Namjoon is pacing next to the desk and it's irritating. It doesn't help that Yoongi, who's on the chair next to Taehyung's, relentlessly taps his left foot against the floor, creating a mismatched rhythm along with Namjoon's footsteps. Bang PD leans back in his office chair across from them and sighs.
"I don't know how to say this," he groans, and that's an odd thing to hear. Bang PD is a man of confidence, but with his mouth drawn into a straight line and the way he's slumping in his chair he simply looks defeated. Ten years older than his age. Instead of elaborating, he slides a few papers over to Taehyung.
One envelope, white and small and already opened, is lying on top of a few articles cut out of newspapers.
"Read this," Bang PD says, and then he rests his elbows on the surface of the desk and rubs his face with a heavy sigh.
It's hard to pinpoint how Taehyung is feeling at his moment. Nervous? Definitely. He's confused, and the white chrysanthemums unsettle him, their smell assaulting him with unpleasant memories. Others may find them beautiful, but to Taehyung they are ugly as they force him to remember his grandmother's funeral. Maybe he's just imagining it, but he swears he can pick up their penetrating smell. Unlike the sweet smell of the red roses in the bouquet, the chrysanthemums possess an earthy odour that tickles Taehyung's nose in the most unpleasant way.
He reaches for the unsealed envelope first. His name is written on it.
"It came with the flowers," Yoongi offers. The statement doesn't answer any of Taehyung's questions, so he wonders why Yoongi felt the need to let him know.
Taehyung looks at his hyung and hums in acknowledgement. He's never seen Yoongi this fidgety before and it's odd. Alarming. The older teen is always calm and collected; to see him out of his depth and uncertain causes Taehyung to feel even more unsure about the current situation.
There's a piece of manila paper inside the envelope and Taehyung carefully pulls it out. Oddly enough, Taehyung's first thought is that the paper looks expensive. A few words in black ink are centred. They look as if they have been written with a typewriter.
Taehyung looks at the words with a slack expression, brows drawing together as he tries to make sense of them.
My condolences.
K. A.
"I don't understand..." Taehyung trails off. Namjoon's pacing has finally stopped, but he's still annoyingly aware of Yoongi's foot tapping on the floor. None of the people present offer him an explanation, but Namjoon tells him to look at the newspapers.
There are two things that Taehyung is certain of. Number one: the flowers and the letter are from Mr. Kim. K. A. are his initials. Sometimes, when they had an appointment, Taehyung would find red roses in the hotel room that Mr. Kim had always declared to be a gift for him. Taehyung never actually took the roses with him, but he did feel smug back then when Mr. Kim had told him that roses are the only thing on this planet that could come even close to his beauty. He'd been so proud of having a customer wrapped around his little finger like this, so confident. Who could have known that it would backfire like this?
Number two: Someone has died. The white chrysanthemums were not just a coincidence but a deliberate decision. But that leaves another question open: Who has died? Why does Taehyung receive flowers and condolences from Mr. Kim? It doesn't make any sense.
Taehyung sets the envelope and the manila paper aside and reaches for the few pages of articles. They've all been torn out from different newspapers, and one article on each one is circled in red. Taehyung quickly scans the headlines. There's talk about a car accident, and an investigation that declares drunk driving as the cause of the accident rather than a planned suicide.
"I still don't understand it," Taehyung says, too impatient to read through every article. He's tired, just wants answers. He's not here to play a guessing game.
Yoongi turns away as Taehyung looks at him, obviously trying to avoid his inquisitive stare. Namjoon finally settles down in the other chair next to Taehyung, but he only shakes his head when Taehyung looks at him.
That leaves Bang PD.
"Taehyung," the company boss sighs, and glares at both Namjoon and Yoongi, obviously displeased that he is the one who will have to say whatever it is that needs to be said. "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but your father... he died in a car accident in April."
Taehyung freezes, eyes back on the articles still in his hand. His mouth shapes into an 'o' as he hears the news. Yoongi inhales sharply next to him before resting a hand on his shoulder.
"We're so sorry for your loss," he says and squeezes Taehyung's shoulder softly.
Taehyung's at a loss on how to react. An absolute loss. There are so many thoughts in his head, but he can't seem to sort them out. This is... he doesn't know. He's never experienced a feeling like this before. It's rushing through his entire body and taking over every cell of him and it feels so good, but it also feels wrong. He feels guilty for feeling this way.
"Are you sure?" He has to ask. What if this isn't true? What if it's a bad joke? He can't... no, he won't allow himself to feel whatever this weird sensation is if it's not real.
"We're certain. We've double and triple-checked. We didn't want to tell you until we were one-hundred percent sure. I'm really sorry," Bang PD says. "It seems like Kim hired a private detective to dig into your past. That's how he found out. We wouldn't have known if he hadn't sent the flowers."
There's so much regret in Bang PD's voice, as if he's never felt sorrier for Taehyung than he already did. He's obviously surprised when Taehyung starts laughing. To be quite fair, Taehyung's also surprised when the giddiness he's felt at the news finally takes over him.
"I don't think he's quite understood what we're saying," Yoongi says as all three people present watch him double over and clutch his stomach because he's laughing so hard. There are tears forming in his eyes, but they aren't sad ones. They are tears of joy. Taehyung knows he's in the wrong. He shouldn't laugh about the death of someone, but the man who called himself his father doesn't deserve anything else. The years of abuse he had put Taehyung through are still visible on Taehyung's body in the form of scars. When he first fled to Seoul, he'd been haunted by nightmares of his father finding him again. Sometimes he still has them. But now? Now he can't come for Taehyung anymore.
Relief. That's what he's feeling.
"I understand what you're saying perfectly," Taehyung says once he's calmed down, and he looks Yoongi straight in the eyes, "but I refuse to mourn over that bastard."
There's a stunned silence, and Yoongi's eyes widen at Taehyung's harsh words. Taehyung wonders if that's what Yoongi looked like when Namjoon first told him about his profession. The rapper's eyes immediately dart to Namjoon's as Bang PD clears his throat.
"Taehyung, that's not how you should talk about your dead father," he scolds, although reluctantly.
"I was my dear dead father's punching bag for most of my life; he can rot in hell for all I care."
Again there's silence, and a look of hurt flashes across Bang PD's face before he puts on a mask of calmness again and nods. "I see."
Taehyung thinks that he may really see. It's obvious that the cogs in his head are turning fast and that he's finally putting the puzzle that is Taehyung's journey to Seoul together.
"You knew!" All heads suddenly turn to Yoongi as he points at Namjoon accusingly. "You knew that his father was abusive, didn't you? That's why you were so calm when you found out. You said yourself that you're not that worried about Taehyung's reaction. You knew this entire time!"
"You knew?" Taehyung asks, and suddenly he's horrified, because how could Namjoon possibly know? He's told no one. Well, no one except for... "Jimin told you."
Namjoon's a terrible liar, which is why Taehyung immediately knows that he's right. The leader is avoiding meeting the eyes of anyone else in the room and Taehyung can't help but feel betrayed. He had confided in Jimin. He had trusted his friend to keep it a secret, and he had... done what? Gone to Namjoon and blurted it out immediately? Or had he told Namjoon once his unexplainable resentment and jealousy towards Taehyung had began? He had thought of Jimin as a good person, but that belief is close to shattering.
"He didn't tell me on purpose," Namjoon tries to explain. "He made a comment – when you and Hoseok were still fighting – about how I should go easy on you or something because you had a hard past. And I asked if you also told him, and he was surprised I knew. We thought we were both talking about the same thing, but before I could make sure, he already let slip that your dad was a horrible person. He really didn't mean it, Taehyung."
"You never told me," Taehyung accuses. Thinking back, he realizes that Namjoon must have heard from Jimin shortly after Taehyung told him. He and Hoseok almost made up immediately after the night he confided in his friend. Namjoon has known for months.
"Because you didn't want us to know. You already had no choice about letting us in on you being a prostitute. I wanted you to at least have control over who knows about your family."
Taehyung lets out a deep breath and sags into the chair. This is all too much to take in. His father is dead. There's no family of his left anymore. Although technically his family died with his grandma. Who knows, maybe his mother is still alive somewhere on this planet, but she's no more family to Taehyung than his father was. Although he's not completely right. Soonshim's still with him. He's not entirely alone yet.
"So you ran away from home because of your abusive father?" Yoongi poses the question carefully. He sounds sad, as if the thought pains him. It's weird to hear it spoken out loud, and it's even weirder how unhappy Yoongi sounds.
"When my grandma died, I had no reason to stay with him any longer. I still stuck around for a bit, but then he wanted to give Soonshim away and I couldn't handle the thought of that. So I packed my few belongings, grabbed Soonshim and came to Seoul."
"Soonshim?" Bang PD inquires.
"The dog he visited with Jin," Namjoon answers for him, and Bang PD nods as if remembering now. Of course they've told him about this as well. Taehyung's every step since he joined the company is monitored and reported to both Namjoon and Bang PD. By tomorrow morning both Seokjin and Hoseok will without a doubt also know about everything that transpires in this office tonight.
"You guys should go home and get some sleep. All three of you look exhausted. But Taehyung, we'll need to talk soon in terms of what's going to happen next now that we know that your father passed away. Was he your only legal guardian?"
Taehyung nods apprehensively. He knows what this is leading up to. Bang PD will tell him that it's the end. Taehyung just wishes that he would do it right away, so he doesn't have to suffer any longer. That's not entirely true. He also wishes that he'll never know, because really he never wants to give all of this up.
Namjoon gets up and leaves the room, claiming that he's going to fetch Jungkook, who should still be somewhere around the building together with Jimin. Right, it's still Jimin's birthday. Taehyung could go and wish him all the best. Or he could go there and ask what the hell he was thinking telling Namjoon. But Namjoon did say that it was an accident, so Taehyung is torn on whether he should believe him or not.
"You're really okay?" Yoongi asks. He looks doubtful. Maybe he can't relate, but the news of his father's passing doesn't shock Taehyung all that much. It must have been a drunk driving accident, as far as he had read from the newspapers, and he was the only victim. It's kind of ironic that the thing that gave him the most confidence and turned him into a monster was also what eventually put him to an early grave.
"I'm fine," Taehyung assures him. It's not a lie. His father's death interests him as much as any stranger's. "The thing I'm more concerned about is that Mr. Kim hired a private detective. Like, what's even the point of that? What does he know?"
"That's something we're trying to figure out," Bang PD says with a solemn look on his face. "He's obviously trying to play a game."
"He always got off on having power," Taehyung throws in, and Yoongi and Bang PD look equally disgusted at that statement. Taehyung couldn't be bothered less. He just shrugs and murmurs under his breath that he's just stating facts.
They can hear Jungkook's and Namjoon's voices down the hallway and Yoongi and Taehyung get up from their seats.
"Get some sleep, and tomorrow afternoon you should come to my office so we can talk. And Taehyung," Bang PD looks at him intently, "I'm sorry — not exactly for your loss, but for what's been done to you. And what's still happening to you; we'll do our best to help."
Taehyung bows with gratitude when Namjoon and Jungkook arrive at the door frame. Jungkook's eyes dart first to Taehyung, before continuing to Yoongi, Bang PD, and lastly the big bouquet on the desk.
"Did something happen?" he asks, but Taehyung shakes his head and ruffles the younger teen's hair.
"We were just here to talk about some possible changes for 'No More Dream'."
Yoongi looks at Taehyung as if saying "Really, you couldn't think of a better lie?" and Jungkook also raises an eyebrow, as if waiting for Taehyung to come up with a better excuse. He breaks eye contact though when he starts to yawn, and Namjoon ushers them all to the van, because it's late and they should get as much sleep as possible.
In the van, Jungkook settles down next to Taehyung and rests his head on the older teen's shoulder.
"Did really nothing happen?" Jungkook asks quietly. Yoongi has his headphones on and Namjoon is sitting next to the driver, so neither of the other two can hear them.
"Of course everything's fine. Why are you so worried?"
Jungkook keeps silent for a bit and Taehyung thinks that he's not going to get an answer anymore, that the younger might have fallen asleep already.
"The flowers on Bang PD's desk were chrysanthemums, right? Aren't they usually displayed at funerals?"
It honestly surprises Taehyung that Jungkook has made the connection between the flowers and their meaning so quickly, especially because he only had a few seconds to look at them.
"It was probably just a thoughtless gift."
Jungkook hums and leaves it at that, mind apparently put at ease by Taehyung's answer.
It's then that Taehyung catches Yoongi's eyes, and he immediately knows that the rapper has been listening in on their conversation, the headphones only a disguise. Yoongi doesn't even pretend to not have listened in. He purses his lips and Taehyung grimaces. What else was he supposed to tell Jungkook? He doesn't like lying to his friend, but it's not like he can tell the truth either. Jungkook would only feel bad if he learned about Taehyung's loss, and Taehyung really doesn't want to explain why exactly he's not mourning. Does he feel bad about keeping stuff from Jungkook? Of course he does. He adores Jungkook. The younger one always tries to comfort him. He's wriggled his way into Taehyung's heart almost deeper than anyone else. He's the one Taehyung feels most comfortable with. Sharing a bed with anyone else? Taehyung can't imagine that. Just the thought of having Namjoon cuddle up to him actually freaks him out, not because he doesn't trust Namjoon at this point but because it would be odd. Really odd.
So it's not fair to keep Jungkook in the dark, but it's really just for the better. The youngest member already has so much pressure on him, and Taehyung doesn't want to add to that. What Jungkook should be worried about now is school and training, and even those are more worries than a boy his age should shoulder. There's no reason to make him worry about even more than that.
They stumble into the dorm, dragging a drowsy Jungkook along with them. Hoseok and Donghyuk are sprawled out on the couch, and the moment Hoseok lays his eyes on them it's so obvious that he's itching to know what's going on. With Donghyuk present, however, he's keeping quiet.
"Let's get ready for bed," Taehyung murmurs to Jungkook and they make their way to the bathroom. Before they leave the living room, Taehyung notices Yoongi settling down next to Donghyuk and Namjoon trailing off to the kitchen to get a drink. Hoseok is looking between Namjoon and Taehyung anxiously, and when Taehyung meets Namjoon's eyes he nods briefly. Namjoon seems to understand, so he gives Hoseok a subtle sign to follow him to the kitchen. Hoseok immediately jumps from the couch and trails behind Namjoon.
Jungkook looks between his members inquisitively, as if realising that something's going on that he doesn't know about, but doesn't lose another word about what just transpired and follows Taehyung quietly to the bathroom.
They brush their teeth next to each other in silence, their shoulders touching in the confined space. Jungkook yawns and some toothpaste spills over his lips and runs down his chin before dripping into the sink. He doesn't bother to wipe it away before continuing to brush. Taehyung doesn't know why, but something about the white foam drying on Jungkook's chin bothers him. He shifts from one foot to the other as he tries to look away, but his eyes always dart back to the younger's face. It's odd. He'd even call the feeling unsettling.
When Taehyung applies lotion to his face and Jungkook is still busy washing his face, Taehyung strikes up a conversation again. The silence in the room makes him nervous.
"You never lost a word about Jimin's party."
Jungkook looks up at Taehyung through the mirror, droplets of water running down his face and wet hair sticking to his forehead.
"I didn't know if I should tell you about it." Taehyung's taken aback by Jungkook's honesty. The black-haired teen is seldom straightforward with his hyungs. "Since you and Jimin had a fight I thought you might not want to know about it."
"Jungkook," Taehyung says, washing the remains of lotion off his hands and drying them on a washed-out white towel. "Just because Jimin and I aren't on the best of terms that doesn't mean that you have to be careful about what you're saying around me. You can still be friends with him and tell me about the things you guys did. It doesn't bother me."
Jungkook's face lights up at that with a smile, and Taehyung wonders if maybe his fight with Jimin bothered Jungkook more than he let on. If that's the case, he's really sorry about it. He never wanted to make Jungkook feel like he had to choose between them or be cautious around him.
"We went bowling with a few of his friends. I almost won, hyung, but since it was Jimin's birthday I decided to let him win and messed up on purpose." Jungkook grimaces. "I'm pretty sure he noticed though. We went back to the company to have some of the cake that was left over, but the others didn't join anymore so it was just the two of us. We just goofed around then. It was really funny."
Taehyung smiles and ruffles Jungkook's hair. He's glad that Jungkook had a fun day; he deserves to unwind every once in awhile. Still Taehyung can't help but feel a pang of envy, because he wishes that he could have as much fun with Jungkook as well. Lately Taehyung's only been tense. He can't allow himself to let loose anymore. He should, though. He's going to get kicked out soon anyway — might as well make some final good memories with Jungkook.
"I'm glad you had a good day," Taehyung tells him and he means it. "How about we go out for breakfast tomorrow morning? I've been craving pancakes lately."
"But hyung," Jungkook whines and pulls a face, "we're supposed to be on a diet."
"That didn't stop you from eating cake," Taehyung teases him and pinches Jungkook's stomach. It's not like there's a lot to pinch in the first place. Really, that diet they're put on is fucking ridiculous. Jungkook shrieks and shies away with a laugh and agrees happily.
It's another night in which Taehyung barely sleeps, and Donghyuk isn't even the cause of it anymore. There are so many thoughts running through Taehyung's mind that he just can't bring himself to close his eyes. The death of his father. He's free. Finally, really free, at least from one monster hiding in his closet. At last, all the scars on his skin tell a story from the past. He doesn't have to be scared of his father finding him anymore. No more nights of cowering in the corner of his room as he waits for footsteps to approach and hands to bruise.
Then there's the question of why Mr. Kim gathered knowledge about Taehyung's past? Why a private detective? It doesn't make any sense. He already has enough material to blackmail Taehyung. Does he try to get more? If yes, what's the point of that? Taehyung can't wrap his head around it.
And finally, his conversation with Bang PD tomorrow. Taehyung knows that it's going to be the end for him. What else is there to talk about still? Bang PD will tell him to leave now. And Taehyung's not even mad. Bang PD does what's best for the group. Taehyung wants what's best for the group too. Still, he's scared. For now, he vows to himself to put on a brave face when the news is broken to him. No crying. Not in front of the boss, nor in front of the boys when he has to say his goodbyes. They've seen him crying enough to last a lifetime, he at least wants them to remember him smiling when they see him for the last time, no matter how fake it is.
Needless to say, Taehyung feels like death warmed up in a microwave when he gets ready for breakfast with Jungkook the next morning. He scraps together the last money he has left of the month after paying for Soonshim because of course he's going to pay, and puts on a cap to hide his bed hair. At least Jungkook seems to have had a full night's sleep. He's energetic and rushing around to get ready as fast as possible.
"Excited for your date?" Hoseok laughs from where he's sitting at the couch and watching the younger rush back to the bedroom from the hallway because apparently he's forgotten his phone. Jungkook blushes heavily, which only elicits more teasing from Hoseok.
"Leave him be," Namjoon finally laughs after Jungkook explains with red cheeks that he's finally ready, and yes he's got all his things after running back three times.
Jungkook eats waffles. Taehyung opts for a blueberry muffin. Firstly, it's much cheaper than the warm dishes on the menu and Taehyung really doesn't have a lot of money left. Secondly, his stomach is upset from nerves. Even if he had the money to order pancakes – and he'd really love to eat pancakes now – he wouldn't be able to stomach them. Besides, he's happy with his muffin as long as Jungkook is happy with his waffles, and that the younger teen definitely is. He shovels them in in record time, and when he has some whipped cream stuck to the corner of his mouth once he's finished, instead of wiping it away with a napkin his tongue darts out to clean it off. When he's not busy eating, he tells Taehyung about all kinds of things. He doesn't even seem to notice that he's dominating the conversation, but Taehyung is content to just sit back and listen and watch Jungkook's eyes sparkle in excitement as he shares what he's passionate about. He cherishes the moment. In the back of his mind, Taehyung knows that a few hours from now this happiness he's feeling will be over, so for now he tries to hold on to this feeling for as long as he can.