❝ I JUST DO WHAT
OTHERS CANT ❞
–
The halls were crowded and tense. As Vada pushed and shoved her way through the myriad of people, her mind clouded and her eyesight fogged. She blinked but it couldn't subdue the nervous feeling inside of her, the way her feet buzzed as she dragged them along the damp cement. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she pushed herself against the side of the rough wall and waited as everybody passed. It seemed as if there were only a few people stuck on the events that had just taken place, with grim expressions and tired eyes. Everybody else scurried back to their bedrooms like they hadn't just witnessed a brutal murder.
Vada jumped when she felt a hand clasp her shoulder. Her eyes shot over to the blonde man who stood beside her, detached expression. He spoke hesitantly. "Negan needs you back in his room."
Vada pressed herself further into the wall as more people shoved past, elbowing her sensitive stomach. She shook her head in the slightest, eyes widening. "No." Her tone was breathy and soft, almost cracking under the nervous feeling building inside of her.
Dwight shut his eyes and let out a muffled groan. He shot daggers at a man that passed, shoving the two as he hurried forward.
"I'll be the one he's mad at if you don't. Just go and then leave quickly. I really don't care." He mumbled, his jaw clenching as he shoved another guy to the side. Vada frowned and inhaled sharply, moving into the sea of people, leaving Dwight standing alone against the wall. Trudging, she swiftly turned a corner and took the long route to the leader's room.
She wasn't sure what she was supposed to say to him. She wasn't sure why he even wanted her there. It was the first time she'd ever witnessed such a brutal and purposeful murder. She knew before she even reached the door, with her clammy hands and lump in her throat that she wasn't in the right state of mind. She'd felt as if she was going to faint ever since Negan grabbed the guy and threw him into the oven.
Hesitantly, she raised her knuckles and tapped gently against the wooden door. With how quiet the vacant hallway was, it came out louder than she expected. Wincing, she took a step back and held her breath as Negan opened up, signature grin on his face. He'd taken off his leather jacket, leaving him in jeans and a plain white tee shirt. He spun on his heel and jerked his finger forward.
Vada tentatively crossed the threshold and shut the door behind her. Negan had the sink running and Lucille dripping wet as it sat on the kitchen counter, towel draped over it. Hurrying over to the leather sofa, she watched as he took the weapon between his fingers and ran it under the water. With her lips parted and the tips of her fingers almost trembling, she wasn't sure if she should speak up or wait for him to say something. Her questions were answered when she heard his stentorian voice over the sound of the running tap.
"Pretty fucking intense, huh? Usually it doesn't end like that. I know I musta fucking scared you." He flicked his tongue and raised his eyebrows, tilting his head back to the girl. Turning the knob of the tap, he gripped the bat and began rubbing it down with a cloth.
Vada's eyes flickered to his face then back down to the ground. "You do that often?"
"Throw people into a fucking fire? No. The iron, only if someone decides to cross me." He said simply, rubbing the cloth along the tip of the bat. Tossing the rag back onto the kitchen counter, he placed Lucille gently by the foot of the bed and looked down at her. Vada shut her eyes and sank back into the chair, gripping tightly onto the arm rests.
"And people cross you a lot?" She asked, fixated on the wall ahead of her. Negan took notice of her discomfort and sat parallel on the leather couch across the coffee table.
"Not a lot. Most don't have the fucking balls." He rubbed his palms together and gave a chilling smirk. Vada furrowed her eyebrows slightly.
"Isn't it sad?" She asked, fiddling with her fingers. Her lips parted as she met the eyes of the man in front of her. Negan shifted in his seat and leaned forward, clasping his hands together.
"What, sweetheart?"
"Everybody's scared of you." She sniffed and turned her head to the side, suddenly afraid to meet his gaze.
"That's a good thing." Running his tongue over his top row of teeth, he tilted his head. "I get the message across. Nobody tries to fucking cross me anymore or," he lifted his finger, pointing towards the door, "that shit happens."
"Yet he still did it," she said, raising her eyebrows.
"And I don't hold back on my promises."
"So you think this is what it takes to be a good leader?" She squinted her eyes.
Negan leaned back in his chair and stroked his chin. "I've got a crew of men behind me and a hell of a lot of people I'm keeping safe. So fuck yeah, I'm doing this shit right."
"So does my father," she said a little too quickly, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "He has people he keeps safe, like me. I've made it all these years. I wouldn't have been able to do it without him. He doesn't," she gulped, vigorously shaking her head, "iron people. Or, kill people when he doesn't have to. And people still respect him."
"Your father and I don't exactly see eye to eye sweetheart." He flicked his tongue over the roof of his mouth. "We're both good leaders. But he's a fucking pussy. Can't do what he needs to keep his family safe."
Vada leaned forward, her lips forming a straight line. "You don't know half the shit he's done to keep his family alive."
"You're right. Maybe he threw that all out the fucking window when I came along." He jerked his head and bit his lip. Vada slumped back on the sofa and raised her arm to her forehead. Shutting her eyes, she inhaled sharply.
"He's a good man." She said quietly, her shoulders slumping back. Getting up from her position on the sofa, she made her way over to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. Negan followed quick on her trail and stood directly behind her, arm reaching over her shoulder to grasp a bottle of Vodka.
"You want some?" He asked, holding up the bottle. Vada gave a slight head shake and leaned against the counter, her knuckles turning pale.
Negan placed his free hand gently on her waist and leaned over her shoulder. "Calm the fuck down, Vada."
"I don't think I could take it. Living here, seeing you do that shit. I'm not built for that." She shook her head and took a sip of the water, slurping from the brim of the glass. Negan ran his callous hand down her waist and then raised it to her shoulder, gripping onto the upper part of her arm
"Fine. You don't have to come anymore." His lips formed a straight line as he poured himself a drink. Turning to her, he raised his lips to the edge of the glass and took a sip.
"It doesn't change anything. I'm still here." Her eyes dropped to the floor. Her mouth was dry despite the glass of water she had just downed. "I loved Alexandria. It was like nothing changed." Her eyes flickered up to the man, a soft laugh escaping her lips. "Sometimes I would pretend the apocalypse never happened. I would just lay in bed and talk with my brother and pretend nothing changed. That we were in our old house and everything. In the mornings I would take walks and read in the woods to remind myself the world was still fucked up, and keep up my skills just in case something happened to the community and I needed to protect it. That's when I met you." She ran the tap once again and stuck her glass under it, shutting her eyes. She wasn't sure why she was telling him these things. It all seemed so personal, yet at the same time, right.
"I like it when you talk about your life before this shit," he said, raising the glass to his lips. He turned his back to her and strolled over to the foot of the bed, leaning against the post.
"I don't." Her gaze dropped.
"Why?" He creased his brow.
She gave a slight shrug, putting the brim of the glass to her lips. She spoke into the cup. "It hurts. But I guess I should be grateful." She scrunched her nose and downed the cup, placing it in the sink.
"What do you have to be grateful for?" He hummed, taking his bottom lip between his teeth.
"I still have my father, my brother, my sister. Most people I've met over the years lost their family at the start or over time." She shook her head, eyes dropping to the ground. "I couldn't imagine getting through this without them."
"That's why you went back."
"Yeah," she said under her breath.
Negan took a step forward and placed his glass on the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. "Next time just fucking ask, Vada."
Her eyes met his. "You'd let me?"
"Probably." His head twitched slightly as he took the glass back into his fingers. "If you don't try and fucking run again."
"I had to." She shook her head and shut her eyes. "I just couldn't be away from them any longer."
"I can be lenient. All you gotta do is fucking ask." He poked his jaw out and took a sip from the glass.
"You were mad at me." She raised her eyes to the ceiling. "You would have never let me see them. I needed to, though. My father is the only person who can really calm me down. Make me happy again. My brother scares me sometimes but I look up to him. And Judith – well, I'm afraid I'm not even gonna get to see her grow up. Who knows, maybe I'll be dead. All it takes is a second. Just put yourself in my position. You must have had somebody like that."
Something flickered through Negan's eyes as he raised as hand to Vada's shoulder, pushing a strand of hair behind her back. "You don't have to worry about fucking dying." He shifted his weight and gazed down at her, ignoring the last part she'd put in. As her eyes flickered to the baseball bat that stood by the foot of the bed, she decided to drop it.
"I have to worry just as much as anybody else." She raised her line of vision and held onto the edge of the counter.
"Not when you're here." He sucked in sharply and ran a hand down her back. Vada shook her head and gazed over his shoulder, afraid to look him directly in the eye.
"This is a good community. Kind of, I mean, you keep people alive and it's safe. But nobody should feel like they're not in danger. We're always in danger nowadays." She breathed in. Negan was close and her heart was beating faster than it ever had before, especially with the heavy conversation they were having. When she'd knocked on the door she expected it to be quick. In and out with her gift and then back to her room with memories of the brutal things he had done. Now as she kicked her foot against the floor, her gaze dropped, she realized she'd gotten herself into more than she bargained for.
"My job is to keep these people as safe as possible." He took his hand from her back and leaned against the counter. "To make sure they can at least forget about the shit that goes on out there."
"Is that why you took me? Or was it to get under my father's skin?" She asked abruptly. Negan gazed down at her, lips curving into a smile.
"Honey, I didn't need to take you to piss your daddy off." He shook his head, raising his eyebrows as he brought the glass to his lips. "Hell, I had him wrapped around my fucking finger after taking him on that little trip in the RV."
Vada furrowed her eyebrows. "What did you say to him, anyways?"
"Just made it fucking crystal clear what was mine." He poured the rest of his glass in the sink and placed it at the edge of the counter. Vada kept her stare on Negan as he lumbered over to the edge of the bed. She wasn't sure how to feel about the man. He had done horrible things, brutal and savage acts yet it didn't seem to faze him in the slightest. And still there was this part to him that intrigued her. That actually made her believe there was more to him than what he put forward.
"And this doesn't bother you? Taking from them, killing people?" She asked, raising her eyebrows as she placed both hands on the back of the counter. She propped herself up on it and swung her feet.
"Sweetheart, I just do what others fucking can't." His eyes bore into her as he stood from a distance. Vada swallowed the lump in her throat and looked down.
"Fair enough," she mumbled, not wanting to go any further into the topic. The two locked eyes as Negan made his way back over to her, standing in front of her dangling legs. He gripped onto the edge of the surface and leaned over her, grasping the glass.
"Tell me more about your past." He gulped some water and placed it back down, eyes boring heavily into hers. Vada found it hard to keep her gaze as she peered over his broad shoulder.
"Before the apocalypse?"
"Sure." He popped his lips and let out a sigh of satisfaction.
"Alright." Her eyes flickered to the floor. "My dad was the sheriff but you knew that."
"Yeah. Don't think I don't fucking know you took back that star." A grin hinted at the edges of Negan's lips. Vada relaxed her shoulders and let out a slight huff of laughter.
"Yeah, sorry about that. Not really. It was kind of important." She grinned, gazing up at him. Even as Negan stood hunched over, his arm against the counter, he towered over her sitting body that was perched high up on the surface.
"If I cared I would have made you give it back, darling." He shook his head. "Don't fuckin' worry."
Vada nodded and curved her lips slightly. "Anyways, there wasn't really anything special about my life before all this. If anything things got more interesting afterward. But I always kind of wanted to follow my dad's path, y'know, law enforcement. I was halfway through twelfth grade when this all happened so I never got to go through with that."
Negan's lips twitched upward. "You? A fuckin' police officer?"
Vada let out a stifled laughter and shrugged her shoulders. "I always kinda wanted to be a corrections officer."
"That's badass." He replied, fleetingly raising his eyebrows.
"I watched a lot of prison movies." She shook her head, eyeing the ground. "What did you do before all this?"
Negan shuffled. "High school PE teacher. Coach."
"A coach?" Vada gripped onto her knees and laughed. She found herself forgetting everything she had been anxious about earlier. It all became unimportant as she shook her head, eyes gleaming and a smile adorning her features. "Oh my god, I bet your students were scared to death of you."
"Fucking right they were. Never crossed me." He bit his bottom lip and stifled a laugh. Vada kept her eyes locked on him as he traced his finger along the counter.
"I never would have guessed you worked with kids." She sucked in sharply and smiled.
"Most of 'em were older. I wanted the ones who were serious about that shit. I wasn't about to deal with a bunch of annoying ass kids."
Vada suppressed a laugh. "I bet all the girls had a crush on you."
Negan raised his eyebrows, perking up from his hunched over position. "Is that fuckin' right?" He grinned, eyes flickering down to her lips. Vada shook her head and tried to stop the crimson blush that rushed up to her cheeks. She squirmed uncomfortably.
"That's not what I meant." She snorted, trying to suppress a giggle. Negan's eyes lit up as he positioned himself in front of her, hands on either side of her legs.
"I don't know what else you coulda meant, sweetheart." He tilted his head and poked his tongue between his teeth.
"I-uh," she tried not to laugh at the uncomfortable situation she'd gotten herself into. "Um, I don't know. Young, naive girls are attracted to mysterious guys. That's why they always go for the bad boys."
"Did you?" He asked, hand trailing down the length of her calf. Vada squirmed and met his eye.
"I never had a boyfriend." She scrunched her features, eyes traveling around the room. "I never liked high school boys. There were the odd few, but they were always taken. They're too immature."
Negan hummed. "Shit. So you've never kissed anyone?" He asked. Vada closed her lips, emitting an awkward laughter at the conversation she had started.
"Almost. Once. Never happened." Negan raised his eyebrows as he took a sip from his glass, urging her to continue. Vada sighed. "I was at a party and we were playing spin the bottle. It landed on this guy that liked me and I ended up locking myself in the bathroom cause I was too scared to kiss him."
Negan suppressed a laughter as he swallowed his water, almost choking on it. Vada scrunched her nose and gazed down at him, eyes gleaming. "You fuckin' locked yourself in the bathroom? Jesus."
"I was like, eleven." She rolled her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What kind of eleven year olds play spin the bottle? Shit." He shook his head.
"You'd be surprised." She crinkled her features. "All my friends started dating before me. I just stayed away from it. Boys scared me. When I hit ninth grade and actually became interested in them, I still stayed away because I was too young to be locked down."
"Smart," he mumbled.
"What about you?" She asked.
"What?"
"It's not fair I only talk about my past life." She grinned, playing with the ends of her loose shirt.
"What's there to say? I married young," he hummed, crinkling his eyebrows, "Lucille. Then became a coach." Negan's eyes flickered down to the sink, his jaw tightened. Vada noticed his grim expression as he mentioned his past wife, so she steered the subject.
"And who was your first girlfriend?" She shuffled in her position on the counter.
Negan grinned, running his tongue along his teeth. "Mary fuckin' Johnson." He shook his head, letting out a puff of air from his puckered lips, faintly whistling. Vada crunched her stomach in laughter.
"Good memories?"
"Real good memories." Vada snorted, shaking her head in disbelief.
"You're disgusting." She slapped his shoulder and leaned her head against the wall.
Negan raised his jaw, giving a sly wink. "She didn't think so."
"Alright, subject change." Vada whistled and hopped down from the counter. She bumped into his chest and stumbled back, gripping onto the edges of the surface as she tried to balance herself. Shutting her eyes, she snorted under her breath. Before she could speak up there was a loud banging on the door. Vada's eyes shot over to the abrupt noise, jumping slightly. Negan placed a gentle hand on her waist.
"What?" His calm tone changed to something booming and gravelly. A muffled voice came from behind the barrier.
"Need you downstairs, Negan. It's important." She couldn't make out who it was. Vada's eyes flickered up to Negan who looked clearly vexed. Emitting a quick growl, he shouted back in agreement and shifted his gaze to the girl below him. Vada's lips twitched upward as she tentatively wrapped her skinny arms around his torso.
"Thanks for making me feel better, coach." She murmured, cheek pressed against his chest. Negan stroked his hand down her back, chest hitching with huffs of laughter.
"My pleasure, honey."