All through out the day Ashton saw people staring at his bruised eye and swollen lip. It happened last night. And on Saturday night after Lauren called him to tell him that their dad was going crazy that Ashton went out with Michael and Luke without telling him. Ashton is a teenager. That's what they do. At least that's what he told himself whilst he thought about how bad this probably is for Lauren and Harry. Teenagers go out without telling our parents. But Ashton's dad didn't raise a son like that. He was a terrible son. Untrustworthy, waster, takes everything for granted, blah, blah, blah...
Last night was because he smashed a plate whilst him and Harry were loading the dish washer. Harry didn't see though. When their dad started yelling Ashton told him to go outside and play on the trampoline. He also made sure that him and his dad were away from the widow so Harry didn't see what was going to happen next.
So now Ashton has a huge black eye and a swollen lip. Harry hasn't seen him since last night and of course his mom didn't say anything about it. He could also tell Lauren was trying not to cry when she saw him after coming back from her friends house. She didn't though. She's so brave. Ashton knows that.
"Are you joining us for lunch today or...?" Luke asks as they go to their English class.
Yesterday and Monday Ashton spent lunch time in the library. That is usually the routine now. Half because Ashton doesn't want to disappoint Jade and make her think he's slipping because of football and the other half because he sometimes hope to see Jade in the library. But he doesn't see her there anymore. Calum as well. He guesses they must be eating in the cafeteria again.
Ashton shrugs his shoulders at Luke. "I guess."
"How's your eye?" Luke says.
"Don't." Ashton says sternly. Luke had been doing this all day. He kept asking about the eye and the lip and it was really starting to piss Ashton off. Luke knew what he was doing and knew how Luke's eye was. He's just being an ass because that's what he is.
"I'm just asking." Luke says defensively.
"No," Ashton says back with the same stern tone. "You are just being a prick."
Luke scoffs but doesn't say anything. Ashton wouldn't be half the person he is without Luke but sometimes he just wishes he'd never met the guy. It would make his life a lot easier.
"Listen Ash-" Luke puts his hand on Ashton's shoulder. It was supposed to be a sign if comfort. He was about give Ashton the big speech again about telling him if things are getting worse or staying at Luke's... permanently. Ashton pretty much knew this speech inside out. Luke didn't constantly need to remind him every time he showed up to school with a new bruise.
Ashton stopped Luke mid sentence by grabbing his friend's wrist and stopping them both in the middle of the hallway. His dark eyes burned into Luke's icy blue ones.
"Don't push your fucking luck." Ashton said angrily. Luke was normally good at hiding his true emotions but this time he let his guard down for a mili-second to show Ashton some fear.
Maybe it was in a more aggressive tone than Ashton has meant it to be. But that doesn't matter. Luke got the idea and knew not to talk about Ashton or his dad again. The idea of being scary to get what you want is not something that is new to Ashton. It's how he has seen his dad get everything he has ver asked for. So this moment was also scary for Ashton as well. It scared him because it either meant he understood why his dad was the way he was, or he is more like his dad than he wants to be. That's the scariest fucking thing Ashton has ever thought.
~~~
It happened again.
He was purposefully scary to get what he wanted.
At lunch Ashton was sitting at his usual seat, at his usual table. And as creepy as it sounds he liked the seat because he could see Jade. He could look at her from his seat. Normally he doesn't get to really see the side of her that is bubbly and loud. The side she is usually like only when she is with Calum. Man, Ashton hates that guy.
Maybe Luke has the right way of thinking. Beating Calum up would probably make Ashton feel better, just like Luke says it would. But that probably wouldn't score any gold stars with Jade and also it would make Ashton feel even more like his dad.
So he was having quite an alright lunch. Luke had learned from earlier and didn't mention the eye or lip and barely even said a word to Ashton. But he liked it that way. He was okay with him being in his own little world. Then Charlie and Michael had to ruin all of it.
Ashton isn't quite sure how it happened but all he knows for sure is Michael was out of his chair making his way down to the end of the table the cheerleaders usually sit. There was Charlie pressed up against Josh, one of the running backs. More specifically the one that subs for Michael. They pretty much hate each other.
Anyway, Ashton becomes aware of Michael jumping up because he shakes the whole table as he does so. Then he starts telling Josh to back up. He does so, and Charlie starts whining to Michael about him not needing to 'control her anymore'. Ashton wasn't sure what that meant.
Then Michael comes back with some stupid remark about her being a slut or something like that. It's by that point Charlie starts screaming at him and he starts screaming back. The cheerleaders are also screaming at Michael. Luke quickly gets up and starts grabbing Michael away. Then Luke starts yelling at Ashton to help him. Ashton didn't want to but shrugged and did it anyway.
Then Charlie goes absolutely crazy and starts trying to take a swing at Michael who is having to be forcibly held back by his two friends and the rest of the football team. Next thing you know the whole cafeteria is watching. Including the lunch ladies. That makes Ashton realize Jade is probably watching.
So for the split second he glances in Jade's direction Michael gets free but falls flat on his face, taking Luke down with him. They both recover quickly screaming at each then turning on Ashton. By this time Charlie is sobbing and her face has gone right red with either anger or embarrassment and Ashton has had enough because now all the footballers and cheerleaders were starting to yell at each other.
"Would you all shut the fuck up!" Ashton yelled, banging his fist against the able. The whole cafeteria went quiet, not just his friends.
He then continued. "You are all acting like fucking idiots! So fucking get your shit together before I fucking... fucking... fucking..." kill them? Beat them? Yell at them some more? Ashton tried desperately to think of what to say next but he just couldn't. so he continued and ignored what he was going to say.
"What the fuck is wrong with all of you?!" Out of the corner of his eye Ashton could start to see campus security starting to gather in the corner of the cafeteria. He had to make this fast.
"You!" He pointed at Luke. "Stop yelling at me or I will fucking punch you in the dick!" Luke took a little step back at this point. His face loosing it's smirk or constant jokey look.
"You!" He then pointed at Charlie. "Stop causing shit! And Michael is right, you are a slut!" Ashton was only telling the truth. He has already heard some rumours about Charlie that were quickly spreading throughout the school halls. Charlie looked terrified and scared all at once. She was also still crying but choking the noises back.
"And you!" Ashton finally got to Michael. "You just need to decide whether she is fucking worth it or not!"
At first Ashton felt like a weight had been loaded but then he looked around. Charlie was still crying, Michael was looking down at his feet in shame, Luke looked like he was in a state of shock and when he looked over at Jade his heart broke a little.
Her shoulders were hunched over like she was scared. Her arms were folded over her chest for protection. And she was avoiding eye contact.
Charlie, Michael, Luke and Jade's reaction were all very familiar to Ashton. He used to cry whenever his dad would yell at him, especially when he was little. He then starting hating himself because of things his dad would make him believe. Then when his dad first started hitting him and his mom he was so shocked and confused, also a little hurt. And now, no matter what he says, now he is just plain scared.
After Ashton had finished his little rant and regretted every minute of it he left the cafeteria. Picked up his bag and ran. He hoped someone would come after him. Someone who could calm him down, make him not feel so bad, maybe even be able to convince him he wasn't a bad guy, he wasn't like his dad. He hoped that it would be Jade. But it wasn't. No one came after him. That fucking pissed him off.
~~~
Was she trying to be an annoying condescending bitch?
That is all Ashton could think throughout Jade's mini lesson to the entire tutorial class on fuck-knows what ever new type of formula they were learning.
She didn't make eye contact with Ashton once. None of the kids did. They were all too scared. Maybe they should be. Maybe Jade should be.
She was talking down in Ashton, he knew it. He knew she was silently mocking him whilst disguising it as teaching. He knew that he knew he wasn't getting it and she didn't stop once to ask him if he was. She was just being a bitch.
She set them a few questions to try at but Ashton didn't care enough to even open it at the right page of the text book. He just sat in his chair. The textbook closed and counted the rules on the ceiling. He got to 23 and then Jade finally said something to him.
"You okay?" Jade asked, seeing Ashton's closed textbook and empty jotter.
"I'm fine." Ashton shrugged he was annoyed because she had made him lose his place.
"Do you get it?" What a stupid question to ask him. Of course Ashton didn't get it. Did it look like he did?
"Nope." Ashton replies, popping the 'p' just because.
"Oh," Ashton saw Jade reach for a chair to pull over. "I can help you-"
Then Ashton cut her off. "No thanks." He said as causally as possible.
"I... uhm..." Jade stuttered slightly, her hand no longer reaching out for the chair. "Oh, but... um..." Was she ever going to get out a full sentence.
If anything she was just annoying Ashton even more. So to make her go away he just raised his hand and shooed her off. She bit her lip and let her hair fall in front of her face. Her cheeks were going pink and her eyes widened slowly.
"Right." She said slowly and then just walked away not glancing again.
Ashton then just began swinging in his chair, chuckling to himself. He didn't even notice Jade watching him with a worried expression. He just watched the clock, not being able to wait until he was free from this hell.
***
Ashton was pretty sure he fell asleep but he can't be certain. But he did miss everyone else leave and all of a sudden Jade was by his side looking over his jotter which was still as blank as it was when she looked over it the first time.
"You didn't do any work." Jade says softly.
"Oh," Ashton faked surprise. "No shit!" He smirked at the dark haired girl.
"Oh, okay." Jade says softly, walking over to some of the other desks and picking up the text books there.
Ashton rolled his eyes as he waited for her at the door. Was she trying to piss him off even more and take her time? She probably didn't even know he was there. Ashton knew this because when he saw him she looked a little surprised.
"What?" Ashton asked rudely as she just stared at him. "Hurry up, don't you want me to drive you?"
"Uh..." Jade said hesitantly. "I'm okay." She looks away.
"Going to Calum's again?" Ashton sneers, he doesn't try to cover up the jealousy.
"No, I just want to walk." Jade replies quietly, still outing stuff away.
"Oh," Ashton scoffs. "Sure." He rolls his eyes again and wants to leave but Jade stops him by asking:
"What's the matter?"
The matter? Ashton thinks. Nothing really. Unless you include an abusive father, practically raising two kids, one of his best friends is an ass and the other is literally the dumbest person ever. And don't forget the fact he is head over heels in love with you but you spend all your time with another guy. Other than that everything is just peachy.
"Nothing. Hurry up." Ashton replies shortly.
"I can walk." Jade shrugs.
Ashton is again ready to leave when Jade asks another question.
"Is your eye okay?"
Now isn't that a question!
Ashton shrugs.
"What about your lip?" Jade starts to walk towards him. Ashton doesn't dare move.
Ashton shrugs again.
"Who was it?"
Ashton looks at his feet. She better stop asking questions.
"Was it Luke?"
Ashton feels his head shoot up and lets out an unintentional laugh. Luke knows if he ever laid a finger on Ashton he wouldn't have a finger that was fully intact.
"Michael?" Jade says.
It's out of pure concern but Ashton is still laughing at her suggestions.
"Then who?"
Then he stops laughing.
"Mind your own business." He says harshly. He looks her dead in the eye and he was right. It is all out of concern.
"I-I'm just worri-wondering." Ashton ears prick up at her little correction of words and he feels himself smirk.
"Really?" He takes a step forward.
He now just doesn't care. He doesn't care if she doesn't like him back. He is going to make his move. And if Calum or Luke or anyone else doesn't like it, they can fuck themselves.
"How worried?"
"I said wondering." Ashton watches Jade back up a little. It makes him momentarily rethink his plan but quickly puts it back into action.
"But you meant worried." Ashton smirked. This is how Luke does it right? Just act like a cocky son of a bitch, girls love that.
"I actually am supposed to be going to Calum's." Jade says quickly making Ashton roll his eyes. Calum isn't anywhere near and he is still being a cock block.
"Whatever." Ashton stopped taking anymore steps towards her. He realized that he didn't want to get the girl like Luke would. "I knew you wouldn't be easy." Ashton says under his breath.
"What?" Jade was looking extremely flushed.
"Nothing." Ashton smiled sweetly at her. "I best be off." he started walking backwards towards the door. "Have fun with Calum." He lied. He wanted Jade to have a horrible time with Calum, but something told Ashton Jade wasn't actually going to Calum's house.
Jade didn't say anything back and instead just nodded and proceeded in cleaning up the classroom again.
Ashton smirked whilst leaving feeling pretty damn good about himself considering how bad he was actually feeling deep on the inside.
It wasn't until he started driving he started feeling bad again.
He didn't feel like a good guy. What if he didn't stop walking to Jade? Would he have kissed her? Would she like it? Would she try to push him off but he wouldn't stop? Could he have almost ruined what he was building with her? Has he already?
"Idiot!" He yelled at himself, hitting the wheel and turning the volume of his radio up to stop all the questions and horrible voices floating about his head. The faces of the people who he yelled at today were there as well. Jade's was as well. For a second he was worried he might crash the car because he couldn't think straight.
Eventually all these thoughts and feelings started to disappear into the background of his head and one question stuck out in his head:
Did dad ever feel like this?