Hey, guys I know it has been a while, but how have you all been? I hope everyone is staying safe during the pandemic.
I don't have a large platform aside from AO3 and Wattpad, but I want to play my part in actively fighting against racism. So, I want to take a moment to say I stand with those protesting for change. Black lives matter and change is needed, as racism remains a global problem. As a white person, I am privileged and I recognise that. So I'm using my voice to show my solidarity with those protesting and speak up about the clear injustice.
Change is needed and we must all be playing an active role. We must educate ourselves and others, sign petitions for justice and donate (where possible!). At the end of this chapter, I have attached useful links, which will hopefully be used by my lovely readers 🥰.
On a lighter note, I hope you lovelies enjoy the chapter! Enjoy! X
Ps. Listen to the song, it's a good one!
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Louis' POV:
I remain silent. Staring at him blankly. My mind is racing. Yet my heart is pounding.
He wants me by his side? Does that mean what I think it does?
"Lou, please. Say something." He says softly. He looks so sad and I feel my heart drop.
But should I forgive him? After all, that's happened? Was it really the best way for him to deal with it?
He gently takes hold of my hand, making me concentrate on him once more.
"Please Lou, what can I do to make you forgive me? I'll do anything. Please." He begs, his grip tightening slightly. "I know I fucked up big time and I'm so sorry." He pleads, a stray tear falling.
My chest tightens and I feel a headache blooming.
"Lou, please. What can I do?" He says pitifully.
"Harry just please shut up for a minute." I eventually bite out. "You've just dropped a massive freaking bomb on me. I have to process this." I say softly, noticing as he visibly deflates.
"I'm sorry." He says softly, wiping his tears.
"Just ugh." I sigh heavily. "I just need some time alone." I murmur quietly, looking away from him.
I know if I see his dejected look, I'll take him back straight away.
He inhales sharply and releases my hand.
"This isn't the end right?" He asks sadly.
"No." I whisper, feeling myself become teary.
So why does this feel like a goodbye?
"Okay." He breathes out, standing up and heading towards the door. "Lou?" He calls out as he opens the door.
I move my gaze from the floor and look at him. His gaze softens as he takes in my expression.
"I just want you to know, I'm really sorry. I hope you can find it within yourself to forgive me." He says softly, looking as if he wants to say more. Instead, he sends me a small, sad smile and leaves his room.
I curl up in a ball on his bed and let out a small sob. Should I forgive him?
I mean he was only trying to protect me, right?
But what about the pain he has caused me? Was it all really necessary?
Sighing shakily to myself, I pull back the covers and get underneath, falling into a restless slumber.
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Harry's POV:
"Hey H." Liam says cautiously, as he spots me walking down the stairs.
"Hey." I murmur, sitting down next to him and taking his beer out of his hand, taking a large gulp.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, after a moment of silence. I can see the look of concern on his face, but I can't stop myself from rolling my eyes.
"No, not really." I reply gruffly. My heart clenches in my chest, as I remember the sight of Lou's distraught expression when I left.
I've really fucked up, haven't I?
I just hope he can find it in himself to forgive me. I believe he's my soulmate and I can really see myself falling in love with him. Hell, I'm already halfway there!
I let out a groan, slumping back further on the sofa.
"Harry." Liam says in concern, patting my shoulder awkwardly.
"I really fucked up, didn't I Li?" I croak out, my eyes beginning to fill with tears.
"Honestly, yes you did." He says softly, looking at me with those brown puppy eyes and I can't help but snort at his response.
"You're supposed to make me feel better you dolt, not worse." I let out a weak chuckle, playing with the label on the bottle.
"Well, you didn't let me finish." He rolls his eyes in fake annoyance. "Do I think you acted like a dickhead? Yes, I do. Terribly so H. I mean you were a right arsehole. So when Lou forgives you, you better worship the ground he freaking walks on." He says firmly, sending me his 'firm glare'.
"Do you think he'll forgive me?" I ask hopefully.
"Yeah, I do." He says softly. "I can't explain it, it's really weird. You guys just have this connection and everyone else can see it, aside from you two!" He exclaims. "But I know when you do, you won't be able to stop yourselves from coming together. I reckon you two together will be a force to reckon with." He lets out a chuckle.
"You really think so?" I ask cautiously, not stopping the small smile that makes its way onto my face.
"Definitely! It's all Niall talks about. Do you know he has a bet going with Luke?" He chuckles.
"What?" I ask in shock, shaking my head a little.
"Yeah." He chuckles again. "Reckons you two will be mated within the next six months." He waggles his eyebrows for effect.
"Seems unlikely Li." I frown. "He's not even a part of our pack." I mumble, staring down at my lap dejectedly. "I mean, what's even going to happen when the summer is over? Will he want to join the pack? What if he wants to go back home?" I ramble, my chest becoming tight at the thought of never seeing him again.
"H, do you realise how stupid you sound right now?" Li questions, making me look up at him.
"I'm not being stupid. I'm being realistic." I spit out, feeling myself become angry.
"Harry, seriously. Do you realise how many couples mate and move to different packs? Just because he's Louis, doesn't stop him from joining our pack. Hell, you're probably going to accept his mother and the rest of his family as well!" He sounds exasperated, sending me a disappointed stare.
"And what if he doesn't want to move Liam? It's not like I can just leave the pack, can I?" I growl out in frustration, running my hand roughly through my curls.
"H c'mon man. Stop acting like a knob. Start thinking rationally. I know you're only thinking of the worst at the moment and I get it. Trust me, I do. But this is Louis we're talking about. When he does forgive you, he's going to follow you to the end." He smiles softly. "I don't think either of you realise, what's between you guys". He chuckles again. "Oh and H, another thing. Drop the anger and aggression, you're not usually like this and it won't help him forgive you." He says cautiously.
I sigh heavily to myself. I know I'm not usually like this, but it's so damn hard to control my instincts when it comes to Louis. My beautiful omega.
"I know Li, I know. I just can't help it when it comes to him." I mumble, feeling guilty for snapping at him.
"Again, that's because you two haven't quite figured out what's between you guys." He sing-songs, passing me another beer.
I frown at him.
"Well enlighten me. What am I missing?" I ask sarcastically. He wiggles his eyebrows.
"Not my place to tell." He waves his hand in the air dismissively. "You guys will figure it out soon enough."
"I hope so." I whisper.
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Louis' POV:
I stare at the ceiling fan as it continues to swirl around. My thoughts a jumbled mess.
I really want to go downstairs and just cuddle the alpha. But I have to remember, what happened is not a healthy relationship to have. If I do forgive him, he has to know I won't stand for it again.
Sighing heavily to myself, I pull the duvet over my head, trying to keep my tears of frustration at bay.
A knock on the door breaks me out of my trance. Niall cautiously pokes his head through the door and lets out a sigh.
"Can I come in?" He asks softly. "I've brought some tea." He tries to persuade me, making me smile a little. Though I'm pretty sure it comes out as more of a grimace.
"Sure." I murmur quietly, he lets out a little sigh but comes in, shutting the door quietly behind him. He sets the tray down on my bedside table and hands me my cup of tea, before settling himself down next to me.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks unsurely, taking a tentative sip from his own mug. I let out another sigh.
"I don't know what to do Ni." I say softly. "I want to forgive him, but I don't know if I can."
"Can I ask you something?" He asks, looking at me with a certain gleam in his eye. I shrug.
"What is your heart telling you?"
I look up at him in shock, slightly startled by the question. He sends me a reassuring smile.
"Honestly?" I let out a sarcastic laugh. "My heart is telling me I love him and I should forgive him. He was trying to protect me after all." I wipe away a few stray tears. "But think logically Niall! What he did wasn't okay! He knows he could have approached it a better way!" I huff in frustration.
"Then tell him that." He says softly, patting my leg.
"How is that suppose to help?" I sniffle.
"Because you can give him a second chance then." He shrugs his shoulders, like its no big deal. This causes anger to bubble in the pit of my stomach.
"Oh and me getting my heartbroken, possibly for the second time might I add, doesn't matter does it?" I shout, tears of frustration burning my eyes. Niall realises his mistake and holds his hands up in defence.
"Lou that's not what I meant." He says quickly. "I'm sorry that came out wrong." He says frowning.
I just shake my head at him.
"Please just stop." I say tearfully. "God, why am I being so emotional." I sniffle, letting out a humourless laugh.
"Because that happens when you love someone." He says softly, taking my hand, and squeezing gently. "Think about it Lou. I know I'm repeating myself, but what is your heart saying?" I look up at him tearfully.
"But I haven't known him that long! How can I love him?" I whisper, shaking my head.
"You're not denying it though Lou." He squeezes my hand again. "Let me ask you another question. How does he make you feel?"
I pause at his question. Shifting uncomfortably, I sigh.
"Warm." I mumble, a lone tear making its way down my cheek. "Happy when he's not being a jackass." I let out a bitter chuckle. "He makes me feel safe. So safe Niall, I can't even describe it." I sigh.
"Sounds to me your omega knows what he wants." He says thoughtfully. "I can understand you not trusting Harry again, right away at least. But you should trust your inner omega Lou." He says, sounding sterner. "You have to talk to H." He says gently, patting my thigh. He stands up and heads for the door. "I'll take Li out, so you guys can have the cabin to yourselves." He sends me a soft smile. "You're gonna figure it out Lou." Is all he says before shutting the door quietly behind him.
I let out a frustrated groan and rub a hand over my face. A headache blooming already. But my decision is made.
"C'mon Lou, you got this." I mutter to myself. Standing up from my bed, I make my way downstairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I sigh shakily as I spot Harry on the couch, staring absently at the fire. The creak of the floorboard catches his attention and his red-rimmed eyes look up at me. He watches me like a hawk as I gingerly sit down next to him.
"I just want to be clear." I say shakily. "I don't hate you." I whisper, tears brimming my eyes already. I hear him inhale sharply but he makes no move. "But I'm scared to trust you again H." I say softly, finally looking up at him. "You really hurt me Harry." My voice cracks and he makes a move to comfort me, but I shake my head. "How can we possibly be together, if I feel you could do this again?"
He shakes his head, his eyes widening in fear.
"Please Lou, don't do this." He says shakily, his hand reaching out and holding my own tightly.
"What you did wasn't okay Harry. You should have approached it in such a better way." I shake my head. "But I cannot ignore how I feel Harry." I sob. His fists clench in his lap and he looks like he's having an inner battle with himself. "I shouldn't be giving you a second chance." He inhales sharply. "And I'm probably going to regret doing so, but I really like you Harry. Please don't break my heart again." I mumble through my tears.
The next thing I know, I'm engulfed by his muscular arms. I sigh contently, as I inhale his heavenly scent. My omega finally beginning to settle.
"Éros I promise you, I will never do anything like this again. I was foolish for fearing my dad". He pulls back and gently takes ahold of my face, gently thumbing away my tears. "I want you by my side. I promise you I am going to treasure you, forever and always." He says, tears making their own way down his face.
"You won't do it again?" I beg, sniffling unattractively. He shakes his head vigorously.
"Never. I promise you. I regret it so much Lou." He says regretfully. "I hated myself for doing it. I knew I was breaking your heart and I cannot begin to express my sorrow for what I've done." He says shakily. "I was a complete arsehole I know. But I was scared. Not for me, but for you. I just wanted to protect you." He shakes his head and tucks my head into the crook of his neck, as he begins to scent me.
"It's gonna take me a while to trust you again H." I mutter softly, placing a small kiss on his neck. He scoops me up, running his hands up and down my back gently.
"I can accept that. As long as we're together." He says softly.
"No more drama?" I ask sniffling, holding out my pinky finger for the curly-haired alpha. Harry lets out a small chuckle, looking at me with love and adoration.
"No more drama." He promises, placing a peck on my forehead.
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Below are a list of resources I've personally found helpful in learning about black history and understanding the current situation and the roots of the issues, as well as ways to help.
Netflix
- 13th
- When They See Us
- The Innocence Files
- 100 Humans - Episode 4: Are You Biased?
- Patriot Act - Vol 2 E4: Civil Rights Under Trump, Vol 3 E6: The Broken Policing System, Vol 6 E3: The Legal Marijuana Industry is Rigged
- Trial by Media - Episode 3: 41 Shots
- Your World Explained - S1 E1: The Racial Wealth Gap
- Reggie Yates: Extreme - Vol 2 E3: Life and Death in Chicago, Vol 2 E5: Race Riots USA
- Flint Town
- Time: The Kalief Browder Story
YouTube
- Stream to Donate - a collection of works by black artists, stream the video with ad-blocker disabled, all the adsense revenue is being donated to bail funds (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bCgLa25fDHM&feature=youtu.be)
- Stacey Dooley - Inside the KKK (https://youtu.be/azmQHX2BXyc)
- But I'm Not Racist? (https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=NTmNV5KTdDo)
- Why Black People are Angry and Tired (https://youtu.be/gEg_18R_0L0)
- Tulsa Race Riot (https://youtu.be/pQ-vFlEZU6s)
- Why Cities are Still So Segregated | NPR (https://youtu.be/O5FBJyqfoLM)
Online Resources
- Harvard Implicit Bias Test (https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/uk/)
- Yale University's free online course on African-American experience from civil war to the 21st century (https://oyc.yale.edu/african-american-studies/afam-162)
- An Open Letter to White Allies - (https://t.co/eTwTf53TRO?amp=1)
- BLM Central Aid Page (https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)
- Black History Month Library - a whole google drive full of free PDFs on Black history, works by black authors etc (https://drive.google.com/drive/u/0/mobile/folders/0Bz011IF2Pu9TUWIxVWxybGJ1Ync)
- Here's Why it Hurts When People Say "All Lives Matter" (https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/07/black-lives-matter-all-lives-matter)
- Mapping Police Violence (https://mappingpoliceviolence.org)
Petitions to Sign
- Justice for George Floyd (https://www.change.org/p/federal-bureau-of-investigation-justice-for-george-floyd)
- Justice for Ahmaud Arbery (https://www.change.org/p/district-attorney-tom-durden-justice-for-ahmaud-arbery-i-run-with-maud)
- Justice for Belly Mujinga (UK) (https://www.change.org/p/govia-thameslink-justice-for-belly-mujinga-justiceforbellymujinga?utm_content=cl_sharecopy_22128388_en-GB%3Av1&recruited_by_id=2b2b0700-a1c9-11ea-b32e-29e86ebe33c3&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf_combo_share_initial)
Places to Donate
- Funds for Victims (https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/#victims)
- Split Donation to Multiple Bail Funds (https://secure.actblue.com/donate/bail_funds_george_floyd)
- National Bail Fund Network (https://www.communityjusticeexchange.org/nbfn-directory)
- ACLU (https://action.aclu.org/give/now?redirect=node/65102)