Life seemed bleak to me as I sat in front of the window in Louise's bedroom, staring out at the dreary scenery. I had arrived at the Abbott's estate earlier that afternoon for a regular visit, hoping that by some slim chance, I may be able to have a pleasant conversation with my friend for once, but I really should have known better. I could not remember the last time that I had enjoyed spending time with her. Honestly, I was not even certain if such a time even existed. As always, Louise was complaining about how I had abandoned her and broken my promise. It did not take long before I lost interest in listening to her and resorted to staring out at the fog-shrouded forest
"You gave me your word that you would let me introduce you to no more than three of the contestants! The only men that we talked to were Matthew Caldwell and Jonathan Gilmore, both of which you already know!" she rambled. "Helene, are you even listening to me?"
"Yes, I am listening, Louise," I sighed, turning to face her. "I am sorry, but my father was looking for me."
"Your father is always looking for you!" she declared, throwing her hands up into the air. "How does he expect you to find yourself a husband if he will not allow you to meet anyone?"
In complete honesty, my father rarely ever called for me. I prayed that God would forgive me for that, but I usually used that as an excuse to get away from Matthew Caldwell and his friend. I could understand if he wished to get to know me a bit better, but I dearly wished that he would open his eyes and see that I was not interested in him in the slightest. I also wished that Louise would open her eyes and realize that I had absolutely no desire to get married anytime soon. Do not misunderstand, I have seen many men whom I find more or less desirable. The only problem was that most of them were arrogant and selfish.
"I am unsure of that myself," I said, hoping to convince her that I did have a slight hope for marriage.
"Perhaps I should have James arrange a meeting for you and his elder brother. Matthew Caldwell is a fine gentleman."
I shivered at the thought, "I doubt that James would do such a favour for me. We do not exactly get along the greatest."
"You may be right," she pondered over the issue. "What about Jonathan Gilmore? Is he not the most handsome man you have ever laid eyes on?"
"Jonathan Gilmore?" I let out a small giggle. "I must admit that both he and his elder brother are handsome; however, I do not believe that would work well either. He is a nobleman after all."
"That is true. I imagine that he is already engaged to a different woman. You know how high-society is."
What Louise said was certainly true. In high-society, it seemed that a family's goal in life was to marry their children off to whomever they felt would help them increase in both wealth and rank. The whole ordeal sounded horribly selfish. It might please the parents, but did it honestly please the poor children who would have to tolerate the strangers that they had to live with for the rest of their lives? I doubted that. In my family, our own goal had always been to keep the family alive. If we had wanted to maintain a purely German bloodline, we would have remained in Germany.
Everything out here was so different from what I was originally accustomed to. Since my arrival, nearly thirteen years ago, I had worked feverishly to master the English language, as well as England's many customs and rules of etiquette. There had been many times that I had wanted nothing more than to simply give up and return to our homeland, but deep down I knew that it was unlikely to happen. It seemed that we were destined to spend the rest of our lives stuck in England.
"Yes, I know exactly how society can be," I answered, despite the fact that I was still deep in thought.
I could honestly say that the thought of Jonathan Gilmore being engaged had never before crossed my mind. Thinking back on my conversation with Caroline about him, it had actually sounded as though he was not promised to anyone. In fact, it had almost seemed as though she were to trying to encourage me to get to know him better. As if that was going to happen. I quickly shook that thought from my mind and went back to concentrating on Louise. Why should I care whether he was engaged or not?
"Whomever he marries will be a fortunate woman," Louise said. "She will have a desirable husband and an extremely large fortune," she sighed, "everything that a woman could possibly dream of."
I rolled my eyes as I averted them to the window once again. However, the moment that I did so, I noticed that there was a carriage pulling up in front of the house. "Were your parents expecting more guests?"
"Oh! I completely forgot to tell you that my parents had invited the Caldwell's over for dinner," she explained.
"What?!" I exclaimed. My world had just come crashing down on top of me in the blink of an eye. How could she do this to me? Knowing her as well as I did, this was probably one of her twisted schemes to find me a prospective suitor! This was a complete and utter nightmare! There was no way that I could avoid him until my father came to pick me up after dinner. I was doomed to a never-ending evening of being uncomfortable.
"Since you are here, now would be a good opportunity for you to get to know Matthew Caldwell. Who knows, perhaps one day we will be sisters," she giggled with delight, as she rushed out of the room.
"I need to find a better friend," I mumbled to myself, as I whispered a quick prayer and followed after her.
"Hurry up, Helene!" she exclaimed, racing down the stairs and to the front door.
For some reason, Louise always seemed to be excited whenever James was around. Personally, I could not see what was so exciting about him. He happened to be nothing more than a selfish, mean-spirited brat who just so happened to fancy her, and that was only because her family was fairly wealthy. If she had any common sense whatsoever, she would have seen that he only wanted her for her dowry.
"It is good to see you again, Harold," I heard Mr. Caldwell greet Mr. Abbott.
"Helene, come out and greet the Caldwell's!" Louise insisted, pulling me out onto the front porch.
"I am coming," I assured her. They all seemed quite surprised to see me, but clearly Matthew was more so than the others. I could see how his eyes widened and a huge grin broke out on his face. How I wished that I had come a day later as I had originally planned.
"Miss Hoffman, it is nice to see you again," Mrs. Caldwell greeted me with a tender smile.
"It is nice to see you all as well."
As we escorted them inside and into the dining room, I could hear Mrs. Caldwell and Mrs. Abbott whispering behind me. "Such a polite young lady," I heard one of them say. "It is no wonder your daughter is so fond of her."
"That is not the reason why she is fond of me," I muttered under my breath.
"Miss Hoffman," Matthew called, as he walked up beside me. "Are you staying for dinner?"
"It is indeed my intention," I answered, trying my hardest to be polite, even though I was screaming at him on the inside. Was he stupid? Of course I was staying for dinner! I would not be walking next to him if I had any other choice.
Sadly, he continued to question me. "Do you visit the Abbotts often?"
"I do occasionally visit them," I replied, just as we arrived in the dining room. I attempted to sit as far away from him as possible, but my attempt failed miserably. I found myself trapped between James Caldwell and Mrs. Abbott, and across from Matthew. I was surrounded by people who made me feel uncomfortable.
"Reverend, would you bless the food?" Mr. Abbott asked.
"Of course," Mr. Caldwell replied, folding his hands and closing his eyes. "Sovereign Lord, we give thanks for this opportunity to gather with our friends. We give thanks for the food you have put before us, and may you bless the hands that have prepared it. In your holy name we pray, Amen."
"Amen," everyone echoed.
Then, all at once the room began to erupt with chatter. Servants came in and set down tray after tray of food on the table. By the time they were finished, there was hardly enough room for the china and silverware. There was so much food that one could feed an army. Although, with the way that Matthew and Mr. Caldwell ate, you would think we had nearly twenty starving men in the room. There was pork, lamb, chicken, cheese, mashed potatoes, peas and carrots, dinner rolls, and even a large blueberry pie. My whole household could not eat that much.
"How are your music lessons going, Miss Hoffman?" Mrs. Caldwell asked.
"They are going well, I must say. Miss Gilmore is an excellent teacher," I replied with a smile.
"Yes, it is a pity that she wastes her good looks. She does resemble her mother quite beautifully," Mrs. Abbott remarked.
"I agree that she does resemble her mother; however, I am quite certain that she could still find a husband if she wished," Mrs. Caldwell defended her.
I smiled at Mrs. Caldwell appreciatively. There was nothing that I hated more than when others disrespected my music teacher. She was amazing just the way she was. I admired the fact that she had chosen not to marry, and did not for a moment believe that she was wasting her good looks. If anything, she was only showcasing her true beauty through the kindness and patience that she showed her students.
"Do you like music, Miss Hoffman?" Matthew asked from across the table.
"Yes, I am actually quite fond of it."
"Of course, she is not nearly as talented as me," Louise boasted. "Miss Gilmore says that I am one of her best pupils."
"My Louise does seem to have a special talent for music," Mrs. Abbott joined in.
Before that moment, I had been managing to enjoy myself somewhat, but everything went down hill from that point forward. Sadly this was the issue with having Louise as a friend. Whenever we were in the presence of important, members of high-society, she would brag about how she was better than me at everything. It tended to make me feel as if it were true.
I had confronted her about it a couple of times before, but she always just laughed it off and pretended that I was joking. I let out a small, quiet sigh. To me, friendship, and marriage, consisted of nothing but toleration and pure misery. I honestly could not see anything else in it at that moment.
"Will you need a ride home, Miss Hoffman?" Mr. Abbott offered. "I can easily have the carriage prepared."
"That is all right. My father will be coming right after dinner."
"Are you not coming fishing with us?" young Mary Caldwell asked. "We often go over to the pond after dinner."
"I am not fond of fishing. Besides, I do not think that I shall have the time to go with you."
While we finished our food, I occasionally caught the two families glancing over at me as if I had just said something utterly appalling. By the time dinner was over, I was more than eager to leave. I would definitely have to ask whether they were expecting more guests next time .... If there was a next time. I was not entirely certain about that.