"It's okay not to be okay."
Song for this Chapter is Who You Are by Jessie J
***
A selfish feeling boils in my throat. Nevermind that she's 'the good one,' she told me a grave fact that could change everything. I couldn't be Queen, even if I wanted it. If I did assume a throne, I would not be fit. The role belongs to someone more adequate.
"I know what you're thinking," she breathes out.
"Do you?" I scoff, "everyone seems to know these things before I do, lately. Frankly, I'm sick of it."
She stands and Valentine rests his elbows on his knees, evidently, contemplating on something deep. "The future is never set." Her voice is more serious this time. Ari takes a walk around the living room while I follow her movements with my eyes. "It always changes according to which path you take. That is why agency is crucial."
I squeeze my fists to a close. "So, if I choose not to become Queen, whenever that may be," Valentine's deep blue eyes pierces right through mine and I feel a sense of sympathy from him. "Then my future will change?"
She flicks her hand and the light outside dims to the soft color of sunset. I would have been distracted if I wasn't so focused on the current conversation.
"Saphira, I don't want you to think that the future can merely change. Choices tip the balance between fate and chance. When one side lacks weight the other makes the difference."
I don't have a life. It's a sick and mindless game and everyone but I is playing my piece.
My jaw hangs. "Are you saying that this will happen no matter what I do?"
"No. What I'm saying is that you need to keep your mind and your options open."
"If I become Queen, would it mean that Datura will die?"
"If it is to be," she mutters. "You're the only one that can do it."
Abruptly, I stand and Valentine's head jerks up to study me. His eyes were pooling with concern. My heart beats erratically and aggressively against my organs. It caused my stomach to cave in and my lungs to pump air deeper.
"I," my eyes shut from the years of emotions threatening to spill from my soul. "need a moment."
I move and so does the house. I became aware that it was alive. "I'm sorry, if that startled you, this house moves upon the request of those under its roof. You will find everything you need and want here. Please, make yourself at home."
I nod stiffly and proceed into the changing walls, wanting to conceal myself from the world. I feel overwhelmed. I didn't think it was possible to get the feeling that I have trained myself to disregard. There was a time when I was consumed by my emotions and irrational thoughts. I swore to the heavens that it would never happen again, yet look at me now.
The house had morphed itself into the perfect place for me to clear my head. It was merely an enchantment but it felt like I was truly there. The ceiling was nonexistent and multiple pillars shot towards the midnight sky, resembling ancient Greek ruins. I could not distinguish if it was from memory or my own imagination, it simply felt good.
The cool wind intertwined through the stone, my fingers and my lungs. I laid myself down and focused on nothing but my steady breathing. I lift my hand to study them.
All of this for nothing. All of this, to succeed my mother for her malevolent throne. I certainly don't want it and certainly not required to do so, despite what she thinks. I will take it once the sun stops shining.
After an hour, I fall into oblivion. Darkness succumbs me like a long lost lover, but it doesn't last, it rarely does.
When the darkness dissipates, I was once again surrounded by a light. Not too bright, but enough to have a sense of safety. I take in what's around me. The room, itself, is elegant with intricate designs lining the walls and ceilings.
There are multiple people around me, dressed elegantly in their gowns and suits. I am an onlooker - an uninvited guest, wearing simple clothes, Obviously under dressed for the occasion.
It isn't a strikingly handsome vampire with glowing blue eyes that catches my attention, no. It is the woman sitting on an extravagant throne. Her face like porcelain, hair like feathers and eyes blazing with power.
I want to take my eyes off of her but I can't. This is a reality that I will soon face. I didn't think that I would be staring at my own self, sitting with a glittering crown on my head. I succeed my mother for her crown. I am sitting where I don't belong - admired by people I don't know.
Valentine is on the other side of the room with Cassandra by his side. She's grinning but he, he is looking at the Queen with admiration - with respect and I am drawn to his movements. He glides over to the Queen and takes her hand to place a soft kiss on her knuckles.
She gives him a warm and loving smile and I close my eyes to avoid seeing more. Even in my subconscious I feel animosity towards my supposed future. A future associated with the one that made me. I can't deny though the feeling I get in my heart whenever I see him.
After doing so my eyes open and the scene contorts. It feels like a place between wakefulness and dreams.
Fire. Blazing embers burn in the dark night. Bodies, enflamed, run toward me in fear. A horrific scene flashes before my eyes and crawl into my soul. The fiery tendrils rampage through houses and trees, consuming everything in its path.
I run, but my pace is sluggish. Despite my attempts, I couldn't go faster. This always happens - in every dream. I look down at myself. My body, my hands and my clothes were drenched in thick, dark blood.
"Saphira!"
My head quirks toward the source, but my eyes are blinded by red and orange flames. It's a choking mix of smoke and darkness that rolled over every inch of land. Even in a dream I have many doubts and fears.
"Where are you? I can't see you," my raspy voice announces.
"Turn around." The voice that was strong earlier morphs into something soft.
Mistakenly, I turn and enter deaths door. A sharp pain shoots through my body, starting with my heart. My hand curls around a stake that plunges through my heart. I gasp, trying to breathe, trying to take back my life. A shriek escapes from my blood-filled mouth and I choke on the liquid as it runs down my throat. .
The creature that excruciatingly claimed my heart was staring right into mine. I blink to make it all disappear but it never leaves. Valentine's pernicious actions burned me inside out. His dark irises were an endless black hole that had no regard for me. He looked at me like I was nothing.
"They're dead because of you," he growls. "Now it's your turn."
"No," I cough and taste my own bitter blood.
He tightens his grip around the stake and in one swift and painful movement, he pushes it deeper and twists. My screams blend with others dying around me. With the wind under my feet, I fall.
Gasping and shuddering, I wake and clasp my hand over my heart. Beads of sweat trickle down my bare skin and soaked whatever it touched. My skin burned and my heart ached. I scratch at my clothes and skin, peeling them off to cool down.
Naked, I lay back down to cool my body on the frigid stone. My breathing was slowing in pace and depth. What the hell did I just see? Was it a dream or a premonition? Will Valentine keep his promise to kill me, even if my mother conquers the underworld? I have facts and truths riddled with the jagged holes of lies and incomplete memories.
The smell of a musky cologne circulates the room and I sit up to conceal my naked body. A thin satin sheet appears above me, courtesy of the magical room, and I wrap it around me.
Valentine's shoes click softly against the smooth stone and stops a good few feet from me. He leans on a pillar and his eyes studies every inch of my face.
"Ever heard of knocking?"
He shrugs and buries his hands deep in his pockets with a smirk plastered on his face. "There wasn't a door and I thought you would have, at least, had a piece of clothing on."
"You could have at least announced yourself," I mutter while rising to my feet with the sheet bunched around me. The ambience in the room is unmistakably calm and filled with amity, he is not here to humiliate me but to comfort.
He chuckles. "Then I wouldn't have had the pleasure of catching you naked," he said in a low voice that triggered something sensual. "Besides, an announcement wouldn't have made a difference."
Tightening my hold around the fabric, I shoot him a sharp glare and ignore his comment. "Well, is there something you needed or are we going talk about my lack of clothes all day?"
He steps forward. "Actually, yes, to the first, although, the latter is quite tempting." He was now close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating off of him. "I just wanted to see how you were doing?"
"I'm fine," I say flatly.
"That's hard to believe."
"I said, I'm fine," I repeat.
"Then, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
He takes another step forward and I do the opposite. It was rather intimidating to have him stand so close with only a sheet separating us.
"Well, from here, it looks as if you're trying to seduce me, which, if you must know, is quite alluring," he smirks and my mouth drops. "But you know that's not what I meant."
I take another careful step backward. "I know what you meant, your games don't work on me. Why care all of a sudden?"
He stares down at me with smoldering eyes and he inhales. "It's a cruel world, especially when it revolves without consent. It puts an extreme weight on already tired shoulders. I know this is all too much, but you can do better than creating a hole within yourself."
"I didn't exactly ask for this, Valentine. You were supposed to be my last but instead it only started a can of bloodthirsty worms," I confess.
"Do you understand why it happened the way it did?"
"No," I pause. That is a lie. "Yes."
He set his hand on either side of my arms. "Then you must know why this world needs you. Why you have been chosen to save our dying race."
I tighten the blanket around me as he pulls me up to him. My nerves start to dance and flicker through my veins, this was an encounter that could easily lead somewhere else, somewhere I dare venture into.
"This world needs someone more capable than I, perhaps, you are just fooled," I whisper.
His jaw becomes firm. "You are the only one that is fooled, Saphira. You were made for this."
"That's the thing, I was made. Not for saving but for destruction." I push him way with one hand. "I am merely a vessel."
His body becomes rigid and he keeps a hand around my upper arm. "But you can turn it around, it doesn't have to be that way. What more can I do to make you understand?"
I step back and try to pull myself away from him while trying to keep my hold on the thin blanket. "You can start by letting go of me."
"I did that once, I will not do it again." His face was just inches from mine as he speaks aggressively. Taking another step back, I curse audibly. My foot steps in air and I stumble as I fail at my attempt to adjust my footing over the edge.
Valentine captures me before I fall and I gasp loudly as the sheet falls freely in the air, uncovering every bit of my body. My arms flail around me in an attempt to grab hold of something concrete. Valentine captures me with his arms pulls me into the room while it changes it into an enclosed bedroom. His warm hands rest on my waist and I feel tingles at the intimate contact.
I feel heat radiate under my skin from the blood circulating in my face and neck. I haven't blushed in ages, at least from what I have noticed.
He removes his button down shirt and I inhale sharply as his toned body comes into view.
"Here," he offers as he holds the shirt out for me.
I take it from him and slip it on. The shirt was laced with his scent and covered my vital parts.
"Somehow, I pictured this differently "
"Wh-" I start to say but I was cut off by warm, inviting lips pressed against mine. His unexpected actions have me wondering if this is really happening.
Frustrated and embarrassed, I attempt to push him away but the feel of his body and his lips on mine wins the battle. One hand was on my waist and the other on my neck with his thumb caressing my jawline. Our lips move eagerly - tasting and teasing - this time with my full consciousness. I wasn't under the spell of his bite nor did I have bloodlust, but I wanted him more than ever.
My heart was racing faster than an arrow shot by Cupid himself. I feel vulnerable and submit myself to him. For now, I was his.
A small moan escapes my mouth and his tongue slips in and meets with mine. He tastes of peppermint and blood which I welcome with my taste buds. There isn't a single space between us and a miracle his trousers are still intact. My heart beat overcomes all of my senses. My hands make their way around his neck and I bury my hands in his hair, tugging at the strands I could grab between my fingers. The fire his touch gave me is almost uncontrollable, I want to feel it all over my body.
I forgot that we are merely guests in this house and I have the hesitant urge to pull back. He gives me a hungry growl and presses himself harder on me and gnaws gently on my bottom lip. "You have no idea what you do to me." he mumbles huskily, breaking our kiss. Our breathing harmonizing with one another.
He directs me over to the bed that appears with the rest of the amenities and gently pushes me down. His dark eyes unravel my every being. My fingers play with the waistband of his jeans and I hear him groan with pleasure.
He trails blazing kisses on my neck and ear, sending me to places I've never been. His muscles feel glorious under my fingertips. I am completely aware of the sexual nature of our relationship and knew exactly where this is heading. But that's all it is - a purely carnal and physical desire.
Although my body protests against it, I push him away and speed off into the bathroom. Locking myself inside, I press my palms on the door and sigh. A crushing feeling distills in my chest, and my eyes dew with sorrow.
A vibrant mix of emotions spring out of my soul. Can I continue to live like this? To be a living temptation for men? Augustine was the closest thing I had to a real relationship, full of passion and love but after finding out his true nature and power, I distanced myself.
My attraction to Valentine is physical. I know too little about him to call it an infatuation and, evidently, it was the same for him. My lips still tingled from his feverish kisses.
"Saphira," I hear his soft voice behind the door. My heart jumps an incredible height and slowly, the pristine door decays under my hands. Cracks and dark lines branch out from my fingertips and burned the once white wooden door.
"Saphira," his voice increases in volume and booms through the door. "Open the door."
Refusing to speak, I exhale and the temperature in the room drops. My body shivers in reaction and my heart throbs. The once good feeling I had when expelling my powers turns into pain and anguish. The more it grows the more it hurt. I can see my life flow out of me like smoke.
I gasp audibly and Valentine bangs on the door. "You have about three seconds or I'm breaking it down."
My hands shake and I step back to stop but it doesn't cease. The darkness rapidly consumes the bathroom even until the everything was completely destroyed. There was nothing left in me.
With one sharp breath I collapse onto the floor and fall into my own abyss. A deep voice registers clearly in my mind before I slip into nothingness.
***
Question of the week: If you were a vampire, what kind would you be?
Love yahhh!