The next morning:
I slid into my bright red Crocs, grabbed a granola bar, and walked out of the tent.
Carl sat on the bench and held his face in his hands. "Are you okay?"
I used my finger to remove the sleep from my eyes. "Can you come with me to see Andrea?"
Shane laid his elbows on his knees and sat on a log next to the bench. "Hey Mallory, why don't you sit right here with me? You don't need to go up there."
Near the front of the hill, Andrea hovered over Amy and stared at her body. Mom sat beside her.
"When is she gonna turn?" I asked.
Shane pat my shoulder. "You don't have to worry about that, okay? We're keeping an eye on her."
I moved closer to the RV and listened to their conversation.
"I can't imagine what you're going through," Mom told her. "I know it seems like you've lost everything. But you haven't, because I'm still here. Mallory's still here. You need to stay strong because that's what they'd want for you. For both of us."
Dale grabbed my hand. "Let's go back to the tent."
"I need to see this. I can. It's what happens. I saw it with my aunt and grandpa," I said.
Mom turned towards me. She stood up, brushed the dirt off her knees, and walked over to me. "Don't talk back to him. You were supposed to stay near the tent."
I furrowed my brow at her. "When Amy comes back as a walker, she could attack Andrea. And you're worrying about me seeing it? We can't be afraid. We have to be ready to see these things."
...................................................................
I sat on the edge of the mattress. Mom was beside me.
A gunshot sounded.
"That was Amy," I said.
Mom took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
The group stood around the grave that Dale and Glenn dug. Mom held my shoulder with one hand and wiped her tears with the other. Andrea sobbed and struggled to place Amy's body in the ground.
...................................................................
The camp was deemed unsafe. The group debated whether or not to leave. Shane said we all needed to stick together. He planned to take a group to the CDC and leave in the morning; to find doctors and get some answers. We sat on the logs and discussed the plan.
"What if Chris and Phoebe are out here and we just drive away from them?" Mom asked.
Shane bowed his head. "What if they tried going to the same place we are? What if leaving gets us closer to finding them? There's no good in staying here if it puts you and your daughter in danger."
"They're in danger!" Mom was frantic. "We have to keep looking for them. Even if that means just me."
Tears welled in my eyes. "Mom, no! We have to stay with them!"
"Plans change," Lori told her. "Yours did. Maybe theirs did too. They wouldn't want you to stay here when it's not safe."
"Stop telling me what I need to do for my family. What I need to do is find them, and I haven't been able to do that."
"Mom, we can't survive on our own. If they're gone, we can't die too," I said.
...................................................................
The cars parked near the sidewalk. Mom opened the car door and grabbed my hand, and we headed towards the building of the CDC. Tens upon tens of the dead laid on the ground; more than I've ever seen in one place. The smell of death was overwhelming. I gagged as what was a million times worse than wet dog and sewage combined filled my nose.
Mom wrapped her arm around my neck. "Cover your nose."
"It's not working!" I said.
The doors of the building were closed. I could sense the subtle panic in the adult's faces, which made my worry worse.
"We're stranded. What are we gonna do?" Mom asked.
Rick banged against the door continuously. Lori and Carol screamed at him. My heart raced as I waited for someone to yell again.
Rick froze and stared at the top of the building. "The camera, it moved."
Mom looked at Carol and Lori, with the realisation that he was losing his mind.
"You imagined it," Dale said.
"It moved."
Glenn and Shane guided us back towards the cars. I was exhausted and wanted to collapse right there. No one knew where to go.
The doors screeched as they opened behind us.
...................................................................
I feared what was inside the walls. A part of me worried we'd find something similar to a boring history museum, because I hated history museums. I hoped the CDC would have something fun to do.
Mom moved me behind her back. "Stay behind me."
The building was empty and dark. The only thing that caught my eye was a navy blue banner. A man walked out of the shadows ahead of us, with his gun pointed. My breathing intensified.
"Anybody infected?" the man asked.
Rick told him no. The man introduced himself. His name was Dr. Edwin Jenner. He told us we could enter, as long as we took a blood test.
"I don't like blood tests," I said.
"I know, but you have to get one," Mom said.
"Once this door closes, it stays closed," Dr. Jenner said.
We took the elevator to the top floor.
I held my stuffed panda and pointed my arm out towards Dr. Jenner for the blood test.
"Will it hurt?" I asked.
"Not too bad," he said.
...................................................................
The dining table was big enough to seat all of us. Baked chicken and rolls were served for dinner, one of my favorite meals. The rolls had a scent of sweetness that I missed. Carl asked to try some wine. Lori hesitated, but Rick convinced her to pour him some.
I looked at his glass and then at Mom. "Can I have some? Carl is."
She sighed. "A little bit."
I took a small sip of the bitter red wine. I tried to hide my expression of disgust so I could drink more. Carl didn't even try to hide his reaction, and the adults laughed.
Dr. Jenner mentioned how the other doctors committed suicide. How they dropped like flies, one after the other. My face warmed and nausea hit below my chest.
"Are you okay?" Mom asked.
"Can I go to the bathroom?" I asked her.
I leaned against the bathroom cabinet. It felt like a million bricks pushed against my body; and I shook like I was having a seizure. I closed my eyes and cupped my feverish face with my hands, as I prepared to lose consciousness or throw up. Mom coached me to inhale and exhale with every second.
...................................................................
Walking barefoot on the cold hardwood floor, I turned the corner into Carl's room. He sat on the bed and held a stack of cards.
I sat myself on the bed. "I forgot how to play."
He reminded me about Kings, Aces, Queens, and Jacks. We played three times, and I beat him twice.
"Do you wanna go in the bigger room to play with Sophia?" he asked.
I stood by the door and looked into the big game room. Several video game stations stood against the wall.
"Does the Pac-Man work?" I asked.
"No, sweetie. All the power's out," Carol said.
"Then how do the showers work?"
Sophia looked up from the puzzle she completed on the table. "The important stuff works. That's where all the power goes. Video games don't anymore."
...................................................................
The next morning:
I sat at the table and searched through a box of Lucky Charms.
Lori sat next to me. "You just like the marshmallows?"
T-Dog poured himself a glass of orange juice. "That's the best part."
Andrea buttered a piece of toast. "Isn't it dry with no milk? There's some in the fridge."
"Is there strawberry milk?" I asked.
She smiled. "No."
"Then no thanks," I said.
...................................................................
We stood in the primary room of the CDC.
Dr. Jenner projected a brain onto the screen. Its nerves were like a big blue maze, lit up by flashes of light. Jenner said that when someone dies and comes back, they aren't who they were before. Their memories are gone. Their ability to be kind is gone. Their ability to be human is gone. When they come back as a walker, they aren't themselves. He said the infection invades the brain like meningitis. Mom wrapped her arms around me while she sniffled.
"If the doctor doesn't know how to fix it, what's gonna happen?" I asked.
Mom turned me towards her and knelt to my level. "We're gonna try our best to ride it out until it gets better."
"How can it get better if there's no one to make it better?" I asked.
"There will be. We've just gotta give it time," Carol said.
Dale noticed the big clock hung on the wall that counted down. Dr. Jenner said that when it hit zero, the power would run out. He called on his remote robot speaker, Vi, to explain further.
"When the power runs out, decontamination will occur," Vi said.
"What's decontamination?" I asked.
"It usually means getting rid of germs," Mom told me.
...................................................................
I paced around my bed. "When Vi said that, does that mean we're gonna have to get more shots? So we can get rid of the germs that the walkers carry?"
Mom sat on the bed. "I don't know, maybe. But if you do, you're gonna have to be brave about it, okay?"
"How many shots am I gonna have to get?"
"I don't know. Nobody knows yet."
The room went dark.
"Stay here." Mom walked out the door.
A minute later, she hurried back in the room. "Come on."
"What's happening?" I asked.
"Nothing. I just don't want you to be somewhere by yourself."
...................................................................
As we gathered in the main room again, Dr Jenner explained something to us; but what he said confused me. When he stopped talking, everyone went silent. Shane launched at him. Rick yelled at Lori to get their things. My heart ached and sank in my chest.
Mom grabbed my hand. "Come on, let's go get our stuff."
"Mom, what is he saying? What's happening?" I asked.
"Nothing. We're just leaving now."
"And going where?"
She looked at me and tried to form a response.
The entrance doors closed.
I glanced from one adult to the next, trying to piece together what was going on.
Andrea hurried over to me. "It's gonna be okay, honey. I promise you. You're gonna see your dad and your sister soon, okay? Just breathe. It's gonna be fine."
I tilted my head in confusion.
"Don't say that!" Mom told her.
"What happens in twenty-eight minutes?" Rick asked Jenner.
Dr. Jenner hesitated as the adults pushed for answers. "In the event of a catastrophic power failure, H.I.Ts are deployed to prevent any organisms from getting out."
"H.I.Ts? Vi, define," Rick said.
"H.I.Ts — high-impulsive thermobaric fuel-air explosives consist of a two-stage aerosol ignition that produces a blast wave of significantly greater power and duration than any other known explosive except nuclear. The vacuum-pressure effect ignites the oxygen at between five thousand degrees and six thousand degrees and is useful when the greatest loss of life and damage to structures is desired."
My gaze froze, and the blankness of white overcame my vision. I inhaled and exhaled at a greater speed than what my brain could process. My legs gave out, and I sank to the floor. It was as though every muscle and joint in my body had already lost its function. I opened my numb mouth and sobbed. My ears rung as I awaited my death.
"This is God's plan. I knew it even before we got here," Andrea said.
Mom's cry suffocated her. "I don't want those things to tear us apart out there."
A minute passed, and my eyes could focus again. I looked up at Jenner. "Is it gonna hurt?"
"No. You won't feel a thing," he said, almost smiling.
I thought of all the people I never got to say goodbye to. I dreamed about all the things I used to do with the people I lost: my grandparents, Mimi, my friends, Phoebe, and Dad. The thought of the afterlife and seeing them all again called me down. It would be painless. It would just be over, and maybe it would be okay.
"Do we really wanna live out there?" Mom asked. "So every second, we're afraid; running from walkers? Until one finally bites us, or rips us apart? There's no hope for us. A doctor from the CDC said that."
"That's not true," Rick said. "Your daughter, she deserves more than this. What if you find Chris and Phoebe? You're just gonna give up on them too?"
"I can't keep... I can't keep going out there. This is the end of the world. It's just uglier out there. I don't want us to be in pain. I don't want them to. This isn't life anymore. It's not."
Rick tried to reason with her. "You're not thinking straight. We all deserve a chance. Your daughter deserves a chance."
Screeching sounded to the side of us. The doors opened, and I exhaled.
Mom pat my back. "Come on. We need to go, now."
Andrea didn't get up.
Mom pulled her hand. "Andrea, come on!"
"I'm staying," she said.
Tears filled my eyes. "You can't stay here!"
She looked at me and smiled. "I love you, honey. You're strong. I'm not made for this world like you were. God's plan is for you to survive, I know that. But He has a different plan for me. You can do this." She turned to Mom. "You fight for her. You keep her safe. I don't have anyone to fight for anymore."
Glenn took my hand and pushed Mom towards the door. "Come on!"
Andrea closed her eyes and smiled. "It's better this way. This is what I want. I promise."
...................................................................
Dale stayed with Andrea, and they waited to be trapped in flames. Jackie, a woman from the camp, made the same choice. Glenn guided Mom and I out with the others, towards the exit. Rick set off a bomb to break the glass. I hesitated to jump out the window, but Mom laid her arms out to catch me.
When we made it back into the RV, I held my ears and ducked. My heart pounded as I feared the upcoming explosion.
"Scream during it if you have to. It'll be okay," Mom told me.
"Wait, wait! They're coming," Lori said.
Dale and Andrea jumped out the window and walked towards us. I smiled.
"Oh my god," Mom said.
"Down! Get down!" Rick yelled.
I laid as flat as I could, on the floor between the car seats. Mom shielded me. I screamed as loud as I could as the glass shattered and the boom sounded. The heat of the fire burned the chills that ran down my spine.
The CDC was broken into Lego-like pieces, completely fallen. The fire encompassed the land it was built upon. We sat in silence, knowing the last chance of safety we had was just burnt to the ground.
Mom let out a long exhale. "Alright. If we're gonna do this, let's do this."