Chapter 13:
After that dreadful day at the cemetery things had been very awkward and tense between the boys and me. Eleanor and Danielle didn’t seem to know anything, which I was thankful for. Today I was heading into work with a brave face but I knew the boys would most likely pry. As I headed up to the recording studio I slid my pass in the door automatically opening it. Inside Savan and the producer Carl were already seated at the control desk and the boys were doing their vocal arm ups. I acknowledged them with a curt nod before sitting down in my chair, placing my handbag on the tiny shelf behind us that held our personal belongings.
“Alright boys, who’s up first” Savan mused scanning over his notes.
“That would be Zayn! Into the booth and we’ll have a crack at the second verse” He announced after a minute. Settling into my seat I gently rested my fingers on the control panel ready to adjust the microphone and any other things. As soon as Zayn started singing I adjusted the microphone settings to produce the best recording of Zayn’s beautiful voice. After a few hours of recording with various boys we had a couple good recordings but they all seemed to be distracted.
“Boys! What has gotten into you? None of you are focusing!” Carl shouted, he was usually pretty easy going but I can understand where his frustration is coming from.
“Sorry Carl, it’s just a lot of stuff has been going on” Liam sighed and there was a rumble of agreements from the other boys. I avoided eye contact and busied myself organizing the recordings.
“Well sort it out lads, we need this done. Go have a break for lunch and clear your heads” He finally instructed defeated. The boys nodded grabbing their things and heading out of the studio.
“You can have a break too if you’d like. I’m going to quickly work through these recordings before we do some more” Carl smiled kindly at me. Nodding I grabbed my handbag and exited the studio only to be cornered by Niall.
“Want to hang out after work?” Niall asked a smile on his face.
“Uh sure, you can come over to mine if you want” I replied shifting my bag on my shoulder.
“Sounds good to me” He grinned before chasing off after the others. Chewing on my lip I exited Syco and walked the short 5 minutes down to a cute café on the corner, I ordered one of their delicious caramel macciatos and salad wrap. The food here was absolutely amazing! As I ate I watched all the people flash by, my phone buzzed in my handbag so I pulled out but seeing it was from Noah I just locked it and returned it to my handbag. I didn’t want to deal with this idiot right now. I finished off the last of my meal and smiled at the waitress before leaving the café and heading to the cute little boutique that I’d seen a few streets away. My flats slapped against the pavement rhythmically, the cool breeze blew at my hair that was pulled into a high ponytail with perfected curled. Stepping into the boutique the strong smell of vanilla washed over me, instantly calming me. I browsed through the racks and came across an absolutely gorgeous dress. My lips curled into a smile as I ran my fingers over the soft material.
“Hi how can I help you” A cheery voice interrupted my thoughts making me jump slightly.
“Oh hi, I was just admiring this gorgeous dress” I smiled and she nodded.
“I know right! I absolutely love it” She replied a happy grin on her face.
“I think you should try it on, I think it would look gorgeous on you” She exclaimed and I raised my eyebrows.
“You think?”
“Oh course! Now go on, I need to see this!” She declared grabbing the dress and placing it in my hands before practically shoving me into the changing room. I chuckled quietly to myself; this girl was quite a character. She couldn’t be more then 17 or 18 and she seemed like one of those fun loving girls who doesn’t have a care in the world. I slid the dress over my body after removing my original clothes, the fabric seemed to mold to my body. I gave a little twirl and admired the beautiful dress in the mirror. Stepping out of the changing room I grinned at the young shop assistant who gasped.
“You look stunning!” She grinned; I smiled and fingered the soft fabric. The dress was a gorgeous strawberry pink, the top half of the fabric that covered my chest was tight accentuating my bust; it then fell away in choppy layers until mid thigh. The colour set off my tan and the length made my legs seem to elongate.
“You so have to get it!” She exclaimed clapping her hands together.
“I think I will! It’s stunning” I agreed.
“Sure thing! I’ll let you get dressed and I’ll see you at the counter!” She giggled prancing away. I returned into the dressing room and slipped off the dress and put my original clothes back on hanging the dress back on it’s hanger before heading over to the counter. The dress was quite expensive but I think I deserved a bit of a splurge after the past week. Handing the happy-go-lucky girl my credit card, she zapped it through quickly and handed the dress back to me in a bag with the name printed on it and fancy tissue paper protecting the delicate fabric.
“I hope I don’t sound weird but what’s your name?” The shop assistant smiled.
“I’m Arabelle but you can call me Belle. What about you” I replied
“I’m Jade” She smiled holding out her hand, we shook hands and she beamed brightly.
“Want to hang out some time maybe?” She suggested and I nodded.
“Sounds good, I work just down the street actually at Syco” I smiled and her jaw tumbled open.
“You mean Syco where famous people are?” She squeaked and I laughed.
“Yup the one and only”
“I’m jealous! It would be cool to work with celebrities” She mused and I chuckled.
“It’s nice I guess, one day we should have lunch since we’re just down the road from each other” I said as she grinned excitedly.
“Awesome! Here’s my number if you text me I’ll get yours and we can organize lunch sometime” She handed me a slip of paper and I nodded.
“Sure, I better get going. Nice meeting your Jade” I smiled and she nodded.
“Same here, Bye!” She called as I headed out the door with my bag in my hand. Walking back to Syco I had a smile on my face, I unfolded the slip of paper and tapped the number into my phone and saved it under ‘Jade’ just before I reached the recording studio.
“There she is!” Savan exclaimed as soon as I stepped into the office.
“Sorry, got a bit distracted,” I stated sheepishly holding up the bag, which contained the dress.
“You’re a girl, what more can be done” Savan winked and I giggled placing my bags down. The boys were already in the recording booth with their headphones on and microphones set up ready to record.
“Alright lads let get a good one” Carl instructed and then the recording began and I set to work.
A few hours later and I’d finished work and headed home, it was about 5pm and I was hungry so I picked up some Nandos for Niall and myself. I opened the door to my apartment and placed the food on the counter while I went into my room and changed into something more comfortable, just some full length leggings and an oversized off-the-shoulder American flag print top. Just as I finished pulling on my top the doorbell rang signaling that Niall was here. Racing down the hallway I opened the door to reveal a certain Blonde band member grinning down at me.
“Ello” He chirped skipping inside, I held in a quiet chuckle at his actions. He suddenly froze half way down the hallway and stuck his nose in the air sniffing, he somewhat reminded me of a dog.
“Is that Nandos?!” He exclaimed before running into the kitchen where the Nandos was sitting.I slowly made my way towards him and shook my head when I saw he’d set out all the Nandos and even managed to grab some plates.
“Yum” He grinned before grabbing out his food. I perched myself on the seat next to him and picked at my food, Niall noticed and frowned.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” He questioned and I shook myself from my thoughts and nodded taking a bite of a chip. Ever since that incident at the cemetery I felt as though I lost a bit of my appetite, I finished off the last of my meal and washed it down with a glass of orange juice.
“So what brings you over here?” I asked when as we were sitting on the couch. Niall avoided eye contact and took a deep breath.
“Belle, who’s Xavier?”
All you could hear was my sharp intake of breathe, I knew this would be coming sooner or later but Niall was just so upfront about it. I glanced down at my hands and fiddled with my fingers while trying to figure out where to start. I decided to very beginning, bringing myself to raise my eyes I looked straight into Niall’s gorgeous blue eyes and suddenly it just started pouring out of my mouth.
“He was my first love, my brother’s best friend” I started, Niall nodded and I had some suspicion that he already knew that. I felt myself start to zone out as it all came flooding back as if a dam wall had broken. All the emotions seemed to hit my like a train, I bit down on my lip before continuing.
“He was a year and a half older then me, he and my brother had been best friend since they were about 13 and I had just turned 12. At the time I didn’t think much about him, except he was my brothers best friend. But once I turned 14 and he was 15 I realized that I started to fancy him. Xavier was one of the popular, sporty, hot guys in school while I was pretty average”
Niall was nodding, intently listening as I told the story of part of my life I wish didn’t turn out the way it did.
“On my 15th birthday I had a birthday party with all my friends and my brother and all his friends were there too, I was standing out in the backyard thinking about things. For the past few months Xavier and I seemed as if we were flirting but when I was standing out there he came and stood next to me. We talked for a bit and I admitted I liked him, things happened pretty quickly and we kissed. If my brother had known there was something going on between his best friend and his little sister he would have murdered Xavier” I shot Niall a meek smile and his eyes bored into mine waiting for me to continue.
“We kept our relationship a secret, Xavier would stay over and once Noah was asleep we’d sneak out together or use any excuse to be together. It was going on for a year, sneaking around behind everyone’s backs. Only Sky and Tyler, Xavier’s best friend, knew what was going on. They helped us sneak around together,” I quiet giggle escaped my mouth as memories of them devising plans to help sneak us out flooded back.
“It was a few days after my 16th, I decided I was ready to take out relationship to the next level” I started, I saw Niall shift slightly uncomfortable with this topic but I powered on, determined to finish.
“He snuck me out of my house and drove me to his parents lake house, we spent the night together. It was my first time and Xavier was just perfect the whole time, never forcing me into anything always being gentle. But it was when we left the lake house things… things didn’t end well” I stuttered, taking a deep breath to try calm myself before I kept telling the story. Niall placed hand gently on my leg comfortingly and somehow his touch managed to speed up my already pounding heart.
“The road leading away from the lake house was gravel and dirt, we were turning around a slight bend and the wheels spun out, the car just went straight off the road. I don’t really remember much but I briefly remember the car rolling a few times before it hit a tree” I choked out and Niall eyes were caring and I saw a hint of pity in those blue depths.
“The only thing I remember clearly was when I felt the car slip out of control, I screamed out Xavier’s name and I just remember looking into his eyes and seeing terror in them before everything went black” I felt a warm hand on my cheek and looking down to see Niall brushing away the tears I hadn’t even noticed falling from my eyes.
“I can’t imagine what it must have been like, I’m sorry.” Niall said softly, his hand returning to my leg.
“I woke up in the hospital a few days later, but he didn’t make it. We’d been found 5 hours after the accident, apparently it took the rescue service an hour to get us out of the car it was that mangled”
My eyes clouded over as my thoughts drifted back to that fateful day….
{Flashback}
I laughed as Xavier sung along loudly to the music, my eyes fell on him and I couldn’t help the large grin that spread across my face. He was so perfect, and he was mine.
“Babe, I love you” He suddenly announced and a dreamy smile plastered itself on my face.
“I love you too” I replied my hand reaching over and resting on his hand that had been fiddling with the stereo dials. Suddenly I felt the car wheels struggle to grip on the gravel as we rounded the bend in the road, the back of the car swung off the road and Xavier cursed as he attempted to guide the car back on the road but it happened too fast. The car was going to fast, it crashed through the fence and I spotted the embankment just meters away.
“Xavier!!!” I screamed, I looked at him and his eyes were wide with fear as the car sped towards the ditch, I screamed such a piercing sound as the car sped over the embankment and tumbled over and over. My head slammed against something hard before everything went black.
The blackness was like a thick blanket surrounding me and enveloping me in its peacefulness. It was eerily quiet, was I dead? Is this was death is? I found myself walking, ahead there was a tiny light and I was being pulled forward. The light was warm, comforting. Suddenly it started to get further and further away, as if it were shrinking. I screamed clawing my way towards the beautiful light; I somehow managed to drag myself to the light. I reached my hand out and all of a sudden faces swirled in front of me, hard visible but recognizable. My grandma, she passed away from cancer when I was younger.
“No, it is not your time” she spoke, her voice was so familiar yet unfamiliar.
“Please” I cried trying to step through into the light.
“Arabelle, my beautiful” I froze at the sound of Xavier voice. His half visible face swirled in front of me, it seemed as though he were made of mist. His face looked pained as he reached his hand out to me, I did the same and my fingers just connected with coolness.
“I love you, I always will. Never forget that. But you have to go back” He whispered and shook my head but suddenly the light disappeared and I was stuck in the darkness.
I don’t know how long I was in the darkness for, but I needed to get out, clawing my way through the blackness I suddenly felt heavy. It felt like I was sucked back into my body, I strained and strained and finally I felt my finger move slightly. I then focused on opening my eyes, it was a lot harder then moving my fingers, it felt like I was lifting a tonne off weights up over my eyes but I managed to do it. Everything was just bright, pain washed over my and my eyes struggled to adjust to the white brightness.
“Arabelle?” A voice exclaimed, forcing my eyes to look over in the direction of the voice to see my mum slumped in a plastic hair, her arms on my hospital bed. She looked horrible, red eyes and messy hair with dark bags under her eyes making her look 10 years older then she really was.
“”Mum” I croaked, my voice cracking. It felt as though I’d swallowed half a desert with how dry my throat was. She stirred and lifted her head, rubbing her eyes before the settled on me.
“Oh thank god!” She cried, tears forming in her already red eyes. My felt my eyebrows furrow slightly and everything came flooding back to me my eyes widening and the steady beating of my heart echoing through the room as memories streamed back. The car. Loosing control. Crashing. Xavier...
“Xavier?!” I choked out. She eyes filled with pity and she shook her head a few more tears escaping her eyes
“I’m so sorry baby” She whispered. I drew in a sharp intake of breath as my chest clenched painfully. I gasped for air and my mum cried out pressing a button and yelling for a nurse as I struggled to breathe. No he couldn’t be! No! Nurses and doctors rushed inside as a wild sob broke from my chest, the last words I uttered were “Xavier” before I slipped back into unconsciousness.
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I awoke the next day, my parents sitting in the hospital chairs watching me their faces tired. Looking down at myself I saw a large amount of tubes and different instruments attached to my body. I could feel the oxygen tubes in my nose and I attempted to tear it out along with all the other things as my hysteria built up.
“No! No Arabelle don’t do that” My mother shrieked and she raced to my side. Tears spilling over my cheeks as my body shook with sobs, she wrapped her arms around me and slightly rocked back and forth.
“Shhh shhhh” She soothed rubbing my back gently. I sobbed into her shoulder; I couldn’t believe he was gone. My Xavier…
It had been a week since I’d woken up from the accident and I was being released today so I could attend the funeral this afternoon. In the accident I’d had a lot of internal bleeding so they were apprehensive about letting me go but let me go none the less. I’d also broken my left wrist and had multiple gashes, which were stitched up. I hadn’t seen my brother since the day before the accident, he hadn’t come visit me in the hospital and my parents never spoke about him so I didn’t bring it up. The drive home was painful but when I walked in the door I saw Noah freeze at the top of the stairs. His eyes narrowed and the amount of hate and anger that filled them was scary, but I felt so numb so it hardly affected me.
“You, You bitch! You Killed him!!!” Noah screamed and I looked up at him, my face blank of any emotion. The pain and sadness had taken over, it all just blended into numbness. His words sunk in but didn’t sting, in fact I already had said those words to myself over and over. I killed him. If I didn’t distract him room driving. If I hadn’t of persuaded him to go to the lake house that night. If I hadn’t he would still be alive. It felt like I was watching a movie as Noah ran at me screamed words in fury, in pain. My parents yelling at him and dragging him away upstairs before apologizing to me for his behavior but I didn’t care. I barely remember getting dress in my black dress and doing my hair, not bothering with makeup since it would all just run off anyway. The gashes and bandages covering my arms and legs were visible but it didn’t care, when we reached the church people had heard about what happened and obviously figured out we were together.
People left right and centre were telling me “sorry” but I brushed them off. Sorry wasn’t going to bring him back or magically make everything better. I walked up to his coffin, he was resting peacefully his eyes closed concealing his gorgeous dark blue eyes, his tanned skin once so full of life was now pale, his pale pink lips resting together yet parted slightly and his dark brown hair tousled and carefully styled. It made him look like he was sleeping, I so badly just wanted to be able to wake him up and just run away together. The funeral was hardest thing I’ve ever done, I didn’t say a speech yet people wanted me too but I hadn’t spoken a word since been sent home except for answering the doctors questions when he pressured me into speaking for my assessment.
After the funeral, my parents became worried as I barely spoke, I was ignoring my friends, my brother was still pissed at me and couldn’t stand to be around me incase he let loose again, verbally assaulting me. He was angry because we’d been sneaking around behind his back for so long and that ended up resulting in his death. My parents, extreme concerned about my actions spoke to the doctors who put me on suicide watch. But after a few months I began to speak a bit more although I was never the happy, bubbly, funny girl I once was. Returning to school after that summer was hard, my peers pitied me and were too scared to even bring up his name incase I burst into tears. I was let off suicide watch but instead I found my own way of coping, which managed to help me start to live again. The only way I could make myself feel again was by dragging blades across my skin and watching the red streaks flow across my wrists. It was the only pain I was in control of, it helped me begin to recover. Because when I lost Xavier, I lost myself too.
{End of Flashback}
“Belle, come here” Niall whispered reaching out and wrapping his arms around my quivering body.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that, you don’t deserve it and neither did Xavier” Niall quietly mumbled in my ear as I clutched onto Niall as though he would disappear any minute.
“I miss him so much” I breathed as Niall delicately stroked my hair, his arm firmly holding me against him as my arms wound around his torso. We stayed like this for a long time; he was holding me like I hadn’t been held since Xavier.
“Niall” I finally spoke up. I pulled away from Niall so I could look into his eyes, he looked back at me waiting for me to continue.
“I like you Niall, I haven’t liked anyone like this since Xavier” I announced my voice shaky. Niall’s eyes widen in shock and I took another deep breath and looked down at my hands. But my chin was tilted up by a gentle touch of Niall’s fingers.
“I like you too Belle” He smiled, my hands reached up to brush some of the blond hair that had fallen over his eyes before I leant forward and lightly pressing my lips against his soft ones. It was a short sweet kiss that was filled with uncertainty but emotion. When I pulled away his eyes were shining with happiness, he pulled my close once again and I snuggled into his arms.
“He would want me to be happy wouldn’t he” I mused as Niall’s heartbeat soothed my own racing heart.
“Of course he would, he loved you Ellie Bellie and I’m sure he still does” Niall replied and I felt a smile tug at the ends of my mouth.
“Well you make me happy” I smiled my fingers entwining with his. He beamed at me and pressed his lips softly to my forehead.
“Well then I’m sure he would be happy too”
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