My past is an armor I cannot take off,
no matter how many times you tell me
the war is over.
-Jessica Katoff
***
It's like a dream.
One of those visions you have in your sleep where you wake up happy, yet you don't know why. You can't remember what it was about. You can't recall what left you waking up smiling, or why you felt at peace opening your eyes to the world.
It's not until later that day, maybe even months, that you stop, and it hits you what the dream was about. The peace settles over you. You smile.
And then you go back to reality.
The windows are down, air blowing past and pushing my hair and his fur.
Orion's head lays in my lap.
He's been asleep the majority of the car ride, the sense of the truck rocking back and forth adding in with the hum of the engine- all calculated into him eventually resting his head and closing his eyes.
My hand is stroking his head, ruffling his ears. My eyes occasionally glance away from the road to take in how his nose or ears will twitch. Or sometimes there is a vibration through his legs, or down his whole body.
The drive is something that I didn't expect to bring a smile to my face.
Before it, I had felt nothing but anxiety and worry. Meeting the surrounding packs was not something I was looking forward to. Leaving Henry alone at Alba Rosa set me on edge.
Everything made me nervous.
Everything but Orion.
He starts to wake up as I pull the truck over. A low grumble can be heard as he sighs deeply, pushing his head further. He raises a paw, shielding his face from the sunlight.
"Orion, wake up."
A single grey eye peers at me through the fur of his leg before he raises it back.
I sigh with him this time, looking around at the forest that covered us. The trees were different from the ones in Alba Rosa.
A darker wood, with thinner coverage. Mountains could be seen in the distant. Orion's mountains were close by, but I wouldn't let him know that.
Slowly we get out of the truck. He stretches, yawning and shaking himself before sitting and lazily leaning against one of the wheels.
I look away and smile, reaching on the floor for one of the travel bags.
Behind me, I can hear him shifting- the odd sound that came with it of bones cracking and joints realigning. The painful noise of his body pushing back something it didn't want to.
Warmness is felt behind me as he steps closer. "Do I really have to wear this?"
I turn back around with the clothing in hand.
"Yes, come on now."
A slow-growing smirk appears on my face as I watch him. He shakes his head, holding out his hands so that I can button up the shirt and adjust the neck of it.
"It's choking me," he tugs at the collar of the shirt.
"Just for an hour."
With a sullen glance, he reloads into the truck.
The Umbra pack border was only a mile out. It was a smaller pack, their numbers just reaching over the edge of a hundred within the past few years. They didn't prize themselves in numbers though.
The Umbra pack was one that lived up to their given name. Shadowed against the world, it was a pack of many secrets that held onto the ways and customs of the old.
Orion reaches his hand out, stopping my nervous beat that had begun on the wheel.
"I'm fine," I lied.
He only crosses his fingers with mine, nodding his head and letting his eyes look ahead to the road.
I cannot tell we are entering pack land until three wolves appear beside the truck. They make no motion for the vehicle to stop. No sound of anger that someone had encroached upon their land. Instead, they continue with us, leading us down the gravel road.
It becomes thicker and thicker until eventually, the forest swallows up what remaining path is left.
Orion stays behind me, his chest or hand occasionally brushing against me as I follow the wolves into the woods.
There is no greeting at a pack house.
No sight of the pack itself or the others.
Only the Alpha stands to see us, his arms crossed and stance ready as he watches our advancement.
"Welcome to the Umbra Pack."
I nod my head, hoping Orion would follow my example.
The male stood tall- taller than Orion. The two males were similar though. They each wore the cloak of the wild around them, letting a scent of it leak from their pores.
Green eyes like that of the earth stare us down. His face is covered by a thickness of hair, dark black curls that rope around his cheeks and neck.
I feel Orion's shoe scrap against my heel as he walks closely behind me. I suppress my sigh, letting it be an internal one. My face would hold no emotion for this male. It should hold no emotion.
We stop several feet away, a clear distance apart.
I know he has wolves watching us.
It is a sign of trust to enter their land with no warriors. A sign of trust to give my life so easily to him for this short time.
Orion steps to stand beside me. I can feel his hands shaking. I want to take them. To hold them and reassure him there should be no fear. He had nothing to fear when I was protecting him.
But I only look at the Alpha standing before me.
"Alpha Soraya, it is good to meet you."
Orion and I both tense as the male lowers his head to Orion.
Orion's eyes widen in shock and what could only be described as wild panic. The Alpha's brows lower in confusion to his reaction.
We both watch as Orion takes a large step backward, before going right- to stand directly behind me.
The tension is in the air is thick.
I don't break it, or lessen it. My next words only add on to the stiffness as I say, "I am Alpha Soraya. It is a pleasure to meet you as well."
The Alpha is unable to hide his shock. I hear collective gasps within the cover of the trees. One quick look from their leader silences them, but it is able to tell me all I need.
The word of my win had been twisted.
Either that or none could believe it, so they chose to change the details in a way that allowed them to.
"So he is..."
Before I can say anything, Orion peers his head around me.
"Her Luna."
A visible vein can be seen throbbing in the Alpha's neck.
One may be there for me also.
I feel a pressure on my back- Orion lightly pinching me to stop any outburst or argument from his words.
"Orion. My...Luna."
The Alpha shifts uncomfortably away from Orion. His stare is one of confused judgment as he takes him in. It's not a look I'm used to. One I've never seen a male give another.
"I have many packs to travel to Alpha..."
"Theon."
"Alpha Theon. Let's get to the main points and then I will be out of your pack."
He continues to stare at Orion, his green eyes narrowed in thought before he pulls away and looks at me.
"I accept you as the Alba Rosa pack leader. My pack still is loyal to the peace of the woods that was agreed to since my grandfather, and his grandfather before him. Go, and lead your pack."
"Thank you for your continued allegiance," I quickly jerk my head back to him, "I have another thing to discuss also with you."
He stiffens at my words, his crossed arms growing tighter around his body as he narrows his eyes at me.
"I have heard of your troubles in finding a mate."
A low warning begins deep within his chest.
"Look Alpha Theon," I motion to Orion, taking in his slowly caving in shoulders. I needed to make this quick. I turn back to the Alpha, "I found my own mate at the age of twenty and you are...?"
There is a silence in the air before he spits out, "Fifty-two."
"Alba Rosa guards their pack land and has never allowed the Umbra pack within their main borders. I hold one of the largest packs of the North. My numbers reach over five hundred. I know many females who have yet to find their mate."
"What do you want?" His words are snarled out at me, spit flying away from his mouth in anger to the slow realization that I have dangled something he needs before his eyes.
"Me? I don't want anything. It's what my pack wants. It's simple- I'm not asking for much."
"How much."
I don't smile. Smiling in front of this male only showed to him how confident I was in my victory. Smiling in front of this male only would make him think I was mocking him.
I was.
I was mocking him.
But he didn't need to know that and let his pride get in the way.
"I don't want your land."
His fists tighten in surrender as he exhales a shaky breath of defeat.
"I accept. We will discuss the price at a more...private time..." his eyes dart around the forest, taking in his hiding wolves before he looks back to me.
"Leave. Now."
I don't hesitate in his words. Quickly I turn around, taking Orion's arm to pull him with me.
Orion matches my pace, his feet more hurried. He wanted to leave much more than I did.
The same three wolves watch us leave. There is no time to think over what has just transpired, what has just happened or the shaking feeling that was slowly spreading throughout me.
I reverse, slowly pulling away, not wanting to seem so eager to leave.
With the Alpha gone, Orion becomes bolder. He stares down the other wolves, a low growl leaving him as we drive away.
"For goddess sake," I inhale deeply, trying to gain my bearings, trying to catch my breath.
He notices for the first time the sweat that is forming on my brow.
"Sor-,"
"Not yet."
The moment I turn the corner is the moment my foot hits the gas. Three miles down is when I stop. I don't bother to pull over.
The truck lurches to a halt in the middle of the deserted road.
I stumble out and feel the cold sweep over me.
Bending down, I throw up everything in my stomach, the bile taste of acid staying in me.
Before Orion can get out of the truck, I'm back in.
"I'm fine."
He is frozen in his seat, his hands reached out halfway as if he was trying to catch me but failed.
I push his hands down, resting them rest on his lap.
"I'm fine."
He moves closer to me. I'm about to say those words again. About to repeat them. But before I can he puts his hand over my mouth, pulling me to him, and enfolding me in his arms.