If only they had known I wasn't ok,
I was still replaying that time over and over again,
The pain in my skull from being pulled down,
The pain that moved to my back which had hit the ground,
Then the pain spread,
To my leg, stomach, arm, chest,
If only they had known I was still in shock,
As the days passed by,
The pain felt fresh yet numb,
And as weeks went by the fear set in,
The fear of going out,
The fear of being ridiculed, judged,
The fear they thought it was nothing, which they did,
If only they had known after 6 months it was still a fresh bleeding wound,
As I closed my eyes to sleep I could see the food I had dropped,
It isn't darkness my eyelids show at night,
It's the moment,
It's the moment when the people had watched and smiled,
It's the moment that they pulled out their phones and watched through their screens,
If only they had known I saw them to,
As I fell I saw their faces,
My friends,
The happiness on their face turned to horror as I fell,
They pushed through the crowds,
They got me inside,
Away from the pain,
She was away that day,
She didn't see what happened,
How it happened,
She just heard it,
If only she knew I needed her
If only She had known I Still Need Her,
As the six months turned to eight,
As she turned her back on me for reasons unknown,
She pretended I wasn't there,
I fell deeper into panic,
My anxiety amplified,
I needed her,
If only she knew how much I miss her,
Her parents don't know why she turned her back,
My parents think she was bad,
My sister wishes her ill,
But I just want her back,
If only she knew her unspoken words hurt,
Like thistles running across my hand,
Worse then the scratches she carved into my arm,
Worse then the scars deep in my chest,
My heart,
Worse then the scars that lay on my hand,
Worse then the razor I used to scar my hands,
If Only She Knew.
//A-N//
Ok so this poem is a year or so old, i used to self harm but i dont anymore, I'm better now