THIS ISN'T MY STORY! I got this from tumblr : steampunkhowell
Contains sex, swearing, sadder thoughts, most are about kinks usually but its pretty vanilla
"Why don't you tell me why, Dan?"
Phil's words echoed Dan's mind. He searched for an answer that he could use. Any answer he gave would be a lie, because he didn't know the answer. He didn't know what happened, what snapped, what made him change. Because frankly, he didn't think anything did. He didn't mean a thing he'd done them anyways, and regretted it all.
The story didn't start the night before. The backstory didn't start a week ago either. Because the backstory behind it started in October, all the way back in 2009.
They were only meeting for the first time, but it was so important to either of them. Because Dan had been waiting to meet the boy for months and months long, and was finally getting the chance. And the second he'd gotten there, he couldn't stop staring at Phil.
"You're staring again", Phil remarked, grinning and sticking his tongue out teasingly.
Dan got flustered quick. Nearly anything Phil said cause him to go bright red. Whether it be subtle complements, or plain out obvious flirting. Dan still had no idea whether or not Phil ment a word of it. Although he didn't say it out loud, he really did.
"You're blushing again," Phil pointed out.
"Its cold out," Dan lied. It wasn't completely a lie. It was definitely not summer weather there in the middle of autumn, but that was definitely not the reason Dan was red either.
"You want to borrow my jacket?"
Dan's redness definitely didn't decrease at that. If anything it made him redder. "N-no."
"You don't have to be nervous, Dan" Phil chuckled.
Dan bit his tongue, deciding arguing that he wasn't nervous wouldn't improve the situation at all. And he was pretty sure he could have disregarded of it completely, if he hadn't felt Phil's hand ghosting around his waist.
It could have been a friendly gesture. It could have ment something else. And frankly, Dan had no idea which.
Phil's arm stayed like that often from then on. Even when they were in the Manchester eye, Phil's arms stayed there. Dan looked over at Phil every so often. He decided to take the risk, overcome with the feeling of happiness while sitting up there, and put his head onto Phil's shoulder as they watched the city below them.
Phil didn't respond negatively. Instead, he grinned to himself, pulling Dan closer.
"Tell me if I'm making you uncomfortable, you know," Phil said.
"You're not," Dan assured. "You're definitely not."
Phil smiled wider.
"Can- Could I- Can I kiss you?" Dan forced out, stuttering and blushing more than he'd been since he ment Phil. " I men, not of you think it's weird. I don't want anything to awkward between us, and I-"
Phil cut Dan off with his lips, kissing his gingery as though he was fragile and would fall apart in Phil's hands. It took Dan a minute to process everything happening, his yes widened before he kissing back, trying his best not to smile against his lips.
"It's not going to be awkward between us, trust me," Phil assured, still grinning widely.
There was never any spoken agreement that they were boyfriends. But if you asked either when their relationship started, they'd point you back to that date. Because after that first kiss, they were with each other as often as they could be, more kisses the same shared.
Over the next few years, they grew even closer. They moved in together, became radio hosts together, did nearly everything together.
The words 'I love you' had been uttered several times between the two of them. Whether it be after in bed, sticky and sweaty from sex; or when one was feeling down and the other would come into their room to try and comfort them.
They were both happy with their lives, most of the times. And neither of them had ever thought something could come between that just like that, tearing everything apart.
Most of their time consisted of either enjoying each other's existences quietly or passionate sex.
And maybe that was the biggest problem of all.
Dan and Phil didn't think they were drifting away. They always thought they were as close as ever. But maybe, they were a bit wrong about that.
They were both covered in cum, laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, not bothering to get up and clean themselves up just yet.
"I love this," Dan muttered, still a bit breathless.
"I love you," Phil smiled.
Dan didn't respond, and that was when it started to worry Phil.
A few days later, and neither of them had talked very much. There was no real reasoning behind it. Phil could have usually confronted Dan about whatever problem they might have been having, but for some reason, that didn't seem to be right right now.
The only conversations they would have were made of closed-ended questions and no actual thought. They tried to pretend nothing was wrong, but it never did work.
"Dan," Phil had blurted out, not being able to hold it back.
They were both on the couch. But the problem was, Dan was as far away from Phil as he could be. Normally, they would have always been cuddled together like this, small kisses between them every now and then.
"Yeah?" Dan didn't even bother look away from his laptop.
Phil hesitated. "What's been on with you the last few days?"
"Hm? Oh, nothing," he stated, thought it was obviously a lie.
"Don't give me that. I know you're not always like that. What's wrong."
Dan finally looked away, looking at Phil wistfully before setting his laptop down on the table. "I- I think we need to talk."
"Talk?"
"Yeah, talk. It- It's nothing, really. I just think- Maybe we should take a bit of time off from our relationship."
Dan said the words like they were nothing, but they hit Phil like everything.
"Any reason?"
"Don't you ever think about it, Phil? What was our relationship even formed on? Flirty messages, meaningless sex, and teenage hormones, probably."
Phil did nothing but stare a few seconds. "It didn't mean anything to you, then?"
"Maybe it didn't," Dan retorted, getting mad at absolutely nothing.
Phil sighed. "If you want to take some time off, I'm not going to say no," he replied bitterly.
The week after that was filled nearly with dead silence between them. Phil couldn't bring himself to talk to Dan, because he felt like he'd burst out and admit how miserable he'd been without Dan. Dan couldn't talk to Phil because he knew he regretted every word he'd said, but didn't know how to undo them.
While rained in on a Monday, they finally talked.
"Hey," Phil greeted, no emotion put behind his words.
"Hey," Dan replied, trying to act as he normally would have, if nothing had happened between the two.
"You act like nothing's wrong," Phil remarked, trying not to sound like it was biting at him as much as it was.
"Nothing is wrong," Dan shrugged.
"Right, whatever. You broke up with me because of nothing?" Phil cringed internally, noticing he was sounding like an obsessive teenage girl at some level. But he didn't care. He'd needed to talk to Dan for a while now, and he couldn't stop himself.
"You can tell me why, Dan. We were friends too, remember? Not just lovers. I'm not going to hate you."
Dan bit his lip. "I'm not lying."
"Why don't you tell me why, Dan?"
Dan thought a minute, trying to process the words, trying to make sense out of them, trying to find an answer. But he couldn't. He didn't know if this was what he really wanted, or just another lie through the confusion. So he did what he did best. He pulled Phil to him by his collar, and kissed him.
It had been weeks now since they'd even kissed, let alone kissed this passionately. Phil was running purely by instinct, taking a few steps forward to pin Dan against the wall, slipping his tongue into his mouth.
The kiss was a little everything. A little love mixed in with hatred, a little passion between rough kisses.
Phil only pulled away to pull of Dan's shirt, pulling off his own as well when Dan was clawing at it. He rubbed his fingers over the sensitive skin of Dan's nipples, causing a slight whimper from Dan.
"Fuck," Dan groaned. Obviously the few weeks they'd had no contact had gotten both of them desperate for any kind of touch.
Phil attacked the places he knew best. He kissed down Dan's neck, biting and sucking as much as he could because hd din't know how long it would be till he got the opportunity to mark up Dan again. He wanted the marks to last, even if they stayed separated.
Dan tilted back his head, but it hit the wall. That was when Phil finally let go of Dan, eying him hesitantly.
"Bedroom?" he asked unsurely, not sure if he should be asking.
But Dan nodded, taking Phil's wrist and dragging him to his own room like there was nothing wrong between them.
Once they were in, Phil carried on exactly where they'd left off. He pushed Dan onto the bed, pinning both of his wrists above his head with one hand, using the other to palm him lightly as he continued biting and marking the most sensitive parts of Dan's neck.
Dan left out soft moans occasionally, bucking up his hips into Phil's hand for any more friction that he could possibly get at this point. He was already hard, already needy.
"Fuck me, Phil," Dan breathed out, whimpering to every touch Phil gave him.
Phil didn't hesitate this time, grabbing the lube from the bedside table, pouring it into his hands to warm it up.
As Phil slowly pushed one finger into Dan, neither of them said a word for the fear of what could come if they did. For the fear they'd say more than they meant. The fear of saying either 'I hate you' or 'I love you' and neither knew which would be worse.
When Phil pushed in his second finger, he realized how long it really had been since they'd done this. Before, they would be having sex so often that most of the times he'd fit three fingers in quickly. Now, that had obviously changed.
Once Phil was pushing in his third finger, Dan was pushing back against his fingers, desperate to be fucked and touched. Phil didn't want to tease him either, because he knew if he waited too long, Dan might not ever come back.
After putting the rest of the lube onto his own erection, he positioned himself in front of Dan, setting Dan's legs over either of his shoulders. Dan was whispering things, begging for Phil to get inside him, but Phil could barely process any of the words.
The second Phil pushed in, Dan let out a string of swear words. They hadn't done this in so long, and neither of them had realized how good it felt till it was gone.
Phil pushed into Dan slowly, letting out a small groan before he bottomed out. He let Dan adjust before slowly pushing himself out, pushing in faster this time.
Slowly, Phil formed a pace, pushing in and out of Dan at a harder and quicker rate to pleasure both of them. The only sounds that could be heard were the 'oh's and 'ah's Dan was letting out with every thrust and the low groans Phil was letting out occasionally.
Phil wrapped his hands around Dan's waist, trying to keep him steady as he pushed in and out of him harder, shaking the bed to the point it was lightly banging against the back of the wall. He angled his thrusts, keeping up his pace when Dan moaned loudly, almost screaming, signaling Phil had found his prostate.
"I love you," Dan murmured out between a moan.
He hadn't even meant to say it, but he didn't regret it either.
"I love you too," Phil breathed out.
And with that, Dan came, long and hard over his own stomach, feeling more pleasure than he had in a long time. Phil rode out his orgasm nearly the same time, fucking Dan through it as he came inside Dan, not caring about the mess it would make.
Once they were both finished, Phil pulled out and collapsed next to Dan, unsure of what to say.
"You still never did tell me why," Phil muttered quietly.
"I don' t know why, Phil," Dan admitted, still panting.
"Why'd you do it?"
"I was confused. You could do better than me, yet you end up dating some boy who's obsessed with you. You're great, you can do so much better."
"I don't think there's such a thing as better than you," Phil admitted.
Dan cracked a small grin at how much this reminded him of old times together.
"Dork."
"Nerd," Phil replied, hesitantly looking over at Dan and taking his hand in his own, afraid Dan might jerk away.
"I didn't stop loving you, though, you know," Dan admitted, lacing his fingers with Phil's, not looking away from straight up at the ceiling.
"I don't think I could ever stop loving you." Phil looked away. "But was that the only reason?"
"I- Yeah, it was. I just- I don't deserve you, Phil. I never have."
Phil rolled his eyes, pulling Dan closer to him so he could spoon him. "That isn't true."
"I don't know," was all Dan could manage to say.
"I do. I know I'd tell you if anything was wrong, and I know that I really hope that you'll never break up with me again."
"We're back together again?" Dan grinned, not being able to hold back his smile.
"Yeah. We are," Phil smiled back, kissing Dan quickly on the cheek.
In that moment, Dan knew for sure, it was just a lie through all the confusion.