10 days since she'd seen her husband. 7 since she'd heard from him. 5 since she came home from the grocery store and his stuff was gone. 3 since Moose told her he was safe and staying with him. 20 hours since Jonah called her last and convinced her to take a pregnancy test.
She couldn't be pregnant. They were careful. Nathaniel was only 6 months old. There was absolutely no way, she had convinced herself.
It really sucked that she couldn't convince the second pink line to disappear.
Amelia sat staring at the stupid fucking stick for nearly an hour. The paralyzing sadness from being unceremoniously dumped by her husband had subsided briefly, but was now back with a vengeance. She was going to go through a pregnancy alone. She was going to love this baby when their father couldn't even love her anymore. Her babies were going to be only 15 months apart. She couldn't do it alone.
But she couldn't get an abortion. It wasn't an option. She was still desperately in love with the baby's dad. The baby was conceived in a time of so much love. She couldn't get rid of that. This baby and Nathaniel were the only proof she had that Christian had once loved her.
That decided it. She was going to be a mom of two and she was going to be the best single mother of two that she could be.
Amelia wiped her eyes, stood up, and looked in the mirror and lifted up her shirt, spying the most minute pudge. Her heart filled with warmth and she smiled genuinely for the first time since date night.
"Hi lil babe. I know you can't hear me, but I'm your mama. I can't wait to meet you. I love you so very much already and your big brother will too. I'm sure of it," she said softly and splashed her face with cool water before going back out to the living room. Nathaniel was still down for his first nap, so she started setting up appointments and other things for the baby.
She thought about telling Christian, remembering how perfect everything was when she found out about Nathaniel and her husbands wonderful reaction to the news.
***
May 19th, 2019
Amelia took a deep breath, looking at the row of 6 pregnancy tests all proclaiming either a plus sign or two lines. Then she looked at the one in her hands. Pregnant. It was written clear as day, no second guessing of whether or not it was actually a second line.
Christian was in Atlanta and it was the final game of the series, and now Amelia had huge news.
They were having a baby. Holy shit. They were having a BABY.
Tears trekked down Amelia's cheeks and she got up, a plan in her mind for how she was going to tell him.
She got the materials together, making a special stop to Miller Park after work and being mauled with hugs by the wonderful women who were instructed to tell no one. Under any circumstances.
Christian was going to be so excited. He'd been begging for a baby since before they even got married.
She got all of the things ready and started on dinner, making Christian's favorite "fancy dinner" of lemon pepper salmon and roasted vegetables. He'd be home a little later, but he had an amazing game so he'd be wanting to talk.
He made it through the door around 11:45 pm, grinning.
"It smells phenomenal in here, Mils. What's the occasion?" He asked, wrapping his arms around Amelia from behind and hooking his chin over her shoulder.
"You had a great game and I wanted to treat you. And I have a surprise for you after dinner," she grinned, putting her hands over his. "Sit, my love. Let me take care of you."
Christian kissed her jaw and went to sit, happily scarfing down the meal.
"Jesus babe. You're such an amazing cook, babe," he pat his flat tummy as Amelia blushed, pulling out the impeccably wrapped box. "Babe, what? You know you didn't have to get me anything."
"I know. But this made me think of you and I just had to," she said softly, pulling her chair closer to Christian.
"A giant softball?" He asked, confused about how that reminded her of him.
"There's something else," she said softly, watching him dig down. She was getting nervous, heart racing as he pulled the second thing out.
Christian pulled out a small baseball glove, his eyes popping up to hers when he realized. There along the thumb, written in Brewers navy, Baby Yeli was engraved.
"You? ...We? A baby?" He managed to get out, eyes full of tears.
"We're having a baby," Amelia nodded, letting out an ecstatic laugh as he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up.
"Thank you. Thank you thank you thank you," Christian whispered over and over, kissing her and dropping to his knees, kissing her still-flat belly.
"Hi baby. I'm your daddy. I love you so very much. I love your mama so so much. I'm so excited to meet you," Christian whispered, tears falling in waves down his cheeks.
***
The reaction wouldn't be the same. She doubted that he'd even answer the phone if she called. Which she wasn't going to do.
Her heart dropped even further when she discovered what her due date would be - March 23rd. Of course. What a cruel cruel reminder.
Thinking of that day and the memories from the past three March 23rds made her do something truly stupid.
I know you don't want to talk to me, but I love you. Nathaniel asks for you at night. I need you.
She erased the last part. She didn't need him. He didn't want her, and she was done chasing someone who never put any effort into chasing her.
***
Christian saw the text. He saw all of the texts. He sighed and turned off his phone, burying his head in his hands.
He'd acted brashly, and he knew that. But the more he thought about, the more he thought that it really was time for a break. He was struggling at the plate. He was always exhausted and that took away from his baseball. The thing he loved the most. He stopped being the first person asked to come to the club. He was booted from any fun.
Except Amelia and Nathaniel. God did he love his wife and baby. He missed them. Amelia wasn't feeling well when he'd left for the break, maybe that's why she was nagging him so much.
He needed to do better at the plate. Once he started performing well, then he'd go back. Simple as that. It'll be like nothing had ever happened. It'd only be another week or so, he had convinced himself.
If only he could convince his stupid eyes to see the ball better.
***
It had been two weeks since she had taken the test that changed her life. The way she'd calculated it, she would be 8 weeks and 1 day today. Which meant that she had to see her doctor and get tests done to ensure that the baby was healthy. She had already had her beta levels tested and they looked phenomenal, so she was truly optimistic.
The first half of the appointment was spent playing the waiting game - wait for your name to be called, wait for the nurse to take your blood, then wait for the ultrasound technician. It was all so boring, and Nathaniel was getting restless. Maybe seeing his little sibling on the ultrasound would be a great way to get him to sit still.
The technician came in and introduced herself, getting other general information from her before beginning the exam. That stupid probe was always unnecessarily uncomfortable and cold.
"And there's your baby. Measuring perfectly for this gestation. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?" The tech asked with a genuine smile - the answer was likely always the same in this situation, and Amelia nodded with a grin.
Thumpa-thumpa-thumpa-thumpa
"Hear that, bug? That's your baby brother or sister's heart," Amelia said, happy tears trickling down her cheeks.
"168 beats per minute - that's perfect for your measurements," the technician reassured and printed a few pictures before leaving to get the doctor.
Amelia got redressed and wiped her eyes, picking Nathaniel up and holding him impossibly close to her as she looked at the ultrasound pictures.
Nathaniel wrapped his arms around his mama in return, looking up at her with big eyes. He could feel how sad his mom was and it made him sad.
"Mamamamamama," he babbled, sticking his whole fist in his mouth to chew on.
"Who's mama's big boy?" Amelia cooed, a lot of the sadness melting away when the babe grinned and cooed back. He was her absolute rock.
She could do this. She had two healthy babies. She was going to be the superwoman they needed.