The following day was strange. Alex was gone from the room by the time I woke up, and then he was absent from breakfast.
When Juliette had asked where he was, all I could do was awkwardly smile and say he wasn't hungry. Based on the surprised looks that crossed both hers and Isabelle's faces, I guessed that had never happened.
My duties kept me busy and away from Alex all day and so I didn't even see him until dinner time. He chatted easily enough with everyone else but practically ignored me. And then after everyone had eaten, rather than being pulled away like he usually was, he'd been the one to initiate a conversation with a few men.
"Everything alright?" Reed asked, coming up to me.
Not wanting to worry him or ruin our time together, I forced a smile and nodded. "Just princess stuff," I joked, earning a chuckle from him.
We talked and laughed some more, and I teased him about how miserable he looked every time he was made the center of attention. Both nights, the king had toasted Reed and each time, he'd looked horribly uncomfortable.
Being near him and his goofy personality I was almost able to forget whatever was going on with Alex. Almost. Unable to help it, I'd checked on him several times over the course of my conversation with Reed, and each time, Alex had been scowling about something. I sighed internally and wondered if he would be just as closed off tonight as he'd been before. Maybe he'd be even more guarded.
I half expected Alex to leave the room without me, but at the end of the evening he appeared beside me, looking just as irritated as he had all evening. It didn't escape my notice that he didn't take my hand the way he usually did.
Reed, obviously feeling the tension didn't wait to be dismissed or attempt to carry on some sort of forced conversation. Instead, he looked between Alex and me, and bowed. "Good evening, Your Highness."
As he stood upright and turned to go, the locket he wore swung lightly into place. Alex's gaze zeroed in on the movement and his eyes narrowed.
Was he jealous? Was that what this was all about? He must recognize the locket. Before I gave it to Reed, I'd worn it every day since Papa had given it to me.
Well at least I had some clue about what he was thinking now. Crazy as it was, at least it was an explanation.
Alex gripped my arm and began ushering me from the room. His hold was a little tight and I cringed slightly, but didn't say anything.
We walked in silence the whole way back to our bedroom and by the time we reached it, there wasn't any question in my mind. He was jealous and he was angry.
Part of me wanted to laugh it off because it was so absurd, but I knew that wouldn't be helpful. I was at a loss over how to deal with this though. I'd never seen him angry before. Certainly not when I was the one he was angry with.
He toed off his shoes and kicked them across the floor before ripping off his jacket and violently tossing it away.
"Alex, please talk to me," I tried.
He paused and scowled at me before resuming his task of beating up his clothes.
"Are you going to be mad at me forever without even telling me why?" I said, frustrated.
"Why!" he repeated and took the few steps to stand in front of me. The suddenness of his movements made me flinch.
"You..." he sarted. "He..." Obviously, he wanted to accuse me of something, but he couldn't. Reed and I hadn't done anything even mildly inappropriate.
"Why is he wearing your locket?" he finally asked.
"Because I gave it to him," I said. When he clenched his jaw in anger, I added, "it's just a necklace."
"A necklace that you love! I thought it was stolen when those men took you. I couldn't imagine you ever voluntarily taking it off!"
I sighed, feeling tired and knowing this argument wasn't going to be easily ended.
"He saved my life, Alex," I said. "My locket did mean a lot to me, but so did what Reed did. Giving it to him was the only way I could think of to show some kind of gratitude."
"Your father showed him plenty of gratitude," he argued.
"I know," I said. "But I wanted to do something for myself."
He just frowned.
"You weren't even happy because you couldn't thank him personally," I reminded him. "Would you have honestly expected me to feel that because Papa paid someone off, I didn't owe them any gratitude? That's not who I am."
Clearly he still didn't like it, but he knew that was true. It was probably the part where Reed had actually been wearing the locket, that he hated so much.
I took his hand. "Let's not fight," I said. "Please? I love you. I married you."
That didn't make him look any happier.
"Yeah, you did," said before pulling his hand free of mine and resuming the process of getting ready for bed.
I crossed my arms and frowned, realizing that he had no intention of saying anything else. He planned on sulking for another night and totally ignoring me.
When he reached for the blanket, I angrily ripped it from his hand.
"No." I threw it back into place. "Talk to me," I demanded.
He scowled at me for a moment before he said, "yes, you married me. Because you didn't have any other choice."
Stunned, I stared at him.
"Or no bearable choices, at least," he added bitterly.
"I married you because I love you," I said. "You're being ridiculous!"
Clearly, he didn't appreciate being told that last part. His frown deepened.
"Can you honestly tell me that you're glad you had the restrictions you did?" he said. "That you didn't wish for more freedom?"
"Of course not."
"So you wish you'd had more freedom."
I couldn't imagine why this was making him so mad. He, of all people, knew how much I always hated how restricted I'd been.
"If your father had given you more freedom, you'd have chosen someone else," he accused.
My instinct was to roll my eyes, but I knew that reaction wouldn't be helpful right now. Instead, I crossed my arms and stared at him. Of course I couldn't deny that because it would have meant an entirely different life than the one I'd had. Papa would have been and entirely different person, and so would I.
"You'd have chosen him," he spat. "Or someone like him."
"No, I wouldn't have," I said. "Alex, I married you because I wanted to. Because I love you. I don't love anyone else and I never would have."
"Yes, you would," he insisted. "If you'd grown up differently, you would have easily fallen in love with someone else. Someone who didn't require so many concessions from you."
So now he was mad at me for what I might have done in a hypothetical situation that never could have happened?
"What do you want from me?" I said, frustrated. "Do you want me to say that I'm glad I was always told everything I couldn't do and couldn't be? That I'm happy that I had so few choices in my life?"
He just glared, obviously wanting that.
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Alex, but I won't do that. I won't say that I'm glad that I've been controlled my whole life and given so few choices about anything. I'd think you would have wanted me to have more happiness. I'd have wanted that for you. I hate that you were so neglected and lonely as a child. I wish it hadn't been that way."
He only huffed, irritated. Whether by my logic or by my refusal to lie to him and tell him I'd been happy being controlled so much, I didn't know.
"And what about you," I said angrily, thinking of something.
"What about me?" he asked antagonistically.
"What if you'd had more choices?" I threw back at him. After all, if he was going to be mad at me for some ridiculous hypothetical choice I might have made, why couldn't I be mad for the same reason?
"What are you talking about?" he said. "I had plenty of choices. There weren't restrictions on me that way."
"So I didn't have to go through a humiliating examination to be deemed worthy?" I demanded.
"That's not the same thing," he disagreed.
"Fine. That's true," I admitted, "But still, if you hadn't been the prince, you'd have chosen someone else too."
"No, I wouldn't. I always wanted you."
"Yes, you would," I said stubbornly. "You only noticed me at all because I didn't care about your title. But if you didn't have a title, no one would have cared. Everyone would have seen you for who you are and you'd have fallen in love with some other girl."
"Keira, that's...." He ran his hand through his hair aggitatedly, making a mess.
"What? Ridiculous because it never would have happened?" I supplied. "That's exactly why you're mad at me! Can you honestly say you don't wish things had been different in your life? That you're glad it hadn't been better?"
He scowled, obviously not able to say yes.
"But you want me to say I'm happy about it."
We frowned at each other for a minute before I sighed.
"Things are the way they are. We can't worry about all those things that could never have happened. I don't love anyone else. I love you. That will never change."
He released a heavy breath and looked away. Still not happy, but not quite so angry either.
"The way you behave with him," he said, still facing away from me. "I've never seen you like that with anyone.
"He's my friend, Alex. He's one of the only people in the world who I can be myself with and who doesn't care about my title or obligations."
I'd hoped that he would be happy that there was someone that I actually enjoyed spending time with, but my words only upset him. After a few seconds, I understood why.
"Like me," he said irritably. "So if you'd had the chance, you'd have chosen him."
I was really trying not to get angry, but he was just being so obstinate and this discussion was starting to go in circles.
"No, I wouldn't have," I said. "Reed and I never had any kind of romantic feelings for one another. Even if it had been possible, I wouldn't have chosen him."
He crossed his arms and didn't say anything, choosing to scowl instead.
"What?" I said, impatiently.
"You two were alone together for days, Keira. There's no way he didn't have those types of thoughts about you."
"Alex-"
"Where did you two sleep?"
"Where we had to!" I huffed. "It's not like there were a lot of options!"
"So you two slept together."
"We slept near each other," I corrected, angry now at the implications he was making.
"Do you know why that examination was so thorough?" Alex asked out of nowhere.
"What?" I said confused.
"I tried to tell them it wasn't necessary, but it was impossible to convince people of that because they all knew that three years ago, you were alone with several different men for over a week."
Shocked that so many people had to be convinced that I'd managed to hold on to my virtue, my face burned with anger and embarrassment.
"Can you honestly tell me that absolutely nothing happened in all that time?" he asked skeptically.
I wanted to deny it, but Reed and I had almost kissed once. It was such an odd and brief thing, I'd forgotten all about it until this moment.
Sensing my hesitation, Alex raised an eyebrow and looked angry again.
"Nothing happened," I said, but he didn't believe me.
"We almost kissed," I admitted. "Once."
He didn't look any happier. I understood why, but I was getting very tired of having to defend myself when I shouldn't need to.
"Alex, I'd been kidnapped and held hostage. I was sleep deprived, I hadn't eaten a decent meal in days, and we weren't engaged yet. And Reed didn't have any idea about you. He didn't even know very much about me. There was one split second where I unconsciously thought about it, but then I thought of you, and that was it. Nothing happened."
Not liking that I'd even thought about it, he huffed and remained just as angry.
"You're jealous because I had a split second lapse, when we weren't even together?" I said in disbelief.
He didn't answer. At least not verbally.
"What about you?" I said angrily. "What about Madeline all those women throwing themselves at you? What about the half naked girl in your bed when you were sixteen? Didn't you say you almost gave in to her? Didn't you tell me that you'd been tempted all the time? Am I just supposed to be okay with all of that, but you can't get over one second of confusion from me?"
For a moment, he stood there, clenching and unclenching his jaw. With no warning, he turned and strode across the room toward his dressing chamber.
"Alex!" I called angrily, but he ignored me and slammed the door behind him.
Feeling deflated, my shoulders sagged and I pressed my face into my hands.
Why was this happening? I hadn't done anything with Reed. I didn't even want to, and Alex knew it. Why was he so jealous of nothing?
Was I not even supposed to have one friend? No one in my life outside of my family and Alex even liked me very much. Some of them were jealous of my position or wanted to use it for themselves. Some were only concerned with my ability to produce an heir, and the rest either didn't think of me at all or they had some kind of awkward appreciation for me, for no other reason than my position.
Was it so terrible that there was one person in the world who liked me for myself? Alex should know what that was like.
I suppose I could see his side of it a little. He didn't like me thinking of Reed in any way that resembled how I thought of him. It was true that I might have decided to marry someone else if I'd had more freedom, but I might not have either. Obligations or not, I didn't think there was anyone else in the world who I could love the way I loved Alex.
But why did he have to be so stubborn? I could tell that he knew I was right and that there was no reason to be jealous, but he was going to tenaciously hold on to that jealousy.
I had no idea how long he'd stay mad either. Alex had never behaved this way before. For all I knew, he'd stay angry with me for weeks!
Well, fine. I thought crossing my arms and sitting on the bed. I was angry too. Let him stay in there and sulk.
Suddenly I remembered Papa's warning to me yesterday and it only irritated me. How was he always right about absolutely everything?
Frustrated, I punched the pillow and decided to do nothing more than sit and sulk, since apparently that's what Alex was doing.