I sensed her arrive behind me, though she made no sound. I was staring at them again: Clay and the others, unable to tear my eyes away. I was not crying, but it was wet below my eyes. He'd been my best friend. I'd loved him, and a terrible pain unlike anything I'd ever felt inhabited my chest
"I'd ask you to bring him back, but with how close the end is now, I can hardly see the point," I said, not turning to face her.
She'd come to stand beside me, and to my surprise a single tear worked its way down her cheek.
"I'm sorry. I didn't plan this—I don't remember..."
"They tortured him." I said, regretting the venom that was beginning to creep into my voice. "He was your friend too, once."
"I did care for him."
"So many have asked this question through history, and the way things are going I feel I might be the last. Why does God create such suffering?" There was a stretching pause before I spoke again. "So, are you going to give me an answer? Or do you work in mysterious ways?"
"You create it for yourself."
I turned to face Sara, anger in my eyes. "Have we created disease, disaster? And who made us who we are in the first place?"
"That is an interesting question. Sometimes when I look at you, I feel as if I couldn't have created you, that you are too good to have come from me. Maybe it's the other way around."
"Are these Sara's musings, or Gods'?"
"The line between those is much blurrier than before. I am unsure how much of my other self is left beyond my reach."
"Maybe less than you think. Maybe the things you want—the terrible, human things—maybe you've always wanted them. Maybe you've trapped yourself in this cycle just like the rest of us."
There was another long pause. Sara had turned away from the bodies and walked out to the edge of the roof. She stared out onto her world, watched as it burned. I knew she saw more than I ever could, everyone's pain, everyone's loss. I understood her then, strangely and abruptly, and I realized that Pen was right.
"You have no idea what I want," she said, voice low and almost dangerous.
I went to join her. "I know you love this world and everyone on it. I know you poured your heart into it, maybe even your entire existence. And yet," I motioned out over the chaos, "you do this to it. They say that God is in everything, that you are everything in this world. You're still my friend. I care about you. Why are you hurting yourself like this?"
She didn't answer, standing stock still. What was that look in her eyes? Was it fear?
"Please, Sara," I pressed, "I love you."
She turned quickly, grabbing the back of my neck and pulling me closer to her. I thought she was going to kiss me, but instead she rested her forehead against mine. She was crying now, silently. Her hair tickled my face, and I wrapped my arms around her. It was easy to forget what she was, that she was anything more than my friend.
"Maybe," I said: slowly, softly, "being stuck here with us is hurting you as much as you're hurting us. Maybe this has all gone on too long."
"Do you think," she said, "that maybe this time, if I can, I should end it for good?"
I shook my head, pulling away a fraction of an inch. "Humanity has too much untapped potential for me to think that."
"I don't want to abandon you."
"I know very little about dimensions greater than this one, but I can feel in my soul that we will find each other again, no matter what happens."
"Would you think it cowardly of me?" Sara asked, "If I told you I wanted to kill myself? Or at least the self I am here, in this universe."
I shook my head slowly, choosing every word with great care. "I'd say it was brave. I'd say you'd done your time. I'd say..." I paused, almost deciding not to say what I was about to, but decided in the end that if there was any time for honesty it was now, "that maybe we're better off without you now, just like you are without us."
Sara turned away from me, and I had the urge to apologize.
"Will you promise me something, Xavier?" she asked, turning back with a look of deep concentration on her face.
"Anything."
"There's something at the back of my mind... like a forgotten dream..." she trailed off, shaking herself. "Will you promise me that when I go you won't let this fall apart." She gestured around her with a grand, sweeping movement. "I know you care for humanity as much I do. I know you love them"
I wanted to ask her what I could do. Her words had thrown me slightly. But I was so close.
"I promise."
Her face a mask of serenity, Sara looked up at the swirling grey clouds above. There was a thin break in them, and a feeble beam of sunlight shone through onto the rooftop. It illuminated Sara's face. Her eyes were closed, and as I watched, she left. Her body fell backwards, as if in slow motion, crashing hard against the cement.
"Sara!"
I dropped down beside her, grabbing onto her. Was this it? Was she really gone? I hadn't expected it to be so sudden. I don't know what I'd expected; maybe for her to blow out her brains or step off the edge.
But she was gone. I could feel it, just like I could feel that something was wrong. The world looked wrong, but looked was not the correct word. I felt sick, but sick did not describe it. There were some things that human words and human concepts could not hope to encompass.
What had I done? The world was falling apart.
Suddenly Dumah was beside me, like she'd been waiting.
"Come on," she held out her hand for me to take, "we don't have much time."
Her voice was soft and songlike, not at all what I'd imagined. I did as she asked, and was pulled after her into light.
We stood in a hallway. It was wide, and made of white stone. Pillars arched upwards, so high I could not see where they joined together to make the ceiling.
"Is this heaven?"
She nodded. "A part of it."
We were not alone in the corridor. Not too far ahead of us, stood Azazel. He stared blankly up into the whiteness.
"It's gone," he said, and I was unsure if he was speaking to us, "everything, everyone. We're the only ones left."
"Why are you here?" Dumah asked, taking him by surprise.
"Because Lucifer is. He made it before everything collapsed."
A look of panic crossed Dumah's face, she grabbed my hand and took off running. "We need to make it to the throne room before he does the unthinkable. How could I have let this happen?"
In one of the white walls sat a set of golden doors. We banged through it, skidding to a stop beside Lucifer himself. Azazel had joined us, and the four of us stood in shock, taking it what was before us.
The room was endlessly vast, but empty aside from a single gold throne. It hummed, tendrils I could just barely see snaking out in all directions from it. It wasn't empty. Upon it, sat Penemue.
"Pen?" I breathed, and he beamed at me.
"Hey, Xavier."
"You!" Dumah stepped forward, voice accusatory. "How could you do this?"
Pen looked a little taken a back. "Huh, you're speaking? I guess He gave your voice back when He left; though I resent your tone of voice. Someone had to do it. Without a god to have created it in the first place, the universe would have ceased to be, and us along with it. I saved your lives."
"So you've already remade it then?" Lucifer asked, expression unreadable, "the world?"
Pen nodded. "With very little interference from myself. I kept some old things though, out of sentiment. Congratulations, you're now the only four beings in all of this reality to remember that things were once different."
"This isn't bad?" I looked at Dumah. I had meant for it to be a statement, but it had come out as a question. "Pen will give humanity freedom. He respects knowledge and free will, and he'll have his chance to answer all his questions."
"This isn't what She wanted," Dumah insisted.
Pen shrugged. "Listen to Xavier. God always did. Would you rather it have been Lucifer?"
Lucifer barked out a single laugh. "This is ridiculous. You're nothing! You'll never hold that throne."
He walked menacingly towards Pen, purpose in every step.
"What did She want?" I asked Dumah, quietly.
She looked at me, great sadness in her dark brown eyes. "It doesn't matter anymore. It is as if Penemue has always been God, and if this universe's existence is stable, he always will be."
Lucifer had not yet reached Pen. It was hard to judge distance in a place like this, and it appeared he was further than he'd looked.
"Just admit that you've lost," Pen said, seeming not at all worried. I'd known him to fear Lucifer, but there was none of that fear left. "Be gracious in defeat. I have no use for you, remember that. I don't understand whatever strange reasoning lead Him to create you. Maybe you were a piece of Him. Maybe you should leave like the rest."
Lucifer drew his sword. "I killed Micheal, forced God to leave. Do you really think I'm going to let you be the thing that stands in my way?"
"I am your god!" Pen stood up, somehow seeming much larger than he was. "Show me some respect, and bow."
His voice boomed through the room, and I took a step back instinctively. Lucifer snarled at him.
"I said: on your knees." Pen raised his hand, almost lazily, and suddenly Lucifer was bowing.
His forehead pressed against the white floor, sword discarded. Azazel made no move to help him. The ex-Watcher was even smiling slightly.
"God loved you, for whatever reason. Me, I'm indifferent. I have no use for you. I was simply going to erase you from existence, but you're annoying me. Instead, you will spend the rest of eternity, and every eternity after that, as a bottom feeder in the sewers of hell. Enjoy." Pen waved and Lucifer disappeared. "Congratulations Azazel, you've just been promoted."
"What? I never wanted this," Azazel protested. "I don't want to be the devil."
"Why not? You can still come up and visit. I'm not punishing you. You're my friend."
"Am I? Then why is it that I get the feeling I can't say no?"
"And hell still exists?" I chimed in, almost a little afraid to question Pen. I didn't want to have the same fate as Lucifer. "Why?"
"It's way smaller than before," said Pen. "only for the worst of the worst, the souls no one would want to be stuck with in heaven for an infinite amount of time. You'd be surprised by how low I set the bar, seriously." Switching his focus to Azazel, Pen said, "we'll talk more about this later. I'll send you down, let you get acquainted."
Azazel nodded once, the old sadness back in his eyes. Pen waved his hand, and then there were only three of us in the throne room.
"What do I do now?" I asked. "Will I even understand this new world you've made? Do I even exist?"
"When I got involved at all, it was actually with you in mind, Xavier. I had a feeling you would be here when everything reset. It's not too different, societies about a hundred years more advanced, the structure of religious institutions is slightly different. I think you'll like it."
"But how can I go back to normal life after all I've seen? With everything I know?"
"I can make you forget if you want. I just didn't think you'd be the type to want to lose knowledge."
"No," I conceded, "you're right. I'm a little excited, actually, to explore this whole new world."
He smiled at me. "That's the Xavier I like to see. I'll send you back now. We will have time to catch up in heaven. Dumah, you'll stay here with me. It will be nice to have someone to talk to, someone who knows."
"Very few things change," said Dumah, looking at me, "even when it seems like they have."
"Are you ready?" Pen asked me.
I nodded. "I think so. It will be strange, being the only one who remembers. Maybe I'll write a book."
Pen raised his hand, and suddenly I was falling through light.
The End.