"I've been thinking for a month. Over the time, I started being okay. I thought I was okay." I explained, he silently listened to me with a sad smile.
"But I know I wasn't." I frowned.
"I thought I was never going to be okay."
"But Hell, Minhyun had to come to me, slap me in the face with the truth.." I slightly chuckled, he continued to look at me straight in the eyes with a concern look as he watched me shed tears.
"I hated myself for believing what he said. But I knew it was the truth."
"I tried to convince myself that you were just trying to get me to trust you again. That you were just gonna hurt me all over again."
"But the truth is, it was me who was hurting myself all this time." My heart started hurting so much to the point that my tears were falling down uncontrollably.
With him seeing me like this, he couldn't hold back his tears as well.
"I was lying to myself. I was so selfish to myself. I didn't even try to listen to any of you. I shut myself out to everyone." I said with a hoarse voice.
"You don't have to think that way Seoyoon, it's not your fault." He sadly said.
"Neither is it yours." I answered.
"Jihoon i'm sorry." I apologised and took a step closer to him.
Close enough for me to look at him straight in the eyes and see the pain that I was too blind to see back then.
"I'm sorry I hurt you because I was hurting." I took his hand and cupped his face with the other.
"I'm sorry I forgot you for a long time." His tears streamed down his cheeks as he held my hand tight.
"You don't know how long i've waited for this." He cried.
"You don't know how happy you made me." He added as he kissed my hand.
"I'm sorry for everything Seoyoon. Please give me a chance to prove myself once again." He begged.
"Let us start over. I don't care how long i'll have to wait." He desperately cried to me, pulling me closer to him.
I didn't pull away from his grip.
"I will wait till the day you'll love me again."
"Thank you, Jihoon."
****
Jihoon and I were seated quietly in his car as we parked outside the house that I never knew I'd be back in, this soon.
The house that gave me so much joy yet, so much pain knowing that everything I had in there was all a lie.
But one thing is for sure, the happiness that I felt was real.
The love that I felt, was true.
"You ready?" Jihoon asked with a smile.
"If i'm not ready now, when will I ever be?" I chuckled.
"I'll be outside." He reassured.
I gave him a smile before finally hopping out of his car.
I gave him another look as I finally headed towards the front door of my old home.
It felt so surreal to see this house once again.
I took a deep breath before pressin the doorbell.
I was nervous but yet I was ready.
Minutes later, my brother Guan Lin, appeared.
"Noona.." he called out, surprised.
"Hey." I smiled.
It took quite a second to sink in to him that I was really there, infront of him.
"Aren't you gonna ask me to come in?" I chuckled.
"Of course." He stuttered and finally invited me in.
I looked around the familiar view and smiled remembering all the good memories I had in here.
It didn't change one bit.
It's still the same as how I last saw it.
Except now it felt so empty and sad.
"It didn't change at all." I looked at every corner of the house.
They still had the pictures of my first day of working in the hotel, hanged up on the wall.
I remember how embarrassed I was taking that photo.
It felt like I was being forced to take a picture on the first day of highschool.
"Seoyoon?" I turned around to see my grandma with a glad look on her face.
"Grandma.." I smiled.
She ran to me as tears filled her eyes and pulled me into an embraced.
"How i've missed you so much my beautiful grand daughter." She cried into my shoulders.
"I missed you too grandma." I replied, tears were forced to fall out as well.
"You look well." She pulled away from me and looked at me from head to toe.
"I am well." I chuckled and wiped both hers and my tears away.
"That's good." She happily said before pulling me into another hug once again.
"Where's..dad?" I asked, my smile soon turned into a slight frown.
"He's out at the moment but he'll be here soon. First come and take a seat i'll make you something to eat and drink." She said hurringly and pulled me to the couch, making me sit as she rushed to the kitchen.
I didn't get the chance to say anything and just sat quietly on the living room with Guan Lin sitting a little further away from me.
I guess he was still shocked to see me here after not showing up for a long time.
I too, was a little overwhelmed to see them again so unexpectedly.
I didn't think i'll be able to come back here this soon.
"How's school going?" I awkwardly smiled to Guan lin.
"School is great." He stuttered again.
"That's good." I chuckled.
"Mom? I saw Jihoon outside our house, is there anything-" my heart skipped a beat as soon as I saw the person i've been waiting to see, enter the front door.
"Seoyoon.." he dropped his bag on the floor and stared at me.
"Hi dad." I painfully smiled and stood up from my seat.
He slowly walked towards me, unable to say anything or even smile.
He was shocked yet glad to see me.
I was the same.
"It really is you." He smiled, cupping my face before pulling me into an embrace.
He hugged me tighter than he usually does and I did the same.
I didn't realise how much I missed the embrace of my father.
I was angry at him, but my love for him will always come first.
I missed him.
I missed my home.
"I'm sorry my princess. I'm so sorry." He cried, still not letting go of me.
"I'm sorry too." I apologised as well.
"I'm so happy to see you." He happily cried as he kissed my forehead repeatedly.
I didn't wanna say anything else and just wanted to hug him and cry.
I know he hurt me, but despite all that, his hug was one of the things that could heal my heartaches.
He was always the person I could run to whenever I have something troubling me.
His presence alone, was enough to comfort me.
We stayed in each others arm for another minute before finally pulling away and wiped each other's tears.
It wasn't the type of tears I expected myself to shed.
I thought i'd be crying because of how he hurt me.
But right now, i'm just so happy to be able to see him and everyone again.
"Have you eaten yet? Do you need anything?" He asked in a rush as he tried to look for things to do for me.
"It's okay dad. Grandma is already preparing something. You can take a rest you must be tired from work." I chuckled as I tried to get him to calm down.
"I'm not tired anymore after seeing you." He smiled.
I returned him a smile and held his hand.
He happily held mine back and just looked at me with the same loving smile he always gives.
"You came with Jihoon?" He asked, a little concern was soon shown on his facial expression.
"Yes, We already talked and everything is okay now dad. I came here to also fix whatever broke us apart, dad."
"Oh baby you don't have to apologise for anything. It was us who lied to you. We are the ones who should be apologising for keeping such a huge lie from you." He expressed his regrets.
"I forgive you dad. All of you. I hope you can also forgive me for leaving."
"We do princess, we do."
-
"Dinner is ready." My grandma happily announced as my dad and I caught up with each other.
It's like nothing had happened at all.
Like we never had a problem.
Like our hearts were never broken.
It felt good to feel this free again after a long time of being caged in my own darkness.
If only I had realised that forgiving was the only way to cope up with my sadness, sooner.
"I think we should ask Jihoon to come join us. He's been outside for quite a while." My dad chuckled.
Shit.
I almost forgot that Jihoon was still waiting outside.
I was too hooked in dad's and I conversation that I didn't even realise that he came here with me, at all.
"I'll call him over." I facepalmed myself and jogged my way to his car.
"I'm sorry I kept you waiting." I apologised.
"It's alright. It looks like you'll be staying in for dinner, should I go instead?" He kindly smiled.
"No, stay. Have dinner with us." I smiled back.
"Okay."