Y/N's POV
"What do you mean?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"I'm not signing them."
"Is this cuz...I'm pregnant...we can fix that..." Her voice slurred slightly but she didn't care. She felt him grip her hand tighter.
"Don't do that please, Y/N." She forced herself to open her eyes and look at him. She didn't say anything and just stared, trying to read him. It took an enormous amount of effort but she lifted her other hand and let her finger run weakly over his cheek.
"Why not? Then we can both be free..."
"I don't want to be free of you. And...I want to raise this child. With you." She closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly.
"Mmmm, no, I'm still...still dreaming..." Tired. So tired. She felt Yoongi kiss her hand as she slipped back into darkness.
-
The next time she woke up Yoongi's head was resting on the bed, his hand still in hers. The light was off. She watched him for awhile, trying to let her sluggish thoughts get moving.
"Did I win?" He stirred and opened his eyes.
"Y/N?"
"Did I win?" Her voice was husky but strong. She was fully awake. Her eyes peered at him, begging for answers.
"You won, Y/N." She relaxed and released a sigh. "I can't believe..." He shook his head. "Lee explained your whole thought process to us. I'm just...wow..."
"I wanted to take away what he loved." She said flatly. "Like he did to me. Like he tried to do to you." He gently stroked her forearm with his other hand.
"I don't know. He still might take away what I love." He murmured, a tinge of sadness to his voice.
"I protected your career, one of the first things I had Lee do..."
"Not that, Y/N."
"What do..." He leaned forward and gently kissed her forehead.
"I love you. But I'm not certain I can ever have you." He wanted her to argue, to deny it. But they both knew he'd spoken the truth. He knew she was biting her lip, he could see it in the dim light through the curtains.
"Yoongi-ssi." She said after a long time had passed with neither of them saying anything.
"Deh?" It was only fair. After everything they'd been through together, he at least deserved to know the why.
"Can you...can you hold me?" But if she was going to do it she needed his strength, the strength he'd lent her every time they'd faced his uncle. Together.
"Deh." He walked around the bed and gingerly climbed on, trying to keep from jostling it and causing her pain. She took a deep breath and leaned forward, letting him slide his arm around her shoulders and laid her head against him.
"Yoongi-ssi?"
"Deh?" He took her hand, gripping it firmly and dwarfing it. He felt like he was about to slide down a roller coaster of heartbreak. His chest was hollow.
"I want to tell you a story."
"Okay, Y/N." She let him get comfortable. Why did he feel like he was going to his execution?
"I know..." She cleared her throat. "I know you've...seen things." She stroked his hand with her thumb. "I took...I took making this..." He could faintly see her hand pressing her stomach. "...a lot harder than you did. Even though I know it wasn't easy for you." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And I'm really grateful to you for not making me carry that burden on my own." He rested his head on hers, squeezing her hand in silent acknowledgment.
"But..." She paused and he heard her swallow. "...you weren't my first."
He wasn't entirely sure what she was saying or where she was going with this.
"Deh?"
"I used to..." She coughed, feeling her throat go dry with anxiety even now. "I used to be engaged." She finished quietly and felt him stiffen next to her.
"Engaged?" His tone was carefully neutral and he felt her nod.
"But you never got married."
"No."
"And...I'm assuming this has something to do with all of what we've been through?"
"Deh." He didn't say anything else, letting her work up the courage to continue. "We'd been friends for years. I was the typical sob story, you know? My dad crossed lines, left me emotionally damaged. We started dating when I graduated high school. You know I'm smart. I took a year off to work and save money for college, it was always my dream." Her mind wandered for a second before she snapped it back and focused. "And I still graduated on time."
"When did you get engaged?" He eventually prompted when she fell silent, trying to figure out how to continue the subject.
"After I finished my first year of college. We were close. I was in love. I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. He was so supportive. I worked full-time my last two years of college and had a full class load and he was there for me." He wasn't sure he liked how much she was praising this guy.
"But..." She swallowed again. "...something changed. He changed. I graduated and was offered a promotion at my job. More money. Definitely more than he made."
"And that bothered him?"
"I'm not sure." She said slowly. "Maybe a little. We were fighting so much at that point I can't be sure. I was trying to heal from my father. My fiance had always been a little manipulative but suddenly I wasn't playing his game like I used to. I think he might've been scared that he was losing control over me."
"That's why you reacted to my uncle the way you did." Yoongi said with sudden understanding. She nodded.
"I fucking hate being manipulated. If you try to use something against me I'll watch it burn just cuz you did."
"Well I'm glad I've never tried that with you then." He said, trying to make the conversation a little lighter. His heart hurt listening to her tell him what had made her who she was and brought her to this point.
"I began suspecting something a couple months after my graduation. He, of course, denied it. But our fighting got even worse. I had completely trusted him, Yoongi-ssi. I was completely vulnerable with him. And..." He heard her breath catch. "...he used all that against me. He ripped me apart from the inside out." He gently rubbed her arm.
"It's okay." He whispered and she took a deep breath.
"And then he broke up with me."
"He broke up with you?" The guy must've been a psychopath. Or something.
"Yeah. But he wanted to 'still be friends'." He heard the verbal air quotes in her voice. "And then...I found out it had all been a lie. Every reason he'd listed. Every verbal punch. He made me feel like I was worthless. He made me question my sanity. I found...evidence. I confronted him." Her voice had gone flat as she struggled to control the hurt, even all this time later. "I'd been right. He spent the last couple months of our engagement cheating on me. And then acted like our problems were all my fault." Yoongi gripped her hand hard.
"I knew him for eight years, Yoongi-ssi. I loved him. And I wasn't...I wasn't enough. And yes, he was a complete dipshit and I know I deserve better. But..." Her voice trailed off.
"How do you know it won't happen again?" He whispered, realizing what was holding her back.
"Yeah." She pressed closer to him and he shifted, feeling her hip against his through the blankets.
"He probably promised he would love you forever, huh?" He said neutrally. He felt her nod.
"Yeah. I picked up the pieces. I've mostly moved on. I came here to start a new life..."
"And ended up in the hands of a manipulative man, once again." He couldn't keep the anger out of his voice. God, he'd love to smash his uncle's face in right now. "I'm sorry, Y/N." But he had to ask, he had to know..."Can I ask you a question?"
"Deh."
"Is that what's holding you back?"
"What do you mean?" She sounded confused.
"I mean...do you love me?"