"Miss me?"
I rolled my eyes when I saw him, leaning against the door frame like some character from a high school romance. Hands in his pockets, he stepped over to stand right in front of me. His shirt was wrinkled in all sorts of places, as if he'd just woken up from a nap. He looked good. He always looked good, no matter what he was wearing. I noticed dark circles under his eyes but didn't think much of it after I saw that he was trying his damn hardest not to smile. He seemed happier for whatever reason. There was a thought in the back of my mind that maybe he enjoyed these nights as much as I did but I wouldn't listen to it. He would stop bothering to talk to me the moment Allura told us whatever this was, was over.
Wouldn't he?
"You wish."
I did.
I couldn't will those words out of my mouth. Maybe because of how true they were. I'd been pacing around earlier just beyond his door. My heart had been racing, arms shaking, tiny beads of sweat dripping down my forehead. Every time I tried to get closer, this feeling in my chest stopped me. It was as if I would've stopped breathing, had I gone any closer. I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to him for hours about everything. I wanted to understand why we hadn't clicked and what had changed so that we did. I wanted to know all of the trouble he'd gotten into at the Garrison, aside from late night pizza outings. I wanted to know the best memories of his life and the worst. I wanted him to feel comfortable around me. Questions were bubbling up in my mind to ask him as they had earlier but they wouldn't let themselves pass my lips. Instead they stayed, hidden in my vocal cords, where I figured they'd be for a long time. It was always easier when Keith started the conversation. I didn't have to think of what might upset him or what he'd find dumb. I could talk without feeling like the walls of my organs were closing in on me, as if the world was confined to something smaller than myself. I took a seat on his bed as always and he sat next to me.
"You're quieter than usual, McClain." He let out a breath, as if he'd been holding it in this whole time. "Something on your mind?"
"You know my full name?"
He nodded, chuckling to himself. He had one of those laughs that you couldn't quite hear. It was the ghost of his real laugh but I knew I'd hear it soon enough. Now that I started to think about it, I don't think he laughed once before we spent these nights together. Had he been laughing more lately? I wondered if I should ask the others about it. If I was going crazy or if Keith seemed to be reclaiming some lost joy in his life. It was either that or on my end, with this weird new light that seemed to radiate from him. There was this feeling I got whenever I was around him now that I couldn't quite grasp. Where his voice used to make the blood inside me boil, it now lulled me into a trance. Instead of teasing him, I wanted to compliment him. I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to smile because of me. It was the first time I admitted that to myself. I couldn't tell if my expression changed or he could tell but I must've done something, for he aimed a blank stare in my direction.
"What're you staring at?" I jumped a bit at his words. They sounded harsh but he quickly corrected himself. "I mean, are you okay? You keep staring off into space."
"Kinda hard not to considering where we are."
"You got me there."
"Something's been on my mind since last night." I laid myself down on his bed, legs stretching out before me. This was the reason I'd been outside earlier. One of the many questions I'd had on my mind but this was important. I didn't know what to think of it and only he had the answer. "The night of the sleepover."
"Yeah." He stretched himself out as he laid down like me. Something had switched in his tone. It was vulnerable. I wondered if I was the only one who got to hear it. "What about it?"
There was that feeling again. I wished I could hide it away. Ignore it and ask what I'd forgotten to last night. The ceiling seemed as if it was pressing down on me, a countdown on my dynamite heart. That was what it felt like, a bomb ticking away in my chest that only stopped when he wasn't around. I took a deep breath and tried to recollect myself. I should've tried to hang out with Allura and Pidge or Hunk and Shiro instead. Part of me had known that wouldn't have worked anyhow and the other part, well. It seemed like somehow, I wanted to fight these nerves inside me and be honest with him. I turned and looked at his slightly troubled expression. He was staring at the ceiling while he tapped the ground with his foot, rapidly. It didn't seem like he even knew he was doing it. His focus on that spot was unwavering. I doubted he would turn to look at me anytime so I joined him, forcing my question out of my mouth.
"You stayed the whole night, didn't you?"
There was no response. My heart sped up but I wasn't upset or anything. I hadn't expected him to admit it so soon, if it were true. I couldn't even admit what I was thinking right now to him. I knew I'd never be able to tell someone I held their hand while they fell asleep after we'd kissed one awkward kiss. It might not have even happened. That night was a bitch on my mind. I couldn't think straight in my dreams as I drifted off then. They were all about him. They weren't romantic or anything, I knew that much, but the way I felt now, I'd felt in them. We'd been fighting some Galra base and I kept messing up. I couldn't place a finger on why but every shot I took, I missed. I'd even tripped and fallen into a few of the soldiers every now and then. Keith ended up saving me, more times than one. He checked to make sure I was okay and after it was over, with everyone's glares burning into me, he defended me. He told them they wouldn't always be feeling their best. That some days, fighting was going to be harder and it would show. The thing he said that got me the most was that he told me it didn't matter to him because he saw the fire in his own eyes in mine. He knew I was working as hard as him, if not harder. When I woke up yesterday morning, I'd whispered out 'thank you' without giving it much thought. What I hadn't expected was for a 'you're welcome' to echo back to me. Sleep hadn't fully worn off yet so I couldn't tell who it was but what I did know was the door slid open and shut right after I'd heard that voice. I was snapped out of my thoughts by Keith. He'd said something, or asked. I couldn't tell. Damn. Whatever these nerves were about, I hoped they would go away soon.
"What?" I turned to him. Our eyes met for a moment but we both averted our gazes. "I wasn't listening. Sorry."
"Give me your hand."
I complied in response. He interlaced his fingers with mine. They fit perfectly in between each other. His hand was soft, minus a few callouses I could feel further up his palm. He must've grabbed at his bayard with all his might for them to be as noticeable as they were. I didn't mind them. In fact, they felt familiar.
Just like the hand I'd held before I slept.
I couldn't hide my shock and he took notice. He didn't arch his eyebrows in frustration at me, as he normally did. He didn't turn away in a stubborn huff. He held on tighter. It was like he was afraid I would never come back if he let go. I could feel myself fighting a smile but after I noticed his, I stopped. My heart beat took over my body, consuming most of my senses with it but I could still feel him.
And I didn't mind it.
"Does this answer your question?"
"But why?"
"I don't know." He rubbed his thumb across the back of it. I nearly shivered. "You seemed scared and I didn't know what else to do."
"I'm scared right now."
"Is this helping?"
"Yeah." I couldn't help but smile just a bit wider. "It is."
All of a sudden he stood up. His hand was still clamped to mine, pulling me off of his bed with him with all of his might. He nearly fell over as he did but caught himself on me. I almost bumped my head against the frame as I slid down it from that fall. He held out his other arm for me to grab with my own free hand so I did. I squinted at him slightly, wondering what the hell was going on. It wasn't like Keith to try and get this close to me, let alone stay this close to me. He then pulled me to the floor. We sat across from each other. I faced him and he faced me, hands reluctantly falling to our sides. He looked like he was going to pop like a balloon if he didn't say whatever this weird plan he seemed to have of his was.
"Spit it out, Keith." I crossed my arms. "Why exactly did you pull me off of the bed like that?"
"Because." He dragged out the end of it a bit. "It's better to ask you personal questions like this."
"Personal questions?" I raised an eyebrow. "Why would we do that?"
"Allura wanted us to bond, right?" Something in his voice hinted this wasn't going to be 'bonding'. Take what you will of that. It didn't sound like anything innocent to me, either. "So that's exactly what we'll do."
He had the type of smirk on his face I could only imagine meant I'd either be sleeping with someone else in my bed tonight or I was about to regret every word that flew out of my mouth however long we sat here together. Keith was full of surprises this week, that was for sure. Most of them were good but a few made me wonder who the real Keith was. I braced myself for this adventure and let him begin whatever this was.
"Might as well get this out of the way right now." He leaned in a bit closer. There came that feeling again. "Do you have a crush on me?"
My blood went cold in my body. I wanted to look everywhere but his eyes yet they seemed to take up my whole field of vision. His grin made them brighter, more playful than typical for him. They were a shade of blue similar to my own, only darker and fiercer. It made perfect sense why he was the Red Lion. He was spontaneous, passionate, and irrational at times but in moments like this, it all came together to make one boy who made me feel like I didn't have to hide. That feeling was still in my chest, time ticking down on my heat but suddenly I could forget it was there. It was us. I only had to think about him. I didn't know what I'd say to answer him. I think he knew I'd keep quiet too. Something in me drifted towards him. It led me closer without my knowledge.
So close that it became a kiss.
I realized my mistake, face heating up to a temperature I'd never felt before. There was no time for me to think, to speak, only to run. I quickly got up and stumbled out the door. I didn't have time to think about why it opened just like that. I could hear his voice call after me but I didn't care. I had to find the one person who knew what love felt like. I found her in her room, on her laptop as usual. She screamed as I tapped her on the shoulder, jumping further away from me than a flea in one leap. Once she realized it was me and how heavy I was breathing, she calmed down and stood up. She wrapped her arms around me without hesitation. She was short but her grip was strong. I wished I could thank her but my heart was in my throat. She let me sit on her bed, shutting her laptop off before coming to sit with me.
"What's wrong Lancey Lance?"
"How-" I had to make this sound as vague as possible. "How do you know when you fall in love?"
"Wouldn't you know?" She tilted her head. "You love Allura, right?"
"Do you promise," I swallowed. My mouth felt dry. "Do you promise it'll stay just between us? If I tell you?"
"Of course." Her hand rested itself gently on my shoulder, smiling like my mom used to at me when I was upset. "Tell me everything."
"I think I like Keith."
I mumbled this into my shirt. I could tell she couldn't hear me.
"What did you say?"
"I think I like Keith!" I felt like crying. Why was this so hard to think about? "We just kissed and I left him and I-"
"You left Keith?!" She gasped. "Right after you kissed him?!"
"Are you not supposed to do that?"
"Lance!" She sounded like my mom, too. "I get being scared and all but he might think you hate him now! What were you guys talking about before that?"
"He asked me if I had a crush on him."
"And you said?"
I paused for a moment. "I just kissed him."
The door slid open. Outside, jaw dropped, was none other than Keith Kogane in the flesh. I guess there was no point in hiding it anymore.
"Keith."
I stood up and walked over to him, looking him straight in the eyes. It hadn't been long since we'd known each other but in my heart, it felt like it'd been ages. Sometimes, isn't that how things go? You fall in love before your mind can catch up to you and process what's going on. All you know is that you want them by your side. And I hoped Keith would accept. I took his hands in mine, Pidge gasping in the background. His mouth was still open but he closed it and nodded. We both knew what I was about to say.
"I think I have a crush on you."