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Dan POV
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Somehow, I felt calm and happy.
It was all thanks to Phil. He was this strange phenomenon that hopped right into my life when I hadn't been expecting it, and the spiral of events between us had been even more insane. My constant question was how? How had I managed to find him, out of all the angels and demons? How had we fallen in love, of all things, when we used to hate each other? How was I able to love him; how was I able to feel good things when I wasn't good?
The questions rolled and bounced and smacked around in my head, bothering me incessantly; that was, until I saw him again. Until he held me close and made me smile and laugh and do everything I had never even imagined. That was when I forgot everything. Those were the best moments.
It had been a little scary, to realize just how much I trusted him. When he'd taken me into his arms and flown into the clouds, wind biting at the both of us; but no matter how cold or tired he got, somehow, I knew that he would never let go of me. I felt safe in his hold, warm and content when he wrapped his wings around me, as if protecting me. I never would have admitted that I needed protection and comfort in the past, but I could see it now. Despite my strength and my fire, I became vulnerable when I was with Phil, and I didn't mind it.
During the two days I hadn't seen him, nothing had occurred. My job had simply become more rotational, filled now with more files and meetings than before. It had hurt to not see him, but it made reuniting more intense. It was almost a little pathetic, how much I seemed to need him these days. But no matter how much it seemed like I craved our embraces and his voice, Phil either didn't notice, or he felt the same. I hoped for the latter.
Because of my quota dropping due to my new, separate responsibilities, it was easier for me to do less work and not allow Tyler to be suspicious. He made my Earth work less, so me doing less of it wasn't a problem anymore. It was now much easier to see Phil when I did go to Earth, since my job was able to be finished in only an hour or so.
I couldn't help but wonder how much longer this would go on. How much longer we would continue to sneak around without anyone knowing, how much longer we would be able to handle the relationship until someone craved more. I wondered if anything else would change, or if we had reached a standstill.
But, as I'd said, I trusted Phil. I trusted that any problem that came our way would be enough for him to handle if it wasn't for me. I trusted that he would do anything in his power to keep me safe.
Today, it was another lucky day, as most of my time was to be spent on Earth. Despite the longer hours, my quota hadn't risen at all, so I assumed I would be spending more than half of the day with Phil, which was a luxury.
I avoided all other demons that morning, attempting to get myself organized and then down to Earth without having to deal with anyone. I left a scowl on my face; the scowl that was always there unless I was around a certain angel. Because I'd grown in power over the last few months, there were often instances where demons lesser than me would ask me questions. I tried to channel all of my angry energy, however, so no one came near me.
The transportation spell brought me to the farmhouse, and I was disappointed when I saw that my surroundings were empty, filled with nothing but trees and the slight sunshine that streamed between where the leaves blew in the wind. Autumn was beginning on Earth, so the leaves were beginning to look orange, the warm color seeping into their usual green slowly. I found it interesting, how time passed on Earth, constant changes and growth. It was so different from Hell, where nearly everything remained the same. When you died as a human, everything continued to grow and evolve without you; everyone moved on like your existence had never meant anything to them.
In the afterlife, you didn't really notice. We moved on, of course, but it still felt continuous. The dust on the ground remained; the grey layer covering everything didn't move. Demons and angels' appearances didn't change, we didn't get taller or lose weight or grow more hair. No matter what, it stayed the same, while on Earth, everything changed constantly. It never failed to fascinate me, every single time I thought about humans and the leaves on the trees.
Of course, it grew more fascinating as I forgot about my life as a human. As memory after memory left my brain over the course of time. All I could really remember now was my family and what had happened to them as well as me.
Stop right there, I scolded myself. I'd made a promise ages ago to stop thinking of my family. Yet somehow, they were the only thing from my human life that I couldn't forget.
I was lucky, then, because at that moment, Phil descended from the sky; I couldn't miss him since his wings were so large now, feathers beautiful and glimmering in the rays of the sun. A breath of air left my mouth automatically, calm washing over me as any thoughts from before were forgotten.
"Hello, love," He greeted as he landed right in front of me, his wings following, slightly slower, until they fell to barely brush against the ground. His cheeks were rosy, which I guessed was from the cold wind as he flew, his hair messy in an endearing way.
The name made me have to fight a blush. "Hi," I responded, one of my hands lifting to grab his arm. It was reflex, to show some sort of affection that didn't require pain. I decided to allow him to decide when he wanted that.
He did that day, because his opposite hand lifted to cup my cheek, before he leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine for only a second. I felt the flaming sparks explode in my skin, and I craved more of the feeling. As time went on, it felt more thrilling than painful, but before I could relish in it, he was gone again, his hand leaving my skin.
"How are you today?" Phil asked, gesturing for me to walk alongside him towards the water.
I paused. "I'm okay," I started, and then began to force the truth from between my lips. "I started thinking about my family earlier, and almost got angry. But then you showed up."
He nodded slowly, and I could sense some sort of conflict in his eyes. I knew what it was, of course; Phil knew nothing about my family or what had happened to me before I died. I hadn't mentioned it before, and I think he understood that I really didn't want to explain. I simply wanted to be truthful.
We made it to the pier, right when he stated, "Glad I could help, then." I smiled softly, and once we were both seated, I reached out to take his hand into mine. I fought the urge to flinch because of how quickly I performed the action, resisting a grimace and trying to tell myself that it was worth it in order to hold him and touch him and be close to him.
"Do you ever wonder..." I began quietly, pretending not to notice when Phil leaned in closer to me to listen. "Do you ever wonder why things happen?"
"Why things happen?" Phil asked in response. "Like, things in general? People things? Life things?"
I let go of his hand, spinning myself around to lay down. The back of my head went to Phil's thighs, my gaze now upwards towards the sky. I sighed as his hands reflexively went to my hair, and I blushed again at the feeling of his fingers kneading gently against my scalp.
"No," I mumbled. "Like, in general, yeah. Why you meet certain people, why the sun shines so bright and warm here and in Heaven but not in Hell. Why it hurts to hold my hand."
"I try not to," He told me quickly. "I try not to think too much about things. It ruins the moment. Like when I'm holding your hand, I don't like to think about how it hurts. I just like to think about holding your hand." His fingers moved to brush the hair in my eyes backwards.
My eyes closed. "Makes sense. I guess since I'm the pessimist of us two I automatically think too much."
"You know I'm a pessimist sometimes, too," Phil giggled, despite the serious undertones of the statement. "But sometimes there are too many why's in the world to ask. I wouldn't be able to handle all of them. I can barely handle even one question regarding the word why."
I nodded, though my head barely moved. I could feel myself drinking off and tried to tell myself to stay awake, but with Phil's hands in my hair and the warmth of his body surrounding me, I couldn't help it. I allowed my breathing to sync with the sound of the water, and I felt warm all over as I slipped into the comfort of darkness.
***
"Wake up, Dan. You fell asleep."
I was shaken awake by firm hands, and my eyes flung open to find that the earlier bright blue sky was now black and filled with glimmering lights. I jolted upwards before turning to see Phil, sitting in the exact same spot he had been in when I fell asleep in his lap.
"I'm sorry," I blurted, "That must have been boring. And it looks late, too; I hope you don't get in trouble for being out until it got so dark."
"Shhh," He smiled a big grin, his tongue poking out from between his teeth. "Come here," He opened his arms, and I fell into them with no hesitation. My eyes shut as I pressed my face into his shoulder as his wing came up to wrap around my body. I breathed, noticing his familiar scent of sunshine and clouds and cold air on an early Earth morning, everything pure and clean.
"I love you," I whispered against the fabric of his gown.
I felt his lips press against my hair, his usual gesture. "And I love you. Don't worry about it being late. I just hope Tyler doesn't yell at you or anything. My position of power has grown too high for me to get yelled at," He explained. "So go back, okay? And stop thinking over so many questions. That's why you're so tired, you know. Get some sleep tonight, and I'll see you tomorrow."
I nodded against him once, before pulling away and standing. Phil followed a bit later, lifting into the air by a few feet. He seemed to think for a second, and then he lowered himself the slightest bit, leaning down to peck me against the lips once more. And then he was in the air again, white and blinding compared to the sky above him. He turned around, flying further upwards every second, the size of his wings making his speed a lot more intense. Just before he disappeared from my line of sight completely, I could have sworn he blended in with the shimmering lights in the sky, glowing and burning just like they did.
My feet stayed planted in that one spot for a couple of minutes, the cold air around me not bothering my flaming demon self one bit. Finally, I began chanting my teleportation spell.
When I returned to Hell, it was nearly completely empty. Most demons were asleep in their homes, since most worked in the day like me. The only ones still walking around were Drifters returning from trips and Senders organizing their Finders' files. I hoped to make it back to my house without running into anyone and have a day full of no demon interaction.
I was unlucky, however, when someone called out to me.
"Dan!" Came a voice from behind me, and I scowled before turning. There, was PJ; I was glad that it wasn't Tyler. The demon walked up to me, his burning eyes looking brighter in the dark. "You haven't spoken to me since you freaked out that one day. What're you up to?"
"Peej," I began, "Sorry I haven't seen you. I've been a little busy lately."
He nodded in understanding. "Did anything ever happen with your love problem?"
I rolled my eyes, "No. It's fine. Sorry about freaking out. I'm all good and normal, now."
"I don't know," PJ narrowed his eyes at me. "You're being really... calm right now. Normally you would have snapped at me to leave you alone by now." He paused, thinking over his next words. "You've changed a lot, you know."
I crossed my arms over my chest, flames beginning to build in my throat as the reality of what he was telling me set in. "I haven't."
My friend looked away, sighing. "Listen, I don't want to argue with you. I just wish you would tell me what's going on, because I'm not stupid. I know something's going on with something or someone in your life. I've always been truthful to you about what I'm doing and when I had my crush on Chris and everything. And you have something going on that you won't tell me about." I opened my mouth to protest once more, but he held up a hand. "I'm not going to question you and force you to tell me anything. Just know what I said, okay, Dan? You're always my best friend," He finished. Then, the other demon turned around and walked back towards Chris' house.
I frowned, his words really hitting me. Of course he could tell I had changed; he was my longest friend in the afterlife besides Troye. I hated that I couldn't tell him what was going on. I hated that I couldn't tell him because what was going on was that I was dating a fucking angel. I was sneaking around to give kisses to our enemy. Even PJ couldn't know that.
My finger went to the ring on my pinkie, I pressed my skin against it, trying to push away the anger that came with all these thoughts. I breathed, closing my eyes as flames of fire seared through my skin. I opened my eyes a few seconds later, allowing them to drift upwards towards the stars, barely visible to do the dusty atmosphere of Hell. I thought of how Phil was most likely looking at those same stars. And without looking back towards where PJ walked off, I kept my finger on my ring, then began my short walk home.
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helloooo!!! i'm so sorry that it's been forever since my last update i was in the worst slump i've had in months but we're BACK now. i'm writing like i've never written before in order to catch up and do some double update weekends! i WILL be updating again tomorrow, and i'll hopefully do the same thing next weekend :p
we have so many things to talk about??? the BONCA's happened?? phil won a solo award yet still invited dan up on stage?? they're married???
then we have PINOF 8!! honestly the Best i just love how much more comfortable they are when you compare to past pinofs. happy phannie season the pinof time of the year is the most wonderful time of the year. it's my fifth pinof stanning them, which pinof is it for you?
and then we have Gamingmas!!! im sososo hyped i can't believe they're gonna upload almost every day they're so good to us i love them
anyway i hope you are all very well!! please tell me about your lives as i want to interact with you all more. i've been okay just a life full of school and work. thank you all for being patient with me lately, and i'll see you all soon!