Justin’s Point of View:
It all felt like a movie.
It didn’t feel right, it didn’t feel real and yet it all happened too fast. The breaks screeching in my ears and Kelsey’s piercing scream calling out my name for dear life it was as if I were able to save her from here but I wasn’t and it killed me inside knowing I wasn’t there with her right now.
It was as if everything around me came crumbling down on top suffocating me.
“What’s going on in here?!” My head shot up to see the nurse making her way hurriedly inside as she shoved past Bruce, excusing herself harshly as she checked the machines attached to me, her eyes quickly scanning the beeping lines, her eyes falling on the tubes around my neck that attached to one another.
“You know you’re not supposed to me stressing yourself Mr. Bieber,” Scowling as she noticed one of the ducts had separated she put them back together, attaching it back to my shirt, tucking it away. Looking down at me, her hardened eyes softened as they met my wide ones, “Are you alright?”
I didn’t utter a word as I stayed in complete silence. The only thing able to be heard was my quick and uneven breathing. Closing my eyes shut, I prayed to God that this wasn’t his way of paying me back for all the shit I’ve done in my life.
“Please God,” I murmured quietly to myself, “let her be okay.”
Sighing frustratingly, she grabbed the paper that hung from one of the machines, “Your heart beat ran up nearly a percent in nearly ten seconds which is highly unhealthy for you if you want to get out of here on time.” Crumpling the paper, she shook her head at me, “You cannot be under any stress while recovering Mr. Bieber. An artery can burst inside and it is very likely to bleed out internally. You need to keep yourself out of harm’s way, do you understand me?”
She was talking, I knew that much since her lips was moving but I didn’t hear anything. Her words came out jumbled in my mind as I grasped the phone tightly in my hand, the thought of what was happening to Kelsey taunting me.
I needed to know if she was okay.
I don’t know what I’d do without her in my life. She’s come to be somebody I need in order to survive. Without her was like living without oxygen. She was the air I breathed; she was what kept me alive.
Snapping out of it, I nodded my head, “Ugh, yeah, sorry.” Waving a hand dismissively, I watched as she turned to Bruce, most likely repeating whatever it was that she told me to him so that at least one of us knew what she said.
Bruce must have agreed because she left without a second look back, leaving us both to dwell on the situation alone.
Building up enough courage, I brought the phone back to my ear after taking several deep breaths. When nothing but a soft whimper was heard on the other line, I felt my heartbeat pick up.
“Kelsey?”
Waiting a few seconds, I was just about to get up from my bed and go searching for her myself when Bruce’s hand pressed to my shoulder, keeping me down.
Scowling, I shoved his hand away as turned my attention back to the call, “Kelsey? Baby?”
Groaning, a simple breath was heard being taken, “Justin,” Kelsey gasped, frightened and I knew right then that she was safe.
My baby was okay.
“For fucks sake,” I murmured, throwing my head back against the comfort of my pillow as I wiped my free hand vigorously up and down my face, “You’re okay,” I whispered, “You’re alive… you’re—” Shaking my head, I let my hand fall beside me. “Is everything fine? Did you hurt yourself?”
“I’m okay, I’m just scared. I… don’t even know what happened. I—” Letting out a shaky breath, I could envision Kelsey cupping her mouth with her hand.
“Did you crash? Did you fall somewhere?” I questioned quickly, desperate to find answers to know for sure that she was still mine, still okay and still breathing.
“No, I don’t t-think I d-did. I moved out of the way b-before I could but I’m… I don’t know,” Kelsey sobbed, clearly distraught from the entire situation.
Cursing myself, I ran a hand down the side of my face, my stomach eating me up alive, “Shh, baby, it’s okay. Just—I’m going to need you to take a deep breath for me and count to ten. Can you do that?” My stomach still churned endlessly as the countless thoughts of what could have happened swirled around in my head.
“Justin…” Kelsey whimpered.
Closing my eyes at the desperation hidden within the way she said my name, I felt my heart constrict at the image of her crying. “Just do as I say, okay?”
Taking a deep, she let it out. “Okay.”
“Close your eyes baby let me know when you do.” I cooed softly, not wanting to frighten her any more than she already was.
Several seconds later, she hummed out an “I did it.”
“Now, clear your head of everything and when you do, I want you to slowly start counting from one all the way to ten, can you do that for me baby girl?”
Hesitating at first, several sounds of cars driving by were heard as Kelsey regulated her breathing. A soft “one” was heard before she quieted down and remained silent until she was done.
Glancing up at Bruce, I signaled him towards the door, “Kelsey.” I mouthed which he clearly picked up on.
Nodding his head, he made a beeline towards the door before stopping and turning to me, “Where is she?” He muttered lowly, careful enough for her not to hear.
Putting a finger up, I waited until I knew Kelsey was done, counting along with her in my head, “Kelsey?”
“Hm?”
“Where are you? Do you know what street?”
“I’m uhm… I’m a few minutes away from the school. I’m not exactly sure where,” Her small voice indicated as she informed me.
Cupping the phone under my palm, I looked at Bruce, “She’s near the school, by Brookedale and Silverstein. Find her,” And with that I turned my attention back to the phone call, “Baby, where’s Spencer?” I gritted my teeth, remembering that the bastard was supposed to be with her, somewhere close.
“He, I… I told him to go in his car, he was following me he must have been because I saw him but n-now, I don’t know, I-” She paused in which she took a deep breath and I knew then that something had to have happened because though she wasn’t saying anything, I could hear the quickening of her breath as if she’d seen something that scared her.
“Kelsey…”
I heard a car door open and close.
“Kelsey?” I pressed further, impatient for her to answer. “What’s going on?”
Cackling was heard, Kelsey’s breathing hitching completely. “Justin,” She whispered horrifically, “I th-think I see Spencer.”
My hands balled into fists at the thought of what I was going to do to him once he arrived, “Where is that prick, I’m going to kil—”
“Justin, no,” Kelsey cried, her pace picking up as the rubble under her shoes grated against the concrete. “He’s hurt, Justin. He hit the car instead of me. He- oh God,” She gasped out and that’s all it took to throw me over the edge.
The pressure, the pain, the exhaustion… it was all too overwhelming. A pain shot up my chest before I had the chance to say anything, searing me silent as a striking bolt of needles rammed into me, piercing through my skin. It felt like somebody has thrown me into a pool of scorching hot water.
Groaning, the phone fell from my hand as I let out a vicious scream, the agony unbearable. Clutching my chest, I squeezed my eyes closed shut, grabbing my bottom lip harshly under my teeth as I bit down on it to keep myself from bellowing out.
My body began shaking, my legs giving out as my chest continued to pulse violently, my heart thumping even faster than before.
“Code blue, code blue!” The nurse that had come in before screamed from the doorway as she came in, her feet moving fast as she checked the machines, holding me down.
The doctor rushed in soon after her, checking to see what the problem was as his eyes as he scanned the machines, his eyes falling on the long strip of paper falling from down below. Ripping it out, he held it up to the light, visioning the line that reached far higher than the paper was able to show.
“Grab the Axodrine from the cabinet; we need to enforce it quickly! He’s having a seizure and it’s only a matter of time before he collapses.” He barked out the order.
Taking the nurses place, the doctor grabbed a gas mask from somewhere near, strapping it around my face, letting me receive oxygen inside my lungs so that the restriction lessened though the pain remained.
Pulling the cap off the needle, the nurse injected the medicine inside before stabbing it into my IV line, letting it flow into my system.
Kelsey’s vivid screams were heard through the speakers on the phone, startling the nurse that stood right beside it.
“Justin!” She screeched, “Justin!”
I tried to speak but the mask around my face kept me from doing so.
Noticing this, the nurse grabbed the phone from the floor, taking it into her possession as she held it to her ear, “Hello?”
“Justin?” Kelsey questioned frantically, her voice loud enough to be heard from where I lay.
“No, this is Nurse Baila speaking.” She calmly replied.
I glared, watching to make sure she didn’t disrespect my girl in the way I know she would.
They exchanged a few more words for which the nurse merely nodded, humming a response to know she was listening before speaking, “Mr. Bieber is unavailable and will be for the next few hours for he’s recovering to come back from an attack.”
Groaning, I forced the mask down from covering my mouth, “Let me talk to her,” I moaned groggily.
“Mr. Bieber, you are in no position to neither speak nor move. I’m going to need you to keep still and relax. The medicine will kick in soon and you’ll feel the aftermath. You won’t be able to stay up much longer.”
“What the fuck do you mean I won’t… be…” I groaned, trailing off, my head rolling back as a haze took over, my vision becoming blurry. “I need her… she can’t…” I exhaled a quick breath, feeling myself relax into the mattress as slumber took over and before I could protest any further, I was out like a light.
Kelsey’s Point of View:
I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I was frozen to the floor as Spencer’s crushed car stood steaming with smoke just a few feet away from me.
It felt as if the wind had been knocked out of me.
“Where is that prick, I’m going to kil—”
My heart quickened, “Justin, no,” I cried, running towards Spencer’s wrecked car, “He’s hurt, Justin. He hit the car instead of me. He- oh God,” I gasped out.
Waiting for a response on what to do, I jumped hearing a shattering scream came from the other line. My eyes widened as I cupped my mouth in shock, “Justin?” I whispered, taken back by the sudden blow.
In return for an answer, Justin groaned out in pain, hissing and screeching.
“Justin?” I asked a bit harder this time, scared of what was going on.
I flinched as the phone fell to the ground, the clacking rattling in my ears as nurses and doctors rushed in throwing orders to one another, a breathless “code blue!” being detected through the rustling causing my stomach to plummet to the ground.
“Justin?!” I yelped a bit more loudly this time, desperate for somebody to tell me what was going on. My eyes stayed on Spencer’s as I took in his body sprawled across the seats, his head dripping with blood from what I could see.
“Justin?” I cried out again, my hand clawing to the door that blocked Spencer from the outside world but it wouldn’t open.
It was jammed shut.
“Shit,” I rasped, tears rolling forcibly down my cheeks, “Come on!”
“Hello?” A voice was heard.
“Justin?”
“No, this is Nurse Baila speaking.” She calmly replied.
“Wh-where’s Justin?” I choked out, my fingers curling roughly around the handle, tugging as hard as I could but nothing worked.
“He’s resting,” She grimly replied, keeping it stiff and short, clearly displeased with me.
If only she knew.
Biting my lip to keep from tumbling words of hatred out, I kept myself calm, looking around me for any source of help. “Can I speak with him, please?”
“Mr. Bieber is unavailable and will be for the next few hours for he’s recovering to come back from an attack.”
“A-a what?” I murmured, shocked.
Muffled words were exchanged before she replied, “He nearly collapsed on the floor from an anxiety attack and is now under the influence of his medication. He will not be available to you for the next hour or so. Mr. Bieber needs his rest and I would suggest you give him the space that he needs.”
“Kelsey!”
I looked up, startled to see Bruce making his way over to me, his face hard of emotion though the concern in his eyes deceived him.
Without much of saying anything, I ended the phone call; running into Bruce’s arms as he held me close, brushing my hair back as he rubbed my back carefully, and his eyes pinned on the dented car. “Did you call for help?”
“N-no,” I gasped, “I wasn’t thinking, I didn’t know- I’m sorry, I’ll,” I fumbled with the phone in my hands.
“No, don’t.” Grabbing my hands, he shoved the phone back into my arms. “The cops are probably on their way, someone must’ve called.” Cursing under his breath, he made his way over to it, “Let’s get him out of here.”
“I tried but it wouldn’t open!” I cried rushing after Bruce who stood tugging on the door handle, gritting his teeth together in aggravation as he realized what I said proved true.
“Shit,” Running his hands through his hair, he looked at me with wild, pained eyes, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, scared but I’m okay. Justin though, something happened at the hospital, why aren’t you there?”
“He sent me here to come get you—”
“Of course he did,” I muttered.
“Why? What happened?” Bruce rushed as he tried prying the door open again.
“He had an attack; we need to go to him.” I seethed through heavy breaths, “Spencer on the other hand…” I fought the tears that threatened to fall again, “Please just… help him.”
Rubbing the back of his neck roughly, Bruce shot around to the other side of the car, tugging the door free after a few firm pulls as he leaped inside the car, ripping at the seat belt that was strapped across Spencer’s body.
After what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes, Bruce managed to pull Spencer out of the side of the car he had climbed through. Holding him up, Bruce tugged me with his free hand towards his car.
“What about the cars?” I asked as Bruce thrusted me into the back of his car in a hurry, ushering Spencer in beside me.
“I called John for backup; he’s going to come get your car. Spencer’s will be taken into the shop. The cops can’t know what happened. They’ll come looking but they won’t find anything, if they come asking questions, we’ll tell them we have no idea what occurred. Got it?”
Nodding my head without saying a word, he closed the door, moving into the driver’s seat as he started up the car, driving without looking back.
Justin’s Point of View:
A groan emitted from my lips as I fluttered my eyes open, blinking once, twice and then three times, adjusting to the bright lights before glancing around the room for any sign only to see the coast was clear. Checking the clock near my head, I noticed an hour had passed.
My thoughts flew back to Kelsey and how she was doing and almost immediately my head pounded at the thought, my chest pulling gently but I remained calm enough to let my heart beat stay at its natural pace, refusing to let myself fall back into a fit.
“Good, you’re awake,” The doctor entered from the door, my chart in his hands as he scribbled things down while walking over to me. “Did you sleep well?”
Clenching my jaw, I looked away, pissed that I was even put under in the first place. “Yeah,” I hissed, angrily though he didn’t seem to take note on my tone.
“That’s good,” He flashed a friendly smile, one I didn’t dare to return. “You seem to be recovering remarkably well for somebody who nearly died twice,” Tucking my chart under his arm, he peered over at me, “apart from the earlier attack, you seem to recovering fine and I say it’s just about a few days before you’re able to go.”
“Thank God,” I moaned out in blessing, glad to know I was able to go back home soon.
Chuckling, he nodded, “I can see why you’re sick and tired of it here but just hang in there a little while longer. I’ll be back in a couple of hours to check on your progress. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be able to leave earlier than expected. Until then, you have some visitors.”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I opened my mouth to say something as he turned to walk away. Closing it, I was immediately silenced once he left out the door the same time Bruce had come forwards, a body hidden behind him.
My lips parted, taking in a whiff of fresh air, my breathing hitching at the sight of them alive and well which meant that she was really okay. Looking up at Bruce, he gave me a look with his eyes.
A look that said I told you so.
Peeling my eyes from his, I desperately wanted to glance behind him but I fought against it, knowing who it was and wanting them to come forwards on their own.
Crossing his hands at his lower stomach, Bruce kept his face stoned, “You need to reevaluate everything that has happened tonight. I want you to take a look around you and realize what is going on and the shit that’s happening because of it. This isn’t a game, you both nearly died tonight and I don’t know how the hell you guys did it but you survived.” Looking behind him, he gave us both a stern look. “Despite your luck however, you both are playing with fire here and it’s only a matter of time before you get burned.” Stepping to the side, Kelsey was in clear view making my heart constrict, “I’ll be cleaning this whole mess with John while you two talk this out.”
Watching as she held her breath, her eyes found mine, a look of disbelief etched across her face though another sparkled in her eyes—fear, sadness and defeat.
Brushing past us, Bruce left us alone to talk.
Seeing her in front of me, it was like a miracle as if she wasn’t supposed to be there… but, she was. I thought for sure she was gone, for that split second when I heard it all; it was as if everything I knew was destroyed.
Neither one of us said anything, the silence deafening; all that was heard was our heavy breathing.
Kelsey shifted on her feet as she played with her fingers, her eyes piercing through mine though I knew she was trying her best to look away and avoid this entire situation.
“You can try to sidestep this all you want,” I began with a bit of sharpness to my voice though I didn’t intend for it to. The thought of her being so careless however was eating me up alive. She could’ve gotten herself killed just because she didn’t listen to orders—orders given by me. “But nothing you say or do will change the fact that I almost lost you tonight.”
“Justin…” She began with a shake of her head, the hurt evident in her voice but I refused to give in. She had to know what she did was not only dangerous but reckless.
“Don’t,” I cut her off, “You were running on thin ice today. What you did—” I shook my head this time, running my hands up and down my face in frustration, the memories repeating in my head.
“I’m sorry…” She whispered.
Letting my hands fall to my sides, I let my eyes linger on hers, “How would you feel if our positions were reversed and you were stuck in the hospital while I went off somewhere and decided to drive myself—in a state I shouldn’t have—and ended up crashing? Do you honestly think you’d sit here and forget everything?”
“But I didn’t crash,” She took a step towards me, “I’m fine—”
“You almost died tonight and you want to tell me you’re fine?” I barked out sharply, hissing immediately once my chest began to pull violently, “Jesus Christ Kelsey, do you ever think?” I spat, irritated to say the least.
“I…” Trailing off, her shoulders hunched over in defeat, not knowing what else to say. Bowing her head, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her teeth dug deep into her bottom lip. “Don’t be mad at me.” She pleaded, “Please.”
“How can I not be mad at you? I specifically told you to stay with Spencer, did I not?”
“I know—”
“You know so then why did you do it?”
Shrugging, she found a sudden interest in her shoes, “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know but you knew what you were doing when you got in the car and started driving while…”
“Crying?” She finished off my thought with a bit of a push to it, her eyes on mine once more. “Yeah, well, it’s not every day that your dad tells you that you’re basically nobody to them.” She mumbled.
“What are you talking about?”
Clamping her lips together, she inwardly sighed but as the quiet grew, the more brutal it got, the tension in the room increasing as she fought to contain herself but nothing she did worked. Sniffling, she wiped under her eyes and it was then that I noticed she began crying.
“Shit,” I whispered, “Baby, don’t cry…” Groaning, I rolled my eyes at myself for being too hard on her, “Come here.” I held out my hand for her to take.
She shook her head stubbornly, wiping away the remains of her mascara that began to drip down with her tears.
“Kelsey,” I urged, “Come here.” Wiggling my fingers, I narrowed my eyes at her, “Now.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” She whispered quietly as a child would to their guardian after they had scolded them.
“You can’t hurt me any more than you already have,” I admitted truthfully without another thought to it, “Now come.”
Holding her breath as my words hit it where it hurt the most; Kelsey began walking over to me not wanting to test my patience any more than I was trying to contain it. Grabbing my hand, she let her eyes linger on how much bigger my hand was compared to hers.
Tugging her to me, I moved over carefully, giving her enough room to lie next to me. When she did, I put the blanket over the both of us. Turning to her, I brushed her hair away, “Talk to me. What happened? Why were you crying?”
After what felt like forever, Kelsey finally managed to speak up. “I went to go pick up Dennis like I said I would and when I went there, somebody was already there talking to him and at first, I didn’t recognize them so I yelled at them to get away from my brother when it turned out to be my dad instead…”
Clutching my jaw together, I tightened my grip around her shoulders, knowing that the topic of her father wasn’t much of a thrill.
“He started saying things like he couldn’t believe I actually came for him and I told him that I would that he’s my brother, I love him and that I’d do anything for him, you know?”
Nodding, I rubbed her arm up and down with the padding of my thumb, encouraging her to continue despite the hallow feeling in my stomach.
“He then started telling me that I could’ve been somebody and he went into this whole speech about my future and how I threw it all away to be with you,” Squeezing my hand, she sighed, “Which isn’t true. I’m making a living for myself. I’m in college, I’m doing fine but of course he has to think of all the negative things and completely disregard how hard I worked to get my life back together.”
“I was yelling at him, telling him that if he’d just let the past go and see what I see, things would be okay again but he refused. I told him that he should accept my happiness because I’m his daughter but that seemed to have angered him more.” Choking back a sob, she pulled her lips into her mouth, “He told me that I wasn’t his daughter anymore, that he didn’t have one… he told me that she died a long time ago a-and—”
“Shhh,” Pulling her closer to me, I let her head fall gently against my chest, her hand crawling into the warmth of my other hand as I held it on top of my stomach, rubbing circles into her palm. Closing my eyes, I cursed to myself, the familiar feeling of when my own dad told me those exact same words about me startling me into disbelief that somebody could say something so cruel to her.
“He said that I was dead to him.” Kelsey whispered, her fingers playing with mine as she tried her hardest not to let it affect her too much but she knew that was impossible. Her bottom lip began to quiver and I could see the tears pool at her eyes making my heart pull in all sorts of directions.
Running the pad of my thumb across her bottom lip, I tipped her head back so that I could look into her eyes, “Don’t cry baby, please, he’s not worth your tears baby girl.” I murmured softly, wanting nothing more than to take her pain away. I’d do anything just to make her happy again. I’d shift the world for her if that’s what it took. For her, I’d do anything.
“He’s my dad Justin, he helped conceive me… how could he just push me away like I’m nothing?”
Dropping my hand down to the nape of her neck, I bit the inside of my cheek harshly, bile crawling up my throat as the various thoughts and answers for her question ran through my mine. There was only one reason why he would’ve done what he did and that’s… “Me,” I whispered desperately.
“What?” She shifted so that she could look up at me better.
“I’m the reason. It’s because of me that he’s acting the way that he is…” Closing my eyes, I swallowed down hard, “If you wouldn’t have gotten involved with me then maybe things would be different. Your life—”
“Wouldn’t be what it is today and I wouldn’t take any of it back.” Kelsey finished for me though that wasn’t what I was going to say. “I love you and that’s never going to change. I don’t regret us ever getting together. Everybody accepted us. They may have not liked it at first but they accepted it for what it was… he just—he couldn’t get past it. He couldn’t let go of the fact that you live a life that isn’t all that great but he can’t change who you are. It’s what you do.”
“You drive me crazy and we fight… a lot but that’s what makes us… us. I don’t ever want you to think I regret falling in love with you because I don’t and I won’t… ever. You’re a part of my life now and he’s going to have to move past it.”
“And if he can’t?” I mumbled.
“Then I guess he just won’t be a part of my life anymore. It’s his decision. I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t ask for any of it—” Cutting herself off, she licked her lips, stopping to collect her thoughts making me believe a part of what she was saying was meant for something else. “I still want him in my life… I mean, he’s my dad. I’ll always love him…” Lifting her hand to wipe her cheeks, I did it for her, grabbing her cheeks in my hands and wiping away the stray tears, placing a gentle kiss to her forehead.
“He’ll come around baby, just give him some time. Okay?” Looking down into her eyes, I watched as she nodded her head, her eyes mixing with doubt though a hint of hope still remained.
Running my fingers under her eyes, I took notice to the bags under them and it was then that I realized just how tired she must be. “Is that why you called me?” I murmured.
Nodding without a word being spoken, she looked down at the blanket, refusing to meet my eyes. “Are you still mad?”
Clenching my jaw, I didn’t say anything, choosing instead to change the subject. “What happened after you called?”
Blinking up at me, I could see the hurt etched across her face though she didn’t question it. “I didn’t even realize I was speeding. I was upset about what happened with my dad and I just… I lost control of the steering wheel for a second and I wasn’t paying attention. By the time I looked up, a truck was coming my way and that’s when I screamed because I was afraid. I thought that… that was it.”
Avoiding my eyes, Kelsey swilled, “I was going to die without even as much as a goodbye.” She whispered, pulling out of my hands, upset with herself. “I swerved before I could hit him but Spencer wasn’t so lucky… He hit his head pretty bad. Bruce got him out of the car and we took him here with us. He was getting himself checked out when Bruce brought me here to see you,”
“Do you have any idea how worried sick I was? Knowing that I was stuck here and couldn’t do anything to save you?” Not even giving her a chance to respond, I continued, “I felt weak, pathetic and useless. I didn’t even know if you were dead or alive… you were all alone in a state of shock and I was here with a fucking bullet wound to my chest…” Hissing angrily, I punched the bed beside me, “This is my entire fault.”
“What?” Her eyes widened, “No!”
“Yes, it is! If I would’ve just killed those motherfuckers when I had the fucking chance none of this would’ve happened,” Gesturing openly around me, I growled, “And I would’ve been the one to make sure you were okay instead of Bruce. I would’ve fixed everything for you—”
“You can’t fix everything Justin,” She whispered, tears blurring her vision as she blinked them away, “especially this.”
“I could’ve prevented some of it, any of it!” I threw my hands up.
“You think you can save me from everything but you can’t. Don’t you see what’s come of this? We just… it’s become too much.” She whispered making my eyes bulge as I turned to look down at her.
“What do you mean?”
“All of this… we just need to take a step back and calm ourselves down. Everything happened so fast… I don’t know where the time’s disappeared to but I want some of it back but the reality is, is that it’s gone. We can’t have the time we’ve wasted back but we can make up for it somehow in the future.” Exhaling, she rested her head against my chest as my arm instinctively wrapped around her.
“Do you think we’ve moved too fast?” I voiced my thoughts out loud, dreading her answer.
When she didn’t say anything, I knew what she was thinking.
Laying my head down next to hers, I kept her close, afraid that if I let her go, she’d vanish. “I’m sorry,” I sighed, “For everything.”
“Justin…”
“I ruined you, your life… I should’ve let you go when I had the chance. I should’ve ended it before it went too deep.”
“Don’t say that,” She urged gently, “We were already in too deep the moment I saw you kill Parker. You can deny it all you want but we were supposed to happen. We were drawn together ever since.”
“No, I knew what I was getting myself into when I let you go that night… I knew what I doing when I kept going after you and I knew what I was thinking when I made you mine but I didn’t want to believe it. I was hoping that things could possibly change and something good could come out of it…—”
“Something good did come out of it. You learned so much and you finally let the things from the past go. We both grew up and found love. We found love in each other and as messed up as it is and how it happened, it did and you and I both know that giving up on us wouldn’t have been the best thing for either one of us.”
“It would’ve kept you safe. You would’ve had a normal life and you can deny it all you want but you know that a part of you wishes none of this happened.”
“No,” Kelsey whispered, “I don’t. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I know what’s happened wasn’t exactly what you call a walk in the park but it’s what I accepted and I’m going to have to live with it.”
“You shouldn’t have to live with any of this shit at all. You should be able to go out and not have to worry about somebody seeing you. You should be able to walk out of the house without the fear of getting shot. I want you to be able to go to school and not have people whisper about you being my girlfriend. Nobody should feel threatened by you. You should be who you were meant to be; yourself and nobody else but I ruined that. I ruined everything.”
“You can’t block everything around you. You can’t always keep me out of jeopardy. As much as you want to believe you have the power to protect me, you don’t. Yes, you’ve kept me safe numerous times and you continue to do so but you can’t force it. All the bodyguards, the rules, the orders… it won’t change anything. It won’t make anything safer.”
“I just want to know that you’ll be okay without me but clearly tonight showed me that, that’s not the case. Your life will always be in jeopardy.”
“Why do you always blame yourself?”
“Because I’m the only one to blame! I took you in, I claimed you, I brought you into this lifestyle and as much as I want to deny it, it won’t make much of a difference. I could’ve just dropped it when you went home. I could’ve continued on with my pathetic excuse of a life and never laid eyes on you again but I didn’t because as much as you got under my skin, I wanted you—all of you. I was a selfish bastard, I still am. I wanted you all to myself and I knew that by bringing you in, you would forever be a target but I did it anyways.”
“You did it because you cared about me—”
“No, I did it because I didn’t want anyone else to have you.” Rubbing the side of my face, I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before I ended up giving myself another outbreak. “I felt some sort of want… need for you like every time you were there, I felt better about myself. You showed me things I never saw before. You gave me a reason to fight, you gave me hope.”
“And now you’re trying to throw it all away for nothing? Justin, what happened today had nothing to do with you.”
“I made you go; I pushed you into leaving the hospital. If you would’ve stayed—”
“Then it would’ve happened some other time. You can’t keep putting the blame on yourself. It won’t do anything but stress you out even more than you already are.”
“If anything would’ve happened to you… I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself.”
“But, nothing did happen. We just… we have to take it slow from now on. Ever since you were released… it was like an on-going marathon of things. I guess it all just piled up one on top of the other. It’s not your fault, it’s not mine, it’s nobody’s. We just have to be more cautious next time… especially you.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. I know you’re fuming and you want to do things but your anger can’t overtake your thoughts. You need to think things through. Listen to Bruce every once and a while. I know you hate taking orders but as you say it helps keep me check, it goes both ways.”
“Ah but my orders are completely different from yours.”
“Not really. In some sense, yes but they’re both pretty much the same thing: stay out of trouble. If I’m not mistaken however, trouble finds you more than it does me.”
Smirking, I looked up at the ceiling, my chest shaking from the low rumble of a chuckle I produced. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“You guess?” Kelsey snickered as she poked my stomach, “You know I’m right.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night babe,” I winked down at her playfully.
“I miss this.” She murmured softly after a few seconds of peace.
“What?”
“Us… this… No worries, nothing to be scared of; just you and I, here, now… just like it used to be.”
“It’s always going to be you and me baby, you know that.” Holding her hand in mine, I moved so that I slightly hovered over her.
Pulling her eyebrows in, Kelsey winced as if she were in pain, “Don’t do that, you’re going to hurt yourself,”
“No I’m not, c’mere,” Thumbing her chin, I waited as she lifted her head off the pillow before moving down towards her. Pausing just before our lips met, I flicked my eyes up to look into hers. “I love you, you know that right?”
“I love you too.” She whispered her breath shaky as I lifted the corners of my lips into a smirk.
Hovering my lips over hers, I pressed them together, the aurora in the room suddenly shifting as Kelsey moved in closer to me, her hand holding the right side of my face as she deepened the kiss, desperate for me to return the favor in which I did without hesitation.
Pulling away before it could go any further, I let my lips trail on her jaw, all the way down to her neck before sucking gently, gripping her hip in between my fingers as I gave it a squeeze, growling against her skin.
“Justin,” Kelsey gasped in arousal.
Flicking my tongue against the soreness, I left a sloppy kiss over it before removing myself from her and lying back in the position I had been in before.
Tucking her under the comfort of my arm, I kissed the top of her head, “There’s more where that came from.” I warned huskily, biting back a laugh as Kelsey blushed violently. “But, don’t worry baby, I’ll save it for the comfort of our bedroom when I get out of this hellhole.”
“Oh God,” Kelsey muttered as she hid her face in my shoulder.
Laughing, I settled comfortably, the weight of everything falling on top of me, tiring me out completely. “Let’s go to sleep baby,” I gently exclaimed, “We’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“Mmmm,” Nuzzling further into me, Kelsey cuddled up into a fetal position, her legs however intertwining with mine as her arm circled around me lightly, careful not to put too much pressure.
“Goodnight,”
“Night, Justin,”
Watching her slowly fall asleep, I let my eyes linger on her peaceful state of mind, bringing a sense of comfort to me knowing she was safe away in my arms.
Resting my head down on top of hers, I was just about to go to sleep myself when the door creaked open. Bruce quietly stepped inside, his eyes immediately finding mine.
“Call it off,” I declared without even as much as a second thought, “all of it.”
Surprise etched across his face as he stared warily over at me, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I nodded. Tucking Kelsey’s hair away from covering her face, I felt the need to make sure she was taken care of in the best way possible. “I can’t get anything done like this. I need time to settle down before jumping into things. We’ll take care of him sooner or later but for right now, I just want to spend time with my girl.”