"Sweetie, you don't have to do this. Nobody expects anything of you right now. Why don't you stay home for a few days, huh?" mum asked, concerned.
"No mum, i have to go. What will i do any way? Cry? I can't let myself live like that," i told her. She nodded her head. She understood. You can't just give up on living when your not dead yet.
"Okay baby, i'll pick you up at four," she told me. She kissed my head. A waterfall of her blonde hair showered me for a moment.
I headed out the door to catch the bus. As i was walking, i realized that i noticed so much more than usual. Suddenly i saw Jeremy running after me. I stopped.
"Rue! Rue! Wait up!" he called. When he reached me, he was puffing.
"Oh Rue!" he said, and embraced me. At first i resisted his hug, but eventually realized it was exactly what i needed.
"I'm fine Jeremy, really," i told him, wiping the beads of tears forming in my eyes away.
"No, no you're not," he told me. He took my hands. Obviously he knew. He would never have done this otherwise. "I want you to know that I'm here for you, in every single way, okay?" he told me.
"I know," i said. And for the whole walk to the bus stop, he held my hand.
When we arrived, kids who didn't know us stared. But all my friends consumed me.
"Oh Ruby!" they had all exclaimed, offering their comforts. Even people i barely knew offered to do things for me.
Tears filled in my eyes. I was going to hurt all these people by saying goodbye. And i didn't even have a choice.
The bus pulled up and we all climbed aboard. The bus driver, Mr. J, stopped me.
"Ruby, i just want you to know that i'm sorry for your bad news," he told me, sincerly.
Geez, did word get around.
The whole bus ride, people pampered me. They gave up their seats, they braided my hair, they offered little gifts of their best food from their lunch box. It was like we were in pre primary all over again.
But Jeremy kept his distance.
When we got to school, there was another wave of affection and sorrow-filled messages of comfort.
And i hated every last minute of it.
Eventually, i asked during Maths to be excused from class. The teacher told me i could have anything i wanted. So i went to the firls bathroom, locked the door of one of the cubicles and sat on the lid and sighed.
It was the first bit of peace and quiet i had gotten all day, and i was determined to lap it up. The day had been emotionally exhausting. I don't know how many times i cried, laughed, thanked, apologized, got angry and depressed. It was like a rollercoaster ride. Everybody had showered me with there feelings and mine.
Except Jeremy.
During lunch, i told Lindsay, Kat, Maddie and Isabelle i had to go somewhere. Naturally, they all wanted to come, but i told them no.
I walked from the tree we sat under to the football field on the other side of the school. I scanned the field for Jeremy.
He spotted me before i spotted him. Still looking far out in the other direction, Jeremy tapped me on the shoulder.
"Looking for someone?" he asked. I jumped. I hadn't expected him.
"Yeah," i said, "you."
"Are you okay?" he asked immediatley. Concern spread like vegemite across his face.
"No," i said truthfully, "wanna ditch?" I asked him. I actually hadn't come here with this intention, i'd never ditched school before, but i realized that all i needed was a bit of quiet time with my best friend.
"Thought you'd never ask!" he said, acting a dramatic oull away, sweeping his hands to his head. It was a private joke. You wouldn't understand.
"JJ! Stop that," i slapped him, laughing.
"Okay, but where are we gonna go?" he asked, cutting the act immediatley.
"I know just the place," i said with a smile. And for the first time in what felt like eternity, i was being myself again.