Episode 20:
"Girl, may dalaw?"
I stared at Cheddy annoyingly and rolled my eyes. "Wala."
"Mas masungit ka ngayon," Puna niya na hindi ko na lang binigyang pansin. "Selos ka, 'no?"
"What the fuck?" Matalim ko siyang tinitigan. Anong nakain ng kaibigan kong ito at naitanong iyon? In what sense will I be fucking jealous? How and why? Everyone around me were nothing but stupid for hamburger's sake! "Put up a good joke, don't you?"
"Totoo naman, eh." She pouted her lips. "Masama na ang mood mo simula kanina. Why?"
Hindi ako sumagot. I couldn't even tell her the whole reason why! How was I supposed to say that─that stupid suicidal Rosendale just confessed her twisted feelings to me in front of my freaking family? Fuck. And what, my parents were actually fine with that scenario! It's like I'm being given away like a freebie! Masyado naman yata silang kampante sa babaeng iyon. They didn't even ask me whether I was straight or not—because I was indeed straight. They may be fine with the stupid idea but I wasn't and certainly will never be.
Damn, I was so fine with same sex relationships, it's not like they're doing me wrong, but to be actually involved in it was something I never dreamed nor expected to happen.
If I tell Cheddy these things I'd surely get teased for it. Ngayon pa nga lang, inaakusahan na niya akong nagseselos. For what? Just because that woman's the center of attention right now? All students can feed her with lots of attention for all I care.
There's no professor today. Many students were gone now, for sure, nagliliwaliw. Ako, si Cheddy, at si Rosendale na lang ang nandito sa loob. Lalo akong naiirita. Pasimple ko siyang nilingon, she's at the far corner of the room, just near the window, she was staring outside like some sort of an anime protagonist. Ano kayang napasok sa isip niya? There's nothing interesting about her, not really, if someone will ask me. Still, why people gets charmed by her?
Stupid people, captivated by her eyes just because she cut her bangs. A few changes in her didn't mean she'll give back the attention. She's still that Rosendale, cold, distant, and dangerous in some sense. Stupid students easily gets attracted to beauty, that's my conclusion. Such shallow minds.
"Echo?" Napatigil ako sa mga iniisip nang muling marinig ang boses ni Cheddy.
"What?" I hissed. "May remedial ka ulit, right? Mag-review ka na lang."
"Fine, fine." Umiling siya. "You know it won't hurt if you'll just admit it. Ako nga, girl crush ko siya, eh─"
"Fuck─"
"Tatahimik na." She cut me off and followed it with her annoying giggle. I just sighed and stood up. She looked at me, her brows furrowed. I even saw in my peripheral how Rosendale shot me a look like she's taken some real interest aside from staring into nowhere. Hindi ko iyon inintindi. "Where are you going?"
"Tatambay." maikling sagot ko.
"Bakit hindi na lang dito?" she asked, "May aircon naman, may upuan, you can even sleep here!"
"Cheddy, if I'm here, you're just going to talk and talk instead of reviewing." I told her. I can't even tell her that being on the same spot with that stupid woman was suffocating me. I just wanted to go somewhere, yung hindi ko siya makikita at naiinis ako sa kanya. "Aalis na ako."
Hindi ko na siya hinintay pang sumagot at mabilisang kinuha ang bag ko at umalis palabas. Pagkasara ko ng pintuan ay mabilis akong naglakad paalis. I still don't know where to go, should I go out? If I'd stay here, that Rosendale will probably be able to find me. Fuck. Napailing na lang ako.
I held my chest where my heart's beating. I remembered that feeling awhile ago. Ibinaba ko ang kamay. That's weird and beyond impossible. I surely felt it because I was surprised. That piercing feeling, that sudden skip, damn this fucking annoying and stupid heart! Anong katangahan 'to? God, I was confused!
That's impossible, it's just a spur of the moment reaction, nothing more and absolutely nothing less. I will kill that stupid Cupid kung talagang nag-e-exist siya! No one, I mean it, no beings can take down Echo Jonquill.
Nakalabas na ako ng gusali nang hindi ko namamalayan. Isa na lang naman ang klaseng natitira, uuwi na lang ako. It's much better to lock myself in the room, much more comfortable to think than be outside in the public.
I should probably remind my parents to take back my room key's duplicate to Rosendale. Nakakaistorbo. Baka sa susunod, kung ano nang gawin no'n na hindi ko magustuhan. She's getting so uncontrollable and aggressive these days.
"Echo."
I stopped walking upon hearing my name. Ngayon ko lang napansin na may humarang sa dadaanan ko. I looked up and saw it was Kenneth. Mapapansin kaagad kung gaano kasingkit ang mga mata niya. He was smiling at me, his arms occupied with papers and a few brown envelopes.
"Hey," I managed to reply, "Ikaw pala, hindi kita napansin."
He chuckled. "Parang ang lalim ng iniisip mo, school work?"
Umiling ako. I stared at his loads again. "Mabigat ba? Tulungan na kitang magbuhat."
"No, ayos lang, maabala ka pa." He politely declined. He's really quite of a gentleman ever since, that's what I observed. Or maybe he's just that kind of person, considerate and humble. "Pauwi ka na ba?"
"Uh, yeah." I smiled. Hindi naman niya kailangang malaman na hindi na ako papasok sa huling subject. It's not like he has the right, we're not even classmates.
"Are you free this weekend?" he asked, "Labas tayo?"
I stared at him. I honestly wanted to answer a flat no, but thinking I'd be somewhere aside from Rosendale's tempt me. Maybe I need this. I took a lungful of air. "Sure."
Nanlaki ang mata niya. "Really?" I nodded my head, medyo nabigla ako nang ngumiti siya ng malawak. It's like I really made him happy. It's kinda uncomfortable in my part. "That's... I'm glad. May mga lugar ka bang gustong puntahan? Kainin? Panoorin? Just tell me, I'll plan things out based on your preference."
"No, not as of the moment." I told him, trying to let things slide smoothly. "As long as it's simple then it's good."
"Okay then, as you wish."
"And Kenneth..."
"Yes?"
He seemed really ecstatic about my favorable response. "We'll just hangout, okay? I know your feelings, but I didn't say yes to lead you on."
"Of course," His smile faded a bit, although I can see that he's still trying to elevate his mood. "You're Echo, of course I know you mean well. So, see you on weekend?"
"Yeah, see you."
"I'll just message you the details. Una na ako, ah?"
"Sige."
I didn't look back when he passed behind me. Huminga ako nang malalim. Siguro naman, hindi mali ang decision ko. Minsan lang naman, it's not like I'll get misinterpreted kung nilinaw ko naman ang sarili. We're just going out as friends, just like how I do it with Cheddy whenever we're both free.
I was doing this for myself. Maybe I just have to distant myself on her for a while. I was getting too much of her presence it's getting too bad for me now. Mabuti na rin 'to, para hindi kung anu-anong pumapasok sa isip ko.
"Stupid bitch."
"Shit—" Napahawak ako sa bandang dibdib. Sinamaan ko yung taong bigla na lang nagsasalita. "Rosendale!"
I caught her taking a deep breath. "Bitch," she muttered.
Mabilis na nagpantig ang tainga ko sa narinig. "Anong problema mo? At bakit ka nandito? Sinusundan mo ba ako?"
"You should've said no."
"What?"
"You heard me right." She scoffed, her eyes piercing at me like daggers.
"Are you stupid?" naiinis na tugon ko. Ano na namang ginawa ko? "Umalis ka na nga."
"You should've said no." she repeated what she previously said. "I believe I already told you to stay away from him."
"Pakialam mo ba kung kanino ko gustong sumama?" I asked her. I pushed her shoulder, she didn't even flinch. "You don't get to dictate me what to do."
"Do you even like him?" she asked back. Hindi ako nakasagot. Naglakad siya palapit at siya namang pag-atras ako. Muli ko siyang tinulak sa balikat. Her eyes penetrating my being was starting to take an effect. "I already told you as well not to offer your heart to anyone."
"Tigilan mo ako!"
"Then don't go."
"Pakialam mo ba!"
She sighed. Basta na lang niyang kinuha ang kamay ko at hinila ako palakad. We're getting near to the school gate.
"Rosendale, isa."
"You're stubborn."
"And so are you?" Inirapan ko siya kahit hindi niya nakikita. I tried yanking my hand away from her failed. "Let go at once!"
Binitawan niya ako bigla. Muntik pa akong bumagsak. I glared at her but she looked unaffected. Hindi man lang na-guilty. Nakakainis talaga siya.
"Try listening, Echo. He's going to hurt you."
"I know him longer than I know you." I spat at her venomously. "Who should I trust? Sino ka ba?"
She remained still. Her eyes unmoving, still glued on mine. I realized what I just said, but decided not to take it back. She deserved it anyway. Pakialamera. Matauhan man lang siya na hindi pwedeng siya lagi, na lagi na lang siya ang masusunod. Hindi laging sa kanya ako iikot. She's suffocating, she's making me breathless every time and I didn't like it.
I caught her lips forming a grin, but she didn't look like she's trying to tease nor to be sarcastic. It's more like she's trying to build her guard up in a a very intimidating way. "You really won't listen, I see."
"Obviously," I tried to sound sarcastic, but my tone became so low it sounded like a weak answer. "May klase pa, pumasok ka. Uuwi ako."
"Ihahatid na kita."
"Bahala ka nga."
Naglakad na ako. Nakasunod pa rin siya sa akin hanggang makalabas ng gate. Hindi ko siya malingon, for some reason ay natatakot ako sa possible reaction niya. What was she thinking? Why still try to be with me after what I said? I technically told her that I don't trust her, so, why? Damn.
Napahinto ako ilang segundo nang maramdaman na tumigil siya sa pagsunod. I finally had the guts to look at her from the back. She was staring at me. She tilted her head to the left, I can't read her face.
"Echo."
"W-what?" Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa pagpalya ng boses ko. Why the stuttering? Stupid.
Umiling siya. She took a step backward. "I'm just worried."
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