We stopped at a small place, similar to a club, because when we walked in there was booming jazz music, and it was a dimly lit place, but enough to see everything. The chairs and tables were white, and the floors and walls were black, and dark tinted windows went almost from the floor to ceiling. Anakin sat down at a table in the back of the restaurant. I followed, and sat across from him. A waitress attended to us, and we ordered. I ordered water and Anakin ordered a drink I'd never heard of called a 'Bantha Bottle' something originating from his home planet, Tatooine. I ordered my usual, Chafir.
Anakin told me his drink reminded him of home with his mom. I nodded. I knew all about his story... as well as Padmé had told me about him slaughtering the sand people. We 3 were the only ones who knew.
"I miss her." Anakin said, tears in his eyes. "I miss her. So. Much. And nobody since then has been able to replace her..." then he looked up at me. "But you, Y/N."
My heart stopped. This was what I'd been instructed to say no to my entire career of being a Jedi. I wasn't supposed to give into these feelings but they just seemed so... beautiful. The happiness, the butterflies when I saw him. How my heart ran away from me when he was near and went into his arms, begging for him to love me.
"Anakin..." I said quietly.
"I'm sorry..." he said, then a little louder. "I'm sorry Y/N it's just..." he hung his head in shame. "Since I was 12 I've loved you."
I didn't know what to say. Admit I had feelings for him... or turn him down. I decided to compromise between the two. "Anakin, I... I've loved you too." I pause, and see his eyes full of hope. "It's just... the order, and the seriousness of this mission we should focus on-"
He touched my hand with this, and his fingers entwined with mine across the table. I didn't take his hand, just let him hold mine. I wanted to grasp his hand and run away with him, but I kept my hand palm-up on the table as his fingers held it.
"Y/N, I know. But... these feelings have haunted me on all my missions. You... you make me keep going..." Anakin said.
"Keep going?" It came out a bit wrong, as if I was horrified. He looked up at me, pale.
"You... when I'm on missions and under pressure, I always think, I have to get back. If I get back I might can see Y/N..." he glowered down at the table, embarrassed. "You've kept me going through all my missions..."
"Anakin..." I said. "Anakin I... I've loved you since I met you... but... we can't do this-"
"You must not see it the way I do, then." Anakin sighed, hurt.
"I don't see a lot of things the way you do..." I said. "One of them is the Jedi Order."
"They hold me back." Anakin rose his voice, and released my hand, slamming his palms on the table.
I glanced behind me to see the entire restaurant seemed to hush, and the band seemed to play a measure lower. Maybe it was just my imagination- but then I felt a feeling I had scarcely felt, only on the battlefield. It made me want to draw my lightsaber for protection. I then turned and realized- this anger... was coming from Anakin.
"I. Am the chosen one." He muttered. "They hold me back."
"Anakin, just because you're the chosen one doesn't give you less training. It gives you a reason to need more training, to make sure your characteristics are perfectly toned. To make sure your skill is sharp. So you can learn new abilities-"
"I learn and sharpen abilities all the time." Snapped Anakin. "I'm a knight but they treat me as if I'm a padawan. They always send me on missions with Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan still tries to be my master. He's no Qui-Gon Jinn!"
I knew Anakin missed Qui-Gon, but what could he possibly know about him? He'd only known him a few days. I had known Qui-Gon through training, for years. I admired him, and I didn't like his death, but Anakin was taking it too serious.
"Anakin, you don't understand. Imagine how the dark side could use a padawan like you. You need to learn control and much more. You need full-time guidance from an expert." I said.
"Obi-Wan doesn't know enough to be a master." Anakin said lowly.
I immediately felt uncomfortable. How dare would he say that regarding a master! That was extremely disrespectful.
"I don't know if it's Obi-Wan that doesn't know enough to be a master," I defended Obi-Wan. "Maybe it's you."
"What are you talking about?" Anakin suddenly got extremely defensive.
"Nothing. It's just I didn't understand things as a padawan either." I said. "If anything, I was probably the worst to not like it! But I accepted it, knowing it was for the best."
Anakin looked down. "You're saying I need to 'accept' things for what they are."
I nodded, hoping he would understand and we wouldn't get into an argument here. But the scowl on his face left me hopeless for the possibility of not embarrassing myself in the middle of a calm diner.
"You know nothing about me, or my training." Anakin sighed. I knew a lot about both the things he mentioned. I couldn't believe him right now. Perhaps I didn't know him well enough. I always knew he was prideful, impulsive, and with lack of knowledge, but I had certainly never met the Anakin Skywalker I was talking with now.
"Anakin..." I sighed. "Anakin I saw Master Kenobi teaching you. And some of the councils decisions have been poor, but they're people."
Anakin smirked for a second, and then added, "Some of them aren't people... there are a lot of species on the council, you alienphobe scum." He chuckled, and I smiled, but no sooner later had his attitude came back, and worst this time, I sensed it. The frown returned quickly, and so did mine. I didn't want to argue with him, but this was all so hard to take in at once. Anakin loved me. He didn't like the council. He didn't like Kenobi. He was selfish. He was prideful. He was greedy. He didn't understand. He was childish.
Anakin looked up at me. "You really think all that?" He looked even angrier now.
"What?" I asked, horrified. He was stronger than I thought... he had been searching my mind. "Anakin it's just because I'm angry."
"I can't believe you..." he said. "Maybe I was wrong."
"No," I said as he got up abruptly. I followed him out of the restaurant, but quickly placing a few credits out on the table for the misunderstanding.
As we walked outside, Anakin said. "You aren't like you used to be." He made his way to a quieter place, which looked to be a business.
"Yeah? Neither are you." I said. "This War changed you. And to think..." I quickly turned the corner and discovered we were in some kind of alley. "And to think I loved you."
He slammed on breaks and wheeled around.
"You aren't who you used to be either." I sighed, hopeless. "I was looking forward to seeing you, too. I don't know if you're the same Anakin that I loved and-"
He cut me off by immediately placing his lips on mine.
I froze, my heart beating, and the feeling of loving him and hating loving him came over me as we stood peacefully, and secluded in the small alleyway alone.
We stood for what seemed like an eternity, until he turned away. Just as the kiss ended, I realized how much I needed it.
I stared at him, and then he turned back to me. The relentless blue in his eyes spoke of pain. Finally after a few seconds he spoke. "I'm still the same person. I promise you... it's just..." I realized his hands were embracing me closely. I liked it... it made me feel safe.
"Y/N, the council has been talking of not sending me on as many missions from my behavior. They're saying i have impulsive padawan equivalent actions. They want to assign me a new master, possibly somebody more experienced for a few months."
"To be a padawan..." I asked, not believing what I'd heard.
"I don't know. Maybe just to influence me. But they don't understand all the..." he stopped. I put my hand on his shoulders.
I urged him on, "all the what Anakin?"
"They're treating me like a child." He said. "And... I've been so... stressed with the war, and then..."
He was holding back, but I knew I shouldn't push him right now.