T/N: For this part, I will be posting only the snippets, not the translation of the entire chapter na ka.
♫ 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? ♫
[Snippet 1]
I have no idea for how long I've been staring at Saifah, but the moment we are looking at each other, it cause some feeling to develop and I don't think I'm the only one who experience this feeling because the person before me begin to lean in closer to me.
The next second I realized, our lips are already pressed against each other.
The kiss he gives to me is soft and gentle. I close my eyes, accepting and feeling Saifah. I tilt my head to a degree where he could kiss me comfortably.
Right now, I'm not sure why I didn't push Saifah away. Moreover, I let him to suck on my lower lips as if he's thirsty for it.
The music outside is still loud, which is no different from my heart that pumped hard and harsh. The slender tongue which slips into the mouth is filled with desire. I receive the kiss from Saifah , as if my brain just couldn't think of anything. It turns white as if there's blind spot in it.
Until the time where there's a part my feeling suddenly recall the oath I made with ai'Zol and the fear begin to crawl up my entire heart once again. I'm not sure why I have to be scared like this even though we're now kissing with an extremely pleased feeling.
However, the anxiety is beyond that I decide to raise my hand and hit Saifah's shoulder, like telling him it's enough.
Saifah agrees to withdraw from my mouth. We share a stare in a way we realise the feeling of hesitation. I don't know what kind of reason should I seek to brush away the confusion and anxiety which begin to form in my mind right now.
It's freaking bad
"You..." I call the person in front of my, with a gentle tone. "Just now, you kiss me , it's because of you are just in the music, right?"
I'm aware that it might not be due to that, but my heart want Saifah to just answer anything which will not happen like the thing I won't accept.
"Saifah"
"..."
"I'm asking right?" Can't you just answer me, please? Let me feel confident that you're just so fascinated by the atmosphere and the music.
Saifah turns his face away from me.
He presses his lips together as if he's deciding on something, until later, he turns so that we're facing each other. The looks he gives me is filled with imploring sense, as if he's about to tell me his feeling in which boiled in my heart right now.
"It's not Zon"
Why do you have to say it's not?!
"It's not only that..." Saifah acts like someone who's deciding on what he should say. "I..."
"That's enough" However, it's me who forbid him to continue. I stand on my feet. "I think this is enough"
I don't know what I'm scared of. I also don't understand why I have to walk away. I hate myself to act like this. I hate myself for leaving Saifah alone in the room despite my mind which is messed up, where right now it's beyond that.
I'm scared that everything will be just like the novel
Andwhat I'm scared the most is that this feeling, maybe none of it is real. I'mscared that what Saifah did and feel or what I feel right now, they all happendue to the my oath.
They all happen because of the fact they we're slippinginto the novel's storyline until it cause our feeling to be influenced anddirected to the novel's path instead of our own, real feeling.
[Snippet 2]
"P'Zon"
My one and only younger sister rush to see her notebook, clicking on the folder in which I recently delete. She then, clicks on the trash bin folder as well and found nothing as well because I eliminated them permanently already.
If she want to recover the file, it would cost her a high price as well
"Why P' do this to Zol?!"
Her tone is shaking, no different from the looks in her eyes which are staring at me directly. It seems to be full of pain and dissatisfaction.
"Does P' know how much effort it took Zol to write each chapter?! (sobs) Why P'Zon is so mean to Zol like this?"
"Then, what about the thing Zol did to P'? Does Zol ever think about P' feeling? P' already told Zol to not matched P' with Saifah in your novel. P' told you to delete it, and yet you refuse to do so. So, is it wrong if P' is the one who delete it then?!"
"P'Zon is so mean! Zol already said that Zol changed the name. P' should have ask Zol first. There's nothing wrong in asking Zol first. Not delete it unreasonably like this!"
"Yes! P' is mean! But don't ever forget that what Zol did is wrong as well"
I stare at my sister's face which now soaked in tears.
It's a rare occassion where both of us would get into an argument until there's one with tears. And this time, the argument is harsh enough to make us feel uncomfortable with each other.
"P' won't repeat this again and P' hope that Zol will delete all the novel in the web as well"
"..."
"Do you understand?"
"Get out!"
"P' asks Zol, do you understand or not?"
"Zol said get out!!!"
Her loud yells echoed the entire room and her tears continously coming out as my younger sister throws things like pillows and books at me.
"Get out from Zol's room right now!!! (crying hard) Zol said P' Zon get out!!!"
I decide to leave the room of my younger sister with a thought of what I did just now, it's not like I don't feel bad about it.
But, what else can I do when I don't even know where to start, to solve this problem on my own.
I don't know when could I put myself to the point where nothing is messed up. I also couldn't stand it na to see my sister bawling her eyes out like this.
I can never stand it
"Fuck..." A swear slipped faintly from me when I lay down on the bed.
My sight which fixed on the ceiling seems so empty, totally opposite from the chaotic thought I have right now.
I'm tired
I'm so tired with everything crushing on me, no matter about the oath of the novel or even the issue of Saifah. All of them currently mixed up until I feel like I want everything to stop, want it to be enough, but I also don't where should I start.
(Notification sound)
A loud LINE notification sound is heard. I pick up the phone just to see it's a LINE message from Saifah
Saifah
Saifah : Zon, you guitar is with me na. Later, I will set up the string and if it's done, do you want to come and take it or you want me to take it to you?
I read the message Saifah sent to me once again. I know it's a question, but I'm not ready to answer anything.
I'm sorry Saifah... I'm really sorry
I place the phone next to me before I take the nearest pillow and cover my face with it. I curled in deep confused feeling as I unable to get myself out from this feeling.
I don't where should I take my path... I really don't know.
♫ 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? ♫
T/N: I really can't wait for SaifahZon story, to watch this drama part.... but when it will be? T-T