I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
This was the day we were going to search the house, and my fingers were shaking as they rested against the counter in front of me.
Something about this case made my body tremble like never before - it had to be the look in Bella's eyes the second she saw me that day. Those eyes were permanently engraved in my mind.
Imagining my son, who was only fourteen as well, going through something as torturous as that made a metal fist clench around my heart. I couldn't bare the thought, and I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I stared at the framed photo of him sitting on the table.
The phone hanging on the kitchen wall was pressed to my ear, and I listened to the dull ringing while leaning against the counter.
"Hello?" answered a familiar voice.
"H-hey, Shirley, it's James," I said quietly, biting down on my bottom lip.
There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Oh, hi," she said finally. "What... why are you calling?"
"I just... wanted to see how Benny's doing," I said as gently as possible.
Another pause on the other end, until my ex-wife took a deep breath. "I'm sure your son will be pleased to hear his father's finally calling to see how he is."
Her words punched me in the chest, and I exhaled heavily.
"Can I just say hi to him, please?" Much to my surprise, my words were steady.
There was another long pause, with muffled talking in the background.
"He's busy right now," Shirley said, and I winced at the harshness of her tone. "Try showing a greater interest in his life, and maybe he'll be more willing to talk to you."
I swallowed and nodded. "Right, okay..." I shook my head and let out a tight, uncomfortable laugh. "Just, just tell him I love him, and I'd like to see him soon... if he'd want to."
"I'll let him know," she said monotonously. I knew she wouldn't.
There was a heavy knock at my door, and I straightened my posture to peer through the frosted window. Liv was standing at my front porch with her hands on her hips.
Before I could even take another breath, the line went dead. I tried to breathe past the lump in my throat as I hung the phone up. Quickly wiping off the hot tears that trickled down my face, I swung my door open.
"Let's go, James, what are you doing? We have to go to the house now," Liv said impatiently, before stopping to stare at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Were you crying?"
"It's not important," I responded, reaching over to grab my keys off the side table. "Let's go, I want to get this over with."
The entire ride there, my fingertips tapped against my steering wheel nervously.
Liv and I walked up the drive of the house, staring at the caution tape which still surrounded the yard. Officers and police dogs were gathered at the door as well as in areas of the lonely street.
My stomach felt sour as I stared at the house. I didn't want to look through the evidence, but I knew I had to suck it up.
"This is really getting to you, isn't it?" Liv asked from beside me, and I looked over to find her large, chocolate eyes gazing at me with concern.
"No," I huffed while shaking my head. "I just don't really feel well today, that's all."
"You can admit it, you know," Liv said quietly, nudging me with her elbow. "You don't have to be made of stone all the time."
I licked my lips and rubbed my clammy forehead, keeping my head down as we walked up to the dingy porch of the house.
"It's your son, isn't it?" she asked, and I felt another pang in my chest.
I stayed quiet.
"He's fine, okay? Trust me, he won't-"
"Let's not talk about it right now, okay?" I interrupted her, turning towards her.
Her eyes were large as she swallowed hard and nodded.
We walked into the house, and immediately, the atrocious scent rushed back to invade my senses. And then, I stared at the blood stained tiles were Bella was sitting only days before, staring at me with a knife clutched in her grip.
My breath was thick in my throat as I proceeded into the house, where a member of the team, Jared, lead us down to the basement. The stairs were creaking beneath our feet as we descended into the dark and grimy area, and a harsh smell of copper engulfed us.
There were three rooms in the basement. The door to the room on the left was creaked open, revealing a small bathroom. Jared pushed the door fully open to reveal the small bathroom, coated with blood on the walls and the side of the bathtub. There was a razor sitting on the dirt-streaked sink, and there was a pile of clothing on the floor right beside the tub.
"Guys, check this out," somebody called from outside of the bathroom, and while forensics officers were taking samples around the room, we walked out into the room directly across.
There was a single mattress on the ground, followed by a lamp which craned over the mattress, and a bag filled with weapons just beside it.
Liv knelt beside it and with the help of her flashlight, stared into the bag, careful not to touch anything yet.
"This bag has a gun in it, a whip... and..." she looked beside the bag to find a blood-coated pocket knife laying on the ground.
We stared at the pocket knife, before Jared furrowed his eyebrows and fixed the glasses over his eyes. "That must be what was used to murder the older woman." Jared shook his head. "That man who did this must be pure evil."
I stared at the knife on the ground, before I remembered what Cole had asked me, regarding if the woman who had kidnapped them was arrested. "I think it was the older woman that did all this," I said to him.
Jared scoffed, and I looked at him again in confusion.
"What?" I asked.
"You expect me to believe a woman did all this?" he laughed under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Yeah," I responded, looking over at Liv who was still searching around the room.
"A woman kidnapped three kids? One of them being almost six-feet tall, mind you? You've gotta be kidding, James," he said while shaking his head.
"Well, maybe she could've had help from the other man, but we don't really know-"
"The woman was probably just as much a victim as those kids," Jared stated confidently.
I tried to relax, but he was treating this case as if it was nothing. He was making a joke about it, laughing at it, and almost invalidating the treatment those kids were faced with. My blood was practically boiling beneath my flesh, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself.
"Well, I guess we won't know until the kids talk," I concluded, though I wanted to say much more.
"Yeah, but I've been in this field for quite some time now. I know how shit like this goes," he spoke.
"Okay, but the kid said-"
"And the kids are delusional, James, hopped up on meds right now. Trust me on this," he interrupted again.
I rubbed my hands over my face in desperation.
"Guys," Liv said from across the room.
"Besides," Jared continued, "both the adults are dead anyways. Which makes this case just as dead as them."
My heart was racing, and frustration was pulsing through my veins heavily. Before I could say anything, Liv practically screamed from the other side of the room.
"Guys!" she cried out, and we both looked over to find her holding a box out to us.
I flashed my flashlight in the box to find it full of VHS tapes.
"What the hell?" I mumbled under my breath, as I pulled one of the tapes out.
The tape was labeled "my daughter's route to school". I threw that one back in and pulled another one out, and the ripped label read, "my kids sleeping".
"He - she - whoever did this, must have tapes of either the kids or, possibly, their actual offspring," Liv stated, her eyes flicking between Jared and me.
I pulled another tape out, shaking my head in disbelief. I was curious to know what these tapes contained, but at the same time, I dreaded having to watch these.
The label on the tape in my shaking grip read "my son's first punishment".