"And who are you going to be with?" Mom's voice came through the speaker of my phone.
"Just a friend from school." I answered her without looking away from the mirror as I applied some mascara to my lashes. I didn't want to risk poking myself in the eye with the damn thing.
I drew away from the mirror to inspect how my eye makeup looks so far as Mom spoke once again. "Okay, just be careful and don't go home too late, okay?"
I grinned and hummed in agreement, trying to contain my joy when she decided not to question or grill me any further about where I'll be going or who I'll be with, which is usually what she does when I tell her I'm about to go out. I ended the call and the my phone's lock screen lit up, showing me the time.
"Shit, I'm late, I'm late." I frantically waved my hand that was hovering over my make up that was in disarray on my vanity table. I grabbed my lip gloss and applied some for the finishing touch and got up to my feet, snatching my purse on my way out of my room and putting my phone inside. I stopped by the door to grab my house keys and to put on some flats just as I hear a car's honk outside.
"Coming!" I yelled out, although I wasn't sure the driver would be able to hear me from all the way in here.
I slipped into the flats and opened the door to my house, stepping out and locking it behind me. Once the lock clicked in place, I dumped the keys in my purse and jogged to the car's passenger side.
"Hey," I greeted Alex breathlessly as I got into the passenger seat.
"Took you long enough," he teased as he pulled out of my driveway and drove out of my neighbourhood.
I rolled my eyes at his reply. "I didn't even make you wait that long. It was barely a minute."
Alex waved it off, chuckling. "So, excited?" He asked.
I placed my hands on my lap and wrung them together but showed no other signs of anxiety as I shrugged in the most nonchalant way I could muster.
Alex raised an eyebrow at my lack off enthusiasm. "Come on, really?" He gauged for a more desirable reaction.
Sadly, my stomach was twisted too tightly for me to be able to deliver. I shrugged once again. "I'm just slightly nervous," I admitted.
Alex didn't miss a beat. "Everything's gonna be fine," he reassured. "And hey, you didn't bring any books this time, isn't that a good sign?" He tried.
Actually, that wasn't a good sign. My heart plunged when I realized I had forgotten to take a book with me on my way out of the house. But Alex was trying so hard to cheer me up, I didn't want to spoil his efforts so I plastered a smile that was a bit too big to be natural and nodded along, hoping he wouldn't sense the force I had to use to play along.
Fortunately, the drive wasn't too long. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with Alex or that I didn't enjoy his company, because I do. Being around Alex is exhilarating and to put it simply, it puts me in a high (without the pills, of course). I just have a bad feeling about tonight in particular and I want it to end quickly so that I won't have this bitterness brewing in the back of my throat at the anticipation of something going horribly wrong tonight.
When we arrived at the party, it was already in full swing. "Looks like we're a bit late," I commented as I unbuckled my seatbelt. Alex tsked at me, shaking his head. "It's called being fashionably late."
His remark put a smile on my face as I stepped out of his car and shut the door as he turned off the car's engine and exited the vehicle too. He waved at me to come along as he walked to the front door and I tailed along behind him obediently like a lost puppy. He rang the doorbell and someone miraculously heard the doorbell ringing over the music blasting from the speakers and answered the door.
"Hey, man, where've you been? I almost thought you weren't coming." The guy who answered the door greeted Alex as they shook hands and did a bro hug. I assumed he's the host.
"I promised I'd be here, didn't I?" Alex asked, returning the gesture while chuckling. "Well since you're here, don't just stand there. Come in, and enjoy the party." Alex's friend ushered us in and excused himself to tend to his other guests and friends.
Alex turned to me, "Do you want anything to drink?"
I looked skeptically at him and he seemed to catch my concern. "Don't worry, I'll make sure it's not spiked."
I continued to stare at his face while silently contemplating if I wanted to drink tonight. I didn't particularly liked the taste of alcohol in general and I didn't like being even the slightest bit intoxicated while I'm not in the comfort of my home. "Do you think they'll have any non-alcoholic beverages?" I finally asked.
Alex looked behind him, to what I presume is the direction of where the drinks are stored. "I'll check and see but what would you prefer if there's none?"
"Beer's fine." I answered after a while.
Alex nodded and left to get the drinks while I turned to watch the grinding bodies on the dance floor sticking to each other as if they were magnetically attracted to each other. How they were able to do that so comfortably and confidently, I'm thoroughly bamboozled.
I glanced around while waiting for Alex to come back, rocking on my heels anxiously.
"I knew I should've brought my book with me." I cursed inwardly for leaving it at home. People might think it's weird for someone to bring a book to a party but I find them pretty handy at times like this to avoid standing awkwardly and looking like a loner in a party instead. I mean, reading a book in a corner during a party wouldn't make me look less like a loner but I would at least be too occupied by the story of the book itself to be worried about looking like a weird loner.
Alas, no book was going to magically appear in my hands no matter how much I wish it would. So instead, I tried to discover why people enjoy people watching so much. My eyes hovered over a few people, trying to figure out what their body language is saying. I read a book on body language once and I tried to take the chance to try and test my knowledge out as I peeled every person I laid my eyes on layer by layer until I heard someone call out my name.
I turned around and saw Kimmy standing there, mildly surprised at the sight of me. That was understandable. I don't normally come to parties on my own. Hell, most of the time, she'd have to fight tooth and nail to drag me to a party. So it was understandable that she would be surprised to see me here - alone on top of that.
"Are my eyes deceiving me? Did I call out the wrong person?" Kimmy asked, squinting to try and get a better look at me through the flashing lights of the party.
I held up my hand slightly to give her a small wave to confirm that it was indeed me.
"But what are you-" Something behind me stopped her and a look of realisation passed her face.
She didn't need to finish the sentence for me to know what she was about to ask - what am I doing here. But more than I wanted to answer her question, I wanted to know what made her stop mid-sentence. I turned around and saw Alex walking towards us with 2 glasses of beer in his hands.
He approached us and handed me my glass of beer. I murmured my thanks and turned back to Kimmy who I caught rolling her eyes.
I bit my lip to refrain from asking what that eye roll was supposed to mean because I was sure that I won't like the answer. There's no use in trying to find out something that I would be better off not knowing. Trying to dig it up will just cause me pain anyways.
"I see that you're not alone." Kimmy said in a tone that made me feel uncomfortable.
I looked sideways at Alex who nodded at Kimmy in acknowledgement before looking away to give us some privacy but still not moving away. I appreciated the fact that he didn't leave me there to be on my own because I honestly didn't know what I would've done if I was to face Kimmy alone so soon after what happened.
Don't judge. It might not be too soon for you but it's definitely too soon for me. I'm nowhere close to being mentally ready for another confrontation with someone who I regarded as my closest friend for the longest time.
It was also because of that reason the look she gave me and the words that came out of her mouth hurt even more than it should.
"I'm glad to see that your childhood obsession has finally been fulfilled."
I could feel my heart starting to pick up and my eyes widened at its own accord. I can't believe she just said that. Even more so, I can't believe she just said that in front of Alex.
I didn't dare move an inch in fear of accidentally catching a glimpse of Alex's expression. I don't think I can bring myself to look at him after what Kimmy just said.
Partly because it wasn't entirely false. The battle I had to fight within me for the past few years might as well pass as a fight with an unhealthy obsession - the inability to let go of something that should have been hopeless. At least, at that time, it looked hopeless.
The slippery grasp I had on my emotions failed me and my panic kicked in and spiked uncontrollably. I was unable to control my actions following that moment. My fight and flight instincts have taken over and the decision was to take flight.
My feet carried me forward, desperate to get away from the situation as quickly as I could and in my haste, I tripped over my own foot and bumped into Kimmy, tipping the contents of the glass in my hand that I had completely forgotten about on my top.
I froze in shock at what just happened and felt my face heat up even more than it already has. I stepped back to move away from Kimmy to assess the damage I've done, to make sure that Kimmy didn't get splashed.
Luckily, the glass tipped over to my side and it got absorbed by my own top so Kimmy was safe from the wet hazard.
Me, on the other hand, my top was drenched and I was lucky that it's a dark top. If I had chosen to wear a white one, I would have just preferred to die on the spot right then and there. I would've been too embarrassed to face anyone ever again. But even if the feeling of embarrassment I was feeling didn't get to that level yet, it was still overwhelming.
I ducked my head and squeaked out an apology to Kimmy before moving around her to find the nearest restroom to clean up. It was probably the only place in that party that I could maybe get some privacy in.
I didn't even wait for Alex or look back at him. Kimmy's comment that was ringing in my head wouldn't let me.
God knows what's going on in his head. God knows what he thinks of me now after hearing what Kimmy had said.
I rushed to the nearest restroom, already in the verge of tears as I power walked down the hall.
I didn't even know where I was going, I just wanted to get away from the crowd, from people in general.
I finally found a door that was left ajar and when I stopped to peek inside, I saw a mirror and a sink by the door.
I didn't think twice before stepping inside and locking myself in. There was nothing else in my head other than finding a place where I can break down and then gather my composure again.
But I soon found out that not thinking twice, or to be more specific, not checking that the bathroom was empty, was a mistake.
"Who are you?" A voice behind me asked after I've locked the door close.
I turned around, and through the tears that has already gathered in my eyes, I saw a confused girl standing there with a lit cigarette exuding smoke between her fingers.
~•~•~
I'm sorry for the long wait for an update guys, it's been really busy but I wanna wish everyone a happy new year. May this year be good to all of us.
I picked up 3 kinds of jobs lately and I'm just getting used to juggling them so I'm adding writing on Wattpad to my list of work. Hopefully, I don't kill myself doing this 😂
I do love the pressure, though. It makes me feel productive. I'll try and update as soon as I can. ❤️
Stay safe everyone, I love you all 🙆♀️
God bless 💕
-J