Lin's pov
"Steven, I chose him, I love him"
"Steven"
"Steven"
"Steven"
That's all that could run through my head, she chose him, I'm not what I thought I was to her. I have to move on, I have no choice. She's giving me no choice.
I sat in the coffee shop feeling dull, with the same words running through my head. Out of nowhere a girl walked up to me and asked "Hi! Do you mind if I sit here, there's no place anywhere else..." she was cute, and there was an adorable dimple complimenting the smile she was offering me.
"Sure.... I'm Lin by the way" I said with a sad smile, "Thank you!" she said while sitting down.
"Oh, and my name is Vanessa!" her eyes sparkling as she looked at me.
Phillipa's pov
I chose Steven, but could I have been any stupider, how could I do that?!?!?!?
How could I choose Steven and not Lin, even after the first day of the choosing incident and I already regretted my decision.
Lin was my rock, my best friend, my everything, and I know I gave all that up when I chose Steven. He was... Well, he isn't bad he's just not Lin.
He tries to be perfect, and that makes me resent him more, and I don't have the heart to break it off with Steven so... I don't, and I'm not planning to.
I'm here stuck with Steven Pasquale, I have a way out but I don't leave. Not because I don't want to, because trust me I do, but it's because I can't cause another heartbreak.
I can't break Lin's heart and then Steven's, it's just not right. I will never be able to forget the look in Lin's eyes, the hurt, the look of rejection, and the tears, god the tears get me every time.
My nights had a routine now, get in bed, have emotionless sex for Stevens satisfaction, wait for Steven to sleep, and then I breakdown, cry about my mistakes and regrets.
Every night Steven will snake his arms around me, and spoon me, I always try to imagine Lin doing it. But it's impossible because the way Lin held me was so different, so gentle and soft. While Steven is more of a 'me' man, he did things more for himself than for me. So his cuddles were rough and tight, not sweet and caring.
It's been 3 years now, 3 hard and loveless years. I woke up and went to the washroom, with Steven still asleep I'm able to mask myself, make myself look like I love him unconditionally.
I stared at my reflection, the dried tears still visible from last night just like every morning, I washed them off, brushed my teeth, and then got in for a shower.
Like always I try and let the hot water wash away the pain, it never works but it's worth a try. I got out and dressed into a pair of black shorts and a black tank top, I don't know I just feel like today is a 'wear all black' day.
I slipped on some black socks and walked to the kitchen to start cooking breakfast for my husband. I started making some oatmeal cause we had pancakes yesterday, but he didn't seem so happy about it.
Steven walked out of the bedroom in nothing but sweatpants, he walled to me, kissed my forehead and proceeded to tell me about how much oatmeal sucks, well my oatmeal. I shrugged it off and plated (bowled?) the oatmeal and placed it in front of him.
He made a face with every bite, which did hurt me but I didn't say anything about it. I then just waited for Steven to leave for work so I could stalk Lin. No biggie, it's just something I do every now and then.
Steven walked into the bedroom to shower and dress up for work. Once he was done he walked out the bedroom and to the front door saying "Bye hon, see you at 7". I said a bye as well but I don't think he heard it cause the door was already closed.
I sighed and fetched the tv remote, so I could stalk my love on the big screen, sounds creepy I know. I switched it on and went to YouTube, I logged into my private account that Steven doesn't know about which is basically just filled with Lin related videos.
I started watching a bunch of random ones which made me smile real smiles, not the ones I faked for Steven. Then I came across one that was Lin answering BuzzFeed questions while playing with puppies.
I clicked on it obviously intrigued by it, it started off and it was literally just what the title said, but incredibly adorable. The way he played with the puppies made me fall for him even more if that's possible.
The voice that he used was adorable and he kept on trying to be professional but the puppies were not gonna let him do that. Guppy kept on licking him too and Lin let him and it was just so cute. (sorry I got carried away, the video is just adorable)
But then one question was asked and I felt like I needed to know what the answer was as soon as possible.
"How do you maintain such a positive outlook on life?" the question read.
"Oh, I'm as messed up and broken inside as anybody else..... But I'm well aware that you get what you put out into the world so I try when I'm tweeting, which is a terrible addiction of mine, to just sort off put out what I want to see...." he answered, my heart broke a little because I know I was the one who made him broken, and believe me it hurts me so much, so much that I almost hurt myself once.
The video was over and a shook my head to get that out of my head, I hate remembering the fact that I hurt him. So I started searching for some new ones, I found one where he was on James Cordon, so I clicked on it.
It was the one where he was in the blue suit and he was dancing similar to his childhood self, it was adorable, I saw another clip from the same interview so I clicked on it and started to watch it.
It was all cute until Cordon asked him "Have you got any tattoos? You sporting any ink?".
To which he replied with "I do I just, I just got one, I got my wife's initial on my ring finger there... Don't know if you can see that".
The whole audience 'awed' at that and I have to admit that it is adorable how he did that for his wife. But it also hurt me, the fact that he's moved on hurts but I'm fine with it as long as he is happy.
I went through a couple of other videos and I found one from the Academy Awards, something about 'trio of documentaries".
I watched it and then the last part got me again, jeez, why am I like this, why am I still jealous. I have an amazing husband, why can't I stop thinking about Lin?
Well maybe because he is so sweet to his wife and always doing things for her, it makes me think what would've happened if I chose him. Would he be the best husband and probably best dad? I think so, but I gave that up so yea.
"Well have fun tonight... Are you going out after?" the man asked.
"Uh yeah, I'm gonna, I mean look at my wife, I'm gonna take her everywhere... She looks amazing!" Lin answered excitedly and just purely happy.
(Vanessa looks bomb in this tho, like DAMN!)
I sighed and thought about my stupid decision, like every day. I logged out of my account, walked to the fridge and grabbed the grocery list, thinking I could run some errands now.
I slipped on my black sneakers and decided to walk to the store but not the one that was close to our apartment, the one that takes about 15 minutes to walk to.
These walks usually helped me get my mind off him, so I did them quite often. I reached the store and walked in grabbing a cart cause I had quite a few items to buy.
Once I was done and about to leave, I saw a familiar face, oh no. It's Vanessa, and I'm not bi but DAMN that woman is fine. No wonder Lin loves her, then again I know that's not the kind of guy Lin is.
I left the place before she could look at me, I waved for a cab cause I couldn't carry all of the groceries. Once I was in, I told the driver my address and I was on my way home...
~~~~5 year's later~~~~
I just got home from an exhausting day of rehearsal and decided to watch a movie with my husband. I've been trying a lot harder to actually fall in love with Steven, but it just seems impossible knowing that the person I truly love probably doesn't even remember me. I've stopped my habit of watching Lin on YouTube now so it's better and easier for me, for the most part, he's out of my head. There are still moments but way less than before.
I still try, even though Steven makes it hard for me. He was already home so I told him to order some takeout for both of us. I have to specify 'both of us' because last time I said "order takeout" he only ordered for himself.
He nodded and I walked into the bathroom to take a nice hot shower, once I was done I pulled on some sweatpants and a loose top. I walked out to see the takeout there and the movie set up.
He ordered Chinese and set up 'Mary Poppins Returns'. I try not to watch Lin's movies but I really wanted to watch this movie so I'm fine with watching it now.
The reason I didn't want to watch things with Lin in it, is because every time I see him on screen I remember the good times we had and then the time I broke his heart. That's not all, his eyes trap me, even through the freakin screen. So I stopped but all of this came back while the movie played.
The movie was over and I loved it, honestly I did. And I loved Lin's songs as well, but I loved one song in particular "The Place Where the Lost Things Go" Emily is phenomenal, but it's the words that got me.
(please read the lyrics I put below, the song is one of my favorites, and it really helps me when I'm down, so read it in Pippa's pov and trust me it hits hard. Also, listen to the song if you want cause it's really good, but read it, it's crucial)
Do you ever lie
Awake at night?
Just between the dark
And the morning light
Searching for the things
You used to know
Looking for the place
Where the lost things go
Do you ever dream
Or reminisce?
Wondering where to find
What you truly miss
Well maybe all those things
That you love so
Are waiting in the place
Where the lost things go
Memories you've shed
Gone for good you feared
They're all around you still
Though they've disappeared
Nothing's really left
Or lost without a trace
Nothing's gone forever
Only out of place
So maybe now the dish
And my best spoon
Are playing hide and seek
Just behind the moon
Waiting there until
It's time to show
Spring is like that now
Far beneath the snow
Hiding in the place
Where the lost things go
Time to close your eyes
So sleep can come around
For when you dream you'll find
All that's lost is found
Maybe on the moon
Or maybe somewhere new
Maybe all you're missing lives inside of you
So when you need her touch
And loving gaze
Gone but not forgotten
Is the perfect phrase
Smiling from a star
That she makes glow
Trust she's always there
Watching as you grow
Find her in the place
Where the lost things go
This song made me cry and well remember Lin... Even the first line hurt because it was so true, I do lie awake a lot...
Anyway, Steven walked into the bedroom after switching off the tv, so that meant I had to clean up.
After about 10 minutes I cleared up the mess we made after eating. I went and freshened up in the washroom and then got ready for bed.
I woke up to a death grip on my waist, I'd gotten used to the way he hugs me, it hurts but I don't have anything to compare it too anymore.
I got up and walked to the washroom cleaned up and then dressed up in a pair of white shorts and a light blue shirt. I think it'll be good to go to the coffee shop that's a few blocks away, Steven has the day off and so do I. But he's not gonna wake up till noon, so I slip on my light blue sneakers and get ready to leave.
I grab my wallet and my keys and left the house locking the door behind me. I started to walk to the place since it was a nice warm summer day, about 20 minutes later I've reached the cafe I was meaning to go to.
It's a small place, not too busy, not too empty, and their food and drinks are great. I've only been here a few times since they've opened up, but it's already my favorite.
I walked in and looked around for an empty spot but my eyes caught someone I haven't seen in eight years... Lin.
I panicked for a second but then my body gravitated towards him and before it was too late to back out I was in front of him. He looked up confused for a second and then he just looked surprised and delighted.
Oh God, how I've missed those eyes, but I don't get why he's happy to see me, there's just this huge grin on his face, and it still makes my freakin heart flip.
"Pip!" he said, oh God he used my nickname, the one only he calls me, I'm so confused I thought he would've just called me Phillipa and then tell me to f off.
"Lin..." I trailed, " It's been so long since I've seen you. What? Like 8 years?" he said and chuckled right after. Oh my God, his laugh is killing me.
"Yea it's been a minute," I said laughing a bit while sitting down, wow it's been a while since I've laughed properly, that's for sure. He looked at me with those gosh darn kind, brown eyes of his and said "Well it's nice to see you again, oh and how's Steven?" he asked.
I felt a variety of emotions from what he said and asked just now, first he said it's nice to see me again and I'm so glad he still isn't pissed or hurt with what I have done. Second he asked how Steven and I are doing... That's well how the hell do I answer that?
But then words just poured out of my mouth without my approval, "We're great, its been a while now hasn't it?" he smiled and nodded at that.
He opened his mouth to say something but was then interrupted by a random little boy saying "Daddy, daddy, mommy got me a cookie!!" I was so confused as to why this random kid is at this table so I ask.
"Sorry kid, are you lost?" the little boy looked so confused but then said "Uhm... No, that's my daddy." pointing towards Lin.
I gasped and looked at Lin trying to apologize with my eyes, he then said " It's ok, this is my son, go ahead tell her your name papito" his son then smiled a wide smile and looked at me in the eyes.
Oof this kid sure got his eyes from his father, "My name is Sebastian, but you can call me Sebby and I'm 5 years old!" he exclaimed with five of his fingers out on one of his hands.
I couldn't help but smile and say "Hi Sebby, my name is Phillipa but you can call me Pippa, I'm also very sorry for calling you lost". He shook his head and cutely said "All is forgiven, Pippa!".
Both Lin and I chuckled, then a women came to the table gave Lin a quick peck on the lips, as she pulled away I saw Lin look at her with admiration and then he looked at me and said "Oh Pip, this is my wife Vanessa and my future son" pointing towards her belly. I smiled and looked at her and said congratulations and I got up and said "Well I don't want to intrude on your family time so I'll leave..." I trailed I smiled at their family and started to walk away."Bye Pippa" I heard Sebby yell, I look back, smile and wave.
Vanessa said bye as well and then gave me the sweetest look ever. Once I was outside I noticed Lin didn't say bye, I sighed and started to walk away.
But then I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I looked back it was Lin, I smiled a confused smile, cause I'm very confused.
"I think we should be friends again Pip, I miss my best friend," he said with a sad little voice that made me feel like I needed to cradle him. I was also really surprised, he wanted to be my friend again.
"That would be great!" I said, finally excited for something after eight years, and after so long I forgot how to control it, so I am practically bouncing with joy right now.
He chuckled and put both of his hands on my shoulder to calm me down. "Well today is family day so not today, but what about tomorrow for lunch, so we can catch up?" he asked.
I was basically dying now and couldn't hold it any longer, I hugged him, I hugged him so hard that he stumbled back a bit. He chuckled and hugged me back, oh how much I missed his soft, warm, and gentle hugs.
While we were still hugging he whispered "So I'm guessing that's a yes?" I nodded. He then pulled away, looked at me in the eyes, and then kissed my forehead gently.
"I've missed you, can't wait to be your friend again," he said as he walked backward and back into the shop.
I just smiled and blushed a bit because he kissed my head, I'm just so glad he wants to be my friend again. It might hurt sometimes but he's right we're best friends, and I don't want to lose any more time with him.
I walked home extremely happy for the first time in eight years, even though I'm hungry, I'm happy.
A/n ok this is the third chap, I hope you like it, this is the longer of the three but I couldn't help but write a lot for this. All of the videos I mentioned are right there if you want to watch it, so enjoy.
Did you guys like it??? I hope y'all did...
Anyway g'night or g'morning wherever you are...
Byeee🥰