Rick
I kept thinking about all days, imagining it is real, imagining she is still in love with me, and all the while the pain carried on building until my screaming temples, and the burning fire coursing through my nervous system, telling me this is nothing but a fat lie. The sting of her words surely last long than a slap. I remember her each word, those words cut me deeper than a knife. The crude reality hit me, she doesn't love me anymore, she said my touch repulse her, did she really mean that? Frustration, sense of despair, and utter anguish that is so deep and acute that it almost surpassed me. And then I saw black before my eyes, I started breaking everything down into pieces of my cabin until I exhausted, and I flopped onto my chair.
Now, our memories play in slow motion and my stomach wretches as the pain swarms my heart, she forced me to feel this estrange feelings, she taught me to love, she brought the happiness in my life and now she is the reason of my despair. Why she is solely blaming me for everything? When will she realize that her father was the one to blame? That bastard has ruined my life, even his death worked against me, it took my Jen from me. Why can't she see I need her? Why can't she feel my love? I shoved the file aside roughly, angry and frustrated with everything. This love is not for your Rick, you were doing better without this, it has only offered you a pain. I start to feel dizzy, I grip the table leaning onto the chair, I need an escape from this agony. I closed my eyes, and I saw Jen's face contorted with much hate.
I heard a loud knock on my door, it infuriated me further.
"Come in" I growled in agitation.
I turned my chair on the direction of the voice, the timid looking Jenny is standing before me holding a file. She reminds me so much of my Jen, she has same features, I was drifted away in my thought but Jenny interrupted me again.
"Huh?" I asked her blankly, her eyes seems to understand my tremor, it offended me further. She wanted to leave but I rudely asked the file on which she needs my signature. While signing she saw my wounded hand , she reacted girly like, it annoyed me. I singed the file and asked her to go but she didn't buzz, instead of leaving she went to my restroom. This stupid girl, I'm already on the edge of losing my head and she is awaking my beast but instead of following her, I waited outside burning in the rage.
When she came out, I stop her blocking her way, she squirmed.
"What the hell do you think you are?" I asked gritting my teeth.
"You should clean your wound before it infect" her words took me to my old memory lane, Jen and I were caught in the same situation, she said those damn exact words. I still remember her concerned eyes, her gentle touch, her innocent love for me and our moment. Even in our darkest phase of life, we found our a little moment, in that moment she was mine and I was her's. It tucks my heart, I want those moment back, I want my Jen back. I'm on the verge of breaking, I want to cry like a river, and I don't want anybody to witness it.
"Let's clean your wound" she gave me a soft smile, I want this affection and this encouraging smile but not from you Jenny... just go away.
"I don't need it, get out from here" She should leave before I do any damage to her, I know she is being genuinely sweet to me but I don't want her pity. Why can't she understand?
"Not before I bandage your hand" she said in a challenging tone, stubborn stupid girl, fine, I have warned her, I jumped on her.
"I warned you, I warned you before" I grabbed her arms harshly, I was gone mad with my rage. I wanted to teach her lesson, so she will stop being nosy. I was about to do something worse when I heard a gasp, I turned my head to see my intriguer and I got gobsmacked at my place watching shocked Jen. Immediately I freed Jenny from my grip, she caught me in the middle of indecent situation. Another reason to hate me added in her list. But why the hell she is here? Isn't she done with her hurtful words?
"You should have knock on my door before entering Ms. Davis, where is your manners?" I overacted on that moment, I don't know how to response, and I did what I do the best, busted out my anger. I saw her face become pale, awkwardly nervous, she is fighting for the words.
"Oh, I'm...I.. sorry" she stuttered for words, I wanted to comfort her, but at the same time I want her to suffer, for the pain she caused me a moment before.
"I'm just trying to help Rick to bandage his hand" I forgot Jenny is still here between us, my eyes are only focused on the girl who is the reason for my demise. She said my touch repulse her, her words shattered my heart into pieces, yet she standing here unaffected. She said she don't feel anything for me, fine let her feel being nobody in my life. When Jenny mentioned about my wounded hand, her gaze shifted to my cut. She came back, because she wanted to see, how bad her words affected me, she wanted to enjoy my heartbreak, no I won't give her the satisfaction of watching me broken.
I pulled Jenny closer to me grabbing her hand, I requested her to nurse my cut hand, intimately holding her hand avoiding Jen, yet watching her every little reaction from the corner of my eyes. And I got what I wanted, her eyes showed the emotion, her eyes glued to my hand or should I put it in this way, Jenny's and mine intertwine hands. She knows I never allowed anybody to come near me, especially when I'm like this. She was only the one who dared to be with me at my lowest and I loved her presence, in reality I crave for her touch. She succeed to hide her upset eyes, her resistance riling me up.
"Can you please sit" Jenny interrupted my thoughts, I flashed sweet smile to Jenny to make Jen jealous, the reaction of Jenny is too comical, she couldn't believe I gave her a smile.
"Sure" I sat on a chair, handing my hand to Jenny, she started cleaning my wound, I'm being crude for using Jenny, she is unaware how unknowingly she played a role in my sick game. An utter guilt squeezed my heart when I heard Jen's nervous stammered words, she want to leave, hell no. I want to know why she came to my cabin, I want her near me, it calms me, she might be thinking I'm all into Jenny right now, but she should know it's her I'm trying to grab the attention. But as usual she always thinks worst of me, I bet I gave her reason though.
"Wait, Ms. Davis, you didn't tell me why you are here unannounced?" I smirk looking her uncomfortable, lier.. it does affect you.
"I came here to say, I'm leaving for the day" she wants to run away from me, this maddened me, how easily she looks for escape, not even fighting the situation. We could have survived together that dreadful night, if she would have stay. I could have kissed her feet forever for giving me another chance, I understand it was hard for her but my love was enough for both of us to start up. And again, inspite of showing her dismay, she behaved unaffected.
"It's not a garden where people can come and go according to their wish, this is business Ms. Davis, finish your invitation design, I didn't like what you made, so change it by today itself. Am I clear Ms. Davis" I yelled on her like a manic. Her cheeks turned red and she shoots her angry glares on me.
"I know it's a business Mr. Adam, hope you remember too" She snapped looking straight in my eyes, her unspoken words said enough, she warned me not to dig our past on her, before she left. Her words stabbed my wounded heart once again, I jerked my hand from Jenny and asked her to get out abruptly. I can see offence in her eyes, but in this moment I don't care what she feel, my own agony is enough to deal with. I want her to leave me alone but she didn't buzz, we argued little until she dropped a bomb on me by saying.
"Ok, you want the attention of Ms. Davis, aren't you?" her bluntness stunned me, I asked what made her to assume this, she blurted again, it's you. This is funny, this stranger who doesn't know anything about me, still she could see how badly I was fighting for her attention, yet for whom I'm fighting, she is unaware of it or paying oblivious.
I tried to be unfazed with Jenny's word, and ask her to go, yep she finally left me alone but not before advising me.
"Fine, I am leaving but let me tell you this is not the way to win the heart of a girl, be little humble and charmer next time." She teasingly winked at me, I frowned. Honestly, I wanted to ask her how? I feel like she could be a help, she can give me some tips to win Jen back but my ego doesn't allow me to ask. Or maybe I don't want anybody to take part in between me and Jen, nobody.. I bent down keeping hand on my table, a bitter smile crawled on my lips, a little sweet thing happened during all the chaos, our kiss. It is been ages, I kissed her, the real kiss I'm craving for but that sweet kiss sort of sooth me and given a hope for us as I remembered the way her lips molded with mine. It affects you Jen, stop being ignorant about your feelings.. I sighed in grief...maybe one fine day you will see my love, you see how we are meant for each other, this was the hope you gave me when I had given up on us, yet you were very positive about our one fine day.. and this is the only reason which keeps me alive to last until our one fine day...
Jen
I checked in the mirror while getting ready, I found a pale girl in a cream top and white trouser. I felt old more than my age, I frowned looking my image on the mirror. Why I'm even checking myself, this doesn't bother me before. My consciousness rolled her eyes on me, you are comparing yourself with young Jenny. I dismissed this thought tartly, why would I? Because the beautiful Jenny got the attention of Rick, it squeezed my heart when I remembered the way they were closed with each other. I got dumbstruck the way Rick was following her every command, giving her a sweet smile, I blink that thought away shutting off my eyes. I applied little make up on my face, I freed my hair from tight pony tail, they rested nicely on my shoulders, I can still look attractive, do I? Insecurities made home into my head, you still look plain Jen, you cannot even come closer to Jenny's appearances, she is young, confident and charming girl. Everybody adores her, she has a genuine good friend Leo, I noticed the longing gaze of Ryan on her and now Rick smitten by her, why not? She has that charismatic aura around her, she has most lively smile and attracting brown eyes not dead like you. Suddenly, I felt myself too small and envious of Jenny, and all of this is why, because I found Rick's interest on her. Why the hell, you followed him to his cabin? My consciousness again flashed mockery smile to me, because you want to have check on him, you thought you hurt him badly with your venomous words. You wanted yourself on the place of Jenny's to bandage his hand because you thought he genuinely hurt the way he walked out of your cabin looking all lost. But again he fooled you with his mind-blowing act of despair, one moment he was kissing me, showing the depth of his love and another moment it has taken away, he was having his moment with another girl.
Here, I'm being a pathetic girl who thought he cares, when he has never. Angrily I tied my hair again in a tight ponytail, I washed my makeup away. I wiped my face from clean towel, I don't need to work on my appearance. I don't care if I look plain, unattractive or aged, I have no one to impress. I followed my routine, I had my breakfast and went to the office. I finally worked on the new design of invitation card, hope Mr. Adam would like this design. I smelled the fragrance of strong coffee, this must be from Jenny. Lucy entered with coffee mug, she put it on my table greeting a good day to me.
Jenny, this girl has magic in her hands, I enjoyed the coffee closing my eyes, wow.. I kept the empty mug on my table, I emailed to Ryan and Rick on the progress of event. I decided to have a fresh air, I walked near pantry room just to get some time out. I paused when I heard blissful chatting of Leo and Jenny, I thought to say hi to them, last time they were my company for a lunch, and I also want to thank Jenny for offering her coffees as I know she didn't have to but I stop when I heard my name during their conversation, Leo is telling her that everybody is different, I don't want to eavesdrop their conversation but I became intrigued on the mention of my name, so I waited afar listening to them, I never believed myself that I'm hearing this from Jenny, the sweet and respectful girl, commenting insensitively on me.
"Oh, I am lucky to have you Leo. And trust me I will never try to be like her, I can't be robotic and poker faced girl, ewww.. it is frustrating, may be her attitude can attract people but nobody wants to be with that girl as everyone wants some lively person in their life not Ms. Sophisticated Davis" my hurt sank into the reality that this is the real Jenny, whom I consider a sensible person, who is now laughing on me. Leo doesn't look amuse.
"Jenny now this is really mean" it kind of relief, that at least Leo doesn't feel that way.
"Common Leo, she should loosen up little or else will be left alone in the world" left alone, exactly that I'm, its not my fault though or is it? I reached this apex, if even I am, Jenny has no right to judge me when she doesn't even know me. I fist my hand in anger and I noticed Leo became aware of my presence, his expression showing me his guilt, but Leo its not you who hit me with the words, its Jenny.
She spun on her heels contemplating from Leo's expression, her face dropped dramatically, I don't want to show her how her words worked on me, I remained calm.
"I'm glad somehow I gave you the reason to laugh Ms. Watson, but I am disappointed in you because I never considered you gossiping kind of person." I told her straight looking into her eyes, her gaze followed to floor in shame then again met with my eyes.
"Ms. Davis.. I.. Didn't" I stop her showing my hand, I don't care what her reason, no need of any explanation, she said it what she thought. And I don't care what she thought.
"Thanks for coffee but don't bother again" this came little harsh from me, harsh.. common Jen, it is nothing compared to her insensitive comments. Why people think they know me better than me? Why they think they have right to judge me? I turned around, walking out of this company, I'm trembling on my legs, unstoppable tears can't allow me to see where I heading off.. robotic poker face, will be left alone.. those were harsh, but isn't she right? This is what I am.. I'm a shell of a girl that I used to know well.. I don't know where I reached but I couldn't walk anymore, I fell on my knees in the middle of the road, and my lids became heavy, I wish the death would bless me and take away all my pain.. why even I'm breathing.. what for when I have no reason to live..my head collapsed on the ground, my body loosen up, the last thing I heard was my name... Jen, I battled to look at the face who seems very familiar.. I blink my eyes to have a clear look as tears are still curtained his image.. now I'm tired even to try and blackness engulfed me... Am I dying already??
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