"Evie?" Cade said walking up to me while I hastily wiped my tears away.
"Thanks for being my wingman by the way, " I mumbled walking past him and to the stairs, eager to get out of that place.
I didn't care if my payment would be cut off for leaving early, I just need to get out of here.
"What happened are you ok?" I hear Cade following me but the only thing I felt is my breathing quickening knowing that the place started feeling a little smaller.
"No, clearly I'm not, " I admitted to him as I reached the yard where the air was a little more manageable but still not enough to calm me down.
I felt trapped in that room and my anger didn't help. All I could hear at that moment was my mother telling me that anger was a devil's microphone. Whenever I would feel the urge to talk back or say something she would always call me out and tell me that being angry would get me nowhere; she wasn't wrong. I've always avoided being angry but Matteo just pushed and pushed.
It might be good that I finally stood up to him after days of hearing nonsense but perhaps my too-good of a heart wouldn't do so much for me. I'd still feel guilty.
"Hey, I'm sorry I left, I went to get some food and when I got back you were gone," Cade explained as I reached my car, "did he do something to you?" His voice falters and my stomach churns.
I can see the tears brimming my eyes as I looked at him, trembling like a scared animal. The look on his face made me want to cry even more. I can see the pity and concern in them and I felt weak because of it. I'm sure he meant no harm but- I hate being pitied.
"It's Matteo right?" I choked, " I haven't known him for long but I've seen enough of him to realize how heartless and cruel he is. You said it yourself. Call me weak or whatever, but I'm not gonna tolerate him. Neither should anyone. It's probably why he feels too comfortable being that way- because the world lets him be."
I slam the door closed and recklessly pulled my seatbelt in, watching as Cade's eyes fell to the ground. I can tell he felt some responsibility for what happened and I didn't mean for him to feel that way. He means well, better than anyone at this party, but right now I really just want to be alone. I'm not about to be seen by dozens of people crying my eyes out when the one person I swore to not fear has already seen enough of it.
"I get that you're mad, but please be careful driving-do you want me to come with you?" He offered and I sniffled, shaking my head.
"No, just enjoy the party," I said, "I'll call you if I need anything."
I rolled my windows up as he mouthed a small apology to me and I nodded. None of this is his fault, obviously, so why would I be mad at him?
As I made a turn, looking back on my rearview mirror I watched Cade walk back to the party, head hanging low. Then behind him was Matteo.
He had a scowl on his face while watching me drive away and I couldn't help but just cry again. The sight of him reminded me of what exactly happened and I'm not energized enough to deal with that. He's drained every bit of power in me and surely he knew that.
My grip on the wheel tightened as I focused on the road again, trying to focus on where I was going. I needed to calm down.
I can't believe I just did that. Maybe it was a good thing but with it may come the consequences of me opening-up about everything. By the little information, I have of him, he could turn the tables around and use it to bury me down.
Three days. Three days was all it took for him to brew my anger and release it like a weapon. Three stupid days. People's impact these days is really unpredictable huh?
He is unbelievable. Cruel, mean, egotistical, and opinionated. If I had known that people like him existed then I wouldn't be in this world. Maybe that's a little naive of me to say but I was graced with lovely people and to be smacked with an attitude like his is absolutely despicable.
Angry as I can be, I hit my stirring wheel and felt it's pain just for a moment. I hoped it would ease the frustration but it doesn't. So here I am in the silence of my car, crying because some guy decides to tell me who I am.
But is that really what I'm mad about? Or is the fact that I admitted to him that he was right?
• • •
After driving in circles, too afraid to go back to the dorm, and feel trapped within those four walls, I ended up on an empty gas station at nearly 12 am.
I got out of my car and filled up my tank, not that it needed it, but I needed the air.
The casual swish of cars passing by and the sound of machines working was my only company here. Besides the luminance of the station and the headlights of my car. Having this be by a freeway made it a more private place. No one is here but me. I found peace in that for a while, letting the cold twilight breeze caress my skin while I struggled fo forget.
I paced back and forth contemplating who to call because Lord knows I won't survive by internalizing everything. Usually, a good movie to cry about or a fantastic book would drown out my thoughts but seeing as it where I am right now and the kind of person I'm dealing with- I doubt any of those would be of use.
I paced and paced with a hand on my head, thinking whether I should call Cade or just leave it be. Thinking about it now, I think I'm too embarrassed to even call him tonight, perhaps I can just speak to him tomorrow in class; when I'm calm again.
Sighing, I fished out my phone and found my mother's number. She should be awake, she always works late anyway.
"Eve? Honey, why are you calling so late?" She answered the phone as I looked out into the road, biting my lip while I hold back my tears.
"H...hey mom, I, uh, I just wanted to say- how are you?" I choked and I felt tears already.
"Don't you think it's a little late for that?" She said and I can already hear her strict and commanding voice so clearly that I start to regret calling her.
"Evangeline Jane Collins, what did you do?"
I puckered my brows in disbelief. You have got to be joking.
"What? Mom, no, I didn't do anything."
"Young lady, we both know you wouldn't be calling unless you did something wrong." The conviction in her voice almost reminds me of the reason why I called her in the first place.
I guess she's always been like this. Nothing's ever really changed but she's a good mother, to say the least. She's supportive, smart, and collected. She's definitely a figure to look up to but her temper is a different story.
"Mom, come on, " I sighed, "I didn't do anything. Can't I just call to check up?"
"Not at 12 am." She said and I could already see the anger in her eyes just from the tone of her voice.
"So are you gonna tell me or do I have to wait until you come home this weekend?"
"Mom, I'm not a child anymore we don't-"
"Evangeline!" She yelled and I flinched.
"Obviously you did something stupid again. I expect to hear it when you come home for the weekend. You better have a good explanation for me."
"Mom-"
The call ends and as I looked at my screen hopelessly, I kick my tire in utter frustration.
Mother knows best. Seems to be true for the most part but I would really appreciate it if she didn't think that every time I call then I'm in trouble. I get that it's late and yeah, she might not be entirely wrong but she makes it seem like I'm the bad guy in every scene. Sometimes she wonders why I never tell her about my personal life anymore when she speaks to me like a kid whenever I'm home with her.
I do love her and promised her a life of prosperity once I became the doctor she dreamed of me to be. I love her enough to promise her a new car next year along with my father. She's the best mother but sometimes, like every mother, she tends to be over the top.
Such as on weekends. Now that I live a few miles away from them in Cali, I don't get to see them often some they try and make every weekend a family weekend. Not that every one of them ends up great. Nevertheless, family always comes first.
I just wished that I could confide to my mother like a daughter usually would. I wish.
As I get into my car, the famous words said to me echoes again,
"The girl in chains..."
And I disregard it again, despite agreeing to it.