"How can we preach, when all we make this world to be is a living hell torturing our minds. We all must unite, to turn darkness to light, And the love in our hearts will shine."
~ Michael Jackson
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Michael's eyes widened in surprise when he spied Tony staring them down from across the auditorium and all he could think about was smashing his fist into that smart-ass expression on his face. When Tony flipped them off and turned to walk away, Michael saw red and became completely consumed with a rage, the likes of which he had never felt before!
He immediately sprang into action and before anyone could stop him, he was through the swinging backstage doors, running full speed down the hallway after Tony. Michael was so hell-bent on getting to him that he didn't pay any attention to, nor did he care at the moment that Jimmy and Kevin had followed and hollered at him to stop. He was on a mission and God help any person who tried to get in his way!
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"NO! MICHAEL STOP!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
My voice seemed to echo off the walls of the now empty hall of the auditorium. Michael never slowed in his pursuit of Tony and disappeared through the swinging backstage doors with Jimmy and Kevin trailing close behind him. I stood in complete shock and indecision for a moment, then before I could think better of it, I took off after them. The long evening gown and high heels I was wearing severely hampered my ability to follow with any real speed, but I couldn't just stand there and do nothing!
Michael was in a rage and all he could think about was getting at Tony for all he had done. I had to get to Michael before any of the dozens of reporters covering the event were alerted to the situation. They were everywhere outside and if they realized that anything like this was happening, they would be all over it.
The sound of my heels clicking on the concrete floor echoed eerily as I ran down the long backstage hallway. When I arrived at the end, there was a short flight of stairs then a small landing with another flight of stairs leading up to the floor above. "Michael!", I yelled out frantically once more.
No one responded to me immediately, but I heard Michael's angry voice coming from the floor above, shouting at someone. I put my foot on the first step leading up, when Kevin peered around the corner and yelled down to me, "Cassandra, don't come up here! Stay where you are!"
I yelled back, "Where's Michael?! Is he okay?!"
I heard more scuffling from above, then I heard something, or someone hit the wall....HARD! I just couldn't stand there helplessly, I had to see for myself that Michael was alright! I looked up and saw Kevin coming down the stairs toward me, but I was not about to be dissuaded by anyone. I had to get to Michael!!
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Michael heard the security guy's heavy footfalls behind him as he rounded the corner and took off up the stairs, taking two at a time. He glanced up just in time to see Tony round the corner above him. Michael got to the top of the stairs and reached out with his long arms to grab him by the collar of his tuxedo jacket. He shouted, "Tony, you coward! Turn around and face me like a man!"
Tony spun around and sneered angrily at Michael, "Fuck you, man!"
He swung his fist in an attempt to hit Michael, but he was way too fast...deftly dodging Tony's fist and countering with a blow of his own. Kevin and Jimmy arrived on the scene just in time to see Michael's fist connecting with Tony's jaw and send him reeling, slamming against the wall with a loud impact. Before Tony could shake it off, Michael grabbed him by the front of his jacket and smashed his fist into Tony's face again, sending a spray of blood flying through the air along with a few teeth. Michael drew back to hit him again with the intent of not ceasing until Tony lay in a motionless heap at his feet when he heard Cassandra's voice coming from below.
For just a moment, his attention was diverted.....just long enough for Tony to slip out of his grip, but he began to stumble, clearly disoriented after receiving so many direct hits. Michael heard Kevin shout for Cassandra to stay where she was as the bodyguard headed back down the stairs to intercept her. Michael's focus could then return to Tony, who was several feet away from him by then, but he wasn't through with him yet. He took a couple of long strides toward Tony, grabbed the front of his jacket with one hand and hammered his face full force with the other.
Michael was prepared to beat Tony to a bloody pulp, but Jimmy finally saw his chance to intervene. He grabbed Michael by the arm and pulled him away from Tony, who took the unexpected opportunity to flee, heading for the stairs at the other end of the hallway. Michael struggled against the much larger man's hold, his fist still swinging ineffectually in the air. He yelled, "Let me go! I'm gonna teach that bastard to NEVER lay a hand on my woman again!!"
Jimmy held on tight to Michael and growled, "Not here, man! There are reporters crawling all over this place!"
Suddenly, a scream echoed from the stairwell below and they heard Kevin yell, "Cassandra! No!"
Michael felt all the blood draining from his face as he finally yanked himself free of Jimmy's grip and ran toward the stairwell shouting, "Cassandra!"
He flew down the stairs, his heart beating so hard that it felt like it might explode out of his chest. He saw her lying on the floor at the foot of the stairs with Kevin hunched over her seemingly lifeless form and he felt as if his breath had been forcibly sucked from his lungs. He reached Cassandra's side and shoved Kevin back, the poor man landing with a thump on his backside a few feet away. Michael gathered her limp body to his chest and cradled her in his arms and cried, "Oh, God! Cassandra!" Tears streamed down his cheeks as he buried his face in her hair sobbing, "Cassandra....please, God.....no!" Then he yelled to no one in particular, "Somebody call an ambulance!"
Kevin put a tentative hand on Michael's shoulder and said quietly, "Jimmy went to get the paramedics who were on duty tonight. He'll be back with them in just a couple of minutes. Hang on, MJ."
Michael could barely register Kevin's words as he continued to stroke Cassandra's face and hair. He wailed, "Baby...I'm so sorry! I should never have left you alone like that! Babygirl, please, wake up!" Then he began to pray out loud, "Merciful God, please....if you never give me another thing in this life, please bring her back to me! She's everything I've ever needed......."
Kevin said, "MJ, Jimmy's coming. I hear them down the hall."
Michael's head whipped around toward Kevin and his voice cracked with emotion when he asked, "How did this happen?"
Kevin replied softly, "She tripped on her dress coming up the stairs. I couldn't get to her in time. She hit her head pretty hard on the floor."
Michael groaned as if in pain and asked, "How far did she fall? Where was she?"
With tears in his eyes, Kevin replied, "Just a few steps up. Not far. Michael, I'm sorry! I tried to get to her. I was just two steps away! I told her to stay where she was. God, Michael, I'm so sorry!"
Michael sobbed as he held Cassandra close to his chest and pleaded, "Come on, babygirl, you've got to open your eyes for me!" Then he leaned back and shouted to the heavens, "God, please let her be okay!" Michael was distraught beyond anything he'd ever felt as he rocked Cassandra in his arms keening, "No...no...NO! I'm sorry, baby...I wasn't thinking...I'm so sorry...if anything happened to you, I'd die!"
Kevin said, "Michael, the paramedics are here."
He kept rocking her back and forth, oblivious to everything and everyone else. One of the paramedics leaned down to touch Michael on the shoulder and he flinched from the touch, not wanting to let go of Cassandra. The man said, "Sir? Mr. Jackson? You need to lay her back down so we can help her. It'll be okay, just lay her back down."
Michael seemed to calm a little at the reassuring tone of the paramedic and he gently lay her down the floor, but he never let go of her hand. The medic asked, "Mr. Jackson, can you tell me what happened here?"
Michael lifted his eyes reluctantly away from Cassandra's face as he answered in a defeated voice, "She tripped and fell...I wasn't here for her..."
Kevin took over the explanation. "I was coming down the stairs for her when her shoe caught on her dress and she lost her balance and fell from about four steps up. She hit her head when she fell."
The medic looked up at Michael when he finished taking her vitals and said, "I take it this woman is in your care?"
Michael nodded. "She's my fiance. Please, help her...she's pregnant!"
The paramedic nodded. "Alright, Mr. Jackson, her vitals are strong, but she most likely has a concussion. The ambulance is waiting just outside. When we get her to the hospital, they'll check on the baby. I don't see any bleeding, so that's a good sign."
Michael watched closely as the medic placed a brace around Cassandra's neck. He and his partner then lifted her onto a backboard and loaded her onto a stretcher. Michael still had her hand and wouldn't let go as he began to walk beside them and stated, "I'm riding along with her in the ambulance." It wasn't a question and Michael wasn't taking no for an answer. The medics made no objection. Then to Kevin and Jimmy, Michael said, "You guys follow in the car."
As they wheeled Cassandra out to the ambulance in the back parking lot, a few reporters and their cameramen were waiting, having sensed a story underfoot. They trained their cameras on Michael and the stretcher as they approached and began to shout all at once, "Michael! Can you tell us what happened here?"
Michael ignored them all as Cassandra was loaded into the van. Jimmy and Kevin backed the reporters away, saying that there was 'no comment at this time'. Michael climbed into the ambulance and the driver closed the door behind him. Terry had driven up with the limo, having been called by Jimmy and the two security guys got into the vehicle to follow the ambulance to the hospital.
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Loud voices.....a siren wailing.....and a horrendous pounding in my head. I opened my eyes to a bright light shining from overhead. I quickly closed them against the harsh intrusion and tried to understand where I was and what was happening. I groaned aloud, wishing everyone would be quiet so that I could just go back to sleep. My head felt like it was about to explode! I tried to raise my hand up to rub the ache away but realized that someone had restrained my arms. What the hell? Finally, I heard a familiar voice in the midst of the pandemonium that seemed to be surrounding me. "Michael?", I croaked out, my voice sounding far away even to my own ears.
He answered urgently, "Cassandra? Oh, thank God! Baby, I'm here...I'm right here!"
I tried to turn my head to look at him, but I couldn't move it either. Panic was threatening to overtake me as I groaned, "Wh.....what happened? Why can't I move?!!"
Michael squeezed my hand and leaned in closer to say, "Lie still, babygirl. You're in an ambulance and we're going to the hospital. You fell down the stairs and hit your head."
I scrunched up my face as the pounding in my brain seemed to escalate to an almost unbearable level. What in the world was he talking about? I fell? The last thing that I remembered was being at the gala and sitting the table with Michael and Elizabeth while we enjoyed the show. I frowned as I said, Why can't I turn my head? I can't see you!"
Michael leaned forward so that I could see his face and said, "You have a neck brace on. It's just a precaution. Baby, I'm so sorry that I left you alone like that. I shouldn't have...please, forgive me!"
I looked at him in utter confusion and said, "I don't understand...where's Elizabeth?"
A deep voice came from somewhere else saying, "Mr. Jackson, she will probably be confused for a little while and she might be missing a few minutes of her memory from right before she hit her head."
I frowned again as I said testily, "Michael, who is that and why is he talking about me like I'm not here?"
Michael squeezed my hand and kissed my forehead before answering, "Shhh...baby, it's okay. He's one of the paramedics. He's just trying to help."
My frown deepened and I said loudly, "Well if he really wants to help, tell him to turn that damned siren off!"
Michael shook his head at my bad-tempered outburst and replied soothingly, "We'll be at the hospital soon."
The medic leaned over to me and said, "Ma'am, can you tell me where you're experiencing pain? Can you wiggle your toes and fingers for me?"
I wiggled my toes and fingers and said, "My head is killing me."
He nodded. "Okay. Are you in pain anywhere else? Your back or your neck?"
I tried shifting a little. "No....I don't think so."
I felt a faint fluttering sensation in my belly. My eyes widened and I gasped, "Oh, Michael...the baby! Oh God, please tell me that the baby is okay!!"
Michael rested one hand on my stomach and stroked my head with the other as he responded softly next to my ear, "Cassandra, try to remain calm, honey. The medic checked for bleeding and everything seems to be fine. When we get to the hospital, they'll make sure that everything's alright with the baby."
Tears fell from the corners of my eyes. I cried, "The baby HAS to be okay!! I'll never forgive myself if I did anything to......"
Michael interrupted me hastily, "Cassandra, you didn't mean to fall. It was an accident, sweetheart."
The ambulance finally came to a stop and they wheeled me into the hospital and down a long hallway. They stopped and transferred me to a bed and an attendant pulled the privacy curtain closed around us while the nurse took off my restraints and prepared me for an exam. I couldn't seem to stop crying and seeing the worried look on poor Michael's face didn't help. He had such a grip on my hand the whole time!
Soon, a doctor came in and introduced himself and as he carried out the exam, he asked us both all kinds of questions. No matter how calm Michael was trying to be, I could tell that he was just as anxious as I was about the baby. Finally, they performed an ultrasound and gave us the wonderful news that the baby's heartbeat was strong and that the movement I had felt earlier was a good indication that everything was fine for the moment. I thought Michael was going to collapse, his relief was so overwhelming!
The doctor was optimistic but cautioned us that even though there seemed to be no immediate signs of trauma to the baby, they were still concerned about my concussion so I would be kept overnight for observation.
After a while, I was wheeled up to a private room. Michael had been on his phone assuring my mother that I was okay. Apparently, there had been reporters around as I was carried out of the auditorium and they hadn't wasted any time in broadcasting reports about my unfortunate accident. The nurse helped me to get settled and gave me some mild medication for my headache, then dimmed the overhead light and left.
My memory was still really fuzzy and I had tried to question Michael earlier about everything that had happened, but for some reason, he seemed reluctant to fill in the gaps for me. It really puzzled me so after he hung up the phone from talking to Frank, I tried once more. "Why won't you tell me what happened?", I asked.
He sighed heavily. "You really can't remember anything?" I shook my head slowly as he sat down on the edge of the bed and took my hand in his and asked, "You don't remember Tony showing up there?"
My eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat. Sudden images flashed into my mind.....Tony staring at me from across the room, leering at me while licking his lips...Tony flipping us off then walking out...Michael's unbridled rage. I gasped and closed my eyes tightly against the memories flooding my consciousness. Michael rubbed my hand soothingly as he asked, "Do you remember anything, Cassandra?"
I nodded then rested my pounding head back onto the pillow. I said quietly, "I was trying to tell you that I had seen Tony earlier."
Michael nodded. "Yes, do you remember anything else?"
I closed my eyes again as more images came into focus. Michael taking off after Tony...I followed, trying to catch up.....the stairs....the yelling. I sucked in another gasping breath as the events began to unfold like a movie in my head. My eyes popped open and I grabbed Michael's arm as I exclaimed, "You fought with him! Oh, Michael! Did he hit you!?"
I looked him over closely, thankfully, not seeing any obvious injuries. Michael looked down with a crooked smile and replied, "No, he didn't get a chance to hit me, but I think he's missing a couple of teeth."
I sat up and wrapped my arms around him tightly as I said, "Oh, baby, don't you know that the press would've had a field day with that if they had been around? That's why I didn't want to tell you he was there earlier. I wanted to get you out of there before anything like that happened!"
Michael pressed my head to his chest and smoothed his hands over my hair as he said, "Lucky for us, the reporters didn't see anything and something tells me that Tony has too much pride right now to show his face in front of a camera for a while."
I sighed and said, "I'm so tired of him constantly showing up everywhere we go. He's driving me crazy! Why can't he just leave us alone?"
Michael pulled away from me to look into my eyes and said, "What?"
I didn't yet realize what I had let slip. I suppose my aching head and fuzziness in my brain might have had a little to do with it. I frowned. "Huh?"
Michael sat back and eyed me closely. "What did you mean by that...you know, about Tony showing up everywhere we go?" I looked down and closed my eyes. OH, shit! Had I really just said that? My brain must have been stupefied by the fall! I had really put my foot in my mouth and this time, I might as well go ahead and cram it down my throat! I slowly shook my head and he prompted, "Cassandra?"
I wouldn't answer. He put his hands on both sides of my face, lifting it to his penetrating gaze and tried to make me look at him. I refused, keeping my eyes tightly closed then realizing that he wasn't going to let it go, I finally opened them.....and the good Lord knows, I wished I hadn't when I saw the cloud of doubt that had entered his eyes. I tried to cover my slip up quickly by saying, "Nothing, Michael. I'm rambling, I suppose. I'm just really tired and my head is still hurting. I meant that I worry about him showing up."
The very second that I finished speaking, I saw the doubt turn to disillusionment and the air became thick with tension. He shook his head and said, "Uh-uh. That isn't what you meant at all. Girl, you need to tell me what's been going on that I don't know about. For the last few months, you've been stressed and preoccupied at times and I've tried my best to get you to open up to me. You are NOT gonna brush me off this time. Tell me right now."
I immediately bristled at the demand, feeling like a cat that had been cornered by a pack of wild dogs. Michael had never spoken to me in that way before! Actually, I had never heard him speak to ANYONE that way and I was ill-prepared for the shame that I was currently experiencing. Feeling defeated all of a sudden, I muttered, "Michael, please...not now.."
His deep brown eyes bore into mine and I tried to look away. He said, "I mean it, Cassandra. Tell me what you've been keeping from me, girl!"
Tears filled my eyes and threatened to spill over as I said defensively, "You have so much stuff going on with the tour and all...that's why I didn't want to bother you with it and to tell you the truth, I thought I was just going crazy!"
Michael looked at me with obvious irritation when he said, "Cassandra, in case you haven't noticed, I'm rapidly losing my patience here. Please get to the point."
I let out a heavy breath and finally blurted out, "I thought I saw Tony at some of the concerts...out in the audience. I wasn't entirely sure though because it would always be just a glimpse of him in the crowd, a profile, or the back of a head that looked like him. That's why I didn't say anything, Michael! I wasn't sure it was him! But I constantly felt like I was being watched. I just thought that maybe it was my eyes playing tricks on me or that my imagination was just working overtime!"
His hands gripped my shoulders tightly and he pinned me with a hard stare as he said, "You should have told me anyway, Cassandra!"
Tears spilled from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks at his admonishing tone. "I'm sorry, Michael, but anytime that I brought the subject of Tony up, you would get so upset and I thought I was just going a little crazy or paranoid or something! Please, Michael, don't be angry with me!"
He let go of my shoulders abruptly and rose from the bed to stand in front of the window with his back to me, his hands on his hips. I could see his profile in the dim light, the moon outside the window casting a pale glow on his face. If it hadn't been for the flexing of his jaw, he could have been carved from stone, he was so still. The stark lines of his face were held rigid with a grim, determined expression.
He spoke quietly at first, then his voice escalated in volume toward the end when he said, "Cassandra, I have told you more than once that you should hold nothing back from me. I wanted you to come to me, to trust me to help you with whatever was bothering you. I wouldn't have thought you were crazy! YOU SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED ME!"
Just then, a timid knock came at the door and a nurse poked her head in saying, "Hello...Mr. Jackson? Is everything alright in here? I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to check on Ms. Simmons"
Michael said nothing further, turned sharply and strode to the door, not sparing me a glance as he walked out and closed it behind him. The nurse seemed a little startled at Michael's abrupt departure and she looked closely at my tear-streaked cheeks. Her face softened with sympathy and she cleared her throat before saying, "Men...sometimes they can be downright unreasonable. Are you okay, Ms. Simmons?"
I nodded and lay my head back on the pillow, trying to calm down so she could take my blood pressure reading. I sighed and replied, "I'm afraid that this is all my doing. I'm the one at fault."
She smiled kindly and said, "Be that as it may, he'll calm down and be back in here in no time, you mark my words. I saw how he was with you earlier...that man loves you. In fact, I don't know when I've ever seen a man so in love before."
She patted my hand reassuringly and I managed a slight smile as I said, "I hope you're right."
She took the blood pressure cuff off of my arm and straightened. She said, "Honey, I know that I'm right. You should try to rest and think about the health of that little baby you're carrying because your blood pressure is a little high right now. I'll be back to check on you a little later, but if you need anything in the meantime, you just push that button right there and I'll be right in, okay?"
I nodded and thanked her as she turned out the light and walked out, closing the door quietly behind her. I lay there and stared blankly at the moon shining brightly through the window. I wondered if Michael would ever forgive me for not telling him about Tony sooner. I couldn't stop the tears that came on like the tide rushing in on the beach. Michael was so angry and he had every right to be. I finally admitted to myself that I should have told him from the very first time I thought I saw Tony.
I sat up on the edge of the bed for the longest time, with my head in my hands, my elbows resting on my thighs. I felt completely miserable and totally alone. I just hoped that what had turned out to be our first fight, wouldn't destroy his faith in me! What if the nurse was wrong and he didn't come back? My shoulders slumped forward suddenly and I began to sob as though all the misery of the world had been heaped upon me. My whole body shook with my weeping. In my distress, I didn't hear the door open and close, nor did I see the light spilling in from the hallway briefly then just as quickly disappear.
I jumped a little as I felt a weight press down on the mattress behind me. Michael dragged me from my slumped position to pull me back against his chest, his arms wrapping around me securely, holding me close as he murmured soothing words against my ear. "Shhh..... baby, I'm here. It's okay, babygirl. Please, don't cry. I love you, Cassandra...shhh...hush now."
He kissed my ear and then scattered more kisses across my cheek and on my neck. I was sobbing and hiccupping, my whole body jerking in his arms as I croaked, "I'm...I'm s...sorry...M...Michael...I'm so...sorry!"
He turned me in his arms and pressed my head onto his shoulder and rubbed my back. He said, "I do understand why you didn't say anything. I was just angry at your refusal to trust me enough to come to me with it. Baby, I know you were trying to keep from upsetting me while I needed to be concentrating on the shows." He raised my chin with his fingers as he continued, "But sweetheart, I need to know that you won't keep things from me...even if you think you're protecting me by doing so. Believe me babygirl, I do appreciate that but, I'm the one who should be protecting you and I cannot do that if you don't share everything with me....no matter how crazy you think it is. Now, do you think you can do that for me?" I nodded and hiccupped again as he added, "You promise that you won't keep anything from me again?"
I shook my head "no" and he hugged me tightly. I cried, "I'm sorry, Michael, please forgive me!"
He pulled away slightly to brush the tears from my face as he said, "Of course, I forgive you. I love you, Cassandra...with everything in me. You and our baby are my life. Please trust in that and know that there's nothing I wouldn't do to protect you both."
Michael lowered his head and kissed me tenderly until my arms crept up around his neck and pulled him to me tighter. His mouth parted over mine and his tongue dipped inside. His hand lowered to rest on my thigh just above my knee, rubbing at first very lightly over the fabric of my hospital gown, then his hand pushed the material up, and his fingers slipped underneath so he could touch my skin.
He gently lay me back so my head rested on the pillow and stretched out beside me, holding me tightly with one arm while he continued kissing me deeply, stroking my thigh with his other hand, making me quiver all over. I moaned softly as his fingers and lips wreaked havoc with my senses.
Every movement of his hand brought his fingers closer to the apex of my need. He pulled back from kissing me so he could stare intensely into my eyes, letting me see the need...the raw hunger emanating from the deep, dark depths of his eyes. I could drown in those chocolate pools that shimmered and sparkled so beautifully. He whispered, "Girl, you make me forget where we are."
He kissed me again before withdrawing his hand and settled his head back onto the pillow beside mine. He was breathing heavily, letting me know he was desperately trying to cool his libido. I grinned at him as I put my hand over the bulge in his pants. He sucked in his breath sharply and grabbed my hand, moving it back to my side determinedly. "You need to sleep now. Get lots of rest because I need you to get better and come home with me tomorrow.", he said with a soft smile.
He pulled me to him and I lay my head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart beating so strongly. "I love you, Michael," I said softly.
He squeezed me tighter and said, "I love you more. Sleep now."
And I did. I slept like a trusting child, knowing that Michael was there for me...would always be there for me. A deeper bond was forged that night. A bond that was built through hard-earned and unbreakable trust. Little did I know, that in the days and weeks ahead, that bond would be tested beyond all comprehension and in the worst possible ways.
To be continued....................