warning: this chapter needs to be rewritten. I'll work on it and as soon as I repost it, I'll let you know.
30.
●•Kirsten•●
Seeing those kids lonely in a room always breaks my heart, but there’s not much I can do for them. Everything that’s on my reach, I do, and I don’t care if I have to give up on something of mine to make their life a bit better. I can’t help it, I have this connection with kids. If I could, I would honestly take each and every single one of them to my place, and I would make them glad for the mere fact that they exist.
Many don’t even have the chance to do it.
I sigh as I take one of the youngest girls in my arms; she’s a few months old only; someone had abandoned her in the front door of the orphanage as soon as she was born. It was hard to keep her alive without the proper feeding she needed, but each volunteer made its best until we found someone who could breastfeed her. And there she is, stronger than ever.
I feel my eyes watering with tears as soon as I look at her smiley face, her hands playing in the air while she looks at me, oblivious to how cruel the world she’s in is. So young, so naïve… I wish she could be like this forever, so she wouldn’t have to suffer with what’s still to come in her life.
“Kirs?” I hear a familiar voice approaching and I swallow the tears, looking at her and trying my best to smile.
“Angel! What are you doing here, little kangaroo? Where’s Lana?” I asked, still holding this little girl in my arms and rocking her slightly. At the mention of her mother’s name, Angel contorted her face in a disgusted expression and I laughed, wondering why she was acting that way.
Soon after, someone showed up behind her, and I peered up to recognize who it was, though I knew pretty much well to whom those legs belonged to. Not him, please, not today. I wasn’t over what happened last night yet, and my dreams didn’t let me forget it either. I woke up with a hell of a headache and the feeling of his hands still on me. I hadn’t gotten rid of it after all. Watching those hands again made the feeling come back rushing, and I shivered.
Damn, those hands! The same hands that were now holding smaller ones, and just then I realized there was someone else. A girl…
Oh God! He had a girlfriend as well! What a bastard! He flirted with me dozens of times, he kissed me, he teased me, and he had a girlfriend! I knew it; I knew he was no different from other boys. And that realization made me hate on me even more for being able to cheat on Tyler with someone as low as Styles.
When I looked at Angel, I noticed she was staring at them with that disgusted expression again, wrinkling her nose and dying to stick her tongue out. I held back the urge to laugh, restricting myself to simply rock the small human being in my arms. That was a good way to distract me from that feeling that ran through my body since I noticed his presence, and also someone else’s.
“Kirsten,” he said, as if testing my name on his lips, and for the first time, it sounded awkward. The way he said it, with that tone of questioning, made it sound wrong… Why?
I finally looked up to meet his eyes, afraid of what I would see. I was sure he was thinking about last night as well, and it seemed more inappropriate than the usual, considering the fact that his girlfriend was right there. Why had he even brought her? Is he stupid?
“Styles,” I said droningly. His name sounded worse when I said it out loud.
After that, the silence took over everyone, until the moment when Styles cleared his throat and said:
“Well, uhn… Kirsten, this is Charlie. Charlie, that’s Kirsten,” the girl smiled shyly at me, almost looking adorable, but it pissed me off. Why is she trying to pretend she’s sociable when her boyfriend is introducing her to another woman? Doesn’t she wonder how he met me? Isn’t she jealous? Well, I certainly would be, if I was in her shoes. I wouldn’t like to see Styles with someone else.
Yeah, that didn’t sound the way I planned. Just for the records, I’m not jealous.
“Hi,” she said, and I nodded instead of replying. Not wanting to be in that clearly uncomfortable situation, I turned around and started walking away, listening to Styles’ sigh and the girl’s voice behind him. “Uhn… Where’s the toilet?”
Toilet. What a rich-y word. She was certainly his type. I rolled my eyes at the thought. I didn’t need that bullsh–t today. Why was he even there?
“Angel, would you mind taking her there?” he asked, and this time Angel was the one who sighed.
“Why not,” she muttered and then I allowed myself to actually laugh at how she walked out the room with loud footsteps. Yeah, she didn’t like Charlie either. That’s my girl. She knows what’s good and what’s not. And then people ask me why we’re so close.
“Hey,” Styles said lower this time, too close for my taste. How did he get so close without being noticed? “I see you don’t like Charlie either, do you?” I didn’t know what was so amusing about that, but his voice certainly thought it was. I could feel his smile. Though I ignored it as I put the little girl back in the cradle.
“Go away, Styles. Honestly, try to have at least a bit of decency! Your girlfriend will be back in a minute; I don’t think it’ll be pleasant if she catches you lamely attempting to flirt with another girl right in front of her nose. That’s quite disrespectful.”
He laughed and I just rolled my eyes. Yeah, his brain had damages. Mr. Laughter couldn’t be normal after all. I mean, he keeps that stupid grin on his face all the f–cking time.
“Well, last night you didn’t think my attempts were lamely,” he whispered, getting closer, and I widened my eyes, dying to get out of there. He wasn’t going to kiss me again, there, was he? “And by the way, Charlie is just a friend. I swear I’m single,” he giggled, bringing his hand a bit closer and tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “You seemed jealous.”
I choke on air.
“Jealous? Of you?!” this time I pushed him away, trying to fight that good feeling of having his breath close to my face “Grow up, curly. Just wanted to remind you that, whether you’re dating or not, I am. So stay away.”
“You didn’t want me away yesterday.”
“Shut up, I was drunk.”
“I doubt it,” he dared, approaching me again, and this time I did nothing but stare at him. He sighed before getting closer, and I wondered why he looked so tired. Why was I thinking about what he might have done during his whole night? Why was I wondering if he had dreamt with me just like I had done with him? Kirsten! Are you stupid or what? Before I could even realize what he was doing, he cupped my face and kissed my forehead, whilst I was still static and speechless. “You know… I don’t know about you, but I slept pretty well tonight. I also thought a lot about you.”
“God dammit, Styles! Stop it,” I nearly whispered, wishing I could’ve done it louder, and also wishing that my voice wasn’t trembling that much. He seemed to enjoyed it though, ‘cause he closed his eyes and smiled still with his hands on my face, which I hadn’t even tried to push away. Instead, I just lowered my head and closed my eyes as well, feeling warmness over my cheeks. “You said you wouldn’t,” I whispered lower this time, and Styles’ thumb caressed my skin gently.
“I said I wouldn’t what?” he genuinely asked, his voice completely serious.
“Fall in love,” I said, hating myself for relaxing under his touch and actually starting to enjoy it. I was actually enjoying how his fingers carefully moved on my face, how his forehead seemed to fit on mine. For f–cks sake, what was going on? I hate him! I’m supposed to hate him.
“Well, I guess I’m not the kind that keeps promises, am I?” He whispered back, breathing heavily now. His hand moved away from my face, but he didn’t keep it away from me. Instead, he just lowered it until he reached the hand that was loosen next to me, taking it on his and squeezing it gently before pulling it up to his chest, where I felt his heart faster than the usual. “I’m really starting to like you, Kirsten. And as I said yesterday, I’m not leaving now. No matter what you do, no matter how arrogant and bitchy you are, I’m not leaving anymore,” his hand brought mine close to his mouth and he kissed the back of it, smiling still with his eyes closed.
And he surprised me when he pulled away without me asking him to do such a thing. He simply let go of my hand and stepped back, keeping his eyes on me the whole time.
How am I supposed to react? I don’t even understand what’s going on with me! I love Tyler, I couldn’t be surer of that, but… But I’m not sure of what I’m feeling for Styles now. I don’t like him! No, I don’t like him! But damn, I’m pretty sure my heart is as fast as his right now. It has to have something to do with the… Fine. I can’t find excuses. It really has something to do with him. Damn you, Styles! I really f–cking hate you right now.
As if reading my thoughts, he smiled and I bit my lower lip, trying to fight back that thing inside me that made me want to step forward and kiss him. Why hadn’t he kissed me this time? I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or glad that happened. Yeah, probably I’m glad. That’s the wise thing to do.
Finally, I recomposed from the little scene that had just happened and walked away, bumping into Angel while making my way out. She peered up at me; first, seeming annoyed, but changing into concerned once she saw the expression plastered to my face.
“Kirs, you okay?” she whispered and I sighed, looking at Styles with the corner of my eye before nodding.
“Gonna go play with some kids outside, you wanna come, love?” I asked, and she finally allowed herself to smile.
“I’d love that,” and as she emphasized the word ‘love’, clearly telling Styles and that girl – Charlie – she didn’t like her, I laughed. I laughed because I loved this sassy side of Angel. When I tell you that girl is a preciousness, I mean it in every single meaning of the word.
I took her hand and started walking outside, not caring about leaving curly and rich-y behind. They could take the little girl home later. Let them have fun alone for now, I’m sure he has more chances with her than with me, anyways.
“I’m not the kind that keeps promises, am I?” his voice kept playing those words in my head, making me sigh.
I honestly don’t know, Styles. How am I supposed to know? But there’s this one thing I’m sure: I don’t want to find out. ‘Cause I don’t need anyone else in my life who doesn’t keep the promises they’ve made.
You’re no exception.
●•Author's Note•●
dedication goes to: @AlyssaTinnin. It was hard to choose just one comment, all of yours were brilliant. Anyways, thanks a lot love! I don't even know how to reply to such compliments, you made me so happy :) All I can do is thank you for reading this and liking it :)
note: Awh, Kirs can't stop thinking about him! Isn't she lovely? hahaha. What did you think about this? Harry is so lovely, I wish Kirs could be nicer to him *sighs*.
next update: Friday(July 19th)
Okay, so, for early update again, reach 230 votes :) I love you so much guys. Dani xx