Note: okay guys so I wrote ch 13 up until the ending (ch16) but I spent a lot of time and considerations on the last few chapters and feel they are not good (dramatic) enough plus it seems like a rushed plot.
So this story will likely be longer than planned as I've decided to change the plot. With this new plot there won't be part 2 but this way I can ensure that the quality is maintained till the end. This way, the characters will develop more too.
Thank you for all your support always. I wouldn't be able to keep writing if it wasn't for you lovely people. I hope I can keep entertaining you all with my work~!
Kenar
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-Riku's Place-
Sing freely.
The words Gaku said to Kujou Riku kept repeating in Riku's head over and over again.
Free... huh?
I wonder if I actually yearn for freedom. I am fine the way I am now. I don't really feel anything anyway, so why would I care about being free.
But then Riku felt conflicted when he thought about that day when he appeared at 'Kimi to IDOLiSH6 Night' show. He wished he could do something like that, just hold a show and talk about himself, connect with the fans by not using the image his father created. He wished he could stop having to be cold to other idols and instead become friends with them.
Even if I were free, it's not like I would know what to do.
Riku broke another glass by throwing it full force against the wall out of sudden and uncontrollable frustration. Ah..not again... and Iori already taught me how to cope with my intense emotions too. Riku went to grab his dustpan from the kitchen to clean up the broken glass pieces. He saw his own reflection in one of the big pieces and paused.
Should I talk to father before I end up like these broken shards?
After cleaning up the mess, Riku grabbed his phone, went into his room and shut the door. He knew his father was in Japan, but the man had already gone back overseas without visiting him. He thought a bit about Iori. I haven't talked to him since I got an acting role in Nemesis. I6 has been busy preparing for JIMA. I am also preparing for BLACK or WHITE which I got a direct invitation. Riku shook his head, waking himself up from his own thoughts. Right now, I only need to talk to father. Riku took a deep breath before dialling Takamasa's number.
After two beeps, the man answered. "Hello, my son. It is not very often that you call me, hm?" Riku could imagine his father's smirk right at that moment.
"Father, tell me. I-" Riku was cut off by Kujou.
"I take it this is about your parents, hmm?"
Riku's whole body shook. The waves of mixed and intense emotions were starting to hit him again. Breathe in and out slowly, Kujou-san. Riku recalled Iori's comforting words and followed the technique he taught. Then he grabbed a stress ball, repeatedly squeezing and releasing it to help him cope. It seemed Kujou went silent to give Riku the time he needed.
"How did you know?" Riku finally spoke after calming himself down.
"Boy, I know what you did to TRIGGER's Nanase Tenn and there is only one reason why." Kujou was probably twirling his hair and sitting comfortably in a chair. Riku went completely silent. He thought he was ready to confront the man when in reality, he did not know what to say.
Instead, Takamasa continued. "So now you know the truth, Riku." Riku could hear the sound of the creaking chair from the other end.
"But do you think you can defy me?" Kujou spoke his last sentence before hanging up, leaving Riku in the cold. The boy was fighting for breath as his stress triggered his attack. He took a puff from his inhaler and then threw himself on his bed, letting tears run down his cheeks without really feeling sad. Riku curled up into a ball. A part of him wished he had never called his father.
Why...? Why do I feel fine just thinking about singing under father's order?
Am I afraid of being free?
Do I even know what that is?
~~
It was just 7 PM yet Riku tried to force himself to sleep, hoping he would be just fine in the morning, back to his usual self: a shell without a personality. Somewhere deep inside his heart, he wished the opposite. The 'real' Riku was probably trying extremely hard to make a noise, or he was probably already crying out the loudest he could without anyone hearing him. The boy twisted and turned. Sometimes, his body would tense up so much that his hands twitched. Even though he was in bed, he felt like someone had tied his body with a thick rope and that he was struggling to get out of the bind. Riku's whole body was covered in sweat, and the boy was breathing heavily. He tossed and turned so much that he fell out of his bed onto the floor at one point. Riku yelped on impact. It took a minute for him to get himself back up and sit on the bed.
Do you think you can defy me?
A rush of anger hit him again. Riku bolted out of his bedroom. He was losing it. He punched the wall, threw a chair, and smashed whatever was on the table. His coughing fit soon stopped him from raging any further. He collapsed onto the floor on his knees and cried.
Kujou-san, whenever you need me, just call.
Kujou thought of his dear friend, Iori. "It's so painful, Iori..." He wept. "I can't take it anymore..." Riku did not want to be a burden to anyone, especially I6 and Iori, who had enough to deal with at work at the moment, but his situation would not allow it. He needed someone right now. He needed to see Iori. Riku went to grab his phone, and without wasting a moment, he called the high school student.
I6 were having dinner and chatting happily about several things when suddenly Iori's phone went off. "Excuse me, everyone." Iori went to his room and shut the door after seeing the caller ID. It was unusual for Riku to call without texting first. He had a bad feeling about this. Yamato and Mitsuki were smirking at each other, knowing it was likely a call from Riku.
Iori was prepared for a long conversation, but certainly not for a sudden, desperate shout coming from the other end. "Iori! /sob/ Iori! I-I need to see you right now!"
"Kujou-san, calm down. What happened?" Iori tried to stay composed. That did not help with the situation. Riku was trapped in despair. "Please, Iori. Can /cough/ can I come over? I need to get outta here! Please!" Riku was pleading and crying. If he kept staying where he was, something terrible was surely going to happen. "Iori..."
Judging from Riku's voice, it would be dangerous to leave him on his own. Iori told Riku to calm down and sent the location of the dorm to the redhead. He then went back to I6 to explain the situation.
"Um, everyone" I6 members turned their attention to Iori, who had an extremely worried face. "I'm afraid we have a situation." Tamaki asked what it was while stuffing himself with dumplings. "Kujou-san is... really unwell, so he is coming over right now." Iori explained how Riku seemed extremely desperate and that he might be in bad shape. He told Mitsuki that he did not know what it was all about either. He had an idea, though. Maybe something happened between Riku and his father.
Before long, the doorbell went off. Iori rushed to the front door. When he opened it, he was met with an unbelievable sight. If Iori had to come up with a word to describe Kujou Riku then he was nothing but a total mess. Even though the boy came without wearing any disguise, no one would ever recognise him. His face was pale and tired. His red eyes were swollen. His hand was full of small cuts from smashing and hitting things. He was not wearing enough, even though it was quite cold.
"Iori!" Riku shouted with his hoarse voice and pulled Iori into a hug right away. Then he broke down crying again. Iori had to tell Riku to calm down and support him inside the dorm. I6 members were shocked to see the demon idol in such a state. Sougo noticed Riku's bleeding hands so he quickly got up and went to get some bandages and creams.
Iori took Riku to his room and sat him down on a chair. Soon, Sougo came in with a small box. The others did not follow as they decided it was best to give Riku some space and a chance to calm down first.
"Kujou-san, look at me, breathe in and out slowly. We can have a long talk after you are more settled down." Iori pulled up a chair and sat right in front of Riku. He lightly patted Riku's shoulder as the solo idol was focusing on taking deep breaths. Sougo sat down on the floor. "Riku-kun, I'm just going to dress your wounds. It will sting a little, but don't mind me, okay?" With that, Sougo gently wiped the cuts with alcohol and put disinfectant cream on them. Then he wrapped the white bandage around neatly. Riku was so focused on Iori that he did not notice Sougo left after dressing his wounds.
It took around 10 minutes for Riku to calm down enough for a conversation. "I called father about my parents." He started. His voice cracked from all the screaming. The older boy explained how the conversation went to Iori. "I'm scared, Iori." Riku pulled Iori's shoulders hard and buried his head in the younger boy's chest. "I don't want to feel anything anymore." Riku cried. "Why isn't the pain disappearing?!? I don't understand. I-I can't...!"
"Kujou-san,"
Riku responded by looking up at Iori's face. As soon as their eyes met, Iori grabbed Riku's chin with his right hand, leaned forward, and kissed him. Riku's eyes went wide in total surprise. When the high school student pulled away, Riku felt like that moment went by way too quickly. It was like all the pain washed away in an instant. "I-Iori..." Riku looked at Iori with his teary eyes. Iori was blushing but he did not look away from Riku.
"Are you still going to say that you don't want to feel?" Iori asked in his quiet, soothing voice. He took a hold of Riku's wounded hand.
"....it's complicated" Riku looked away a little. "If I didn't have feelings, I wouldn't have to deal with this kind of problem in the first place, right?" Riku squeezed Iori's hand. "Maybe Father was just trying to protect me."
Iori sighed. "I saw the picture of you smiling brightly, Ku-Riku. If Kujou-San was really trying to protect you, he would have protected that precious smile."
Then it clicked. In Iori's mind, he finally understood what Kujou Takamasa was trying to do. He raised Kujou-san to suppress his emotions because, that way, Kujou-san would follow his orders without question. With feelings involved, Kujou-san may be affected by issues like this. His father told him not to associate with other people so his true feelings would not reappear.
When Riku didn't say anything back, Iori took a moment before continuing. "While it's true feelings can cause pain and suffering, they are an important part of life. Without them, people would be lost without purpose. The world would be lifeless. There would be no such thing as entertainment or songs because they could no longer bring joy to people."
He stared into Riku's eyes. "You know deep down, you never want anyone to become like you, right?"
This time, Riku cried like a mad person, and Iori let him while hugging the poor boy tightly. He just couldn't hold it. The boy had never cried so much about himself. Iori whispered to Riku that everything would be okay. That he was not going through it alone. Riku thanked Iori. He was more than grateful that Iori was right by his side.
After a while, Iori put Riku in his bed. He wouldn't let the boy go home. He couldn't. Riku was soon fast asleep from exhaustion.
The I6 members were all still hanging around the dining table. They were curious and concerned about Riku even though they hardly knew him. "Iori, is Riku okay?" Mitsuki asked as soon as he saw Iori walking towards the living area. They were relieved to hear that he was doing better and they did not mind him staying the night.
"Never thought I would get to see Riku like that," Yamato said seriously even though he was enjoying his beer.
~~
Iori went back to his room to grab his spare blanket from the shelf. Then he realised the only spare pillow he got was on the bed where Riku was sleeping soundly. Iori sighed and climbed up the mini ladder as quietly as possible to get to his bed without waking Riku up. He was planning to sleep on the couch outside.
Luckily, Riku was sleeping on just one pillow, so Iori reached his hand out to grab the one next to his. At that moment, he felt a pulling force on his wrist. It was Riku. "Mmmhhmm, don't go zzzz." It seems the redhead was not actually awake, yet his grip on Iori's wrist was quite firm.
The high school student turned to look at the redhead and was drawn in by the cuteness. Iori sat cross-legged beside him and stroked his cheek gently. Riku still had Iori's wrist so Iori decided to lie down, turning his back to Riku because his face was pink. I'll just wait a bit.
A minute later, his wrist was freed, but it turned out that Riku replaced it with an arm over Iori's body. Wiggling closer, he hugged Iori tightly. His right leg was also wrapped on top of Iori's. "Tenn-nii... zzzz."
T-t-t-too close baka! Iori was totally flustered. However, he could not leave. In fact, after a short while, he welcomed that embrace. Fine, I'll be your 'Tenn-nii' for tonight then. Before Iori fell asleep, he thought about that day...
I'm still curious about why Kujou Takamasa called him a monster. Perhaps I should speak to Nanase-san at some point.
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Phew it's getting harder to write actually and I'm starting my uni project so that doesn't help. Next chapter is still in the works so please bear with me. Again please comment teehee~