*Castle battlements*
"You knew it was me," Porridge says.
"I was in the Imperial Guard on Caspertine. Mostly just parades, but I had the honour to guard the old Emperor during the ice picnic" the Captain says.
"When the snow bears came and danced for us. That was a day."
"We're a punishment platoon. We can't beat a Cyberman. The Imperium has to know what's happening."
"Like you said, the communicators are out. The only way you can report this now is to activate the bomb."
"Yes."
"And I forbid you to do that."
"I don't get it. Why would you blow up a whole planet and everybody on it just to get rid of one Cyberman?" Clara asks.
"We tried other ways, but they only work sometimes, so now we take drastic action. And it works" Porridge says.
"If you find a Cyberman and you can't destroy it immediately, you implode the planet. I was sent here because I didn't follow orders. I can make up for that" the Captain says.
"Put it down. I forbid you" Clara says.
"Yeah. What she said."
"You ran away. I will do what I was brought up to do. Live for the Empire, fight for the Empire, die for the Empire. This is Captain Alice Ferrin, Imperial ID one nine delta one three B. Activate" the Captain is shot by a Cyberman on the other side of the moat.
"Cyberman! Get down!"
"The Doctor and the Seer said to get somewhere easily defensible, but if we just stay in the castle it'll pick us off one by one. We have to take it out" Clara says.
"Is that an order, ma'am?" one of the soldiers ask.
"Yes."
"Good."
"You know what to do."
"Pulse to the back of the head. Fry the brain circuit interface."
"It's going to be hard to get in close enough."
*Hedgewick's World*
"I've heard about the Cybermen since I was in my cradle. I'm not afraid of you."
"Now!" Clara shouts the Cyberman moves forward, Clara atomises it with a long blast from the Anti-Cyber gun, as she stands behind sandbags.
"Hold it right there."
"What's happening to them?" the two dead soldiers have been upgraded "one more step and I fire."
"Don't fire that. A pulse will deactivate them" two other soldiers do that "and anyway, it's a waste of charge. We may need it again."
"You don't think that was the only one, then?"
*Outside the Castle*
They meet up with the Doctor, Angie and Artie, and Webley as well as I who was standing behind the Doctor clutching the chess board.
"Argh! Don't shoot, don't shoot, we're nice. Please, don't shoot. Hey, Clara, you haven't let them blow up the planet. Good job" the Doctor says.
"Did you get the kids? Are they, all right? What's going on?" Clara looks at me.
"Er, a bit of good news, bad news, good news again thing going on. So, good news, I've kidnapped the Cyberplanner and right now I'm sort of in control of this Cyberman" I say.
"Bad news?" Clara asks.
"Bad news, the Cyberplanner's in my head. And, different bad news, the kids are, well, it's complicated" I mutter.
"Complicated how?"
"Complicated as in walking coma" I once again hide behind the Doctor.
"Please tell me you two can wake them up."
"Hope so," the Doctor says.
"Other good news?" Clara asks.
"Well, in other good news, there are a few more repaired and reactivated Cybermen on the way, and the Cyberplanner's installing a patch for the gold thing. No, wait, that isn't good news, is it. Er, so, good news, I have a very good chance of winning my chess match" I grin.
"What?" Clara asks.
"I'll explain later. In a bit of a hurry. Get me to a table, and somebody tie me up! Need hands-free for chess. And immobilise me, quickly" I say.
*Throne room*
Clara and the Doctor tie me to a chair with thick rope.
"Right, that's good. I won't be able to move, but hands-free. Good."
"You're playing chess with yourself?" Clara asks.
"And winning" I then tear off the gold ticket from the implants and acquire a northern accent.
"Actually, she has no better than a twenty-five percent chance of winning at this stage in the game. Some very dodgy moves at the beginning. Hello, flesh girl... Doctor. Fantastic. I'm the Cyberplanner."
"Seer?"
"Afraid not. I'm working the mouth now. Allons-y. Oh, you should see the state of these neurons. She's had some cowboys in here. Ten complete re-jigs."
"You aren't the Seer." Clara says.
"No, but I know who you are. You're the impossible girl. Oh, she's very interested in you" the Cyberplanner smirks.
"Why am I impossible?"
"Haven't any of them, told you? The sly devils. Oh, dear me. Listen, soon we'll wake. We'll strip you down for spare parts, then build a spaceship and move on."
"More Cybermen," the Doctor says.
"They're waking from their tomb right now. You can either die or live on as one of us" meanwhile, her right hand is writing Hit Me on a notepad.
"The Seer will stop you," Clara says.
"She can't even access the lips" Clara me her. Hard.
"Argh! Ow! Oh, that hurt. No, stop. Enough, Bit of pain, neural surge. Just what I needed. Thank you" I say.
"Why am I the impossible girl?" Clara asks.
"It's just a thing in our heads. I'll explain later" I say.
"Chess game. Stakes?" the Doctor asks.
"If she wins, I give up my mind and she gets access to all my memories, along with knowledge of time travel. But, if I win, she'll break her promises to get out of my head and then kill us all anyway" I smile.
"That's not reassuring," Clara says.
"No."
"Please tell me you can fix whatever happened to the children," Clara says.
"Children. Yeah. They're fine. I mean, right now their brains are just in standby mode."
"That is not fine!" Clara shouts.
"Listen, right now they have a much better chance of getting out of this situation alive than you do."
"Which one of you said that?"
"Me. Cyberplanner. Mrs Clever. Now, if you don't mind, I have a chess game to finish, and you have to die, pointlessly and very far from home. Toodle-oo" Clara walks off, the Doctor looks at the Cyberplanner "I can see how much you want her to win, but she won't. You seeing her like this hurts you doesn't it? Well, too bad there's nothing you can do about it. Bye now" the Doctor walks off.
*Castle drawbridge*
"Apparently there are more Cybermen on the way," the Doctor says as he stands next to Clara.
"There are at least a dozen more shots left in the gun before it needs to recharge."
"We might have more than a dozen Cybermen to worry about. What's that cable?" Clara asks.
"Powerline for the park," Porridge says.
"What would happen if we unhooked the end, dropped it into the moat and turned it on?" Clara asks.
"Fry anything alive that entered the water."
"Can Cybermen fly?"
"No, ma'am."
"First good news of the day. Do it" so, they electrify the moat and raise the drawbridge.
*Cyberiad*
The Cyberplanner gets jolted into cyberspace.
"Stop that. I felt that" I say.
"Of course, you did. It's time to get up. Wakey, wakey, boys and girls. Wakey, wakey" the Cyberplanner smirks, somewhere, an army of Cybermen activates and marches forward from their multilevel cryogenic 'tombs'.
*Castle courtyard*
Porridge ladles something into a cup.
"There, get that in you. Warm you up."
"Oh, thank you, Porridge," Clara says.
"Oi, Clara!" I shout.
"I'll see what he wants. Call me if there's any change" Clara says looking at the Doctor and Porridge.
"Right" the Doctor grabs Clara's arm.
"Be careful" he whispers, she nods before walking off.
*Throne room*
"Hey! Clara, there you are. Now, quick rundown. What's our weapons strength?"
"One big gun, five of those hand-pulser units and a shiny black bomb that implodes the planet."
"Yeah. Yeah, that one. Now, tell me, does it happen possibly to have a remote triggery thing?" Clara takes it from her jacket pocket.
"Brilliant. Pass it here."
"No."
"Why not?"
"In case you're not you right now. Or even if you are, just in case."
"Oh, don't worry. The Cyberplanner's hibernating between moves right now. Shush."
"Prove you're you. Tell me something only the Seer knows."
"Clara, I suppose I'm the only one who knows how I feel about you right now. How funny you are. So funny. And pretty. And the truth is, I'm starting to like you in a way that is more than just..." she hits me.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Yes! It's me. That really hurt. How did you know that was her?" I ask.
"Because even if that was true, which it is obviously not, I know you well enough to know that you would rather die than say it. Finish your stupid game" Clara says, my left hand grabs Clara's arm
"Seer, let go."
"I can't. She's got control of the left arm. Argh, argh, no! No!" My left hand gets the remote trigger and destroys it.
"Seer?"
"She got what she wanted. She destroyed the trigger. My move" I say.
"What do you mean, she got what she wanted?"
"She means good news, boys and girls. They're here!" the Cyberplanner shouts.
*Castle*
Rows of Cybermen stretching from the Tomb entrance to the moat.
"One gun, five hand-pulsers and a planet-smashing bomb that doesn't work anymore," Clara says.
"Why not?"
"Broken trigger unit."
"But you signed for that."
*Throne room*
"I've learned so much from you, Seer. It's been an education. But now, it's time for the endgame."
*Castle*
The first Cyberman steps into the moat and gets electrocuted.
"Brilliant," Clara says, then it recovers.
"Upgrade in progress."
"Damn. Who's our best shot?" the Doctor asks.
"Probably it's me."
"Shoot any of them who make it across. The rest of you, take defensive positions. Porridge?" Clara says.
"Yes?"
"Keep yourself safe" the first Cyberman comes through the castle gate and gets atomised. Then more come through. Porridge heads for the planet bomb.
"Alice Ferrin, you should have destroyed this planet when you had the chance" Porridge whispers.
*Throne room*
"They're nearly here. Now, you can take my bishop and keep limping on for a little longer, or you can sacrifice your queen and get the children back. But it's mate in five moves, and I get your mind" another Cyberman gets killed.
"Take my queen, and give me back the children" I say.
"Emotions. Can't you see what a foolish move that was? You've lost the game."
"Kids back now" Angie and Artie crumple.
"Emotions, Seer, all for two human children you barely know. And it was a pointless sacrifice anyway. So, Seer, do you think the children's death will affect your relationship with Miss Clara?" Porridge runs in with the bomb. Clara and the platoon are retreating under fire.
"Welcome to Webley's World of Wonders, children. Now presenting delights, delicacies, and death."
"Seer!" Angie shouts, Porridge grabs at Webley's leg with the hand-pulser but gets thrown off, landing under the chess table. Sparks fly from Webley's cybernetic bits.
"Angie, are you okay? Just look after Artie, ok?" I say, "your move. But before you take it, just so you know, sacrificing my queen was the best possible move I could have made. The Time Lords invented chess. It's our game. And if you don't avoid my trap, it gives me mate in three moves."
"How?" at that moment the Doctor runs in "How?"
"Oh, come on. Call yourself a chess-playing robot?" I ask.
"How!"
"You'll figure it out. Or don't you have the processing power, hmm?"
*Castle*
"Please standby. You will be upgraded. Welcome to the Cyberiad. You will be upgraded. Welcome to the Cyberiad. You will be upgraded" Clara and two soldiers are pinned up against a wall. Then the Cybermen slow down and stop.
*Throne room*
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Seer. Seer, Seer, Seer, Seer, Seer, Seer, Seer. I'm pulling in extra processing power. Three million Cyberbrains are working on one tiny chess problem. How long do you think it's going to take us to solve it?"
"That's cheating," the Doctor says.
"No, no, no, no, no. Just pulling in the local resources. There's no way she can get to mate in three moves."
"Three moves. Want to know what they are?"
"You're lying" I pick up Porridge's hand pulser.
"Move one, turn on sonic screwdriver. Move two, activate pulser. Move three, amplify pulser. See you" after a brief struggle with my other arm, the Doctor gets the pulser to the cybernetic implants on my face.
"That's cheating!" Clara and the two soldiers run in standing beside the Doctor. I sit up with no implants.
"Just taking advantage of the local resources. Ah, hello. Can someone untie me, please?" I ask, Clara, walks over to me.
"Do you think I'm pretty?" Clara whispers.
I shake my head. "No. You're too short and bossy, and your nose is all funny" I say, the Doctor also walks over.
"Good enough. What happened to the Cyberplanner?" They take off the ropes.
"Out of my head and redistributed across three million Cybermen right now, and about to wake them all up, kill us and start constructing a spaceship. We need to destroy this planet before they can get off it" I say, I go to the bomb "ok, it has a fallback voice activation."
"The Captain, but she's dead."
"I think you should ask Porridge," Angie says.
"Why?" Clara asks.
"Well, he is the Emperor. I bet he knows the activation codes. Oh, come on. It's obvious. He looks exactly like he does on the coin, and on the waxwork, except they made him a bit taller, but look, am I the only one paying attention to anything around here?"
"You are full of surprises. Porridge?" Clara asks.
"She's right."
"So, you can save us?"
"We all die in the end. Does it matter how?"
"What do we do?"
"I don't want to be Emperor. If I activate that bomb, it's all over."
"And if you don't, three million Cybermen will spread across the galaxy. Isn't that worth dying for?" the Doctor asks.
"Doctor..."
"Three million Cybermen!"
"The bomb, the throne, it's all connected. I just have to say this is Emperor Ludens Nimrod Kendrick, called Longstaff the forty-first, the Defender of Humanity, Imperator of known space. Activate the Desolator. And it's done" the bomb is armed "It'll blow in about eighty seconds. Easily long enough for the Imperial Flagship to locate me from my identification, warp jump into orbit, and transmit us to the State Room."
*State Room*
"Oh yeah. Nice ship. Bit big. Not blue enough. Listen, there is a large blue box at coordinates six ultra-nineteen P. I need it transmitted up here right away" the Doctor says.
"Right. Did you get that?" Porridge asks, the officer nods and works her console "and that's that. Seventy-six, seventy-seven, seventy-eight, seventy-nine" the planet explodes, rocking the Imperial spaceship "farewell, Cyberiad. You know, it was good to get away. Good to be a person and not to be lonely, or Emperor of a thousand galaxies with everyone waiting for me to tell them what to do."
"Can't you run away again?" Artie asks.
"They'll be keeping a close eye on me this time. That's what happens when you're Emperor. Loneliest job in the universe."
"You don't have to be lonely," Clara says.
"I don't. Clara, will you marry me?"
"What?"
"He said..."
"She heard what he said."
"You're smart and you're beautiful, and I've never met anyone like you before. And being Emperor won't be as hard if you're by my side. And you'd rule a thousand galaxies."
"This sounds like an actual marriage proposal. Tricky. Now, if you want my advice..."
"You, not one word. This is between me and the Emperor. Porridge, I don't want to rule a thousand galaxies."
"Yeah. Silly of me."
"I'm really sorry."
"But that's stupid. You could be Queen of the universe. How can you say no to that? When someone asks you if you want to be Queen of the universe, you say yes. You watch. One day, I'll be Queen of the universe" Angie says.
"Of course, I could have you all executed, which is what a proper Emperor would do."
"You're not actually going to do that, though, are you? Oh, you're. Hey!" I hit the Doctor on the shoulder.
"Go on, get out of here, all of you, before I change my mind."
*TARDIS*
"Thank you for having me. It was very interesting" Artie says.
"Our pleasure. Thank you for coming. Now, I've got something for you. It's not from me, it's from the TARDIS. Ah. New phone" I say.
"Thanks," Angie says.
"You're welcome"
"Sorry I said this box was stupid."
"Bye," the Doctor says.
"Bye. Thanks, Clara" Angie says.
"Thanks, Clara's friends," Artie says, they both leave.
"Thank you, Doctor, Seer." Clara says.
"For what?"
"Kid's day out. Getting us off the planet alive. Whatever you were doing with the Cybermen. Good night. See you next Wednesday."
"Well, a Wednesday, definitely. Next Wednesday, last Wednesday" Clara leaves "one of the Wednesdays. Impossible girl" the Doctor says.
"A mystery wrapped in an enigma squeezed into a skirt that's just a little bit too tight. Oh yeah. What are you?" I ask.