"What are you thinking?!" I pulled my hand away from his as soon as he stopped around the corner of the hall. Stepping away from him, I gave him a glare.
Me, dating Eunwoo?
Why would he say that? I felt angry, but I couldn't keep my heart from speeding up and my cheeks burning.
"Hey, I just saved you. Why are you mad at me?" He scowled and crossed his arms. I humphed and looked away with a pout.
"Saved me? I was doing fine; thank you."
"Sure you were." I could hear the laughter in his voice. Ugh, this was so frustrating. I wanted to be mad at him but I had to admit it had felt good to see the look on Rocky's face. It felt almost like I had redeemed myself from the shame of falling for him. But still, the feelings inside of me were ecstatic, running through my blood and making every part of my body hot and tingly. Why did it have to be Eunwoo? It upset me how every time he looked at me I lost myself.
I couldn't control myself.
"Now everyone will think I'm dating you." I said in a low voice, blushing some more.
"So?" My eyes shot up at his response.
So?
What did that mean?
"Minhyuk won't bother you anymore. Besides, who cares what everyone thinks? We know it's not like that..."
a pause,
"right?" His voice was strained, a little less enthusiastic. I saw him bite his lip nervously as he turned back to look at me. I sighed, nodding slowly,
"Thanks Eunwoo, for saving me."
He smiled and seemed to brighten a bit, then suddenly looked troubled,
"We're late for class now though."
It was fifteen minutes of after class detention after that, sitting in the back of the classroom working on homework. I tried to pay attention to my studies but Eunwoo's words were still ringing in my mind, coming back and making my heart frustrated.
"No, she's dating me."
Was it the way he said it that had made me blush? I glanced over to where he was biting his pencil and staring at his page. There was something about him that made me feel... how shall I describe it? Almost—giddy? A feeling where my mind felt like it was spinning and my heart went wild.
Could I be falling for him? Could I be falling for Cha Eunwoo?
No, I can't fall for him!
I forced my eyes back to my paper, shaking my head furiously in frustration. I couldn't like him, anyone but him. I could see it replaying, the rejection and the pain.
Eunwoo has eyes for someone else, liking him will only hurt.
"Alright! Detention up." As soon as the teacher spoke Eunwoo jumped to his feet. I sighed and packed up my things silently.
"Come on Soohyun, I'm hungry for ice cream." He leaned against my desk impatiently.
"You're buying it." I told him, not looking up in fear I wouldn't be able to control my feelings.
"Fine Miss grumpy, it's not like I don't buy it every time anyway." I glanced up for a second to see him make a face at me. It took a lot to keep from smiling.
" I don't want to see either of you late to class again or that's a instant write-up." Mrs. Jang said with ice in her voice. Both of us bowed politely to her and escaped the place, letting out sighs of relief.
"Well if this keeps happening I might be able to outpace Minhyuk." Eunwoo said brightly. I raised an eyebrow,
"Really?"
"Because of you I got all of this detention studying." He said. I stuck my tongue out at him in defiance,
"I'm not the only one getting in trouble Cha Eunwoo."
He laughed. And damn, I couldn't explain how much I loved that laugh. It was deep and golden, and there was something contagious about it.
Eunwoo, what are you doing to me?
It was sunny outside, unusually warm for a November afternoon. I stretched and closed my eyes for a moment to let the sunshine bathe my face. Although the pieces of my heart were still barely holding together I couldn't help but feel happy. Nothing else really mattered, and I was good at blocking it out.
"Hurry up! Aren't you coming?" I opened my eyes to see Eunwoo. He was standing at the bottom of the steps, wearing an impatient expression. I smiled and nodded quickly before hurrying down the steps to him. I paused at the bottom, spotting a familiar student out of the corner of my eye.
Park Jinwoo.
He was seated on a bench, his head low and earphones covering the side of his head and pale hair. I noticed wounds on his face, and he looked upset.
"Eunwoo?" I looked back momentarily and Eunwoo stopped to look behind his shoulder.
"Huh? Is something wrong?"
"No, just go on without me." I said distractedly, then saying in a more bright voice,
"Remember, chocolate caramel with strawberry ice cream." I made sure to specify my order. Eunwoo's brow furrowed,
"Why don't you want to come?"
I pouted and shaded my eyes with my hand dramatically,
"It's too far to walk, I'm hot."
Eunwoo laughed and shook his head at me,
"I can't believe you Lee Soohyun." He sighed and expressed a small shrug,
"Whatever. I'll be back soon." He turned to jog away, calling over his shoulder;
"And don't get into trouble!"
I smiled and watched him leave, turning back to look at Jinwoo. He didn't notice I was approaching him until I sat down on the bench beside him. His lips twitched as if he was mouthing the music and he looked up slowly at me. Up close, I could see the bruises and scrapes on his face.
Why had he gotten into a fight?
"I don't want to talk." He said simply, looking back down at his feet. I sighed, following his gesture.
"I know, I'm just worried."
He didn't respond, almost as if he couldn't hear me through his music. I stared down at my own shoes; swinging my feet gently. I really wanted to know the real Jinwoo, I wanted to be his friend. But it seemed he didn't want to let me in. I swallowed and spoke again, not caring if he heard me or not,
"I know you had a reason. The fight, I mean. I know you don't do something without having a good reason, Jinwoo. It's one thing I've learned about you."
Jinwoo stopped nodding his head to the music and I saw him wringing his hands in his lap, biting his lip, eyes wavering.
I turned my head to look at him again,
"You don't have to fight alone, you know that; right?" I cautiously put a hand on his back. He flinched slightly but didn't move away as I patted gently.
Reaching up, he slid the earphones from his ears. He took a deep breath, swallowed, and turned to face me.
"I'm sorry Soohyun, I tried my best." His voice shook and I wondered if he was going to cry.
"I... there were four of them, one of them grabbed the girl and..." he clenched his teeth and exhaled. A moment passed as he glared at the ground. Then he spoke in a slightly lower voice,
"They were harassing her, Soohyun. I couldn't let that happen."
I nodded slowly, thinking it over. Jinwoo had only been trying to protect a student, and had managed to knock out two.
"It's hard, isn't it? Moving to a new school." I took a deep breath and leaned back against the bench. Jinwoo didn't answer for a moment, then looked back at me, his big eyes slightly teary,
"I hated it there Soohyun, everyone hated me in Seoul." His eyes wandered away once again,
"They always hurt me, forced me to do things for them."
A pause, and another sigh.
"Then finally, I stood up to them. I fought them and I hurt them back." He bit his lip again and looked like he was reliving the bad memory,
"I regret it, you know. All of it."
I sat up and faced him, tipping my head so I could meet his eyes.
"You're trying to do the right thing, Jinwoo. Isn't that really what matters?"
He didn't answer for a long moment, silently playing with his fingers in thought. Then he looked up slowly,
"Thanks Soohyun. You're the first person to understand me."
I smiled and put my arms around him, hoping to cheer him up a bit. He seemed a bit surprised at first but then hugged me back tightly, as if he had needed a hug all along.
It was only a few minutes later that Eunwoo arrived with two ice cream cones. I was still sat next to Jinwoo, silently happy that he wasn't the ruthless violent person everyone thought he was, and even more happy to see ice cream.
"Oh hi JinJin!" Eunwoo smiled as he saw the other student, sitting down on the bench beside me. He handed me the ice cream and I felt my mouth watering already. I hesitated, looking over at the student beside me. Silently, I passed it to Jinwoo. He looked up in surprise,
"For me?" He asked in that deep fragile voice of his. I nodded, insisting. Cautiously, as if I might change my mind, he took the treat from me. Then he smiled, a smile that immediately lit up his face and made his eyes squint.
I felt a rush of sudden joy. This was the real Jinwoo, this was a beginning of a new friendship.
And for once I saw genuine happiness in the depth of his soft eyes.
—————
The temperature dropped drastically as soon the sun dipped past the horizon that evening, making me shiver in my thin shirt and short dress. Even though it was spring, winter still came back occasionally to haunt us. Jangmin had finished after school basketball late, and I had insisted on staying until it was over. I was still worried about him, I didn't want him hurting himself again. I stayed close to him, casting anxious glances to make sure he was alright. Nothing seemed different, he still smiled, laughed, spoke. What had happened to make him do such a thing to himself?
The house was warm and welcoming to my shivering body when I stepped inside, throwing my bag to the side. A meal was already set out on the table, drawing the attention of my brother immediately. He grabbed a pair of chopsticks and flopped down in front of the food. I half consciously wondered where Uncle Dong was. Had he gone on another unexpected trip?
I held back a sigh, trudging off to my room. Another stack of books, papers, and worthless words. More hours of brain cell torture. I was greeted with a small cardboard box on the desk, tied with a string. A tag had my name written on it.
A gift?
I sat down and took my hair out of its tie. The clock read 4:00pm, which gave me enough time to finish all my studying and go to bed early. I was already so tired that my eyelids felt heavier than my heart.
I looked down at the box and slowly untied the string. Was this from Uncle Dong? Hesitantly, almost anxiously, opened it. I was surprised to find an old book sitting inside. It wore a weathered leather cover with 'note' embroidered into it. A sticky note was attached. I read it out loud,
"This is your mother's diary. I've had it for a while and I decided it's time for you to have it..." I paused,
"signed, your father..."
Picking up the notebook in my hands, I cradled the worn cover. My fingers shook as I held it up to my face.
God, it still smelled like her... I felt tears already making my eyes wet. I flipped past the pages, carefully, examining the ink written words.
Pages, yellowed papers full of secrets.
Full of stories.
Full of answers.