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I refused to close my eyes or even blink for a second. I was afraid that if I do, Ali will disappear.
Is this even true? Am I hallucinating? Did I actually drown and die and this is what heaven's like? If yes, can I just stay here?
My eyes remained locked at him but he never looked my way as he swam towards the yacht. Mahigpit ang hawak niya sa akin. Wala naman ako plano pero kung subukan ko man kumawala ay walang silbi. His jaw was clamped tightly. I couldn't properly see his eyes but I know it's the color of a dark storm.
My heart was sent into sommersault when I unintentionally blinked. It only relaxed when Ali didn't disappear. His face wasn't replaced by someone else. It's him. It's really him.
My eyes watered. It's been two long years. I've always known we'll see each other again. Our worlds were so small that we were bound to meet, one way or another. Mas nabigo pa nga ako nang hindi kami nagkita sa loob ng dalawang taon.
The day we broke up, I broke down pleading to him that I didn't want to see him again, he accepted. Hindi niya ako pinilit. After that day, I never saw him again. He disappeared from my life like he never existed at all.
"Diyos ko po! Ma'am! Anong nangyari?!" kabado at takot na sabi ni Kuya Norman mula sa yacht.
"Help her up," Ali ordered.
I nearly shivered at the sound of his stern voice. He was so serious. Hindi ako sanay.
Inabot ni Kuya Norman ang braso ko nang umakyat na ako ng hagdan. Inalalayan naman ni Ali ang likod ko. Kahit sa pag-upo ay todo alalay pa rin sa akin si Kuya Norman.
Pagkaalis ko ng snorkeling mask ay nakita ko si Ali na kakaakyat lang ng hagdan. Tulad ko ay hindi na niya suot ang mask. Now, his dark and dangerous expression was perfectly displayed.
His eyes were piercing right at me as he walked towards my direction. His hair was brushed back and he was topless, wearing only a black shorts, but I don't think that's a vital information right now.
"What were you thinking?" My shoulders jumped a little at his raised voice. I stilled, cowering like a little girl instead of a twenty-one year old as he aggressively stood in front of me. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa aking hita. I linked my wrinkly hands together.
"Why the hell would you do something like that? You were gone for too long! Goddamn it... I thought you fucking drowned!" His voice cracked at the end.
I slowly raised my head. His eyes were almost red. He looked so enraged. Ali was always calm and composed. He rarely got mad when we were together. The only clear memory that I have of him getting mad was when he pulled me away from his mother at the hospital.
"I'm sorry," I said in a tiny voice. "I-I didn't realize that I was gone for too long. I'm sorry, Ali."
Ali breathed in harshly. His jaw was ticking. He looked like he wanted to say more but he just averted his gaze from me and turned to Kuya Norman.
"Babalik na kami sa resort. Please inform the other yacht," seryosong sabi nito.
"Sige po, Sir," maagap na sagot ni Kuya Norman at agad na kumilos.
Naglakad si Ali patungo sa ibang parte ng yate. Nanatili naman ako sa kinauupuan. The cold wind was seeping through my skin but I didn't pay attention to it. Pakiramdam ko ay may sala ako kaya hindi ako pwedeng umalis sa pwesto ko.
A towel placed over my shoulder. Umangat ang tingin ko at nakitang si Ali ang naglagay no'n sa akin. His expression was still grim and his tensed jaw further proves that he's still mad. May nakasabit na isang puting towel sa balikat niya. Hindi siya nakatingin sa akin.
Umuwang ang mga labi ko nang walang pasabing lumuhod siya sa harap ko. He reached for my foot and despite the hardness of his expression, his hold was gentle. He was removing my fins for me.
Binalot ng init ang dibdib ko. Hindi ko matukoy kung nasasaktan ako o natutuwa. It hurts... in a good way. Is that possible?
I wanted to ask him how he knew that I've been under the water for too long? Kanina pa siya nandito?
Why is he here? Did my family invite him? Or is he here as a guest? May kasama ba siya? Is he with his family?
How is he? Is he okay?
My chest stung when his words from earlier played in my head again. He thought I drowned. I can only imagine how scared he must be. It must have reminded him of... Mas lalong kumirot ang puso ko.
Kaya siguro galit na galit siya ngayon. It was probably traumatic to see me at the seafloor, with eyes closed and unmoving. Kung siya ang nakita kong ganoon ay baka humagulgol na ako and seeing him okay won't be enought to calm me down. I feel like one simple apology won't be enough.
"I'm really sorry," I meekly repeated again.
His hand stopped moving for a second. Gumalaw din ito agad at ibinaba ang paa ko sa sahig. Umangat na ang tingin niya sa akin. His eyes were still unforgiving.
"Do you understand how terrifying it was to see you down there?" his tone was clipped. I can hear his anger pouring from every syllable.
My eyes blurred. My chest was painfully constricting again. I guiltily nodded as I held his angry gaze. "I'm sorry."
"What else are you sorry for?" he austerely asked. Bumaba ang tingin ko. Habang tumatagal ay parang nanliliit ako. He touched my chin to catch my eyes. My breath got caught.
His stormy eyes turned liquid. Sadness mixed with anger. It's like seeing the dark sky pouring. "Does it still hurt to see me?"
I flinched, reminded of the words that I said to him when we broke up. Iniwas ko ang mukha ko sa kanya at pumikit bago pumatak ang nagbabadyang luha sa mga mata ko.
Hindi na siya nagsalita. Hindi niya na ulit ako sinubukang hawakan. His presence grew distant and the warmth fainted. Iminulat ko na ang mga mata ko pero hindi ko siya tinapunan ng tingin.
I couldn't look at him without feeling guilty for hurting him. I left him when he needed me the most — when we needed each other the most. I left him when I should have stayed.
I blamed myself for Atticus' death and Tita Agatha's words helped me nourished it. It sealed my belief that I'm the one who caused it and it scared me that it will happen to Ali, too. That something will happen to Ali and it will be because of me.
It was ironic because something did happen. I was trying to save him but ended up hurting him in the process. I was a coward. This guilt was rightfully mine for it was my choice and that's on me.
The yacht reached port. Si Kuya Norman ang umalalay sa akin pagbaba. I thanked him. Dere-deretso ang lakad ko at hindi na lumingon. Narinig ko pa ang pakikipag-usap ni Ali kay Kuya Norman bago ako tuluyang nakaalis.
The questions remained dangling in my head. Anong ginagawa niya rito? Paano siya napunta doon? Alam niya ba na resort namin 'to? Was it just a pure coincidence or was it fate?
Hindi ko alam kung sino ang pwedeng kausapin. Phil and Trix aren't here. I can't talk to Dashiel about this. We were still bestfriends, kahit na hindi na kami madalas magsama, but this isn't the type of topic that we talk about. I can talk to Ate Lavie but I don't know if she knows the whole story.
"Hyon," I heard my name being called. Natigil ako sa pag-iisip at paglalakad. Nahanap ng mga mata ko si Kuya Hadeon na galing sa wooden bridge na patungo sa water villas. He's just wearing printed sando and shorts.
"Kuya," mahinang sagot ko.
"Saan ka galing? Nag-swimming ka?"
Wala naman masama sa tanong niya pero natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili ko na nangingiuak. My lips quivered and the tears that I was holding burst out of my eyes out if nowhere. My heart ripped open, too.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Kuya Hadeon. "Shit. What's wrong?"
I shook my head and stepped towards my brother for a hug. I buried my face on his chest as I cried.
"Is it Orion? Anong ginawa ng gagong 'yon sa'yo?"
Umiling ako. Inangat ko ang mukha para matingnan siya nang maayos. I wiped my cheeks with my hand but the tears were just being replaced with new ones. "Bakit nandito si Ali, Kuya?"
"Fuck." Worry and guilt masked his face. Hindi man lang nagulat sa sinabi ko.
Bumitaw ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya. I feel betrayed. "You knew?"
He bit his lip. He looked hesitant. "His company handled this resort, Hyon."
Tumigil ang mga luha ko at napalitan ng gulat. "Alam din ni Mommy at Daddy?"
Kuya Hades carefully nodded. "We didn't say 'cos well... he was a taboo topic. Dad thinks we should treat the situation casually and that it's just a business transaction, so there's no need for you to know. That's what Ali wanted, too. And... he told us he wasn't sure if he'd come today, so we thought it won't be a good idea to have you anxious over something that wasn't sure."
"Why? Did he do something? Tell me. I'm gonna have him shipped out." Dumaan ang galit sa mukha niya.
Hindi ako sumagot. Muling tumuloy ang pagbagsak ng luha ko. Kuya Hadeon's expression softened seeing my tears.
"I'm fucking sorry, Little H," Kuya Hadeon somberly said.
Niyakap ulit ako ni Kuya at hinintay na tumahan.
♡ ♡ ♡
I was scared to get out of our room. If it weren't for my cousins, I would have stayed there for the rest of the day. I was left with no choice when they practically stripped me out of my clothes and threatened to dress me with a bikini by themselves. I know there's no saying no to descendants of the Ava Celeste.
They wore skimpy one piece while my choice of bikini is a mustard yellow two piece. It's perfect for the slight tan that I got from earlier's snorkeling activity.
A white table under the shade of the tall trees near the seaside was arranged. The elders surrounded the table. I spotted Kuya Zeno, Kuya Hercules, and Kuya Zeno on jetskis.
Sa kalayuan naman ay may nagpaparaglide. Kuya X and Kuya Hades were nowhere in sight, so it must be either of them.
Dumiretso ako kay Ate Lavie na nakaupo sa nakalatag na mat sa buhangin. Kasama niya si Dionne and Phoenix, Tita Avis' youngest son.
"Tita Hyon!" Dionne cheerfully exclaimed when she saw me. She looked so cute in her one piece polkadots swimsuit and her hair in pigtails.
"Hey," I greeted as I sat down with them.
Lumipat ang mga mata ko kay Ate Lavie na nakatingin sa akin. A small smile was on her lips but I can see the pity in her eyes. "I heard from X. You okay?"
"I can manage," I replied.
She nodded and flashed me an encouraging smile. Ngumiti rin ako at tumulong sa ginagawang sandcastle nina Dionne at Phoenix.
I was stiff and on guard at first but I eventually relaxed when time passed and no Alister Sebastian came. Bumabalik lang ang kaba kapag may tumatawag ng pangalan ko.
The only problem is that I can't help but wonder about him. Nasa room niya ba siya? Saan ang room niya? Is he occupying one of the water villas? Mag-isa ba siya? Sinong kasama niya? Umalis o pinaalis ba siya kaya hindi ko na siya makita ngayon? Our resort is big, but it's not that big. Sa paglibot namin ay imposibleng hindi namin siya makita kung naglilibot din siya.
Dinner came. The family decided to have it in the main restaurant of the resort. Bukod sa amin ay wala nang ibang tao. It's like we owned the island. Well, technically... we do.
I was browsing through the menu. Everything looked good. I was torn between grilled seafood and a ribeye steak.
May kumawalang isang mahinang singhap mula sa kanino. It was followed by Kuya Hadeon, who was sitting beside me, who cleared his throat. It stole my attention. Nakatingin siya sa akin na ipinagtaka ko. Bago ko pa natanong kung anong meron ay tumama ang mga mata ko sa entrance ng restaurant.
I found Ali who looked like a deer in headlights. Nakatingin na siya sa lamesa namin. He scanned the table until his eyes saw me. He looked torn. Lumingon siya sa exit bago ibinalik ang tingin sa akin at alam ko agad na pinag-iisipan niya kung tutuloy siya o hindi.
"Alister," tawag ni Daddy sa isang malakas na boses. "Join us for dinner."
"Zion," I heard my mother hiss.
Daddy ignored my mother and gestured Ali to come over. Ali glanced at me once before walking towards our table. Nang makalapit ay hindi na nagawi ang tingin niya sa akin.
"Good evening po," he politely greeted.
I couldn't look at him. I drank some water to keep myself preoccupied and then pretended to read the menu.
"Akala namin hindi ka makakapunta. Are you with someone?" Daddy asked.
"Nauna akong pumunta, Tito. Just wanted to personally check everything first," he dutifully answered.
"Thanks for the initiative. Sumabay ka na lang sa amin sa dinner. You don't mind, right?" Lumingon si Daddy sa gawi namin ni Kuya Hades. "There's a space beside you, Hadeon."
"A friend of mine will be here any minute, Dad," sagot ni Kuya. Napatingin ako. I don't know if that's an excuse or what because it's already night time. Paanong may darating? Unless may chopper o kanina pa nandito?
Dad didn't seem to question that. He glanced at our server. "Prepare another plate for him then."
Agad na tumango ang server at tumalikod para sundin ang utos ni Daddy.
Another staff guided Ali to the chair that was at the opposite side. Malayo sa upuan ko. Nasa pwesto siya ng mga pinsan ko na pinagtitinginan na siya. I noticed how Ate Cassie whispered something to Ate Celeste and they both giggled.
Huminga ako nang malalim at pilit na inalis ang tingin sa gawi nila. I should stop staring.
"Shall we order?" Mommy broke the silence.
Agad na lumapit ang dalawang server para kunin ang orders namin. I have decided on taking the grilled seafood but I still kept my eyes on the menu. I don't wanna be tempted to look at his way.
"I'm Cassie," I heard my cousin say. Napakagat ako sa labi. Alam ko agad na kay Ali ito nagpapakilala.
May lumapit na staff sa amin. I thought it was our turn to order but he was directly looking at Kuya Hades. "Sir, your guest is here."
"Thank fuck," Kuya Hades stated and dragged his chair back before standing up.
Lumingon ako sa kanya. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin nang maglakad siya patungo sa entrance. My lips parted when I saw Orion who just entered the restaurant.
He clapped hands with Kuya Hades before transferring his gaze to the table and scanned it until he locked on mine. He smirked.
Napansin kong may sinabi si Kuya Hadeon dito. Umangat ang kilay niya at may sinabi rin bago humalakhak.
Inalis ko ang tingin sa kanila at uminom ng tubig. Napahinga ako nang malalim nang maramdaman na nakatayo na sila sa likod ng upuan ko.
"Good evening po," he smugly greeted.
"Orion, it's nice to see you!" Mommy sweetly exclaimed. "Buti at nakapunta ka kahit gabi na?"
"Na-miss ko po kasi 'yong anak niyo, e," halakhak nito. Inayos ko ang upo ko at muling uminom ng tubig.
Kumunot ang noo ni Mommy. "Si Hadeon?"
"Yes, Tita." He chuckled. "May ibang anak niyo po ba akong dapat i-miss?"
I inhaled sharply and kept my eyes down.