched TV. And every time a Christmas commercial would have played, he would've shaken his head and tell himself that he'd still have plenty of time.
Just to spend the 24th of December running around and desperately searching for presents.
For Atsushi, Ranpo, Yosano, Kenji, Fukuzawa...
Yes, even Kunikida might've gotten one! And the hatrack, of course.
Like every year. A mysterious bundle, sender unknown. On the Underboss's doorstep. And during the night, his greatest joy would be to imagine how the Chibi would open it and try to figure out who'd sent it to him. His only real Christmas joy.
Birthdays, Christmas...
Parties were a nice disguise, but on the other hand, holidays would always remind him of how lonely he was.
"Aren't you cold?"
"No, it's fine."
By now, his cheeks had started to burn, and the cold had reached from his fingertips up to his wrist, a chill on his arms already threatening to make them freeze, as well. His knuckles were numb. But he would not, I repeat, not give up yet.
"Your hair's still wet. You're gonna catch a cold."
"It's fine. Let's just start."
Chuuya filled up two glasses for them. But he was still a little confused.
What was it with that idiocy?
Just outta the shower, and already out in the night, without so much as a coat, or even a sweater. He was wearing a black one, and even in this, it wasn't exactly warm. Just okay. But if Dazai didn't want to listen...
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Akutagawa
"I don't think I've seen you before..."
The raven haired man twitched at the other suddenly being so close next to him.
Why had he even gone here? He hated it. People, people everywhere, clingy drunkards, strange women, and the smell of alcohol and cigarettes making him feel suffocated.
Perhaps he would take a shower once he got home, just to get rid of that disgusting smell.
"Akutagawa", he responded unfriendly.
Still, the male to his right didn't leave. No doubt, he hadn't been with the Mafia for long yet. Otherwise, he would recognise - and respect - Akutagawa Ryunosuke.
"Ah. Haruki."
"I don't care", Akutagawa mumbled to himself without taking the hand that was stretched out towards him.
"Hey, you heard what's happened? One of the executives is opposing the Boss now, and they say that shit's on."
"Oh, really. "
That guy - Haruki - got all excited, totally oblivious to the sarcasm in the other's voice.
"Yeah! It's all about that Dazai-guy... He should be killed, ya know. But that executive, I forgot his name, and Dazai, they're a match or something, - Urgh, right? - and now they're starting a riot! Dunno why it's that important to kill him, though. Apparently, big Boss's lost his mind!"
Homophobic-
Wait.
"Lost his mind...?"
So that's what people were thinking? Was it really true?
Or was there something they failed to see, for example, something Dazai knew about the Mafia boss? Akutagawa's head was racing.
"Yeah, looks like it! Hey, let me treat you a drink. What do you want?"
The pale man looked at the stranger, but was lost in his thoughts.
Why kill him, why now?
"Fresh air...", he replied absently and started walking out of that terrible place.
Out in the streets, an icy wind embraced him and filled his weakened lungs.
If Mori had really lost his mind, it wouldn't take too long until somebody would slit his throat. But if he hadn't-
If there was something about the bandaged man worth loosing Chuuya-san... this was much more serious than he had thought. And they wouldn't give up until they were dead.
And really.
When he got back, all his neighbours were out.
Not a single car in the parking lot.
He flung the door open and hurried over to the note on his wall, not minding the late hour as he dialled Jinko's number. The shower would have to wait.
Yes, shit was on.
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"It was... f- fun, though."
"If you're teeth don't stop chattering, I'll throw you inside."
"N- No, I'm okay... really..."
The ginger got up from his seat, stepped closer to the hopeless jerk and took a good look at him. Red cheeks, trembling hands and a bent back.
"You stand up right now."
"But it's so nice out here..."
Chuuya took the empty bottle from the table and lifted it up behind his head.
"Dazai..."
White clouds of warm breath evaded the brunette's mouth while he let out a silent sigh and picked himself up. Without further protest, he went back into their room and flopped onto the bed, wrapping some blankets tightly around his freezing body.
His Chibi closed the door and followed.
"Idiot", he scolded him before opening the wall of blankets and slipping in to hug the other closely.
"Are you helping me to w... warm up?"
"No, I'm trying to strangle you, idiot. Yes, of course I am!"
The bandaged man started to shiver less and less, until eventually stopping completely.
His fingers hurt a bit at the welcome warmth finally reaching them, but he didn't mind that at all.
He turned his head to face Chuuya.
"Who knew you could be so kind?~"
"I thought we're a couple!", the latter said with a little pout. It was only normal to do this for his boyfriend, right? And...
He wasn't unfriendly, was he?
(But a little drunk.)
"You're right", Dazai mumbled.
I think right now, it could...
He approached him slowly. When the ginger only gave him a relaxed look, he placed his lips on the latter's mouth. But he still didn't move too quickly.
No, a quick kiss was not what he wanted, after all.
It was surprising to feel somebody's teeth on his lip. But after a moment, he'd collected his thoughts and pressed Chuuya down, caging him between the mattress and his own body as his lips made their way to the choker he'd always wanted to pull.
Slowly, delicate fingers approached the belt of his dressing gown... - and opened it. The ginger took a close look at Dazai's body, that was more or less exposed to him now. Not really muscular, but nice.
He placed his bare hand on the other's belly.
He was pretty shameless at this point, wasn't he? He must be seriously drunk to do this kind of stuff. But if he was, nobody could blame him, right!
And he hadn't even started this! The alcohol helped him to understand a few more things. It was the brunette who'd intended that all the time, staying in that thing...
The fingers on his waist were still cold. Whatever their destination was, it felt good to have them there. Almost as much so as the things Dazai did with the tip of his tongue that occasionally stroke his neck.
He could tell that waste of bandages wanted him.
It was so obvious just now.
My, he'd been pretty obvious to not see the signs when he'd been sober. Should have just expected that. They were adults, after all, and a little dirtiness simply belonged to his partner.
"You should've told me..."
"'Told you what?", the taller asked and looked up with his warm, brown eyes.
"That you're trying to seduce me!"
What? He knew?
Well, probably the Chibi had realised it just now. There wasn't really another explanation.
Or maybe it was only that he couldn't think straight...
It was so thrilling to feel the ginger under him, so close. Excitement flooded his whole body, resulting in even more dizzy thoughts than the wine had caused.
"This sounds so unromantic. Let's say, I was trying to get your love."
A short growl escaped from his throat at an unexpected touch on his inner tigh.
Fuck...
"Do you want me to do more than that?"
"Y- Yes, please."
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"Gaaah..."
Blue eyes opened, and widened almost immediately.
Fuck, fuck, fuck-
He's not wearing-
Gah, no!
What had they done last night? The last thing he could remember was drinking wine. And then?
"Dazai!"
No response.
Naturally not, that idiot was sleeping, after all.
Chuuya looked down on himself. Wearing... jeans and a sweater.
He was wearing clothes.
His heart started beating again, and he let out a deep sigh that nearly woke the brunette up. Why was the latter not wearing proper clothes, though? Why had he slept in boxers?
Ah, right...
Some crazy things had happened, after all...
Still not half as bad as what he'd been expecting. And maybe, they weren't even crazy? They seemed to be normal for the Mackerel. And they were a couple, so...
But he wasn't sure he was ready for everything yet.
He'd been pretty wrecked. And he trusted that freak, yeah, but he'd had some, as well, and if it came to that...
Well, everything's fine.
So no need to worry. (About this.)
He looked at sleeping Dazai. He was beautiful, with his soft hair falling over his forehead and his eyes closed. His chest moved up and down in a calm and steady rhythm.
Was it... Was it okay to stroke his hair? As his boyfriend?
Without giving it more thought, Chuuya's fingers ran tenderly through silky, shiny hair.
The feeling was warm and nice, a little thrilling. But also somewhat familiar.
Right. That's not the first time.
Once when they were younger. He couldn't remember what they'd done the day before, or why he'd done this. Or why he'd allowed his roommate to spend the night in his bed that time.
He wasn't even sure how old they'd been. Maybe seventeen, sixteen? But Dazai had laid next to him in his white shirt, black trousers and tie, and he'd been sitting next to him, and wondered whether it was okay to touch his hair. He'd probably thought about it for a while.
An hour, maybe, before finally doing it, hesitantly. His hands had felt cold, he'd been so nervous, so afraid he could wake the other up.
If he had, he would most certainly never have heard the end of it. But the brunette hadn't even twitched.
So soft, he'd thought before pulling away. Then he'd gotten up, worn a coat and left their room to cry like a goddamn sissy. Because deep down, he'd known-
He'd know what Dazai was to him, and this was damn sure not how it's supposed to be. He didn't want this. What if the others wouldn't accept him like this? He hadn't had much of a family, after all.
But that's not what he'd thought at that moment.
He hadn't thought about Dazai, or being gay, or Kouyou, or Mori, or all that other shit.
He just hadn't thought at all. After a while, he'd puked behind a bush (no trash can around) and somehow dragged himself back to their apartment, just being a total mess at this point, and not really having another choice, he'd snuggled up into that annoying device's bed and taken in the lovely smell...
A soft touch on his hand got him out of his thoughts.
"Is Chuuya being nice with me?"
"Oh, shut up. You're an idiot."
"But- What did I do?! Wait, don't stop!"
Dazai wished to not have said or done anything. It had felt good with the Chibi's small hand on his head. He held it before the other could jerk it away.
This didn't make sense, really. He hadn't even teased him, so what was it? Why was Chuuya behaving like this? Was his presence enough to annoy the short redhead?
But, well, how else could it be. They'd been bickering and lying for years. Turning this mess into a healthy, happy relationship would perhaps take a while.
Huh, whatever.
"Do you remember last night?~"
"Y- Yeah", the older man answered, his cheeks turning a light shade of red.
"Everything? "
"Yeah", he lied. There were small gaps in his memory. Tough, he figured nothing too important could've happened in them.
Dazai closed his eyes and placed the small hand on his head once again.
"Huuuh. This feels just fine.~"
"...It does."
Chuuya rubbed his thumb against the others forehead affectionately.
"Dazai. Do you think- Do you think it's alright what we're doing? I don't mean that... we're dating... but, is it normal to do all that lovey-dovey stuff so fast?"
The brunette blinked. For him, this wasn't extraordinarily fast, but if Chibi wanted a serious answer...
"I think it's okay when it's okay for us. And it feels good, for me, at least..."
"Hmm. Yes."
"Besides, we aren't strangers. We've known each other for years, and I've loved you for years."
The ginger had to admit, this sounded reasonable. Suddenly, he felt dumb for asking.
"Thank you", he said aimlessly and laid back down, with one hand still in Dazai's hair.
"Hmhmhm.~"
You're still a Chibikko, after all.