His face instantly flashes with panic. I realise I may have made my question sound slightly more serious than it is, especially after everything that has happened since last night. Although I'm not so worried about it anymore, I can't give everything to Harry unless I know.
'Umm..sorry..it's not that serious. It's just been on my mind since the other night and I trust you but I nee..'
'It's okay. Ask me.' Harry cuts me off, smiling. As usual, Harry calms my ramble of thoughts. I know in my heart that what Harry said last night is true, but you can love two people, can't you? If his tears during Fine Line the other night were for Camille, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I have to know.
'It's just that during the first show here when you sang Fine Line..you cried..' As soon as the words are out and I see Harry's face, I regret it. I can tell how much pain this memory brings for him, and I'm so sick of us only bringing pain to the other. But I need to ask this, for myself. I just want to love him, and it feels like there are so many obstacles we have to overcome.
'..and I guess..I don't know who that song is about, but I know people think it's about Camille. Did you cry during it because of her? Because you still love her?' I feel clingy and insecure for even asking, but I can't not know. I don't want to look at Harry while I ask because I'm so embarrassed to even be doing it, so I reach to touch the butterfly on his stomach and focus on that. This tattoo is by far my favourite, and it's positioning is so appealing. The shading in some areas is actually a lot darker than I thought, and I force my eyes to pull away when I hear Harry start talking.
'Camille? No it's not.' He says, clearly confused at my question.
'Oh.' He seems so taken back by my question that I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.
'It's about you..Fine Line is about you. Every lyric is about you.' He holds my face in his hands and lifts it so my eyes meet his. Is it really all about me? Was he crying about me during a show? He drops his hands and continues.
'I wrote it after the..breakup. She finally ended it because she felt like I was closed off from her. I kept telling..I told her all the time that she was wrong, but she was right and we both knew it. I didn't really have it in me to open up to her when I didn't have everything to give to her in the first place, because you already had a lot of me. And then..I wrote that song.'
'Is it really about me?' I ask, even though he just said it is. It feels like this can't be real, and I have to be certain. My eyes are glossy and the sun is starting to set, and the whole picture of Harry and the sunset is quite beautiful.
'Yeah it is. Every word. I didn't cry for her. I felt so lost when I wrote the song and..I guess, well I don't know. I was just lost and pushing it down and it all came up on stage. The song..do you know what it means?'
'No..well, I heard what you said on stage but I was..crying when I watched it and I didn't really understand.' I might as well admit I was crying, especially after Harry has been so raw with me.
'You cried?'
'Yeah..I thought it was for Camille and I could tell you were in pain and I was just sitting in a taxi and watching this video of you crying and there was nothing I could do. Oh..I left the show..if you didn't know. I'm really sorry. It was because..it doesn't matter. It was because I hated the way I couldn't stop how I feeI about you. And yeah..I was in this taxi and I felt like I could feel your pain, even though I didn't know why you were in pain.' I say. His face is twisted in hurt, and I'm getting so tired of these conversations that just leave us both crying. I can tell there are thoughts swirling in his head, and I would give anything to know what they are.
'Can I tell you what it's about? I want you to know..if you want to know.' I don't really have it in me to say anything anymore. I want to listen to Harry talk forever, so I just nod.
'When I wrote the song I felt so empty. Because I'd been with Camille for a year, and then she was gone, and she was gone because I couldn't stop thinking about you, and how I could never have you. It was like my one chance at love that I convinced myself I had with her..was lost. And the next day I went into the studio and wrote the whole song. I guess it's just about the price I was paying for loving you, and how you had this hold on me and how I started hating it, because those feelings ruined a relationship that was real..or one that I could actually have. I was so..sick of fighting those feelings, but I felt like if I let them in I'd just end up on the ground..or I wrote it as being in the dirt. I guess it was just the fine line of you, and how it tested me and how I just wanted to fold and give in.' Every word that I couldn't piece together finally makes sense, and I don't think I've ever loved Harry more than I do right now. I've run out of words to describe the way I feel about Harry, and I don't want to talk or think anymore. He is everything I have ever wanted and needed, and I don't have any more ways to explain how I feel for him.
I throw my arms around Harry, and nuzzle into the crook of his neck. Part of me wants to cry but I don't know why, and I'm so exhausted of crying. I feel like I can finally be happy. Happy with Harry, no matter where we are or what we're doing.
'I love you so much. Thank you for telling me all that.' My sound is muffled in his neck, but he can hear it, because he wraps his arms around me so tight and leans back against the bed.
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My eyes open to Harry beside me, but he's awake and sitting up. When did we fall asleep? I'm still wearing my clothes from today and it's dark outside..how late is it? Harry is frantically scrolling on his phone, face tarnished with a deep frown and pinching his lip like he always does.
'What's wrong? Are you okay?' I ask, more concerned than ever. He lets out a disappointed sigh and covers his face with his hands.
'Hey, what is it? You can talk to me.' I sit up, pulling his hands away from his face.
'The fucking press..they're just..I'm just fucking sick of it.' Oh my god. The press have never been nice to Harry, painting him as a playboy, and I see what it does to him. Is this about me and him, the video from today? I see the clock behind Harry, and it's 3am. What is going at 3 am?
'Talk to me Harry, we can figure this out.' I try to sound stronger than I feel. I need to be here for Harry right now.
He turns his phone screen around without saying anything, and it's a list of google search results.
The rumour mills are swirling; Harry Styles and yet another woman..this time his assistant?
Can we get a job working for you Harry?! Harry Styles in a romance with his assistant!
Who is Sophie? Harry Styles's assistant...and girlfriend?
England's playboy, Harry Styles, caught with his assistant!
Harry's got the hots, but 'he's rebounding' sources say!
When I look back up from his phone, Harry is biting his lip and blinking away tears. My heart breaks as he brings his phone down to the mattress, and I reach over to hold his face in my hands.
'Hey, hey, hey. Don't cry. Let them talk Harry. It doesn't matter anymore. These articles mean nothing to the people that really matter, and in a week nobody will remember.' I say, trying to soothe him as much as possible. I shuffle forward and pull his body to mine, hoping that I can take some of his pain.
'I don't care about me or what they think..I care about you. I caused all this for you and I'm so, so sorry. You deserve someone who..who can give you a life where you don't have to be criticised and photographed..doing everything. I don't deserve you if this is what happens to you because of me.' How could Harry ever think that?
'No Harry, don't ever say that. I don't care what the media says about you, or me or us. It's never going to change how I feel about you. I don't love you because of what the media says about you, I love you because of the Harry that I know. The media doesn't know that Harry, and that's the Harry that matters. You are perfect in every way, and that doesn't change because of an article.' I'm not sure where this sudden strength has come from, but I'm certain on how I feel about Harry and that's all that matters.
'But you'll get sick of this. You'll get tired of being with 'England's playboy'' He cries into my shoulder. I lean my cheek to the side his forehead, and hold his head on my shoulder.
'No Harry, I won't and you're wrong. I can't live without you and if that brings media attention, then so be it.' I think my words strike a chord with Harry, because he looks up, eyes tired and bloodshot.
'Thankyou.' He says, barely louder than a whisper. He doesn't say anything else, but he kisses me, and that tells me everything he wanted me to know.
As much as I don't want to, I pull away.
'We have a flight to Brisbane tomorrow at 3pm, and checkout here is 10am. We really need to sleep.' I'm slightly drunk on Harry, but we have a busy day tomorrow and we can't afford to not sleep.
I spend the next 15 minutes changing into my pyjamas, brushing my teeth and doing my skincare. Harry leaves my room to do the same, since he doesn't have anything in here. I really regret moving rooms now. He promised he'd be back straight away, but I miss him anyway. Probably not healthy to miss someone when you haven't seen them for 15 minutes, but what can you do?
Harry returns and I fall asleep, snuggled into his bare chest beside the butterfly, with his arms wrapped around me. This trip broke me and we've both spent most of it crying, but I wouldn't change it for anything now that I'm here with Harry. I know that whatever happens between us, I will never, ever forget how I feel about him.