THE SPAWNS
Excitement and Wonder
Chapter XXXVI—Lilibeth
© DarknessAndLight
"Good night Cole."
"Good night Beth."
I got up from the front steps of the house and tucked my phone in the pocket of the cardigan I had grabbed when walking out of the house. It was a chilly night so I wrapped it closed against my chest.
I hadn't anticipated staying out for so long. Calling Cole had been a spur of the moment kind of thing. I didn't regret it though. It had been wrong of me to leave without explaining myself, without having this conversation, and now that everything had been said, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I quietly walked back into the house and when I passed the living room, Nikki got up from the couch wrapped in an afghan, almost giving me a heart attack. "I thought you were running away. Or maybe you were going to go bury a body in the wood. Which would have really made me sad, that you would have gone alone. I totally told you I could help dispose of a body. A small hint, don't bury it in one piece," she said. I chuckled softly at that. "So?" she pressed.
"I was on the phone with Cole," I explained, staring at my feet self consciously.
"Well, tell me all about it. Who called first?"
"He texted, but I called him," I admitted.
And then my cousin asked for details and I gave her as much as I was comfortable with. I didn't think it would be okay to share all the details of our conversation. Even if I was happy to have a friend to share my thoughts with, my relationship with Cole was always something so personal, something I felt I needed to protect.
Anyway, Nikki didn't press too much and for that I was grateful.
I went back to bed. Nikki fell back asleep pretty quickly, but I kept tossing and turning. Sure, finally speaking with Cole had been a relief, but I still felt a little uneasy.
I wondered what had made him suddenly text me in the middle of the night. Something must have happened. I hoped everything was alright. I hoped Cole was having fun even if I had made him sad.
I could lie to myself and everyone around me, but the truth was I wished as much as Cole probably wished that things were different, that we were older, and that I would have this complicated thing called life a little bit more figured out. I wished I had my cousin's happy outlook on life.
I wish I knew what I truly wanted.
When we woke up the next morning it was raining so instead of running around all day, we stayed cooped up inside with no plans. If I was being honest, I adore these kind of days, when you didn't have to do anything or go anywhere. You could just be without any kind of pressure.
I found myself listening to Ralph Vaughan William's Tallis Fantasia over and over again and opened the notebook Nikki had given me. I started to draw a dancer in movement, recreating the dancing piece I was seeing in my head when I closed my eyes and listened to the string orchestra play the score.
"What are you doing?" Nikki suddenly asked from behind me.
"I'm just putting down some ideas for a dance piece. I'm missing my class today," I admitted. Mom had called my dance teacher to tell her I wouldn't be there today, but I still felt kind of bad.
"Want to show it to me?"
I frowned. "In the book?"
Nikki rolled her eyes. "No, for real."
"Where would I dance?"
"Well, outside, of course."
"It's raining."
"Gene Kelly rings any bell?"
"But he was singing in the rain."
"Kinda dancing too. Come on," she urges me, pulling me up on my feet.
I complied and just like that, I was standing barefoot on the grass in the middle of my cousin's backyard. Nikki stayed on the porch with a little portable speaker and started to play Tallis Fantasia. I didn't know what it was about that piece exactly, why I always went back to it.
In the beginning I was following through the plans I had made in my notebook, but as the music played I just let the score take over my movements, the plans washed away by the rain.
It wasn't perfect, it might not even be good, but there was always something so freeing about dancing, about being one with the music.
Whenever I was down, I always had dancing, I always had my violin. My brother, Cole, they weren't always there. I didn't really have close friends at school, but I had music and dance.
When I thought about what truly made me happy, I couldn't deny that they were the things that often brought me joy. I didn't play violin or dance for Cole or my brother or for anyone. I did it for me.
I thought about my parents taking me to see ballet in Paris and concertos in Berlin. It made me feel like I was part of something so much bigger there.
When I thought about my future, I always kept myself close from home. I rarely ever did anything without my family. I always thought it would make sense for me to go to a college close from home, to be able to go back every weekend to see my parents, somewhere Cole wouldn't be far either.
I never let myself want something different from my parents. They went to college close. They stayed together. And that was fine. But as I danced and let myself be entranced by the music I realized something.
That wasn't me.
I wanted more out of my future, more out of my life. I wanted excitement and wonder and I wanted larger opportunities than what the neighbouring college could offer.
I loved home. But I didn't want to stay home.
The song came to an end. I was drenched in rain but it was okay. More than okay.
I grinned at my cousin. "Nikki, I think I know what I want."
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A/N: Hey guys! Sorry, I know this is a short one, but this just felt like the right place to end it. Thanks for being patient as always! :)
Hopefully, next chapter will be up soon-ish. :D