this took so long because it went way over 10,000 words so i had to divide it into 2 parts and then i procrastinated and hesitated ab liking what i wrote. typical me
Chapter Five - Stay Healthy, Take Your Shots
-
I was crying. Hard, so hard that I could barely see.
Where even was I?
And then suddenly he was in front of me again, hands grabbing at my own shaking ones as I tried to compose myself but I couldn't stop crying. Fuck, why couldn't I stop crying?
"Hey," he whispered in a coo, pulling my body into his. His chest was warm and smelt of my favorite cologne, his breath fresh as it fanned down on me. It was so comforting that I let out another pathetic sob. "It's gonna be okay."
And then we were lying down. On a bed and everything's happening so fast.
His light eyes gazed at me intently as his hands slowly and gently explored my naked body underneath him. He licked his swollen pink lips before eyeing my bare nipples and slowly taking one in between his wet mouth. The feeling of his soft tongue made me shudder, as well as the way he was eyeing me.
I could still feel the heavy weight in my chest, the strong overwhelmingness and confusing sadness but I could also feel lust and. . . so so many different feelings. What the hell was going on?
His body was warm against mine as we were both shirtless and clinging to each other but somehow wanting to close any of the left open spaces. He came back up, his face close to mine with a small frown as he wiped away a drying tear from my cheek before placing a gentle kiss there and then against my lips.
Impossibly, I wanted so much more of him. This wasn't enough.
"I want you, Lydia. I—I need you. . . in every way." His breath was warm and close to my ear, humming softly and creating chills across my entire body.
"I want you," I whimpered pathetically, feeling his hand move from my upper thigh to the very part aching desperately for him to touch.
"You have me. . . Just—say my name, please," he breathed, catching my lips in a short but hungry kiss that took my own breath away.
I let out a breath before softly moaning, "Dylan. . ."
And then he was inside me, slowly and all at once, filling me with so much new pleasure and emotion. My body was throbbing with every movement he made but we moved together perfectly, like we'd done this a million times.
"You good?" A voice jumps me out of my flashback of the dream I'd had yesterday. My heart beat fast—in not one but two places.
Fuck. I'm scolding myself once again for the way my mind keeps going back to the odd dream and playing it over and over again. It's torturous and freaking me out because—one; I have a boyfriend and two; it's Dylan, my childhood best friend and dreams always somehow feel so weird because of how real and connected it makes you feel towards someone.
I turn to Jo, my coworker and nod with a distracted smile. I know she doesn't buy it but she lets it go anyway because a few more people line up outside.
Lunch rush has finally come to a slow, only two more customers in line and I couldn't be more glad because my feet are killing me. I finish up the first customer as Jo takes care of the last one and then I begin to count tips, splitting them evenly between her and I. Thirteen dollars each. Thirteen more dollars to my savings.
"Sorry, I'm new here" Jo says with an innocent giggle to the customer after accidentally dropping the cooked hot dog on the ground and I suppress a laugh because she's in fact not new here. She's been working here for 2 years but she tells the customers this any time she does something wrong.
"Ew, I hate men." Jo grimaces when the older man has left the concession stand. I laugh and then grimace as well looking out after the man, watching him rub at his big gut. I was feeling bad that she had to pity laugh at his horribly unfunny dad jokes as an obvious attempt to get her to swoon. It didn't work.
I look away from him to all the scattered people in the swimming pool. The weather is getting hotter every day as May approaches but thankfully we have AC in here.
I catch myself with a looming smile as I lean against the counter. This is the best job you could have. Working concession stand, an easy job for ten dollars an hour and free access to the pool.
"It's so obvious how desperate they are for your attention. They're whores, it's disgusting. Honestly normalize slut shaming men," she continues on and I'm laughing because she sounds so serious about the matter.
"You remind me of Niyah," I say with a smile. And it's true because Niyah's always expressing her disgust towards boys, despite talking about how they're only good for sex and most of the time not even that.
"Niyah, the twin best friend, right?"
I nod. "Except she's a bit more feisty."
"Someone feistier than me? I'm offended," she replies with mock shock.
I chuckle, wiping down the counter. "I want you to meet her sometime."
I met Jo working here last summer and we've always said we needed to hang out but never actually made the effort to make the plans. I've learned she is a senior who goes to the next school over, which is Logan High, one of our many rival schools in sports.
"What's her sign?"
I gape at her and let out an unbelievable laugh. Of course.
"Yeah, you have to meet her. She's into that stuff too."
She chuckles at this, throwing her dark hair up into another fixed pony tail and then fixing her crooked nose ring.
"I think she's a taurus or whatever it's called," I inform her of what I recall the twins always saying.
"I like taurus'," she says and then hums in thought before asking, "does she have a hippie vibe?"
"Eh, not really. She's laid back and does what she wants for the most part."
"Feminist?"
"Aren't we all?"
She gawks at me.
"Babe, the internal misogyny in girls is atrocious. Have you heard the way some girls talk about other girls? Absolutely not all."
"True."
"Is she gay then?" she questions and I can't help but out a laugh.
"What does any of this stuff have to do with anything?"
"I don't know. Just most people I know you who are into astrology are usually hippies, gay, feminists—or all of the above," she states confidently and it makes sense for her to say this because Jo herself consists of all of these.
"No," I tell her with an amused smile and then my eyebrows knit together. "I mean I don't think she is. Her parents are super religious so I don't think that would work out too well for her. If she was I'd hope she'd tell me."
"Mm," she hums quietly, nodding at my information. "That's shitty. Religious people suck but to each their own."
"Right," I sigh, feeling bad for the twins. They always seem to be down about their parents on them about something to do with religious morals. I can't imagine how suffocating that would be.
"Not into astrology?" she then asks me. She grabs two cups and fills up two cherry slushees, handing me one after. I mumble a 'thank you' with a pleased smile before we both greet Chris, who's here for next shift.
I shake my head, strolling next to her. "Not really. It's not something I really think about but it's still interesting to read when I'm scrolling through instagram."
"You still get on instagram? That app is trash. Twitter's where it's at."
I chuckle and nod. "I'm nosey so I just like to be in the loop. Twitter is pretty funny though."
I recall plenty of tweets making me laugh out loud. I should get on more.
"I read it like it's the fucking news," she laughs and I follow.
"Hey, what are you doing tonight?" I ask her once I open my car door. I look over the top of my car to see her opening hers. "We keep talking about hanging out and still haven't."
"Typical," she chuckles, taking another sip of her slushee. "If you don't say it a couple times and do nothing about it then you're not doing it right."
I laugh at this.
"But uh, nothing it's me and my exe's anniversary today—well it would've been so I was just going to go home and manifest karma into her life. Why? Did you have something better in mind?"
I try my best not to laugh at this and instead frown at her but the way she said it makes it impossible not to snicker. She lets out a laugh after so it makes me feel better. I didn't realize she and her girlfriend had broken up but I guess I haven't talked to her in person since last summer. I recall her instagram captions giving fresh break up vibes but didn't think much of it.
"My friend Taryn is having some people over so I wanted to see if you wanted to come. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you came with me, plus I think it's gonna be bigger than she expects," I tell her and I can tell my invite makes her happy because an immediate smile twitches at her lips.
"Karma will have to wait another day I suppose," she says with a dramatic sigh and I laugh again, telling her I'll send my address when I get home.
-
"A wet dream about Dylan? While he was sleeping in the same room with you?" Niyah questions with an amused look on her face.
"Yes, in the same bed too," I groan, hating to hear it said out loud. "Embarrassing."
"Embarrassing?" Norah asks, almost seeming baffled. "Lyd, Dylan's gotten pretty hot over the years. . ."
"I don't wanna talk about it," I whine, small flashbacks from the dream playing in my head quickly. It makes me shiver if I think about it too into depth. "It made me feel weird."
I watch as the twins both exchange knowing smirks at one another.
"Wait, did I hear you correctly? You slept in the same bed together?" Niyah asks. "Thought you guys were done doing that when you and Nick started dating."
"I know," I sigh, guilt rushing back in.
I'd already felt bad about it and it was innocent until my mind psychologically betrayed me but it didn't actually happen. I was comforting Dylan like a good friend. Though, I keep the mention of his nightmares to myself, figuring that's not something he wants shared with other people.
"He was really hurt though, guys. It was innocent comforting,"
"I believe you," Norah says with a small warm smile and Niyah nods, despite the shit eating smirk on her face still.
Her and Norah both have the same flabbergasted look on their faces after my explanation of Dylan's whole family situation.
"So he's been staying here ever since?" Niyah asks.
"Yeah," I sigh, feeling my heart ache for him again. I finish dabbing some blush across my naked cheeks for a glowing look. I stare at myself in the mirror a bit longer, really adoring the way my face looks with some color on it. I actually enjoy being sunburnt for that very reason.
"I like Beth but what a cunty thing to do," Niyah says with distaste and I have to agree it was shitty.
"Ew, Niy," Norah cringes, physically shuddering. "You know I hate that word."
Niyah leans in towards Norah's face with a taunting look. "Cunt."
"Do you want decked?"
"Try it," Niyah warns and I know their bickering is playful but if you didn't know them the tension would seem high between them.
"Now now," I tsk at the two like they're children. I move around my room to clean up the things I dragged out in order to get ready. "Jo is coming soon so act right."
"I'm excited to meet her," Norah says with a cute smile on her face. She has her curly hair in a french braid with two little curly strands out in the front and I already know that Niyah did the braid. "We were supposed to meet her like last summer."
"I know," I say. "Never actually made the plans. You know how it goes."
"Right."
"What's she look like?" Niyah asks, eyes up at the ceiling as she lays back on my bed.
"Dark medium length hair, nose ring, brown eyes, pale skin. Hippie vibe. She's really pretty," I tell them, throwing dirty clothes in my hamper. "Her and her ex-girlfriend's anniversary would've been today so maybe she'll meet someone new at Taryn's."
"She's gay?" Niyah questions.
"Mhm," I hum, suddenly wondering what it would be like to date a girl.
Jo's super pretty and has an awesome personality so anyone would be super lucky to have her. If only I could like girls like that. I've only ever been able to see them as friends but of course, to each their own and you can't help the way you feel.
"Ah," is all Niyah says back. That reminds me of Jo asking me about Niyah being gay herself. No way. She would definitely tell me. She would have no reason not to.
"What?" Niyah asks me with a weird look and a quirked eyebrow and I realize I'd been staring at her longer than normal.
"Nothing." I shake my head.
"I couldn't imagine dating a girl. I feel like I'm super needy," Norah comments and I laugh, nodding.
"Same," I agree.
"Not all girls are that way." Niyah rolls her eyes.
"You think you're not needy?" Norah asks her.
"Not really," she replies. "I think I can be but not that bad."
"Yeah, alright," Norah snorts.
"Fuck you," Niyah remarks, nudging her twin and that's when I get a text from Jo that she's here.
"Knock it off," I scold the twins once more before heading downstairs to greet Jo.
When I open the front door, Jo's standing there with a happy smile on her face, hands holding onto her book bag straps and I already assume she has her alcohol contents in there. She has her dark hair down with a black bandana wrapped around, a white cut off shirt with a black sports bra underneath and tan shorts with sandals. She looks super cute.
"Heard there's a party? I brought drinks," she whispers, looking around my house for—I assume— an adult.
I laugh at her, gently pulling her by her forearm into my house.
"The famous twins," Jo says in astonishment like she's never seen twins in person before but she says this because I talk about them a lot. Though they're not actually identical, they do look a lot alike. I laugh, realizing that they're standing behind me with curious matching green eyes.
"Jo, this is Norah and Niyah, the famous twins. Guys this is Jo," I introduce the girls once she's in the house.
"Hi. Nice to meet you," Norah says with a sweet smile that makes me smile myself. "Man, you are really pretty."
Jo chuckles and looks at me flattered with a hand over her heart. "Telling your friends I'm really pretty before bringing me over? Are we dating?"
"Yes," I joke back but my cheeks become hot because she is really gay and really pretty.
"Niyah. . ." Jo restates her name with a slightly confused stare. "I swear you look familiar."
"Probably my instagram," I chuckle and Jo nods, still glancing back at Niyah a few more times. "Or at a lacrosse game. She goes to Dylan's games with me a lot."
"Yeah, probably," Niyah chuckles as well and her demeanor seems nervous—something I don't see a lot but maybe it's for the same reason I became flustered. Jo's beauty and aura is a bit intimating because she's so confident. "It's nice to meet you though."
"So Norah, Niyah?" Jo asks, pointing to the twins as she says their names. "Is that right? Sorry. It's gonna take me a minute to figure out who is who because they both start with N's."
"That's alright," Niyah chuckles. "Happens a lot."
My phone vibrates in my back jean shorts pocket and I reach for it, reading the screen.
babe<3
leaving my house
I frown at his plain text. I'd told him at school to let me know when he was heading over to Taryn's so we could meet up. Usually he sends me emojis of some kind but I noticed he was off in school since yesterday, considering he didn't even sit with me at lunch and barely spoke to me in the hallways. I assume it's because I didn't stay.
okay babe, see u soon <3
"Okay, Nick's leaving his house. We can go ahead and head over there."
"Let me grab my stuff from upstairs," Norah says and Niyah nudges her before she begins to leave.
"Hey, just grab my stuff too since you're going up," she tells her and Norah groans but doesn't object.
"Such a good sister," Niyah gloats and I shake my head.
"Leaving?" I hear my mom say. All three of us turn to see her standing in the kitchen doorway with a glass of wine in her hand.
"Yep." I nod.
Her eyes narrow at me in a light playful manner.
"Make good choices."
"Usually do," I respond with a small cheesy grin. "As you're the one holding a glass of wine."
We all laugh.
"Oh yeah. I'm getting crazy tonight," mom jokes and my smile lingers. She hums, giving me an amused stare before her eyes avert Niyah and then curiously to Jo. "Hi, Niyah and hi there—?."
"Hi, how are you? I'm Jo. I work with Lydia at the pool," Jo greets her with a warm smile. She seems like the type where friend's parents like her.
"Oh! You're Jo. She's mentioned you a couple times. It's good to finally meet you and put a face with the name." Mom smiles back at her. "I'm Mandy."
"Yes," she chuckles sweetly. "Nice to meet you as well."
"You girls have fun, okay? But not too much to where you don't make it back for curfew. Lyd, midnight, please," mom says with an expected look and I nod.
"Got it."
"Don't worry, Mandy. We'll keep her out of trouble," Niyah says with a tight nod and deceitful innocent eyes. I roll my own.
"Oh, I'm betting on it," mom says back with an amused look. Despite her teasing, she knows the twins are good girls and have good intentions.
We exchange I love you's before the girls and I head out the door.
I'm nervous and giddy on the way there. Giddy because I have my best friends and new friend hanging out tonight, plus socializing with people from school. And nervous because I will have to be socializing around people from school tonight but it's an exciting way to start the summer off.
It's seven thirty by the time we get there. I turn down the blaring music, my voice hurting from all the loud sing-alongs.
Taryn's house is nice. I've always liked coming over because it's so pretty with the outdated modern look her parents apparently designed themselves and not to mention big enough to host a get together like she is, which makes me feel better about quite a few people being here.
A faint beat to some r&b song plays behind the doors before entering and then once inside, I recognize the heavenly voice that belongs to SZA singing Good Days. Taryn has good music taste and suddenly I'm even more excited to be here.
A few curious eyes are on us as we enter but I recognize everyone from school and we greet them as we move through—not forgetting to introduce Jo in the process.
I look around for Nick but find him nowhere yet. I'm about to text and ask where he is but then I hear Taryn call our names, coming up to us with a big grin, long blonde hair braided, a mike's drink in hand. She wears her usual athletic attire. White nike shorts and a plain colored sports shirt. She seems happy at the moment and I bet being surrounded by all her friends and more helps.
"Oh, I'm glad you guys are here," she sighs in relief. "I hope no one gets bored. I don't want to entertain people. I just wanna get fucked up."
She sways into Niyah before wrapping her arms around the twin's shoulders sloppily, almost spilling her drink on Norah in the process.
Niyah chuckles, "How many of those have you had?"
"Eh, like four so far and a shot but I'm about to take another one and so are y'all," she says before cheesing and then glancing over at Jo. "Hi, I'm Taryn. I live here."
"Hi," Jo chuckles in amusement at the wound up girl. "I'm Jo. I go to Logan and work with Lydia at the pool."
"Nice. Good to meet you, glad you're here. Let's go take shots," she says quickly before pulling Niyah and Norah with her.
I look at Jo and laugh. "This should be an eventful night."
"God, I hope so," she remarks. "I could use some entertainment."
As we begin to follow the girls, I spot Dylan across the room, hand in pocket and the other holding a water bottle as he listens to his friends talk. My lips twitch at the sight. He's wearing a plain white shirt with a silver chain and a gray backwards hat on his head. Plain neutral colored shirts always look really good on him. I can't help raking my eyes up and down his posture a few times. He looks an awful lot like a frat boy, yet so seemingly innocent when you glance at the nonalcoholic drink in his hand.
"Dylan," I call out to him with a smile. He looks over at me, a genuine grin creeping on his face at the sight of me but mine falters when I see a certain blonde headed girl walk up and place her hands over his eyes from behind him. I watch as he becomes confused and turns to find it's Ambree. Guess who, she mouths with a devious side smile.
He laughs, turning around and pulling her into a side hug and that's when I avert my eyes from the interaction. I feel my heart skip a beat but it's a horrible feeling. Not like when something exciting happens. God, why her? It's almost enough to ruin my night.
"Who is that?" I hear Jo ask from beside me.
"Dylan?" I ask if that's what shes asking.
"No, I know who Dylan is, bitch. You talk about him all the time. Who's the girl all over him? I didn't know he had a girlfriend," she says, watching the scene unfold as we continue to walk to the kitchen.
"He doesn't," I mutter, swallowing. "That's Ambree. Not a big fan of her. At all."
"But he is?"
"Becoming one, apparently."
"Excuse my internal misogyny but she does has that bitch look to her," Jo says and I look at her and chuckle lightly because Ambree isn't a nice girl. She's two faced and I can't think of anything more that Dylan hates. He values authenticity, so I can't comprehend how he can stand her. "God, that was so judgmental. . . Let me take that back but like—not actually."
Once we're in the kitchen, the three girls are talking amongst themselves. Jo's still fixed on me. "Does that upset you?"
"Ambree and Dylan?" I ask to make sure we're still on the subject. I lean back against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. Somehow it bothers me more after the dream I had.
She nods, gripping her backpack straps.
"I mean, kind of. She's just not a good character, ya know. . . but if they end up together and he's happy then I can't be that mad," I say, looking down and fidgeting with my fingers. I can't imagine her actually making him happy.
"Uh, not to mention she had a sex dream about him and now she's secretly in love with him," Niyah suddenly says and I gasp, reaching out to push her. I didn't realize they were listening but the three of them are turned to us.
"Shut up!" I glare at her, honestly kind of upset she exposed me like that. I don't want everyone knowing that. It's weird. Niyah mutters that she's kidding but I feel my cheeks already getting hot. "I am not in love with him either."
I roll my eyes.
"Oh fuck," Jo frowns at this information. "Is that why you were so off at work today?"
I shrug, biting at my bottom lip. The dream is stuck in my head. Just the way it made me feel. . .
"Yeah, dude. Dreams are weird as fuck. The way they make you feel towards people after is so odd. Even people you literally never associate with," Jo comments.
"I did a paper on dreams in my psychology class. It was really interesting. Uh. . . Sigmund Freud said that dreams are basically our deepest desires but I don't know if I believe that because I have some wack ass dreams that don't make sense at all," Taryn slurs after taking a sip of her drink and then eyeing one of the liquor bottles in front of her.
"Is that a deep desire of yours, Lyd?" Niyah teases me, prodding me with her finger and I smack her away once again.
"No," I mumble, lips forming into a pout like an angry child. I mean, of course it's something I've thought about before but I wouldn't consider it some deep desire of mine. I feel like that might just be human nature, especially for our age.
"I might be into girls but Dylan's cute, bro," Jo says with raised eyebrows and I hear Norah agree again.
Jo's statement makes me glance at Taryn momentarily, considering it was rumored that she had gotten with a girl recently. She quickly glances at Jo and then catches my eye before putting her drink up to her mouth. I'm not sure what to think of it.
We all look back in Dylan's direction. His grin is big as he talks within his friend group, laughing and then busting small hip thrusts into the air a few times to the music playing. I let out my own amused laugh with the girls as we witness this. He honestly has some rhythm and somehow doesn't look like a complete idiot. I'm just glad he's at least having a good time. He deserves that.
"Anyway, let's take a shot," Niyah suddenly says and I groan as she pulls on my arm to move me up by the counter with her.
"Don't peer pressure her if she doesn't want to," Norah scolds Niyah. "I know it's on the list but if you really feel like this messes with your. . . I don't know—morals? Then don't do it."
"What list?" Jo and Taryn both ask, chuckling together afterwards.
"Basically a bucket list for summer," Norah answers proudly and Jo continues to ask what all's on it while Norah tells her.
"Oh my god. Quit being prudes," Niyah says despite what Norah thinks and it makes me laugh because the two are so different, yet so in sync in certain aspects.
I guess I just feel like I was going to ruin that innocent and pure part of myself, and to be honest—and not to be that person but I was somewhat glad to say I was one of the many teens who hadn't drank yet. I never understood the appeal—to not remember anything or be in control of what you're doing. But my mind and Niyah both convinced me enough that it wasn't a big deal like I thought it was because then why do so many people like to drink?
"What are we taking shots of?" I ask, giving in and Niyah gets a big eat shitting grin on her face. Norah smiles amusedly, shrugging.
"We have a shit ton of stuff," Taryn says, hand waving in front of the display of alcohols sitting on the island counter in front of us. I'm amazed by how many there are. I pick one up and stare at the fancy brown bottle. Hennessy, it reads. The next one I read is, Fireball.
"Fireball is fucking nasty," Jo comments with a strong grimace at the bottle. I feel her physically shutter from beside me. "I would say your best bet is crown."
"I like crown," Niyah then says to her.
"Apple or vanilla?" Jo asks her with an intent look, looking like she's waiting for a certain answer.
"Peach."
"Oh wow," Jo says with raised eyebrows, tone impressed. "That was a trick question and I can't believe you passed. The first to ever. I like you."
I smile to myself at their interaction. I watch Niyah grin in flattery before Jo takes off her backpack and pulls out a bottle of liquor that I then assume is the alcohol they're talking about. Niyah reaches for solo cups and watches Jo pour the peach crown into five of them.
"Lyd, Norah, we're taking peach crown," Niyah states and I look around for Nick. I think he'll be pleased to know I'm about to come out of my comfort zone.
Once we're all standing around each other with our cups in our hands, we look at each other with smiles. I'm about to bring it up to my nose and smell it before Niyah quickly grabs my arm, stopping me from doing so.
"I wouldn't."
"Yeah, you never smell it before you drink it," Taryn says with a laugh.
"Now I'm scared," I chuckle nervously, staring at them with a concerned look and Norah has the same look on her face.
"Woman up," Niyah says firmly with a glare and Jo chuckles next to her.
"Okay, what's our cheers? We have to have one," Norah speaks, seeming giddy about this as she has an anticipated smile on her cute face.
"What about. . . to staying healthy and taking our shots," Taryn suggests but Niyah shakes her head.
"No, to taking Norah and Lydia's shot—well alcohol virginities," Niyah insists with a nod of her head, looking pleased.
"Eh, I wouldn't say virginity because I have had a sip of mom's wine," I state matter of factly.
Both Niyah and Jo stare at me blankly before shaking their heads and we all laugh together.
"Fuck it," Niyah remarks, holding up her drink in the middle of us again. "To taking Norah and Lydia's alcohol virginities."
We clink our plastic cups before throwing them back. The liquid burns down my throat and the taste is excruciatingly revolting, like rubbing alcohol with a hint of peach flavor but it goes down.
"Jesus," I shudder, face scrunched up as I deal with the aftertaste. "How do people drink this all the time?"
"You get used to it," Niyah says, patting me on the back.
I look at Jo who blinks slowly at me and shakes her head, mouthing, "No, you don't."
I laugh but I feel good about this. Stimulated to have a good time tonight. I look around for Nick once again. Where the hell is he?
"Proud of you," Niyah says, sending air kisses towards Norah and I. "Here, sip on this. You guys should like it."
From out of her bag, she hands us red colored smirnoffs. She opens one for me and I take my first drink. The taste is way better than the liquor we'd just taken a shot from.
"This is actually good," Norah comments and I agree.
"If you guys want more, just let me know. I have a shit ton in here," Niyah tells us.
"Where did you even get all those?" Norah asks her, seeming confused about her underaged twin's accessibility to so much alcohol.
"Don't worry about it," her twin chuckles back at her. Norah rolls her eyes but I know she's still curious.