This is my entry for the superhero challenge.
Kunle whistled as he flung his axe over his shoulders.
"Good morning Kunle," a villager greeted him.
"Morning to you too Aremu," he replied, tipping his wide brimmed straw hat at him. He was on his way to tap some palm wine that morning to make some money.
His wife kept on nagging him about how poor they were and how rich his neighbour who also happened to be his enemy since he could walk was.
Every morning she would criticise him and call him names that should never be spoken out loud. All because he choose to be a palm wine tapper.
"Must everybody be doctors, or lawyers, or engineers, palm wine tappers are just as important as the rest," he would reply his wife once she shouted at him.
"Kunle, elemu (palm wine tapper), how are you this morning," his fellow worker greeted him.
"Very fine oo, I have seen the perfect tree, I saw it on my way to check the trap if it had caught any bush meat," he replied.
"There is no such thing as the perfect palm tree, not since hundreds of years ago when my ancestors first settled here," Jide replied while proudly beating his chest.
"Well I did and I shall let you have a taste of the wine when I get back, for now, odabo." He said before excusing himself.
"This one is a mad one o," Jide replied with a pitying shake of his head before heading in the opposite direction, only mad people would go towards the edge of the evil forest in search of palmwine. "Ode ni indeed."
Kunle kept on walking when he heard a horn and with a cringe he realized that it was the rickshaw belonging to his enemy and pain in his hide.
"Kunle how are you?" The spawn of Satan greeted with a mean smile.
"I am fine oo, and you?" He replied with gritted teeth.
"I am okay, why don't you get into my rickshaw let me take you to work today," he said.
"Don't worry ife, I can get there on my own," he replied an kept on walking.
"But kunle, at this rate your short legs won't be able to reach your destination on time."
"And you have used all your brain cells to grow, that's why you cannot understand simple don't worry," Kunle snapped back.
"Ehn ehn, Mr cockroach are you smarter than me?"
"Giraffe, your stupidity surpasses all understanding,"
"At least I won't be mistaken for a child in the market square,"
"I hope you die in that your rickshaw."
"And we are both going to die together,"
"Strangling you is appealing right now."
"With your baby hand's, not a chance," he zoomed off sputtering smoke in Kunle's face.
"The gods are watching me now ooo, if I kill somebody, nobody should complain ooo," he said with anger while pointing at the sky. If he had power now, or was related to the king he would just order the death of that self absorbent bastard.
He cleared his mind cheerfully and headed straight for the edge of the evil forest, the perfect tree awaited him.
As soon as he saw her he just stopped to admire her beauty, her long thin neck that was brown and graceful with age, her root stump was a beauty indeed and the tuft of green crown gingerly placed on her body was beautiful.
Being the mischievous person he was, he had to get on his knees and bow down to her.
"My beauty, oh great one, oh queen of all trees," he praised not knowing that the tree spirit had fallen in love already.
She smiled at this ridiculously short and ugly man praising her and shook with the breeze, that was until she saw the axe and rope in his hand and her mood turned foul.
'Another palm wine tapper!' No one that dared to climb her ever survived but this man had praised her, so maybe she would-
"Your beauty has stolen my heart, your Palm wine shall answer all my wishes!" He said and that was it, madam palm wine had fallen hook line an sinker.
'Climb me, oh climb me!' She screamed in her mind.
Kunle tied the rope round his waste and began his descent up the tree of beauty, at the top he began tapping the palm wine, still whistling a lovely tune when the earth started to rattle and the sky turned dark.
"Who dares to climb my wife?" A loud voice boomed and he nearly fell off the tree.
"Giraffe this is not even funny, you better stop playing," he said without even stopping what he was doing.
"Me, giraffe, emi, god of mischief is who you are calling giraffe, on top of that you are climbing my wife, you are dead today," the voice spoke again and before Kunle knew it the rope at his waist cut and he fell down to his death. The last thing he heard as his vision dimmed was a hoarse male voice saying, 'cursed are you today' before another female voice spoke.
'Blessed are you.'
Kunle woke up with a groan to see the face of his wife staring at him angrily.
'Kai, even when I almost died she can still be angry,' he thought pretending to go back to sleep.
If you try it ehn, I will break the unbreakable in your body," she threatened and he quickly snapped his eyes opened, the last time she said that he had nearly lost his jewels.
"My beauty, how are you?" He greeted coyly and she slapped him.
"Which rubbish beauty, you thought you could marry me, make me drink garri like a pauper for years and then die on me, wo let me tell you now, we die together," she shouted and he nodded his head sharply.
"I didn't know now,"
"You did not know what, you fainted and they brought you home, what in the gods name are you looking for at the edge of the evil forest, are you madd, are you insane--" while she kept on rambling on kunle thought 'I wish she would just shut up.'
As soon as he thought this her mouth disappeared.
"Ogun oo!" He screamed scrambling backwards as her eyes bulged out in fear, she touched her mouth and felt smooth skin.
"What happened to your mouth?" He asked in fear.
"Mhhh mhhhh mhhhh," she said angrily.
"I didn't do it," he said
"Mhh mhh."
"I swear its not me!" He begged but she moved forward and grabbed his shirt pulling it like the mad woman she was. That was when he looked down and saw that he could walk, he had fallen from a tall palm wine tree and cracked his head and yet no scratch was on his body.
He felt perfectly fine. 'I wish she could talk,' he thought and watched as her mouth appeared back.
"Oloshi, oloriburuku, you want to kill me abi, you want to finish my life you-"
"I put you on mute," he said out loud and watched her mouth move but heard no sound. But he could still read her lips and saw she was still cursing him out. He smiled happily, today is my day ooo.
"Bark like a dog,"
"Woof woof" and he burst out laughing.
"A big dog," he commanded.
"Wooooooof! Woooooooof!" She barked louder and he fell on the ground rolling on the floor in uncontrollable laughter.
"Jump up and down like a monkey," he said and watched as she started jumping up and down.
"wu wu ah ah," she screeched.
"Your own has done today," he said sitting back on the bed. "Scratch your bum bum and put the hand in your mouth." He declared.
"My husband plea-" before she could finish begging her hand shot up her bum bum and what happened next she would never forget.
"Do you still want me rich?" She shook her head 'no' in fear. "What about taller, handsome powerful?"
"No'" she begged terrified out of her mind.
"Good," he said and headed to the door.
On his way out he saw Ife the crazy neighbour talking to some chiefs.
"Fart like an elephant" he said and then he heard a loud fart sound.
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuhh!"
Embarrassed, Ife quickly apologised to the chiefs and blamed it on the beans he ate earlier when Kunle got a more mischievous thought and went back inside to bring a stool and sit down.
He was ready for life show today as he thought up the perfect drama for that giraffe who had been making his life miserable.
Ife let out another fart and this time he began sniffing the air, "do you smell that fragrance he said to the chiefs, that heavenly smell," he said and turned his back to them, "smell it, hmmmmm, smell it," he said shoving his butt towards the chiefs who had a look of horror on their faces.
They ran away when he started dancing to no music and screaming 'ouh owwwww.'
Kunle on the other hand was having the time of his life. His muted wife had prepared dinner for him and he was busy devouring it when the giraffe matched over. He had noticed Kunle watching him and acting strange.
"Adekunle what did you do to me?" He cried.
"Me ke, I'm just here eating my pounded yam and egusi soup, what would I do to you," he replied calmly.
"You, you embarrassed me in front of the chiefs of our land, you must come with me to the palace, we shall settle this today," Ife said dragging Kunle by his shirt.
"No problem but you must carry me to the palace," he spoke with a mean smile on his face, the corner of his lips was almost reaching his ears.
"Carry you! I will drag you!" He shouted, enraged before he felt a strange sensation overcome him. Instantly he went on all fours and Kunle sat down on him.
"To the palace my donkey," he said hitting his buttocks to propel him forward. On the way people pointed and laughed and Kunle dealt with them accordingly.
This new found super power to make people bend to his will was the best gift he could ever receive, he secretly thanked the beautiful tree as he approached the palace and greeted the palm trees around.
"Greet your queen for me," he whispered.
As soon as he got to the palace the king got upset when he saw his younger brother being ridden like a horse.
"How dare you!" The king asked enraged.
"Brother help me o," Ife begged.
"Shut up donkey," he shouted at Ife which scared him and he whimpered.
"What is going on?" The king demanded.
"He said we should come to the palace and I couldn't walk so he offered to carry me here."
"What is all this nonsense?" The king asked Kunle who was busy checking his nails while still seating on Ife.
"What nonsense, and why are you naked?" Kunle asked with a mischievous smirk.
"Naked?" The king asked before he looked down and saw that his cloth had disappeared. He screamed and clutched his crotch in embarrassment, "my royal garments." He said and his servants ran round looking for his cloths.
"Any other thing?" He asked the king and when he shook his head Kunle left the palace and went home.
This went on for months and people were scared to vex him or annoy him, in fact he was like an unofficial king who ruled the town. What he said happened and he used his power mischievously. By the end of the year half of the villagers had animal parts.
Some had elephant trunks for noses and others had fur, some even walked on all fours and even his teacher back in school was not left out.
The teacher that told him he wouldn't amount to anything in life was now a rat in a cat cage. No telling what had happened to him.
Soon the God of mischief had had enough and sought to get back his remaining power that his wife the tree spirit had bestowed on this mere mortal.
Kunle woke up one morning to see a strange but very handsome looking man standing in front of his house.
"I want my powers back," the man said.
"The beautiful tree gave me, who are you?" Kunle rudely replied.
"The owner of the powers you are misusing," the man replied.
"Misusing it ke, see I am a king here and all these people fear me," he gestured around.
"Is that right?" The man said with feigned fascination and when kunle nodded, his face became stoic once more, "I want my powers back."
"Come and collect it," he sneered
"Give me back my powers," the stranger replied angrily
"Givers never lack," Kunle snorted before throwing a punch, a punch which the god caught and twisted his hand to the back.
"Ahhhh!!" Kunle screamed and wished for a large hammer to smash him.
A loud bang was heard and the god was flattened on the ground by an hammer. The god groaned and used his hand to blow air into his mouth to pump himself up.
He stood up and moved one of Ife's building to smash Kunle who cleaved the house into two and passed through unscathed.
He flew forward and slapped the god who in turn bit him and this continued for over an hour with trees and houses been upturned before the god tricked him.
He pretended to be dead and kunle with a triumphant smile stood over the dead god, he let his guard down and before he knew it a tree flew over and knocked him out.
Kunle woke up once again to see his wife facing him angrily, oh oh.
"You want to sleep till you grow old abi, useless man," she said and Kunle wished for her mouth to dissapear but this time it didn't.
"What happened?"
"You fell of a tree you were tapping and nearly died." She said looking at him as if he were stupid.
Oh gods Kunle realized with a sickening feeling in his heart, so it had all been a dream, he badly wanted to die as he stared at his wife cursing him out.
"Oloriburuku, oloshi, werey, you want to leave me and die yen yen yen," turns out Kunle had drank way too much palm wine before leaving for work that fateful morning.
He groaned as he tried to stand up, all his joints hurting him and opened the door outside, when he stopped short.
Villagers were gathered in front of his house with various animal parts and they were all angry. Some had matchete, Axes and even clubs.
"Seize him!" They screamed before he fainted.