Author's Chapter Notes:FLASHBACKS ARE IN ALL ITALICS
Savannah's POV
After going out with Nick I had been sitting in my flat for the past two hours thinking. I wanted to see Harry and try to talk to him, clear the air completely about what happened. I wasn't usually one for trying to have "talks" with people, I tended to avoid any and all confrontation, but after speaking with Nick I thought it was probably for the best. I knew I had some decisions to make about how I wanted everything with Harry to play out.
***
"You know I've gotta ask babe...how are you doing? Really?" Nick questioned after we had been together less than an hour. "‘Cause Harry was a wreck, so I imagine it was pretty bad."
"I'm fine now, honest. It's happened plenty of times before...the attacks obviously not the, you know." I cleared my throat, not wanting to dwell on the mobbing. "Is he still angry?"
Nick let out a long sigh before replying, "I don't think that lad knows what he feels right now."
"What do you mean?" When I had spoken to him it was pretty clear that the prominent emotion was anger, some disappointment.
"Do you like Harry, Sav?" He threw at me suddenly. I could feel my face heat up so I looked down to my hands while I answered.
"Well obviously. I like both of you a lot, glad I met you and all." There was no way I was discussing this with him. I still wasn't even sure of what I was feeling and I was not going to confess any of that to Nick, Harry's best friend. So I tried my best to play dumb.
"God what a pair you are." I heard him mutter under his breath. "Yes, he's still angry. Think last night probably just made him angrier at himself." He finally answered.
"Why...what happened?" I knew he had left with a girl and I'm sure Nick knew as well, but I couldn't see why that would make Harry angry. I didn't want to seem nosy, asking about the girl, but he had brought it up.
"Don't try and be coy with me Savvy, I know you saw those pictures and I know that's why you didn't want to come to breakfast this morning." I was going to protest that, but he continued on fiercely. "He left with that slag and regrets it."
"Well why would he regret it?" I decided to ask bluntly, not understanding.
"God, you're not really this daft?" He paused before rolling his eyes. "Forget it, you lot are useless. All I'm gonna say is Harry is worth it okay? Any and all of it." He looked at me seriously as he said it and before I could ask him what the hell he was talking about he shook his head and stood up. "Now! Let's go get some real tea because this is rubbish."
***
Never once did it cross my mind that Harry wasn't worth it. I hadn't known him for very long, but I knew he was a rare type of person. He was intrinsically kind. He gave his all to his fans and into his work, knowing how important it is to them. But it was just as important to him, when he spoke of work he'd light up as he went on and on about the new things they had done on tour, different twists they put on songs, and new artists they worked with. He would do anything for the people in his life, no questions asked. The simplest way to describe him was good. He was a genuinely amazing friend to me already and I didn't want to lose that. I'd put my feelings for him aside and deal with whatever may come my way. Nick was right.
I'd be lying if I said that the girl he was papped with wasn't at the back of my mind, but I couldn't hold that against him. He's single, he could be with whoever he chooses. But as I sat, letting myself think about it for a minute, I realized that it bothered me more than I would have cared to admit. I just wanted to speak to him and move on, maybe he'd agree to just pretend the past two days never happened.
I took out my phone and scrolled down to his name.
Harry's POV
Usually after talking with Zayn I knew where my head was at, he was hugely helpful. But not this time. I was on my way back to my flat and my mind was racing back and forth between my options.
***
"Saw that email from management, ripped you a new one eh?" He asked. I had gone over to his flat to talk.
"Yeah. Nick just did as well this morning." I told him as I rubbed my hand over my face.
"Nick? For what?" He asked, perplexed.
"Taking that girl home last night." I sighed, still not overly thrilled with myself for that decision.
"Why would he care? You guys getting a little too friendly when you're at his flat are you mate?" Zayn laughed. He nudged me with his elbow when I took a minute to answer and raised his eyebrows as I looked up.
"No, he wants me to, uh, make a move on Savannah." I muttered.
"Ahhh," he said knowingly. "Well?"
"Well what?" I questioned.
"Jesus. Do you wanna make a move on Savannah?" He rolled his eyes as he asked.
"I can't." I started to shake my head before he was even done with the question.
"But you want to?" He inquired with a smirk.
I let out a long sigh. "But I can't. Zayn you didn't see her, alright, it was terrifying to see her that way after we got mobbed. I could never ask her to go through shit like that all the time." I started to see it again, her on the floor. I could feel myself getting angry thinking about it, working myself up. "And Nick doesn't even know she feels that way about me!" I exploded. "He claims ‘cause he's gay he just knows shit like this. But she's always saying shit about me being like her brothers, we're just mates." I mumbled out at the end, clearly not happy about our standing.
"Then suck it up. If you think it's for the best for you guys to just stay mates then put your feelings aside and just be her friend." He told me directly. "But Harry, maybe she could learn to handle it. Sometimes it's worth it to be selfish, to ask her to try with you." Zayn shrugged. "Works out in the end for both of you."
"I don't know Zayn, I'm really fucking confused." I ran my hands through my hair and pulled at the roots.
"Talk to her, mate."
***
As badly as I wanted to listen to Zayn's advice and see if it was possible to try with Savannah, I decided that was out of the question for me. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Plus, I didn't want to deal with the embarrassment of her telling me she didn't even return these feelings. It didn't make much of a difference to me what Nick said, I was certain that she didn't feel the same way about me and I wasn't going to entertain the idea that she did.
Although I decided that it was probably best if I spoke to her about the mobbing and everything. At some point in every relationship I have, friendship or romantic, I need to have this "talk" with the other person. Apologize for the possible mobbing, explain that it's a semi-regular thing and then give them the option of not being a part of it all. I was too angry to have the talk with Savannah before on the phone like I should have, but my mind was more clear on what I needed to do now.
Just as I was pulling into my driveway, my phone rang. "Hello?" I answered.
"Harry, hi." I heard Savannah on the other end of the line. "How are you?"
"I'm good, just got back to mine." Hesitantly I continued, "I was actually just going to call you."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, are you doing anything right now?" I held my breath as I waited for her reply.
"No, I was actually calling to ask you the same thing," she coughed.
"Oh," I replied, surprised. "Perfect then, want me to come to yours?"
"No, that's okay. I can come to yours if you're just getting home. As long as you don't mind..."
"Sure, sure. That's fine with me." I responded immediately. "I'll text you the address and the gate code."
"Alright, see you soon then." With that she hung up.
---
When Savannah first got to my place things were pretty weird. I could tell she still felt badly about what happened and was hoping I wasn't angry anymore. I, on the other hand, was trying not to come off as obvious about my feelings towards her. It bothered me that she seemed so wary around me, I liked to think she was quite comfortable with me and I worried that my yelling on the phone set us back. Now I just wanted to apologize and try to forget all this happened.
"Okay, let's just get this all out of the way," I started. "I'm really sorry about what happened and I'm sorry that I was such an arse on the phone."
"No, you really weren't. I would have been angry too if I was in your position." I almost laughed at the image of Savannah angry, it seemed so foreign.
I nodded, appreciating her understanding. "I should have talked to you about that happening though, warned you before we had gone out. I should be smarter about stuff like this by now."
"We went out fine the week before though, I see why it could have slipped your mind. I don't blame you." She was stumbling over her words a bit and looked down at her hands, she began to spin the ring on her thumb around and I knew she was feeling nervous. My hand jerked forward a bit, I wanted to reach over and hold her hand, stop her, but I didn't. "I should have been smarter too."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not oblivious to your, like social standing, Harry. I should have known it was a possibility for that to happen and I should have warned you about my anxiety." She trembled as she looked down ashamed.
Now I did reach forward to place my hand over hers. "It's okay, I understand. Completely. I really don't want you to apologize." She had looked up at me when I grabbed her hand, but glanced back down as I ran my thumb over the back of her knuckles. The way her hands had started to lightly shake worried me, I could feel them still twitching in mine. I didn't want our conversation to trigger anything.
"Okay," she whispered. "But only if you don't apologize anymore either." She peeked up at me from underneath her lashes.
I noticed then that her eyes were the richest shade of chocolate brown. I was staring into them and thinking about how perfect her hand felt in mine, no longer shaking, and I realized that I probably would have agreed to anything she wanted in that moment. "Deal," I said. "As much as I would love to move on from this topic, I kind of have to ask. Do you want to, like, change anything about our, uh, friendship?" I struggled to choke out, fearing her answer.
"No," she took a deep breath and I could see her putting on a brave face as she replied.
"Cause I don't mind." I was afraid she was only saying what I wanted to hear. "I don't mind stopping by Starbuck's first next time," I attempted to joke.
"I'm sure." She seemed more confident that time. "I like going out with you and Nick. I like you coming for walks with me and Giz. I don't...want anything to change." My stomach did a small flip when she just barely gave my hand a squeeze as she said that. I was so used to people taking that out that I hadn't expected anything else from her. She had a reason to take it, yet here she was, willing to keep things the same.
I could hear old voices in my head telling me I wasn't worth the trouble I'd put her through, telling me she was making a mistake. They were practically yelling at me to warn her, force her into the other option. But I was too enamored with her.
"Cool, yeah. Great," I stumbled over my words. "We'll just...be smarter now."
She smiled shyly, her dimples showing. "Sounds good."
"Are you doing anything for the rest of the night? I was just gonna make something to eat if you wanna stay," I offered.
She looked around a bit as if she expected someone else to pop up from around the corner. "Sure, yeah." I stared at her curiously, trying to figure her out. She cleared her throat and pulled her hand away from mine, but did so with a smile.
"Okay, so what are you in the mood for then?" I started to run down the list of things I had bought at the store last week in my mind, thinking of what I could make.
"Oh no, whatever you were planning on making is fine. Really, I'm not picky." She said as she shook her head and waved a hand in front of her.
"Pizza then?" I had bought a kit for make-it-yourself personal pizzas.
"Perfect, ‘s my favorite." She smiled beautifully.
I jerked my head to the side, motioning for her to follow me into the kitchen. I started to rummage through the pantry to get everything out and when I turned around she was quietly sitting at the island in the middle of my kitchen.
"Uh-uh," I motioned for her to come next to me. "These pizzas don't make themselves, every man for himself tonight. Or herself."
"Alright, alright. No need to be bossy. Leave that to me, hey?" She joked quietly as she looked at me from the corner of her eye.
I snorted, enjoying her more playful side. She turned to me suddenly and her whole face was lit up. "I've got an idea." She whipped around to my cabinets before turning back to me again. "Do you mind?" She asked as she pointed to the cabinets, asking permission to go through them. I granted her permission quickly with a nod.
She had pulled out numerous ingredients and was looking down at them, puzzled. "I don't know if I'm remembering them all..."
"Want to look something up on the computer?" I gestured behind me to my laptop.
"Yes, please." She sat at the table near us.
I put the laptop on the table and opened it up for her. She leaned over it immediately and started typing away. She looked so adorable, concentrating fiercely on what she was reading, so I took my phone out and speedily took a picture of her. I looked down at it and smirked. The wide brim of her hat was extended long past her nose and the screen was lighting up her whole face while she bit down on her finger.
When I looked back up at her she had looked away from the screen and was staring at me. She moved closer to me, trying to peek down at my phone so I pulled it away.
"Hey!" She protested.
"What?"
"Let me see that!"
"You can look on Instagram in a second and see it on your own phone." I said cheekily as I got to work posting the picture.
She didn't say anything in reply and when I eyed her face she was back to reading the screen. "Are you okay with me, you know, doing that?" I mused.
She took a second before nodding. "Just waiting for you to finish the editing process. With all your photoshoot experience I assume you're an expert and you'll make me look quite pretty."
I had to admit I wasn't expecting that. From the short time I'd known her, I already knew Savannah would put on a brave face if need be, but she seemed believably casual towards it. This girl continued to surprise me.
"There, all done." I told her as I posted the picture. I had decided to put a black and white filter on the picture and put a simple, yet somewhat cryptic, caption on it. My specialty.
harrystyles: very serious pizza time #savstagram
Savannah had an instagram, but I thought it'd be better to not tag her, settling on the hashtag instead. I knew she already got tons of tweets from my fans, she didn't need another social media site bombarded by them. She opened up the app on her phone and refreshed, her face puckered up when the picture finally loaded.
"No making faces," I said as I tapped on the brim of her hat.
She turned to me and stuck her tongue out. But she didn't stop there, surprising me for the third time that night. She kept on going, pulling face after face at me, making me burst with laughter.
When she decided she was out of faces to make she began rubbing her cheeks and jaw. "Think I might have pulled a muscle in my face." She turned her face as if presenting it to me. "Everything look okay?"
I slowly reached my hand towards her chin and tilted her head all around, pretending to exam it. Although, I guess I sort of was. I noticed how her skin was startlingly clear and her eyelashes almost reached her eyebrows when she looked up. Her dimples were just beginning to show as she started to giggle. "Hmm, all looks perfect."
I had a feeling I knew how she'd react to that and I was glad when I was right. She turned back to the computer and kept scrolling through whatever it was she had looked up. I was happy to see that, while her cheeks were now tinted pink, the smile stayed on her face.
"Alright, great news. You have all the ingredients we need." She announced excitedly.
"For...?"
"Nutella pizza!" She cheered. She bit her lip as she waited for my reaction.
"That sounds amazing. What on earth is it?" I asked, matching her enthusiasm.
"Pizza dough with lots of Nutella on top and then you just put a little bit of salt and some powdered sugar on top." She explained, pinching her fingers together at the mention of salt.
"So what's all that stuff for?" I asked, pointing at all the stuff she had taken out.
"I thought we could make the dough from scratch. The ones that come with those DIY pizzas are really thin and get crunchy. I like it really doughy for this though." She explained bashfully.
"Sounds brilliant! Let's get started!" I grinned at her.
Savannah made the pizza dough up and we had to let it sit for an hour, which left us the perfect window to get in an episode of Grey's. It was strange watching it at my house and without Gizmo's heavy breathing in the room with us. We made our way back into the kitchen to start shaping our pizzas.
"I feel like a proper chef," I said to her with a smile as we rolled out our dough.
She laughed and took her phone out. "Don't move," she instructed.
I heard the camera click and then her fingers were moving across the screen before she turned the phone to me. I was smiling goofily and proudly rolling out my dough, but she had drawn a chef's hat on the top of my head and a mustache using snapchat. The phone was shaking because she was laughing so much at her creation. She put "proper chef" in the text box with countless emojis and then sent it to Nick and my sister.
Our pizzas went in the oven and we continued on with watching our show. All of a sudden both of our phones went off at the same time. I looked down and saw a notification for a tweet from Gemma.
GemmaAnneStyles: Just received the most brilliant snapchat of @Harry_Styles, cheers to @SavannahPond #moreblackmail #keepemcoming
Savannah had quickly typed out a reply to her.
SavannahPond: @GemmaAnneStyles As you wish...
There was a picture attached to Savannah's tweet and I clicked it to find it was a picture from about two weeks ago when Savannah and I had gotten Chinese food. I had stupidly put the chopsticks up my nose and thought it was hilarious at the time. To be fair, Savannah had gotten a good laugh out of it too.
"Hey! You're supposed to be my friend first, not Gem's!" I shouted.
"Sorry, that one was too good to not share though," she chimed.
GemmaAnneStyles: @SavannahPond Oh. My. God.
Harry_Styles: @GemmaAnneStyles @SavannahPond this is rude. Also cyber bullying...#probably
I huffed as I locked my phone.
"Aw, don't be a sourpuss, Styles." She pouted condescendingly. Just then the timer in the kitchen went off, signaling our pizzas were done. She shot up from the couch and headed for the oven.
By the time I got in she already had them out and was placing them on the wooden cutting board. She took a big scoop of Nutella and started to spread it over one of the pizzas. When she was finished she sprinkled a tiny bit of salt and generously shook out some powdered sugar as well. Grabbing the pizza cutter I had out she cut it into four small pieces and slid it towards me.
"Ready for your life to change for the better?" She asked with a gleam to her eye.
I looked down at the pizza and nodded at her eagerly. As I went to bite into the first piece, I really looked at her standing in my kitchen. She had powdered sugar dotted on her nose, her eyes were bright, dimples on full display, and I began to a seriously ponder her question. Then when I took the first bite of that orgasmic pizza I thought that maybe my life was changing, but I had an inkling it had more to do with the girl who made the pizza.
"Incredible, yeah?" She asked excitedly as I stared at her."Yeah...it sure is something."