"I can't believe this is actually happening El! I'm so nervous but excited! Is this real!? Am I really-"
"Babe, calm down it'll be fine."
"I just can't believe it's actually happening." Ty is full-on crying now.
I've been staying at Axon's flat these past few days and has only been at their house last night. It was only six in the morning when Ty scrambles to my room and jumped on me crying out loud. I got nervous and panicked not knowing what was happening. I called out for Peter but he was also at a state of shock and speechlessness. It carried on for almost thirty minutes until Peter finally came back to reality and filled me with what the commotion was all about.
Their adoption agent e-mailed back late last night that they can finally formally adopt the two kids they were eyeing on since the time we came to visit at the center. I can still remember Ty playing so happily with them, almost crying with how much he fell in love with the kids at first sight. When they first got the approval letter they were already on their feet decorating the nursery and buying stuffs for them. I was hopeful that they get to finally have them soon and now that it's happening I almost want to cry with Ty.
Ty was already crying before he came to my room and now he's just even more unstoppable. It's funny how he looked with puffy eyes and red cheeks. "What time are you picking them up?" Ty looks at me with his lips pursed as if I just said something wrong. "You're not coming with us?" I roll my eyes at him. "I have work Ty. Besides, this is your moment. I can meet them when I get home. You and Peter go to the kids and spend the day with them." He nodded in defeat. "Meet us after work immediately, ok? No sleeping at Axon's." I chuckle and ruffle his hair. "No sleeping at Axon's. But can I bring him later?"
"Only if he brings stuff for the babies." Peter calls out from the kitchen.
Ty and Peter finally got the go-signal to get their babies.
What!? That's nice. Wait, you told me they're 4 years old.
They are. For me, anyone who's not yet six is a baby.
Oh no. That will be a problem.
Ahuh. Why is that?
What if one day our kids don't want to be called a baby anymore when they reach four? That'll be a problem.
I froze, with my fingers hovered above the screen of my phone. He didn't just say that, did he?
I press the power button of my phone and slip it to my pocket while taking a deep breath and urging myself to get a hold of myself. Nope, he can't mean that. It was just a slip-up because he was happy for Ty and Peter. Yup, that's just it. No need to overthink Elliot. No need to overthink.
"Hey, El! Why do you look so pale? Are you sick?"
"Good Morning Theresa, I'm good. Thank you for asking."
"Are you sure? 'Cause you-"
I took another deep breath. "Yeah, I'm fine. Hundred percent."
"Ok?"
No Elliot. You cannot panic right now. It's nothing. That was nothing. You are fine. Stop overthinking. Stop overthinking. Stop overthinking. Stop overthinking.
I turn into work mode forgetting my worries and just doing things the way I used to do them. I am fine. I just have to believe that. Everything's sailing smoothly. I've finished creating the final designs for my client, e-mailed back some inquiries and made new proposals for new projects. I even watered the small plant I'm growing on my desk. Great. Things has been great. There's really nothing to be worried about. Gosh, now I felt like an idiot for being so emotional on small things.
Elliot Price is fine. F-I-N-E. Fine.
"Elliot."
"Yup?"
"Look at me."
"Wait Theresa, I'm just going to finish this part. This client is very particular with the shapes. I have to make sure the circle's actually a circle."
"Elliot."
"Yeah, right on it. Ten seconds."
"Elliot."
"Five Seconds."
"Elliot!"
"What!?" I raise my head and all the pretense wash away in an instant. "Axon."
"Come here boo." I don't even think twice. I don't care about the people watching. I don't care that I am at the office. I don't care that I might get fired after this. I am not fine. Elliot Price is not fine. Not now, never was. I wrap my arms tightly around Axon as if he's my lifeline. I snuggle my face into his chest as if it's the only thing that can make me feel alright. I hold on to Axon. I hold on to him because I'm not fine. Just like everytime I fall into despair "Ssssshhh. It's okay. I'm here."
I have no idea how things went after my breakdown. Somehow we ended up lying at the couch at Axon's flat. "Ax." His eyes flutter open and he gives me a gentle smile that makes my heart flutter. "Hi El." We take our time just looking at each other, thanking the heaven's above for giving him to me but at the same time doubting if this is the reality.
"Let's talk about it." He pushes me up lightly then pulls me right back so I can face him and he can hold my hands while sitting. "I will not say sorry for saying that, El because I mean it." His voice began to break. "I-It's not something I would just carelessly throw out there without considering the consequences. Ok, maybe not now or the near future but someday, one day I do want to have a family with you El. I really do."
It breaks my heart to see Axon crying. Not once did I think of asking how he feels, about us and about everything. Hearing from him the future he wants to build, knowing that he wants me in it is like a lightning striking me up to realization. The world is not just about me. Being with Axon doesn't mean Elliot gets to be taken care by Axon. No. Being with Axon means we take care of each other. "I'm sorry. I-I'm just afraid. Will I be a good father?"
His hold tightens on my hands. "We are going to be the best fathers. You deserve everything in the world Elliot. I told you I'll keep reminding you over and over again that you matter. It's alright to be afraid. It's alright to doubt yourself because I am here, I will always be here to protect you. I love you El, more than I think I should." It was as if a weight has been lifted on my shoulder, on my whole body. Axon is in love me. Axon loves me. There's nothing better in the world than to hear him say that he loves me. I am not alone on this place. I matter. I deserve to be happy and so does Axon. "I love you Axon. I love you more than I can give and I want to have a family with you. One day." He finally smiles, the one that reaches his ears and forms wrinkles on his eyes. "One day."
"They are adorable! Is this even possible? How can Julian look so much like you, Ty? It's scary."
"I know right! Jules, baby come say Hi to Uncle Elliot. Also you, Carter." Ty calls on to his two beautiful sons who looks so much alike but at the same time so different. They run to me like the healthy and cheerful 4-year old that they are giggling and shouting my name.
"Uncle Elliot! I missed you." I smile at the small, blue-eyed Julian and ruffles his hair. He can even barely say my name clearly. I faintly remember Ty looking so innocent like him when we first met. Well Ty was older than Julian is now back then but one would think that they are blood-related. "Hey Jules, I missed you too baby. How do you like your new house?"
"Love it!"
"Hey Carter, baby. How are you?"
"Hi Uncle El. Are you living with us too?"
"Only if you like." He smiles so widely I thought I'm going to be blind from how bright it is. "Yes! I like it!" He hugs me around my torso tightly and he didn't seem to want to let go until Axon coughs behind me to catch his attention. "Hi, Carter, hi Julian. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Axon, Your Uncle Elliot's future husband." I roll my eyes at him but manages to blush anyway.
Carter forces a smile to him much to Peter's enjoyment while Julian shakes his hand and gives him a small hug. Carter seems to be attached to me so he's probably seeing Axon as a competition. I can just imagine them getting on each other's nerves like they're kids of the same age just like how Axon is with Peter.
When you look at them, you will think that Carter is the older one being tall and quiet good with his words already when really, it's Julian who's the older twin brother. Julian seems soft and fragile but he protects Carter well. I remember that day at the center when another kid pushed Carter because he wanted the toy he was holding; Julian was quick to defend him and scold the kid. It was adorable how he gave him a piece of his mind with words that you can barely understand. Carter was crying but Julian was standing firm protecting him.
I can see just how much they care for each other, after all they once only had each other's back. The adoption agent said they were given away just a year ago after their parents' relationship fell apart and they got a divorce. Their father didn't care about them and fled but their mother as much as she wants to have them, is already pregnant with the child of her new boyfriend and can only afford to support one child. It's heartbreaking how the two of them have to experience such pain in their lives at a young age. They're not even infants to not know what's happening. They will always remember that once upon a time they had a mother and father who left them. It's painful to think that for the rest of their lives, they will be carrying that memory.
"What are you thinking, boo?" I chuckle, remembering him asking me the same thing before. "Them?" He pouts not expecting it to be my answer. "I love you Axon." I whisper faintly so only us can hear. "I love you too Elliot, I love you so much."