"Damn it, I'm hungry," Zeke groaned as he clutched at his stomach. "Do you think we could find something to eat around here that's not poisonous?"
"I don't know," Daedalus shrugged. "Maybe we can kill a wild rabbit or something. I'll keep my eyes peeled."
They had descended from the bridge about an hour ago and continued on their downstream course. Daedalus had cut the last remaining rope once Zeke was safely across. It caused another river worm to burst forth when it landed in the water but this time they were well out of harm's way.
The intervening time had been mostly uneventful, although Zeke had wandered a little too close to a blood sucking plant and sustained a scratch on his hand. He had been in the process of asking why certain plants had body parts attached to them, in this case noses, when he discovered the hard way that they were a means for bloodsuckers to sense nearby prey. Fortunately he had pulled his hand away quickly and suffered only a minor injury.
Zeke was glad for the relative lack of excitement, but the dull ache in his belly was starting to bother him quite a bit. He hadn't really had much in the way of nourishment for the past few days and he was beginning to feel a little weak.
His visions of big juicy cheeseburgers were interrupted by a joyous whoop from Daedalus.
"We're in luck!" the saber-toothed tiger shouted. "Flesh trees!"
"Say what?" Zeke asked in confusion as he followed his companion's gaze towards a tree that resembled a large purple humanoid arm that ended in a hand with five fingers for branches. Looking closer it did appear to be made of flesh-like substance and he could see large veins protruding through the trunk.
"These things are a godsend!" Daedalus enthused as he began hacking away at it with his spear. A sizable fountain of blood sprayed out where he had pierced it.
Despite his intense hunger Zeke felt a wave of nausea wash over him. "You're going to eat that thing?"
"Of course," Daedalus looked at him like he was crazy. "I'm ravenous. What are you just standing around for? Dig in."
"Aren't there any edible roots or berries we could forage for?"
"Do whatever you want, but I'm fixing to have myself a feast," Daedalus said as he prepared a small cooking fire from some sticks and twigs that lay on the ground.
In the end hunger won out as Zeke realized he was going to have to overcome his aversion to blood or starve. He wrinkled his nose in distaste and cut out a sizable chunk of meat from the tree trunk. "Do these things feel pain?" he wondered aloud.
"Probably," Daedalus mumbled through a full mouth. "But they don't protest or fight back, so who cares?"
"Yeah, I suppose you're right," Zeke said as he skewered the meat on his spear and held it over the fire to cook. "But I can't help but feel a little sorry for the poor tree."
"Most of the trees in this jungle would eat you in a second given half the chance," Daedalus replied as he licked at his paws. "Just consider yourself lucky you're on the right side of the food chain this time. Speaking of which, sorry I threatened to eat you back in that pit. I was half-mad with hunger and you just looked so damn tasty."
"Yeah, don't worry about it," Zeke said, not entirely comfortable with this topic of conversation.
His meat looked relatively well done so he ventured to take a bite. It could have used a bit of ketchup, but it wasn't too terrible. He polished it off and decided to go back for a second helping.
"So how'd you get captured by those barbarians anyway?" Zeke asked. "You seem like a pretty formidable fighter. I can't imagine them overpowering you. I know you said you were taking a nap but I still haven't seen you sleep. So what's the deal?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty good at going without sleep when I need to," Daedalus replied. "I must have accidentally wandered into a grove of sleep-sand trees because the last thing I remember is a thick cloud of dust descending on me and then an uncontrollable feeling of drowsiness. The next thing I knew I woke up in that damn pit."
"What were you doing out in the jungle in the first place?" Zeke asked.
"I was on an 'expedition' of sorts for my job."
"Oh yeah? What's your job?"
"I'd rather not talk about it right now," Daedalus replied gruffly as he stared around shifty-eyed.
"All right, that's cool," Zeke raised his hands with his palms open, showing he meant no offense. "I'll tell you, I feel much better now that we've eaten. I'm still kind of thirsty though. Do you think the river water's safe to drink?"
"I don't think the water itself will kill you. Better keep an eye out for aquatic creatures though. Maybe we could throw a rock in first to make sure there aren't any river worms around."
"Sounds good to me," Zeke said as he picked up a suitable looking stone. He tossed it into the river with a loud splash. After a minute with no noticeable reactions, he ventured cautiously to the edge and cupped some water in his hands. It was cool and surprisingly clean tasting. He drank until he was satisfied and then wiped his mouth with his arm. "Well, I guess I'm ready to continue on our journey."
Daedalus drank his fill and then they set on their way. They hadn't been walking very long when Zeke noticed a significant increase in the number of flowers that were growing around them. They came in various shapes and sizes and sported brilliant shades of purple and red and yellow. Pretty soon the flower growth was so prevalent that it covered every inch of the ground they walked on and there seemed to be several enormous flowers, seven or eight feet tall scattered about here and there.
"Well, look what we have here," they heard a smug voice call out. "It seems we have some visitors, boys. Mammals, by the looks of them. What are you fellows doing in this neck of the woods?"
Zeke looked around but couldn't see anyone. Then he noticed that the tall flowers were bending over and turning to look at him. They had distinct, somewhat humanoid faces that leered at him a bit threateningly.
"Sorry to bother you," Zeke called out. "We're a little lost. You wouldn't happen to know how to get to the city from here, would you?"
"You're a long ways from the city," a bright red flower with bushy eyebrows said. "Better be careful or you might get hurt."
"We're not looking for trouble," Zeke said.
"I'll give them trouble if they try to fuck with us," Daedalus snarled. In response a blue flower sprayed him with some sort of mist. He fell to his knees and grasped at his eyes in pain. "Ow! That fucking stings! When I recover my vision you're going to wish you hadn't done that!" Another flower conked him on the head with a large boulder it had picked up in its petals and he collapsed into an unconscious heap.
"So are you going to give us attitude or do you feel like joining your friend here?" the red flower asked menacingly.
"No sir," Zeke replied as he dropped his spear and held up his hands. "No attitude from me. Just point us in the right direction and we'll be on our way."
"Well, maybe we'll help you out and maybe we won't," the flower replied. "What's in it for us?"
"I don't know," Zeke conceded. "What do flowers like?"
"We like fertilizer," a short orange flower piped up. "Do you have any fertilizer on you?"
"Shut up, Ralph," the red flower glared at the smaller one. "No, I'll tell you what. There is a particular item you could retrieve for us. It's a ruby sculpture of a bee. If we could gain possession of it, it would grant us the one thing you animals have that we envy."
"What's that?" Zeke asked.
"Sexual reproduction capabilities!" the flower that was apparently known as Ralph shouted out.
"Would you shut your trap?" the red flower said icily.
"Sorry, boss," Ralph replied.
"No the one thing we'd like more than anything is the gift of mobility. It gets tiresome being rooted to one spot all the time. Especially when you're stuck in the company of morons." It glared at Ralph again.
"Where is this sculpture located?" Zeke asked.
"Not too far from here is the mushroom forest. Rumor has it, it lies somewhere in there. Bring us the sculpture and we'll tell you how to get back to the city."
"All right," Zeke nodded. "I'll get it for you. What about my friend? Can he come along?"
"He'll remain here as collateral," the flower replied. "Now off with you. It shouldn't take you very long to get there, but don't return without the sculpture or you're both dead. Got me?"
"Yes sir," Zeke said as he retrieved the torch and took off in the direction the flower had indicated.
He briefly considered simply abandoning Daedalus and attempting to find his way back to the city on his own. After all, he didn't really know the guy all that well and he had threatened to eat him. On the other hand, he realized he probably wouldn't have escaped from the barbarians without his help and still might not survive the dangers of the jungle on his own. He decided it probably was for the best to try to retrieve this sculpture, although he wasn't sure exactly how he was going to accomplish this task either.
On the plus side it appeared the mushroom forest wasn't too far away at all. He began noticing an increase in fungal growth after just a few minutes. Pretty soon they were sprouting up in full mushrooms that grew increasingly larger as he continued to walk and the ground became increasingly soft and sponge-like under his feet. He was impressed when he first encountered an automobile-sized mushroom but soon these became numerous and before he realized it he was surrounded by mushrooms that towered over his head, as tall as the trees that had previously dominated the environment.
"I guess this must be the place," he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I don't see any sculptures just laying around anywhere. I didn't really figure it would be that easy anyway, I suppose."
Zeke held his torch out and looked around as he tried to determine if any one direction looked more promising than any other. He realized he might be able to get a better lay of the land from a higher vantage point, so he decided to climb one of the tree-sized mushrooms. He clasped his arms and legs around the huge stem and shimmied his way upwards. It took a little maneuvering but he was able to pull himself over the edge of the cap and on top of the mushroom which was bright purple with blue polka-dots.
He began to grasp the sheer size of the mushroom forest as he surveyed the landscape. Giant mushrooms like the one he stood on stretched out as far as the eye could see in every direction except the way he'd come from. This didn't exactly fill him with confidence about the prospects of succeeding in his quest. He pursed his lips and continued to stare at the apparently limitless growth in front of him.
Off to the right he noticed a sizable gap in the mushroom growth pattern. Lacking any better leads he decided to investigate why there was an apparent clearing in that spot.
He thought about leaping from mushroom top to mushroom top but realized the ground was a considerable distance below him and a fall would be somewhat nasty. Getting down looked like it was going to be tricky regardless. He had to hang onto the edge of the cap with his hands and swing his legs back around the stem before he could inch his way back down.
He dusted himself off and headed towards the clearing. He could hear a faint buzzing sound that seemed to be getting louder as he approached it. Straining his ears, he thought he heard soft voices talking and laughing somewhere nearby. He continued forward cautiously until he finally broke free of the mushroom growth and found himself in a small circular grassy meadow that was surrounded on all sides by giant mushrooms. Several small colorful lights flew around in the air in front of him and seemed to be the source of the buzzing sound.
A bright yellow light began to move towards him and he could see that it was some sort of luminescent glow surrounding a tiny pixie-like creature with pointy ears and insect wings. It seemed to be particularly attracted to Zeke's torch as it circled around the flame a few times before getting too close, whereupon it let out a small high pitched scream and fell to the ground in a smoldering heap.
"Harold! No!" a tiny feminine voice emerged from a rose colored light.
"Whoa Nelly, that sure was hot," the yellow light on the ground lay on his back and held his head. "I'm okay though. I thought that fire was a pretty lady for a second there."
"Uh, hello," Zeke spoke up. "My name's Zeke. I was wondering if maybe you could help me."
"Hi Zeke," the rose light responded. "I'm Ariel. Have you come here to make a wish?"
"A wish?" Zeke repeated. "Not exactly. Um, why?"
"Well this is a fairy ring and we're fairies," Ariel replied. "And fairies grant wishes."
"Really?" Zeke replied. "Well, that's quite intriguing. There's so much to wish for I almost don't know where to begin."
"Yeah, well you only get one so make it good," a blue fairy spoke up gruffly.
"I see," Zeke replied. "Well in that case I wish for an infinite amount of wishes. Now let's see, aside from getting the hell out of here I'd like lots of money, a fancy car, a big house, a personal harem of hundreds of beautiful women and, oh yeah, I could probably stand to lose about ten pounds off the belly area. Now chop chop. Make with the wish granting. I don't have all day."
"We'd like to grant you numerous wishes, but sadly we can only give you one," Ariel explained. "The very act of granting the wish kills us. But don't be sad. It is our nature. We exist only for that purpose."
"That's great, but don't you see? My wish is a loophole to your situation. By granting my wish for more wishes you can't possibly die because if you do you won't have granted my wish. By its very definition you'll have to stay alive to keep granting me more."
"Actually we would die an agonizingly painful death over and over again every time we granted you a wish only to be resurrected each time to suffer again. Is that what you want for us?"
"Suits me fine," Zeke shrugged. "Now I believe I had a few requests. So let's get to it."
"I say we don't give this jerk any wishes at all," a green fairy spoke up angrily.
"We do reserve the right to refuse service at any time," Ariel replied. "In this case we're going to have to refuse."
"But I thought you lived for granting wishes," Zeke protested. "What happened to it being your only purpose in life and that whole spiel?"
"Well granting wishes and making crochet. They're both pretty much equal priorities for us. If the wish thing doesn't work out we'll stick to crocheting."
"Fine. I rescind my wish. Just get me out of here."
"Sorry Zeke, you already squandered your one wish. We'll still help you in any other way that we can, but we can't grant you your wish now."
"Man, this is blatant false advertising," Zeke grumbled. "I bet you guys would find some sort of 'inconvenience' no matter what my wish was. You're probably not even really fairies. Just lowly forest sprites or something."
"Do you want our help or not?" Ariel asked.
"All right, all right! Actually, I'm kind of looking for this red sculpture of a bee that's supposed to be located around here somewhere. Do you guys have any idea where it is?"
The fairies buzzed among themselves for a moment before Ariel emerged. "No, none of us have heard of such a thing. But we can direct you to someone who probably has. Shaman Dan seems to know everything."
"Who's Shaman Dan?" Zeke asked.
"He's a very wise man who lives in a hut not too far from here. If you head off to the left and walk for about two hundred paces you'll run into a small creek. Follow it along until it forks around a small island with a lone mushroom growing on it. Turn right and keep walking until you reach another clearing. This is where Shaman Dan lives."
"Well, thanks for your help," Zeke said. "I guess I'll be on my way now. You're sure you can't grant me a wish?"
"The time for wishes has past," Ariel smiled. "Now go and good luck to you on your quest."
"Good luck indeed," Zeke muttered to himself as he walked back into the forest in the direction the fairies had indicated. "That sucks I blew that whole wish thing. Oh well, I guess you can't win them all. Seems I can't win most of them really."
He hadn't been walking very long when he stumbled upon a bubbling stream of water significantly smaller than the river he had crossed earlier. "This must be that creek they were talking about," he thought.
He followed it along and sure enough reached an island with a solitary mushroom growing on it. "Wow, this is going much easier than I expected," he thought as he hung a left. "I'll be getting my hands on that sculpture in no time."
He continued walking and after about fifteen minutes came to another clearing. He walked boldly into it and found it inhabited by a large slimy green creature with bulbous eyes and two sharp fangs protruding upwards from its lower jaw. "Shaman Dan, I presume?" Zeke extended his hand.
The creature let out a bloodcurdling roar and leaped at him. Zeke was caught completely by surprise and fell backwards as the creature collided with his chest. It pinned him to the ground and he was hit in the face by a blast of hot rancid breath as it let out another roar. Two large drops of saliva fell into Zeke's eyes and stung mildly causing him to shut them tightly. "Don't eat me, Shaman Dan! I just want to ask you a question!"
The creature opened its mouth wide and attempted to envelope Zeke's head. He struggled mightily and managed to yank it out, thankfully all in one piece although considerably soggier than it had been. "Something tells me you're not Shaman Dan."
Zeke glanced around desperately. His torch lay a few tantalizing inches out of reach where he had dropped it when he was knocked over. He wriggled his fingers towards it and was able to brush against it barely.
The creature made another attempt to swallow Zeke's head just as he got a finger around the shaft of the torch. He was getting a bit closer view of the creature's esophagus than he really cared for, but managed to roll the torch towards him. He got a firm hold of it and rammed the flame into the side of the creature's head. It released him with a shriek of pain and bounded off into the forest.
Zeke took a moment to catch his breath and then stood up. Running through the directions the fairies had given him in his mind it occurred to him that he may have accidentally taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way. He retraced his steps until he came back to the island and decided to cross the stream and head to the right. Shortly after that he saw another clearing up ahead. He decided to proceed with caution this time.
He poked his head out slowly and blinked at the scenery. It consisted of an idyllic meadow with a small grass hut situated in the middle of it. The hut was adjoined by a water wheel and a tiny garden grew off to the right. There was also a bright neon sign above the hut proclaiming it to belong to Shaman Dan.
He stepped out carefully into the clearing, half expecting some sort of guard dog to leap out at him. Everything remained calm and quiet except for the buzzing of the neon light. He made his way past the garden and knocked on the door of the hut.
"Come in, come in!" he heard a voice call cheerfully from the other side. He noticed there wasn't a door knob visible so he pushed gently and the door swung open.
He entered a small room that was filled with tables covered in various knickknacks, including numerous bones and flasks. A black bubbling cauldron rested in the corner next to a pile of thatched grass that appeared to serve as some sort of bedding.
"Welcome to my humble abode," said a duck-billed platypus wearing red glasses, a pink and blue Hawaiian shirt, and a feather necklace. "I'm Shaman Dan. You look like an intrepid traveler in need of some assistance!"
"Well, actually I-"
"Wait! Don't tell me let me guess!" Shaman Dan placed his webbed hand against the bottom of his bill and assumed a contemplative look. "I'm thinking you've got yourself some female trouble."
"Not exactly," Zeke scratched his cheek.
"Come on, I can always tell these sorts of things. Surely there must be some woman who's causing you some grief."
"Well, now that you mention it there is this one girl that I've kind of had a crush on for awhile now, but I don't think she likes me very much. I think she thinks I'm a jerk. And besides, she's got this asshole boyfriend that she claims she loves."
"Ah, unrequited love," Shaman Dan nodded sympathetically. "Well, that's no big deal. Happens to the best of us from time to time. Been there myself once or twice. The question is what is the root cause here?"
"I dunno," Zeke shrugged. "I think I am kind of a jerk when she's around."
"Well let's have a look at you." He pulled out a device that vaguely resembled a stethoscope and began listening intently to various spots on Zeke's body. "Uh huh," he murmured to himself. "Yep. Hmm..."
"What is it?" Zeke asked.
"Do you mind if I shine a light in your ear?" Shaman Dan asked.
"Uh, no. I guess not."
Shaman Dan pulled out a huge flood light and pointed it at Zeke's head. He stuck his fingers into Zeke's earlobe and peered intently inside. "Aha! Here's the problem! Well, we'll just reach in there and give it a little flick. There. That should take care of it."
"What's going on?" Zeke said nervously.
"Son, someone went and left your female repulsor ray in the 'on' position. I went ahead and turned it off."
"My what?"
"Your female repulsor ray. You know, it drives off the women folk."
"That's ridiculous! I don't have a female repulsor ray!" Zeke protested.
"Not anymore. I turned it off."
"If I had a female repulsor ray how come Esther was all over me at the night club?"
"Who's Esther?" Shaman Dan asked. "Is she by chance poultry?"
"She's a chicken," Zeke admitted. "Wait, how'd you know that?"
"Chickens are notoriously resistant to the female repulsor ray."
"Would you stop that, for Christ's sake!" Zeke shouted. "I don't have a fucking female repulsor ray, and quite frankly, I'm starting to get a little insulted!"
"Look, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, son. Sometimes mistakes happen at the manufacturing plant. Hell, you might have accidentally switched it on when you were digging for earwax one time. Regardless, your love life should improve now."
"I think I see what's going on here," Zeke said. "If this is some sort of psychological trick to boost my self-esteem you can just forget it! It's not going to work!"
"Not with an attitude like that," Shaman Dan said. "If you just accept the truth of the matter you'll be having so many women chasing after you, you'll want to turn that ray back on just to get some peace and quiet."
"All right, fine," Zeke rolled his eyes. "Demons be gone! Whatever. I actually came here for a completely different reason."
"If you want a love potion I could probably whip one of those up, too," Shaman Dan offered helpfully. "But it'll cost you."
"Would you stop with the whole love thing? I don't care about love right now. I'm actually looking for a particular item and I was told by a bunch of fairies that you might know where it is."
"I see," Shaman Dan nodded wisely. "And what might this item look like?"
"Well, I was told that it was a red sculpture of a bee."
"You mean like this?" Shaman Dan asked as he pulled out a small red bee sculpture.
"Yeah! That's it exactly!" Zeke said.
"Oh I don't know," Shaman Dan shook his head. "This item is very precious to me."
"Look, I'll pay you. Just name your price. I've got lots of floss."
"No, I couldn't accept floss for an item this valuable. I'm afraid there's only one thing you could do for me that would be worth parting with this sculpture."
"Are you asking me for oral sex?" Zeke threw his hands up in the air. "I have a weird feeling you're asking me for oral sex. I'll be honest, I'd have to think about it for awhile."
"No, nothing like that," Shaman Dan chuckled. He pulled out a small pouch made out of a velvet-like substance and handed it to Zeke. "Not too far from here, out in the black jungle, there are a bunch of tall talking flowers. I need you to collect me some of their pollen. It's a vital ingredient in a potion I'm working on. Return here with the flower pollen and I will give you the sculpture."
Zeke's face fell. "I know these flowers you're talking about. They're the guys who sent me to get the sculpture. They said they'd kill me if I returned without it. Can't you just give me the sculpture and I promise I'll come back here with the pollen?"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, son. No pollen, no sculpture. It's as simple as that."
Zeke slapped his forehead and let out an annoyed grunt. "All right! I'll go back and talk to the flowers! But really, if this pollen is so important to you, why don't you go talk to the flowers yourself? Surely you could negotiate a fair trade, sculpture for pollen."
"Are you kidding me?" Shaman Dan asked. "That jungle's dangerous! A guy could get killed out there! No, I much prefer the safety of my little hut. Now go fetch my pollen, please."
"Fine! I'll be back with the damn pollen! Just be ready to hand over that sculpture!"
Zeke slammed the door behind him and trampled over Shaman Dan's little garden on his way out of the clearing. He remembered his way back better than he had recalled the directions the first time around. Not really feeling in the mood to talk to the fairies, he skirted his way around the fairy ring and walked out of the mushroom forest, back into the main part of the jungle, mumbling angrily to himself all the while.
He found the flowers again without incident. They were talking among themselves about ballroom dancing as he approached. He noticed that Daedalus still appeared to be unconscious.
"Ahem..." Zeke cleared his throat.
"Ah, you've returned!" the red flower said. "Where's our sculpture?"
"Okay, here's the deal," Zeke smiled nervously. "I've located your sculpture but there's a slight catch."
"A catch?" the flower replied angrily. "There's no catches! We told you bring us the sculpture or you and your friend both die! Now apparently you've chosen death, so come over here and let's get to it."
"Wait a minute," Zeke bargained. "Let's not be hasty here. Do you want your sculpture or not? I promise I can get it for you. The guy who has it just wants some of your pollen in return." He held out the pouch Shaman Dan had given him.
The flowers conferred among themselves for a minute before the red one spoke up again. "Our pollen is in low supply. That's too high of a price. There's no way we could possibly give it up. Unless of course, you were to bring us something valuable in return."
Zeke sighed loudly. "What?"
"Somewhere in the mushroom forest exists a clan of fairies. Find them and fill up that pouch with fairy dust. Bring it back to us and we'll give you the pollen."
"God damn it, you guys!" Zeke grumbled. "This is getting really old really fast! All right! I'll get your fucking fairy dust! Just hold tight, okay? Oh yeah, I guess you don't have much of a choice in that matter."
The flowers didn't seem to find this comment particularly amusing. "Shut up and bring us our fairy dust, mammal, and don't return without it or this time we really will kill you. And your friend here too!"
Zeke rubbed his eyes wearily and set off back into the mushroom forest to talk to the fairies again. He was beginning to know his way around this area quite well and had little trouble locating the fairy ring again.
The fairies were flying around laughing as he walked purposefully back into their midst.
"Why, hello Zeke," Ariel greeted him cheerfully. "Did you find what you were looking for?"
"Oh I found it all right," he said coolly. "But there was a small catch. I went to rectify the problem but ran into another catch. And so I find myself back here again in need of your assistance."
"We'll do what we can," Ariel replied. "But I'm sorry, no wishes."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Look, I need some fairy dust. And don't give me any crap because I'm fucking tired and you owe me for screwing me over on the wish deal."
"Gee, I don't know," Ariel said. "Fairy dust is very valuable and we can't just give it up for nothing. Perhaps if you could retrieve an item for us."
"Fuck that," Zeke said as he grabbed a hold of the nearest fairy and began shaking it vigorously over his pouch. Once that fairy ran out of dust he tossed it aside and grabbed another one. Soon his pouch was completely full so he tied it off. "Thanks for the dust. Gotta run!"
He ignored the numerous tiny fists being shook at him as he turned around and headed back to the flowers. He arrived a few minutes later and tossed the pouch at them. "Here's your dust. Now give me the pollen."
The flowers examined the contents of the pouch carefully. Once they had determined that it was indeed fairy dust they took turns sniffing it until the pouch was empty.
"Ahh, that's much better," the red flower said with a big smile on its face. "All right, well a deal is a deal." It carefully measured out a dose of pollen and filled the pouch.
Zeke snatched it from the flower's outstretched petal and hurried back towards the mushroom forest. He once again avoided the fairy ring as he followed the creek back to the island with the lone mushroom. In his haste, he almost turned left but caught himself at the last minute and headed to the right.
He stormed back into Shaman Dan's hut and slammed the pouch down on one of the tables. "There you are! Flower pollen! Now please give me my sculpture!"
Shaman Dan lifted up the pouch and sniffed at it a couple times. He ventured to take a small taste and then spit it out in disgust. "Oh no, this won't do at all."
"What the fuck do you mean?" Zeke shouted. "I got that from those damn talking flowers! I saw them put it in there! It's flower pollen, for fuck's sake!"
"Oh it's pollen all right," Shaman Dan agreed. "But it's contaminated with fairy dust residue. No, I'm afraid this is completely worthless to me."
Zeke took a deep breath and let his shoulders drop. He proceeded to speak calmly. "We had a deal. You said you needed flower pollen and I got you your flower pollen. You didn't say anything about avoiding fairy dust residue. Now hand over the sculpture or I'll burn your hut down. I swear I will."
Shaman Dan took note of the wild look in Zeke's eyes and decided to hand over the sculpture. "Well, a deal is a deal. Next time I'll have to be more careful in how I phrase my requests. Take care on your journeys, son. And watch out for the ladies."
"Yeah, yeah, you fucking prick," Zeke mumbled under his breath as he grabbed the sculpture and headed back on his way. "This has been a rather irritating day, to say the least."
He navigated his way back to the flowers without incident and tossed the sculpture on the ground in the middle of them. "There's your precious sculpture! Now, will you tell me how to get back to the city?"
"Sure," the red flower said nonchalantly. "Just follow that big river downstream. You'll hit the city eventually."
Zeke mumbled several incoherent syllables as he fought to regain his composure. "Thanks for the help. Will you let my friend go now?"
"Yeah, whatever," the red flower said, barely paying attention as he focused on the sculpture. "It's the genuine article all right, boys. Are you ready to see the world?"
The flowers all let out a cheer and proceeded to touch the sculpture. Slowly they began uprooting themselves and moving around using long wispy green strands as legs. The orange flower, who was apparently known as Ralph, proceeded to trip and fall on his face immediately to the vast amusement of the other flowers.
"Come on Daedalus, wake up," Zeke said as he leaned over the big cat and attempted to revive him.
"Huh?" Daedalus murmured as he opened one eye slowly.
"It's time to go. We need to be getting back to the city.
"Just five more minutes, okay?" he replied blearily. "I'm really sleepy. And damn does my head hurt."
"Come on, get on your feet," Zeke said as he tugged at his arm. Daedalus was too heavy for Zeke to pull up by himself, but gradually he stood of his own accord although he was clearly still in a half-awake state.
The red flower walked over to Zeke and extended its petal as if it meant to shake hands. Zeke took it uncertainly and gave a little shake.
"We can't thank you enough, mammal," the flower said. "To finally know the joys of walking. It's simply unbelievable. What did you say your name was again?"
"Zeke."
"Hmm, Zeke. Where have I heard that name before?"
"Isn't that the guy that was fucking with Bill earlier?" the blue flower asked.
"Hey, you're right it is," the red flower said with a decidedly less friendly tone in its voice all of a sudden.
"Who's Bill?" Zeke asked.
"Why, just the baby orchid you pissed all over outside of Smelly Pete's Tavern. He's a close personal friend of ours and we don't take kindly to people fucking with our friends."
"Wait, how could you possibly know about that?" Zeke asked incredulously. "I mean, he's rooted to the ground, you guys were rooted to the ground... How the hell did you ever meet each other, let alone become close personal friends?"
"We flowers have an extensive communications network. We take care of each other and we know what goes down."
"Come on now, you can't seriously be angry with me. I gave you the unbelievable gift of mobility, remember?"
"Yes and we thanked you for that," the flower explained. "Now we're going to give you the unbelievable gift of death."
Zeke gulped and grabbed Daedalus by the wrist.
"What is it?" Daedalus yawned.
"I hope you're feeling in the mood to run because it's about that time." He barely dodged a large spray of mist and took off haphazardly into the jungle.